Megan’s family celebrated that evening
at Denny’s with a nice all American dinner of steak, mash potatoes,
classic cheeseburgers, French fries, cobb salad, sliced turkey and
Italian salad. Her grandparents along with her aunt and uncle were
there. They had an extra-long table set up in the back that had
many large gifts on it as well as a small mountain of colorful
envelopes. Megan had her eyes on that the most, more than the
nicely wrapped boxes of whatever the hell was in them. Throughout
the whole dinner and festivities she kept reminding herself to call
Liz when she got home. Kisses were given and bellies were full and
then it was time to go. And she was glad too because this little
kid somewhere in the restaurant was screaming its head off and
giving her a slight headache.
After they got home her little brother
looked at her and said, “So does this mean you’re moving out now?”
All with a hopeful tone in his voice that made Megan laugh and say,
“No poophead.”
Later, as evening was closing in, Megan
was getting ready to head upstairs to shower and then give Liz a
call but her dad stopped her just as she was going up the stairs.
He said, “Hey kid, I wanna talk to you.”
That alone was enough to
give her an early heart attack at the age of eighteen.
Oh my god, he knows.
No
sweetheart, he doesn’t. He just wants to have a little father
daughter talk that’s all. And of course it would have to be out in
the garage where it stinks of motor oil and sawdust.
“What’s up dad,” she said once he
closed the door leading from the kitchen to the garage.
He went to her and gave her a big hug.
She automatically put her arms around him but her face was a mask
of confusion.
“Everything all right?” She asked as
she patted his back.
“Yeah, can’t I give my only daughter a
hug and tell her that I love her and am so proud of her on her
graduation.”
“Uh, yeah I guess,” she
said.
“Look, I wanna give you something,” he
told her.
“Dad, you don’t have to get me anything
else. I got all those gifts and envelopes sitting on the table
right now and….” He gave her a ‘sshh’, something that she always
hated.
He pulled a small envelope from his
back pocket. Her shoulders drooped down and she said, “Dad, no.
Please.”
“Look, it’s not much but you’re gonna
need a little extra money for when….”
He didn’t have it in him to say what
he’s been dreading ever since his little girl told him she wants to
go to California after high school.
It was a credit card.
“There is two thousand dollars on here,
now listen….”
“DAD!” She said and didn’t even realize
how loud she said it.
Her eyes started welling up with
tears.
“Please dad, no. I can’t take that,”
she said pleadingly.
“Honey, I really want you to have it
just in case. Only use it for emergencies.”
She was shaking her head and was
speechless. There was surely enough money sitting in there on the
kitchen table to support her for a while when she got out to
California but dear old dad just wanted to make sure.
“Go on take it,” he said.
She just stood there looking down at
the ground not knowing really what to say. A tear fell from her
nose onto the floor.
“Jeez Megan just take it will
you.”
Before he could say anything else she
gave him a hug and began crying.
“Thanks dad,” she said in into his
shoulder but it sounded muffled.
“I just want you to be ok when you’re
away, you know,” he said in a chocked voice.
She moved her head from his shoulder
and looked at him with soggy wet eyes. “I’m not leaving right away.
Not until the screen test in September.”
“I know. But I just wanted to give you
that before you go.”
It was breaking her heart to
hear her dad say things like ‘when you’re away’ and ‘before you
go’. The guilt was crushing her almost.
I’m
only eighteen. I shouldn’t be leaving my family
, she thought.
She hugged him again and he told that
they better get back inside before her mom starts yelling, asking
where everyone is at. He also told Megan that this was just between
them.
“Yeah, ok,” she said in a shaky voice
as she wiped her tears from her face.
“And don’t lose it. Put it in a safe
place. Somewhere you won’t forget, ok,” he said, his choked voice
being replaced by the more familiar stern and fatherly
voice.
“Ok, I won’t lose it,” she promised
him.
They went inside and into the kitchen.
Megan’s mom suddenly came around the corner.
“There you two are,” she said and then,
“Well Meg, let’s get to counting those envelopes. I’d say there’s
at least fifteen hundred dollars or more here.”
Megan didn’t know what to
think of her dad giving her that much money. Of course she knew she
was going to need it when she left but wasn’t expecting that much.
Waves of guilt rushed through her as she stood under the shower
head, feeling the hot water attack her body. She turned the water
off and got out of the shower. That evening she would have usually
done her nightly routine of hanging out in her room, fucking around
on facebook, listening to the radio and singing into her brush
while dancing in front of her mirror, but she didn’t feel up to
doing any of those things now. The guilt was now suffocating her.
She sat in the middle of her bed after everyone had turned in for
the night. Her knees were up to her chin and she was thinking hard;
hard about her future and what she was doing. She fell backwards
and into her pillow. More tears fell from her eyes.
Stupid kid, what in god’s name are you doing? What
makes you think you can make it out west. There’s going to be a
thousand girls just like me waiting to get there piece of the big
Hollywood pie.
The word Hollywood reminded
her of Liz calling her that all the time. She liked it but
sometimes it was annoying. And then she suddenly realized she had
forgotten to call Liz.
“Oh, shit!” She said quietly
under her breath. Her clock showed it was eleven forty five. She
sat up and wiped her new tears away with her hand.
Get it together kid. You’re only going to be out
there for a few months and I can always come home, mom and dad made
that clear. So why don’t you just calm down, relax and get excited
about the life that is ahead of you,
she
thought.
And then her phone rang.
It startled her and made her jump. And
she thought she might have even peed herself a little but she was
nice and dry. She answered it.
