Garrett (27 page)

“You
had
to cut him loose?” Alex asks me incredulously as he releases his hold. His eyes flash hot again. “Garrett filled me in on your asinine ideas. About how you overheard him talking to Stevie, and how you don’t want him to be devastated if something happened to you, yada, yada, yada.”

His voice sounds bored…and he’s…he’s…mocking me?

My face heats with anger. “Don’t make light of my feelings,” I snap at him. “You don’t know what it’s like to be in my shoes and have to deal with this shit.”

Alex shakes his head, completely nonplussed with my outburst. “Darling…I may not know what it’s like to have cancer, but I do know what it’s like to be in love, and there isn’t anything better. You gave that up because it got too hard for you.”

“I gave Garrett up because I care about him. I love him and I don’t want him to be destroyed by me down the road. I did it for him.”

“Oh, bullshit, Olivia,” Alex snarls at me…which is actually a bit scary, and I lean back on the stool to try to distance myself from the venom in his voice. “You did it for you…because you’re too afraid to let someone in all the way. You disrespected Garrett and demeaned his feelings for you. You made a unilateral decision, and I’m here to tell you, honey…it was a bad decision.”

I open my mouth to tear into him, but nothing comes out. My lips move and I’m sure I look like a gasping fish, but no words of wisdom or outrage pour out. I’m wallowing in stunned silence after Alex’s harsh words.

Taking a deep breath, Alex lets it out slowly, and he gives me a small smile. “Look…I didn’t come here to jump all over you. I just wanted to try to give you some perspective.”

“And what perspective would that be that I haven’t already considered?” I don’t ask this defensively, but with genuine curiosity, because maybe I’m desperately seeking something to make me realize that I am truly wrong about all this.

“Do you truly understand how much Garrett has changed since he met you?”

I nod, my mind swirling through hundreds of memories I’ve built with him over the past months, all the complete antithesis to the man-whore philanderer he was.

“He changed for the better after meeting you, because that’s what love does to you. It happened to me with Sutton. And the thing that impresses me the most about Garrett is the amazing strength and fortitude he has shown. I don’t know of any other man that would have done what he’s done…stood by your side, made you a priority, given you strength to help fight this.”

“I know,” I whisper with shame. Shame that I took all that from him.

“Then you need to let him continue being strong. You need to let him, as a man, prove that strength to you. You took away his decision to fight this out with you…you weakened him with your inflexibility and unwillingness to talk this through. You showed no respect or honor for what he’s done for you already, and you should be ashamed.”

Holy shit, those words hurt. I mean really, really hurt deep in my gut.

My head lowers and I stare blankly at the tiled floor. I refuse to look up at him, still refusing to let go of my greatest fear. “But what if I die on him? What if I let him love me and then I die?”

Alex’s hand reaches out and cups me under the chin. He pushes up to raise my face, and my eyes hesitantly drag to his. He gives me a sympathetic smile, cocking his head to the side. Leaning in, he whispers, “But what if you fucking live?”

I keep watching the door of Houlihan’s, my gaze sliding from the three women standing around me…past their shoulders, past the other bar patrons…and to that damn door where I hope Olivia will be walking in.

Alex, that fuckwad, didn’t tell me she’d be at the game tonight. He just told me that he had gone by Fleurish to check in on her, welcome her back home, but then he was strangely silent. It’s okay…I wasn’t about to ask him the details, because the more I let my mind wander to Olivia, the more it opens up old hurts. That’s why after a solid week of writing her emails and never getting one response, I finally just decided to let it go.

Let her go, the way she’d let me go.

And, fuck, if I haven’t felt miserable ever since.

Miserable I’ve lost her, and hurt and pissed and furious that she would do this to me. That she had such little regard for the connection we had. I love her, for Christ’s sake, and she said she loved me…once at least.

I was out on the ice during warm-ups when out of the corner of my eye I saw Alex skate up to the glass and bump his fist against it. I saw Sutton there with her little brother, Glenn, who was bumping his fist back against the glass in response to Alex. I let a smile come to my face, feeling its warmth, because smiles didn’t come often to me, and started to turn away. But then I realized there was someone else familiar standing next to Glenn.

Long, golden hair striped amber, caramel, and dark brown among the blond. Braided…one hanging over each shoulder.

Olivia.

My heart stopped cold in my chest…and maybe I died for just a second as our eyes locked. I couldn’t read anything on her face…so much for eyes being windows to the soul, but
she
read me loud and clear as I grimaced and then turned away, skating back to center ice and away from the woman who tore me apart.

All my hurt, all my frustration, and all my anger morphed into something that felt strangely liberating in my chest. I decided right then and there I wouldn’t look back her way for the rest of the game. And I’d show her exactly what she gave up…a man who could be strong and move on like she’d asked me to.

No…correction. She didn’t ask. She forced me. Gave me no choice.

Fuck, that pisses me off!

I was on fire during the game. My legs were strong, my focus honed sharp, and I helped our team sail to a 3–1 victory, getting two goals myself. I let the excitement of the game fill me and my love for the sport soothe my aching soul. And for a brief period of time, I put Olivia out of my mind.

