George Washington Zombie Slayer (22 page)

Chapter 55

George Washington and His Generals

As the American Revolutionary War dragged on, George Washington came to the realization that ultimate victory would not come only from his personal defeat of Cornwallis, but rather as part of a team effort where many victories were gained on multiple fronts. To win, he would certainly have to battle Cornwallis and kick his ass. But there was more to victory than just beating Cornwallis personally.

Washington now realized that his subordinate generals would become pivotal in achieving final victory against the British.  Truly, Washington himself could not be everywhere at once. And yet the British were free to attack American forces on multiple fronts. Thus, Washington was forced to reply upon the careful selection of Generals under his direct command. While Washington would devise the strategy, these generals
, in most cases reliable and able commanders, would fulfill the execution of that strategy.

Chief among Washington’s most trusted generals was General Nathanael Greene. Greene started the Revolutionary War as a Private in the Militia, the lowest possible rank. But through his tenacity, loyalty, devotion and expanding military experience, this educated and self-educated officer grew to be one of General George Washington
’s most trusted confidants.

Washington placed Greene in charge of his “Southern
Campaign,” leading the fight against the British plan to attack and hold key southern positions in North America. Greene was perhaps the most important Revolutionary War general next to Washington himself.

General Horatio Gates proved invaluable in helping to organize and train the soldiers of the Continental Army. And as he was often scheming behind-the scenes for Washington’s job, he forced Washington to sharpen his own political and military skills
necessary to retain command.

General Henry Knox became one of the first generals to realize the importance of artillery and was given the title of the Father of the modern Artillery Corps.
His assistance would be critical in victory against the British.

The Marquis de Lafayette
grew from an inexperienced French youth into one of Washington’s most trusted and loyal military commanders. More importantly, Lafayette’s ability to bring eventual French military assistance to Washington was perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of the entire war.

So
, too, Washington trusted a handsome young military General named Benedict Arnold, the commander of West Point. Bold, aggressive and skilled in military tactics, Arnold was one of Washington’s best generals but was often passed over for promotion for personal and political reasons. Washington had hand-picked Arnold and trusted him completely.

These were
some of the men upon whom George Washington would rely in order to defeat the British. While these men would fight the next battles of the war, Washington also devised a strategy to deal with the true enemy of American freedom.

Chapter 56

The True Enemy of American Freedom

To- Thomas Jefferson
     

From- General George Washington

Dear TJ-

I extend my
most sincere greetings to you and hope this finds you well. Let me offer my congratulations to you on the creation of US Declaration of Independence, a noble document which will most certainly ensure your historical legacy as one of the world’s greatest proponents of freedom and liberty.

I am writing this to advise you of a course of
military action upon which I have decided in order that there might be a historical record of my decision and the reasoning behind it.

As the Commanding General of the Continental Army, I have thus far met with both success and failure in regards
to combat with the British. I have no doubt that the bravery and fortitude of our own soldiers is equal to that of the British cocksuckers we face, but our forces often lack the training, experience and most especially the adequate provisioning commonplace to soldiery of the King’s army. But there is more to it than that.

In
battle after battle, our soldiers have been tried and tested against the most perilous odds and prevailed in circumstances which would have broken men of lesser fortitude. Yet final and complete victory against the British has remained, thus far, elusive.

After a tactical review of our ba
ttle performance, I must conclude that the main advantage the British army has stems from its continued use of zombie soldiers in the field. They consume no food and no water, and need no tents, blankets shoes or shelter. They suffer no deprivation or illness. Being dead, they are harder to fight in battle and usually require both additional time and ammunition to be effectively repulsed.

The true enemy of American Freedom is the British use of zombies against us.
Whilst the British have zombie soldiers, we are at a disadvantage. Whilst the British continue to produce new zombie soldiers, our disadvantage grows. Thus, my primary objective shall be to eliminate the British ability to produce additional zombies, and to prevent them from deploying the zombies they have already created.