“Hey babe….yeah I know, I cannot
wait….I’m beyond excited….Oh yeah?....sounds fucking good to
me….ok….i don’t think I’ll be able to sleep now….ok….i will….seven
right?....all right babe see you tomorrow night….bye”
All the guilt and doubt seem to flow
away from her like a smooth moving river. Like it all had never
happened; the conversation with her dad in the garage and those
fucking tears of joy or sadness or guilt or whatever the fuck they
were.
She had a big smile on her face as she
lay back down onto her pillow for tomorrow night was game
night.
And then she called Liz.
She felt as if she was falling
endlessly through the shadows of her dark dream. There was complete
silence. Faces of her family and friends flew past her vision as
she falling downward on her back and not feeling a shred of wind at
all anywhere around her. She was just aimlessly falling into a
black nothingness but then she heard voices and laughter echoing
from somewhere in the blackness. Falling, falling, falling. “Our
dear sweet Megan is falling.” She heard her mother say. Then, those
waves of guilt came upon her again and strangled her it seemed. She
saw herself sitting at her desk all alone in a dark room except for
a single light bulb swaying back and forth. Her math teacher Mr.
Donner appeared from out of nowhere and came charging at her with a
hammer and nails in his hand. She didn’t have time to move or
scream. He began to nail her hands to her desk. He yelled, “There
will be no cheating in my class young lady, do you understand?” The
pain was horrific and unbearable as the pointy nail was driven into
her hand. Her young blood exploded from her hands, fountaining
upward in a straight line and then back down, splattering on her
shirt and desk. Her mom, dad and little brother watched her from
across the room as they sat in foldout chairs. “It’s so you won’t
cheat anymore honey. It’s for the best,” her mother said with a
smile. Megan screamed and then she woke up.
The horrific vision of her nightmare
made her sit up quickly but she didn’t scream. She only felt her
heart racing a million miles an hour and her skin was clammy from
night sweats. Disorientation was taking over her mind. She panicked
for a moment when she had no idea of where she was or what time it
was or what day. Her hands were trembling from the terrible
nightmare she just had but she did her best to calm herself down.
Eventually she did and realized that she was ok and was in her bed
in her room and only had a bad dream. She covered her face with her
hands and massaged her forehead.
“God Megan, you are losing it kid,” she
said to herself. “It was just a dream. A stupid fucking dream.” She
pulled the blankets away from her and sat at the edge of her bed.
The annoying sound of a lawnmower could be heard just outside her
window. Her neighbor was mowing and she panicked again when she
thought it was Saturday all of a sudden and had missed the big
night when her and her best friends were going to…..
She rushed out of bed and scurried
around trying to find her cell phone to see the date. A giant sigh
of relief whooshed out of her when she saw that it was nine thirty
in the morning on a Friday.
“OH thank god,” she said aloud to
herself in her pretty pink room.
See, you’re good hon. No
worries. The party is still on. C’mon seven o clock,
she thought and then got out of bed to start her
day.
Pee then shower. Brush teeth. Brush
hair. Get dressed. Nice tight blue jeans. Nice white top, extra
small. Argue with little brother about putting the dishes away from
the dishwasher. Feeling excited about later tonight. It’s eleven
a.m. Watch tv for twenty minutes, the price is right. Pee again.
Pop a cheap ass microwave pizza in the microwave. Yell at little
brother again to put the damn dishes away. Go fill the Honda up.
Put air in tires. Stop at the mall. Buy some sexy panties and
perfume. Stop at the circle k to get a polar pop coke regular 32.
ounce. Go home. Dishes are still in the dishwasher. Big deal. Can’t
fucking wait till tonight. Pee again. It’s three in the afternoon.
Getting closer. Fuck around on facebook for an hour and a half
doing absolutely nothing but scrolling and scrolling and scrolling
and maybe laugh at some stupid ass picture of a cat pouting. Four
p.m. Dad’s home. Hi dad. Three hours left till game night.
Picturing it in her mind. Four forty five. Mom’s home. Hi mom.
What’s for dinner. Well we have chicken helper. Fuck it let’s eat
out. Better yet mom, let’s just order a pizza. Too late to leave
the house. It’s almost seven. Make lame almost believable excuse
about spending the night at Liz’s even though you are eighteen and
haven’t spent the night at your friend’s house since you were
thirteen. Parents eyes seem suspicious and dad reminds her that she
is eighteen and not twenty one because they’re thinking she’s going
to drink because it’s the day after graduation and he knows damn
well what kids do after graduation don’t ya dad. Six p.m. Pee
again. Ok I’m leaving. Ok have fun at your little sleep over honey
mom say’s sarcastically as she throws her feet up on the couch with
the remote in her hand hello motherfuckin’ weekend. I will. At
least they think I’m going to get drunk instead of.
Megan breathed out a sigh of relief
when she shut her door of her Honda fit. She dialed a number on her
cell phone. It started ringing on the other end.
Hey, dizzy Lizzy. Are you ready?…..Cool
I’m on my way over now.…..Ok, bye.
“
Swanky,” Liz said as she
looked out the window of Megan’s car at all the large and very well
kept homes along Spring dr. in Conner’s neighborhood.
“Someone’s daddy is loaded,” Andi said
from the back seat. She too was in awe of the well to do looking
neighborhood.
“Yeah, you won’t see any hookers
hangin’ out on these corners,” Liz laughed.
“C’mon you guys. He’s not that rich.”
Megan knew better though. Conner’s dad was one of Indiana’s top
lawyers and Carter Terrace was the housing community for the
richest folks in Tiptonia.
“Almost there,” Megan said and gave Liz
a smile.
The dj broke in on the
radio.
You’re listening to deep cuts on
WROK 106 Tiptonia, here’s AC/DC with sin city.
It was a little after seven. The sun
was still out but dusk was around the corner. Lawn sprinklers were
saturating perfectly square, green lawns and the sound of children
playing, along with the occasional sharp scream echoed from
somewhere in the neighborhood.