It felt good after the game, having my teammates love on me, hearing the fans screaming as I was named game MVP. I imagined Olivia’s eyes following me as I skated back out on the ice for my acknowledgment lap and wondered if she was feeling any hurt because I refused to acknowledge her. I sort of hoped she did, because as far as I know…by her silence, I can only assume she’s not feeling much of anything for me.

I never hesitated a second before accepting Alex’s request to head over to Houlihan’s for a few beers. I knew Sutton would be there, and I was betting anything that Olivia would be too. It was time to put Operation Forget Olivia into effect, and now was as good a time as any to do it while staring her in the eye. Imagine the fortitude I’d be showing her by moving on with my life right before her.

“Garrett…you were so hot out on the ice tonight,” one of the women says as she lays a hand on my chest. Her words vaguely penetrate, and I reluctantly take my eyes from the door to look at her.

She’s stunning—long, dark hair; chocolate-brown eyes; tits and an ass to die for. The two women with her are equally as beautiful, with model-like faces, tight clothes, and promise in their eyes.

Hmmmm…three women at once? Two had been my record, but maybe it was time to break it.

And involuntarily, my eyes wander to the door again, almost willing Olivia to walk through. With a blast of despair, I realize that no matter if I took ten women home with me tonight who would do nothing but shower pleasure on my body, it would never come close to just one sweet kiss from Olivia.

Anger surges through me again that she would just unilaterally take that away from me, and I stiffen up with resolve.

“Any interest in partying with us tonight?” one of the other women says, and again, once again, my eyes drag away from the door. But just before I turn to answer the bold beauty, I see Olivia walking through with Sutton and Glenn. They start to head back to the restaurant portion of the place, because Glenn wouldn’t be allowed in the bar area. I see Sutton’s eyes connect with Alex’s, who is standing with a few of our other teammates. She inclines her head toward the back and he nods in agreement, and I know he’ll be following them back there to have a quiet beer with the love of his life.

Yeah…not me. I’ll be suffering under three women hitting on me, not a one of them really even fucking of interest to my cock. It hasn’t even perked up once in response to the exposed cleavage or sensual touches being laid upon me as they flirt.

Just fucking great. She not only broke my heart but broke my dick as well.

My gaze goes back to Olivia, and I’m vaguely aware that because I haven’t answered the one woman’s question and instead have been staring at the door, all three women’s heads turn in that direction.

Olivia’s gaze holds me for a minute, then her eyes slide to the women standing around me. The brunette still has her hand on my chest, and it feels foreign to me. I itch to push it off, spare Olivia that image, but I don’t move because I know a tiny part of me wants to hurt her, the way she hurt me.

When her eyes come back to mine, her face is hardened in resolve. She throws her shoulders back and strides right up to me and my sexy crew. A glance toward my posse shows them looking Olivia up and down with disdain on their faces. The brunette steps in closer to me and flexes her fingers, her nails scoring down into my chest.

Olivia gets all up in our space, causing the other two women to step backward. The brunette, however, plasters herself closer to me in propriety. Not even sparing the women a glance, Olivia stares at me with open vulnerability and says, “Can we talk?”

One half of me silently says,
Yes. Talk. Kiss. Make love. Whatever you want.

The other half, the half that is still stinging from her rejection, refuses to give her the pleasure. She was brutally silent toward me when she decided to break things off, and it was a pain that I don’t ever want to feel again. Not knowing what was going through her head. Not knowing if the love was all a lie.

This half of me…it wants her to feel the same hurt. That part of me
wants
to hurt her.

Before I can open my mouth to brush her off, the brunette steps forward a little and gets in Olivia’s face. “Can’t you see he’s busy? Now run along.”

She even makes a shooing motion with her free hand at Olivia, and I notice her fingers are tipped with gaudy, hot-pink, clawlike nails. So tacky.

Olivia, being the mature one, of course, just stares blandly at the brunette for a minute. Then her eyes slide to mine, her eyebrows raised in question to her original request.

I give her a smirk and say, “Yeah…as you can see, kind of busy.”

There it is…hurt, pain, confusion on that beautiful face. And for a split instant, I feel vindicated. I feel happy that she’s feeling the brutality of rejection…same as me.

Her eyebrows furrow in and she looks at me with pleading eyes. “Please.”

A sharp pain pinches at my chest, followed by a wave of shame. But I push it down, screaming at it to go away. I call on the memory of my misery these last few weeks and I let it fortify me.

“Sorry,” I say in a totally unapologetic voice. “But maybe I’ll call you sometime.”

Olivia looks bewildered. She looks at me as if I’m a stranger. She looks devastated.

Her eyes get shiny, but she hastily blinks to dispel the formation of any tears. Understanding filters in, and she gives me a short nod of acceptance, but she can’t hide the tiny quiver of her lip as she turns away. Her shoulders slump forward and she starts pushing her way through the crowd and toward the exit door.

Total guilt overwhelms me, crashing hard and sucking my breath away.

