Generational Sins (3 page)

A million days I sat in that class and watched his beautiful hands skillfully fulfill their purpose. A million times I wished that he would touch me. A million days I watched his forehead wrinkle in concentration. A million days I wished that I could read his mind. I wanted to know what made him tick. Where did that fierce determination come from? How did he transform from the hard-working, good-natured classmate that I saw, to the womanizer that everyone said he was?

Were those rumors even true? Part of me wanted to believe that they were lies started by the vicious women whom he'd rejected. It was certainly possible, but part of me knew better. If I was really honest with myself, I knew in my gut that it was no myth. David was driven, incredibly driven, and he would let nothing, including women, come between him and his studies. That was why he cast them aside when he was done with them.

As for what he did when he was with them... well that thought kept me awake at night, writhing in my sheets. If he was half as devoted in the bedroom, as he was in the classroom, then no woman would stand a chance.

They said he was aggressive, dominant, and powerful. I had no doubt that they were correct. The man exuded confidence and strength in his every action. He was only nineteen years old, but he had the presence of a much older man. I wondered if he came from a military family. No one would question his orders, least of all me. The thought of him commanding me, dominating me with his voice, would soak my panties every time.

We decided to work on our project at the local coffee shop. If it was too noisy or too crowded, our backup plan was the library. We both lived in the dorms, which were not known for good, collaborative study spaces. I wondered how David managed to study there at all.

I arrived early and bought myself a cafe mocha. I picked out a table in the corner where I hoped we would not be disturbed. David was right on time, as I knew that he would be. He scanned the small space for me. It was not crowded, but there was another student ahead of him in the line. When his eyes came to rest on me, he smiled, and my heart stopped. I had to remind myself repeatedly that he was only here because he didn't want to ruin his perfect GPA.

He bought a hot drink, but I wasn't close enough to hear what he had ordered. He pulled out the chair across from me and set his mug on the table. Spiced cider. It smelled fantastic.

"Good evening, Kat," he said politely.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm well, thank you. Yourself?"

I'm wonderful now that you're here. "I'm good."

He blew a gentle stream of air across the top of his cider to cool it, and I suddenly realized my mistake. There was no possible way that I could get through a study session if he continued to draw attention to his sweet mouth like that. Heat flared between my legs. I imagined his cool breath on my heated skin.

"So we left off with the shoulder muscles, right?"

I shook myself out of my trance. "I'm sorry, what?" For fucks sake, Kat! Pull yourself together!

"Are you all right?" he asked. "You look a little flushed."

"I'm fine," I answered. "I think it's the coffee. I'm just going to get a glass of water."

"I'll get it," he said. I got a fantastic view of his ass when he stood and walked to the counter.

Not now, Kat. Focus on the damn anatomy.

I managed to mostly compose myself before he returned with my water. I took a long drink through the straw and instantly felt better.

"Right," I said "the three Scalene muscles."

The rest of the night went well. I managed to keep my filthy thoughts to myself, and we made progress on our project. There were a couple of times where I could feel David's eyes on me as I studied our text. It was not uncomfortable, but I couldn't keep my body from reacting to him, and I was sure that he knew it.

We fell into a comfortable rhythm of work and witty banter. He was an excellent conversationalist, and I had a really incredible time trying to keep up. After about two hours we decided to pack it in, noting that we could finish the remaining items in class.

David insisted on walking me back to my dorm, as it was almost ten o’clock at night. The walk was awkward for me. Apparently, David was able to ignore the stares and the giggling girls who passed, but I was not. I was quite sure that every person who walked by was wondering what this glorious creature was doing walking beside me. I felt like I should have a sign around my neck that said "I'm just his lab partner."

I reached for the door when we arrived, but David placed his hand under my arm to stop me. "Kat, I just wanted to say thank you for a very enjoyable evening."

"Of course, David," Breathe Kat. "I feel like we accomplished a lot."

He hesitated for a moment and then spoke. "Do you think I could walk you to class tomorrow morning?" he asked. My jaw fell open of its own accord. "I mean, I would like to go over everything that we did tonight on the way. I like to review my class materials before every class." Was he rambling? David Paulson? What just happened to the self-assured man that I knew?

"Sure. I usually leave about ten and stop for coffee on the way. I'll meet you here?"

"Perfect."

He smiled and in an insane moment of stupidity, I almost kissed him. I caught myself halfway when the look of shock on his face registered with my brain. I jerked abruptly away from him and ran into the building.

Before the door closed I heard his melodic laugh. "Goodnight Kat," he called.

When we were finished, we collapsed in a sweaty pile on the bed, our limbs intertwined. After a while we decided to shower together. David washed my hair and gently soaped my body. I loved the feel of his hands on me and would never tire of his touch.

He hesitated when his hands traveled across the bruises on my ass and thighs.

"I am so sorry..." he started, but I turned as quickly as I could and pushed my finger to his lips.

"No, David," I said. "This is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I love you. I consented, and you know that."

He pressed his lips to the top of my head and let the hot water cascade down around us, washing away the fear and the pain.

"I love you so much," he sighed.

"I know."

His eyes told me that he didn't quite believe me. I could forgive him, but it would be much harder for him to forgive himself.

He rubbed me dry with a towel and then pulled me close to his chest. We held each other like that for a long time with the water from my hair dripping onto the floor and the air growing cold around us. Eventually, we fell into bed and drifted to sleep.