It is my intent to infiltrate the secret British Zombie Camp in Virginia
, entirely destroying the base and eliminating as many zombies as possible. It appears unlikely that any man might survive such a mission and thus, I cannot ask any man to join me in this endeavor. The camp is so well-fortified and filled with so many zombies that the odds of survival are slim.

And yet I believe such a mission must be attempted for the sake of ultimate victory against the British. If we do not eliminate th
eir zombies, and eliminate the British ability to produce more zombies, I feel that we have no real hope of victory.

My subordinate generals are now well-positioned for action against the British
in the Carolinas and in any front upon which attack may commence. I have complete faith in the abilities of Generals Greene, Knox, Arnold and Gates. Should I fail in my mission, or fail to return, I have no doubt but that General Greene would be an able and suitable Commander of the Continental Army.

I shall add my personal thanks to you, TJ, for your skill in training me in the martial arts of the ninja. Any hope I have of surviving my current mission comes exclusively from
your skill and devotion to my training.

I feel in fullness that the American fight for freedom depends heavily upon my ability to stop the British from using zombies against the Continental Army. I believe it is for that reason that Almighty God, in his wisdom, has directed me for that purpose.

I therefore sign myself, your affectionate friend,

George

Chapter 57

Washington Prepares for His Attack

On the lush, wooded hillside overlooking the British Zombie Development Facility just outside of Richmond, Virginia, George Washington sat crouched
and concealed for several hours in a dark, black blanket at midnight, making careful observations of the layout, defenses, troop deployments, and sentry positions of the encampment below him. The planned attack on this zombie camp was going to be even more difficult than he first believed.

Just this evenin
g, British soldiers marched over two thousand new zombie soldiers into camp for basic training and development. As far as he could estimate, there appeared to be a total of about 6,000 zombies in the camp, with about 600 living British Redcoats present assigned to guard and train them.

If the British were allowed to bring these troops to the field, it would provide them with an overwhelming advantage that would most likely bring about the defeat of the Continental Army. George Washington knew he must never allow the zombies to leave this camp. But how could he, one man acting alone, destroy an entire camp of zombies?

He knew that the eight large barrels of gunpowder he had brought with him would be of some help. The barrels were hidden in the woods near his black-painted wagon, well concealed in a thicket just a few yards from his position here. But even with these explosives, he would need to formulate a plan of attack based upon his observations.

Stupidly,
like the arrogant cocksuckers they were, the British had nearly all of their 600 living soldiers housed in one large barracks near the front edge of the camp, and it made the perfect target. If Washington could destroy that cabin, and the soldiers within it, he would then only have to contend with the remaining zombies.

He figured his best be
t would be to sneak three large barrels of gunpowder to the stockade fence nearest to the British barracks and light them aflame. The resulting explosion would breach the stockade fence and destroy the nearby barracks of the living British troops within. He could then roll the remaining casks of gunpowder down the hill, aflame, letting the remainder of his explosives cause as much damage as possible. Then he would engage in hand to hand combat until he had killed the remainder of the zombies, or until he was dead.

It wasn’t a great plan, but it was all
that he had. Washington made his way back to the wagon and prepared to stealthily place three of the black-painted gunpowder barrels into position near the stockade fence, when he suddenly felt someone behind him reach up and tap him on the shoulder!

It was impossible! In the darkness, in absol
ute silence, someone had snuck up undetected behind Washington, without being heard or seen or discovered. Only a ninja could do that.

There were few moments in George Washington’s life when he was compl
etely and totally surprised, and this was one of those moments. Washington spun around and was entirely dumbstruck.

“Fuck Me!” George Washington exclaimed upon seeing
his old friend, Thomas Jefferson, standing there clad in his black ninja uniform.

“You didn’t think you were going to make thi
s attack alone,” Jefferson asked, smiling. “Did you?”

Even more amazingly
, next to Jefferson, stood Washington’s other good friend, Benjamin Franklin. He was holding some type of futuristic-looking rifle and wore a large, metallic looking knapsack slung over his back and shoulders.

“Yeah,” Franklin whispered in the darkness. “We were sort of pissed off that you didn’t ask us to help you.”