“Aw, fuck,” I mutter as I pull away from the brunette.

“God, what a skank,” she says to the two women with her, and my guilt is completely obliterated with white-hot rage.

I round on the woman and lean down to get in her face. “Bitch…you need to look in the mirror before you go calling someone else a skank.”

All three women gasp and shrink away from me, but I don’t give them another glance. I push my way through the crowd, roughly, and make a beeline for the door. I come crashing through it and practically run over Olivia, who is just standing there, looking across the parking lot. My hands come out and I grab her shoulders, slowing my momentum.

She jerks in my grasp, spinning on me, but the minute she sees it’s me who has her, her body relaxes. Her eyes flash hot and she pulls away. “Decided maybe you did have some time to talk?”

I scrub a frustrated hand through my hair. “Yeah…look, I’m sorry about that. I was not with those women. They had just come up to me to talk when you walked in.”

She cocks a jaundiced eyebrow at me and folds her arms across her chest. “Didn’t look that way to me. That woman looked awful cozy with you.”

“You didn’t see me returning it, did you?” I shoot back at her.

“You certainly weren’t pushing her away,” she fires back at me.

Rubbing both of my hands over my face, I sigh heavily. “Look…I was trying to piss you off. Hurt you the way you hurt me. I clearly succeeded, and I’m sorry. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would.”

Olivia snorts and some of the anger dies out of her eyes. She watches me for a minute, then says, “I’m sorry I hurt you. Please know my motives were to prevent you pain down the road. I’d never want to hurt you.”

Some patrons come out of the bar, loud and rowdy. This isn’t the place to talk, so I take Olivia by the elbow and lead her deeper into the parking lot, away from the noise.

When I release her, I turn to her with a heavy heart and a fatigue in my soul. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Olivia sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, worrying at the fragile skin. Her eyes are cast downward when she says, “I made a mistake.”

“A mistake?” I can’t help but sneer. “You crushed my heart, and you call that just a mistake?”

Unfair, I know, but I can’t help it. I need to get the anger out. It needs to come off my chest.

She nods at me, still gnawing at her lip, with her hands grasped and wringing each other. “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing what was best for you—”

“Best for me?” I lash out at her, completely consumed with rage over what she did to me. Over how careless she was with what we had. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You want to play this off as you being altruistic?”

“No,” Olivia says quickly, throwing her hands out in supplication. “I was being stupid.”

“Finally, we agree on something,” I say in exasperation as I shove my hands into my pockets.

We stare at each other for a moment, and then Olivia steps in close to me. She raises a hand up and lays it on my chest. It feels so much better than it did when that brunette touched me, and the scent of Olivia washes over me.

Infuses me.

Overwhelms me.

Hurts me.

I step back from her and she pleads with me. “Please forgive me, Garrett. I want us to have another chance. I love you and I should have never taken away your choice in all of this.”

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, then buck myself up. “I think that may be the most truthful thing you’ve ever said.”

“The part about me loving you?” she asks.

“No, the part about you shouldn’t have taken that choice away from me,” I say flatly.

Hesitantly, she asks, “So…will you forgive me?”

I hold her stare for a moment, taking in the sorrow in her eyes. Feeling terrible for her that she needs to be forgiven. Giving a short nod, I say, “Yes, I forgive you.”

Relief swims in her lovely green eyes, and her entire body seems to relax. “And we can try again? You’ll give us another chance?”

My lips turn upward in a morbid smile. My eyes are sad…I know it, because I feel it in my heart. Shaking my head, I say, “No. I can’t begin to tell you how bad you hurt me. You abused the trust I had in you and had no care with my heart. I’m not sure that can be overcome.”

Olivia’s mouth drops and despair takes possession of her eyes. Leaning in, I brush my lips across her cheek and whisper. “It was good seeing you. Take care of yourself.”

I turn away and don’t give her a backward glance, heading to the opposite side of the lot for my car. I expect a feeling of liberation and relief will hit me at any time. The farther I walk away from her, the more I keep expecting it to overcome me. Except…it doesn’t. Instead, I fill up with darkness, sadness…guilt and shame. I look deep inside me and search for the anger, so I can let that give me strength. That’s gone as well.

“What happened?” I hear and see Alex coming out the door of Houlihan’s. I don’t respond, but lengthen my strides, eager to get in my car and head home. I’m thinking maybe a bottle of Jack Daniel’s will ease my discomfort.

Alex grabs my arm and halts my progress. “Garrett…dude, what happened?”

“Nothing,” I mutter, and pull out of his hold.

He grabs me again and spins me toward him roughly. I shake his grasp off and glare at him. “What the fuck do you want?”

“I want to know what happened with you and Olivia. I saw you come out after her…figured you two were talking. You know…patching things up.”

I give him a wry grin and snort in mock amusement. “There was nothing to patch up.”

“What? Of course there was. Isn’t that why she came tonight? To apologize…to get you both back on track?”

Turning away from Alex, I start for my car again. He walks beside me, waiting patiently for my answer.

“Yeah, that’s what she came for. She apologized and I accepted it.”