I woke once in the night. Shaken by a terrible dream. Richard. David held me tight and kissed away my fears. I needed him again, and he gave me what I needed. We lay spooned together on our sides as he rocked into me. His fingertips traced lazy circles on my thighs and abdomen. I lost myself in his touch when he started to rub my clit in time with his thrusts.

He told me that I was beautiful. He told me that I was everything to him. I believed him. I believed every word that fell from his sensual lips.

When we were spent, I fell asleep in the same position, listening to his gentle breathing.

Morning came too soon. Today was the first day of classes for David, in the fall semester of his final year of med school, almost six years from the day that I first met him. He would finish up and then begin his career as a doctor. He had stayed the course from beginning to end.

I had taken a different path. Two years into my undergraduate degree my father passed away. He was the only family that I had left. My grades had slipped, despite David's efforts to help me. I lost my scholarship. I could not afford to stay without that money. My dad had left me a life insurance policy, but it wasn't much: just enough to pay off his debts and afford a funeral. I owned the house as well now, but I didn't want to live in it. I didn't want to go home to Montana.

David became my rock, my foundation. Without his discipline, I would never have made it through. He encouraged me. He corrected me. He refused to let me waste away as I wanted to do. He was my everything.

I transferred to a cheaper state college with a less demanding scholarship and finished with a degree in Science Education. I got a job teaching eighth graders. My first year had been incredible, and I was looking forward to my second.

David and I had married last spring break. I had no more family, and he had refused to invite his family. We took Cody and his submissive with us to Hawaii. David's father paid the bill for all four of us. David told him that it was just a spring break get away. Those two and the resort Chaplin were the only people in the world who knew that we were married.

I had met his parents for the first time last night, an awkward first dinner if there ever had been. David had sheltered me from them for as long as he could, but I had always known that I would have to face them eventually. He had told me over and over what it would be like, so I was prepared for Richard. What I hadn't been prepared for was the pity in Ellen's eyes. She seemed so afraid, not for herself but for me. She thought I was inheriting the sins of the father. I wished that I could tell her that her son was not her husband, but David said not to tell. She couldn't keep a secret, so I couldn't give her hope.

I had asked a million times why David didn't just leave, break off from the family. He had investments that were apart from his father's. It wasn't a ton of money, but it would get him through school and into a job. He was smart; I was smart. I worked. We would get by.

"My mother," he had always answered. "He would take it out on my mother. He would blame my mother for raising a rebellious son. She is innocent in this, and I cannot leave her."

"She should have left him years ago," I had argued, but now that I had met her, I understood. Richard had used David for years to keep Ellen by his side, and now Richard was using Ellen to keep David by his side. She was almost hollow, a shell of what she had once been. That evil man had manipulated his family with fear to the point where neither of them could see clearly.

I bided my time. David would finish school in a year. He would do his residency. We would hang on until he was finished, and then we would take his mother and disappear into the night, making a new life for ourselves, a life that the broke the abusive cycle.

We were going to be fine. David would be strong, and I would submit myself to his leadership.

When I went home for Christmas freshman year, my father asked for a number. I told him twelve. I had fucked the leggy blond twice. She was the only repeat, and I had abstained for midterms and finals.

He wanted details, and I gave them willingly and graphically. In return he gave me a fake ID and added $10,000 to my trust fund. I probably didn't need the ID, but it was a good thing to have. The line of women at the pizza place was getting old. Maybe it was time to upgrade locations.

He told me that he was proud of me. He told me that I was on my way to becoming a real man. I thought about Kat and wondered if he was right. What would she think of our father/son bonding? I did not mention her. Somehow it felt like blasphemy to discuss her in my father's house. She was my darkest secret and my greatest light.

After our first study session we began to see each other more frequently. I would walk her to class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She would join me for lunch every couple of weeks. I never touched her, but I was infatuated with her anyway. I respected her enough to leave her alone. There were times when I could tell that she wanted me, but I knew just how bad that would be for her. Because she was perfection and I was filth, I could not allow myself to become physical with her.

When it came time to register for classes, I called in a favor. Number Eight, a dirty-blond with perky tits named Jamie, worked in the registration office for her work/study. She gave me a copy of Kat's spring schedule. I added myself to three of her four classes. I was taking five, I added a minor in music theory to appease my mother's need for a well-rounded education.

The first day of class I sat next to Kat in Advanced Calculus. Her face lit up when she saw me, and I had to war against my own body as she hugged me. I had missed her so much.

"What a coincidence," she said. "We have so many classes together."

"Yeah," I agreed. "What a coincidence."

Our friendship grew, as did my infatuation with her, but I remained in control of myself and never crossed that line. I might have managed it, kept up the friendly façade, if it wasn't for that stupid fake ID.

I began to spend my Saturday nights out in the clubs, finding that the drinking helped to numb the senselessness of it all. The loud music and scantily clad women were enough to get me hard, and I was able to use them as my Kat fantasy dolls. I found myself with more and more brunettes.

Two weeks before midterms, I made my way into the club that I had been frequenting. It was around 11:00, and the place was packed. It reeked of cigarettes and cheap beer. It made me feel high.

I would dance for a while, have sex, and go home, as was my usual routine, but I wanted a drink to start the process. I got a shot of Jack and a beer to chase it. I scanned the room for my next conquest. After a few minutes I found what I was looking for. She had long brown hair, just like Kat's, and she was built the same way–petite but curvy enough. She wore tight leather pants that fit her like a second skin, and her ass looked positively fuckable in them.