George Washington hugged his friends warmly and gratefully. “I could not ask you to do this with me, my friends,” Washington said honestly. “The odds of success are too slim,” he added.

“We’re going with you,” Franklin said, ending any further discussion on that matter. “Plus, we brought a few…surprises,” he added with a smile. “Let us formulate a new plan of attack that utilizes all three of us.”

        
Chapter 58

   
Three Founding Fathers Plan a Zombie Camp Assault

“We have devised a sound plan of attack,” Thomas Jefferson stated after the three men had
discussed their newly planned strategic assault for the last hour.

“I agree,” Washington replied.

“So you two ninjas two will infiltrate the camp,” Franklin stated, “and plant my recently invented explosives on several of the zombie barracks.”

“Correct,” Jefferson said.

“And then I will position and detonate the three gunpowder barrels,” Franklin explained, “hopefully destroying the stockade fence and all the ‘living’ soldiers in the camp.”

“Right,” Washington added.  “Though
I am a bit concerned about the ‘new’ explosive devices you have provided us with,” Washington said to Franklin as he kneaded a baseball-sized ball of a clay-like substance between his fingers. “This putty you’ve invented is actually… an explosive?”

“Yes,” Franklin stated. “It’s a ‘plastic’ explosive I have named C4.”

“And this small ball of putty will cause as much destruction as an entire barrel of gunpowder?” Washington asked skeptically.

“Oh, fuck yeah!
” Franklin stated. “I invented it many months ago but could not find a way to detonate it. But in my recent experiments with electricity, I found a perfect triggering force for the explosive. An electrical spark! Just press the miniature pendulum timer after you have set the C4 and, 5 minutes later…Ka-BOOM!”

“Well you know I
trust you,” Washington said. “So I can’t wait to see them work.”

“
The explosives took me years to make, and the ingredients are scarce. We only have enough C4 for eight of the twelve zombie barracks,” Franklin admitted sadly. “SO we will have roughly two thousand zombies left to fight hand to hand, following the explosions.”

“Then the three of us shall make a
direct frontal assault through the breach in the stockade fence,” Jefferson continued. “With Doctor Franklin and his new ‘electrical assault rifle’ taking the point position.”

“Right,” Franklin said smiling.

“I sure hope your devices work,” Washington said in concern. “Our entire plan hinges on the success of these new inventions.”

“Have faith, my friend,”
Benjamin Franklin said, patting George on the back. “Have faith. For on this night, we enter the new age of Military Science!”

Chapter 59

Zombie Camp Infiltration

Using their ninja skills, Thomas Jefferson and George Washington silently crept to the far side of the camp, scaled the stockade fence with black hemp rope, and slipped undetected into the British Zombie Training Camp. The zombie cabins were aligned in two columns, with the last cabin in each column just a few feet from the stockade fence. Washington stepped onto the roof of the last cabin on the right side, Jefferson to the left.

Jefferson just now noticed two British sentries approaching but, before he c
ould act, he heard a slight displacement of air beside him as Washington threw two black metal ninja throwing stars, called shuriken, at the two soldiers. Each soldier was struck in the temple and fell to the ground, instantly dead.

“Only six thousand, five hundred and ninety eight to go,” Jeffe
rson whispered. “If your estimate is correct.”  Both men chuckled softly.

Jefferson and Washington
each placed a small ball of C4 on the roofs of the cabins on which they stood, set the timers, and crept along the rooftops to the next pair of cabins.

In the front of the camp, Benjamin Franklin, with a little
huffing and puffing, rolled three barrels of gunpowder next to the front of the British stockade fence, directly adjacent to the barracks where the living British troops were bedded down for the evening. Two sentries briefly approached but, seeing nothing in the darkness, walked away without incident.

“I’m getting too old for this shit,” Franklin admitted to himself
as he hid, still huffing a bit from his exertions with the barrels. Franklin checked his pocket watch with illuminated dial (a patented Franklin invention) and saw there were only three minutes to go before the explosions started. Using his own disposable pocket lighter (another Franklin first) he lit the three minute fuses on each of the three gunpowder barrels near the fence, and climbed to the top of the nearby hill to await his friends.