Ghostly Deceits (A Harper Harlow Mystery Book 3) (2 page)

Harper stilled, surprised. “You’re good?”

“I don’t want to leave,” Archibald said. “I’m happy here.”

“But you’re alone,” Harper prodded. “Don’t you want to move on and be with your loved ones?”

“They were royal jackasses for the most part, so I’m good,” Archibald said. “In this place I get to nap when I want, scare people whenever the mood strikes, and occasionally see people do the dirty because there’s some sort of cemetery club that’s supposed to be like the Mile High Club. Why would I want to leave that?”

Harper was floored. “But … people really sneak in and have sex on graves? That’s so gross.”

“Is that what he said? That’s really gross,” Zander intoned. “Only freaks would do that.”

“Says the guy who wants to take photos of another guy’s nipples,” Archibald deadpanned. “It doesn’t matter, though. I’m not leaving and you can’t make me.”

Harper planted her hands on her narrow hips. “Archibald, I’m afraid that’s simply not true,” she said. “You can’t stay here. The cemetery managers say you’re terrorizing people. That girl you goosed the other day was only seventeen.”

“And she had a nice, firm butt,” Archibald said, grinning at the memory. “I really liked her.”

“And yet she was still not legally an adult.”

“She was close enough,” Archibald said. “If you’re old enough to need a bra and not wear one, I think that’s plenty old for me.”

“You’re a pig,” Harper snapped. “You need to let go and embrace your hereafter. You’re stagnating here.”

“I’m fine with that,” Archibald said.

“But … .” Harper was at a loss for words. “There’s a better place out there.”

“We’re not all looking for better places,” Archibald said, floating around Zander and moving behind Harper so he could study her more closely. “Some of us are happy with our lot in life. I’m one of the happy people. You can take your platitudes and promises and look somewhere else for someone to help. I’m happy here, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Archibald pinched Harper’s rear end and caused her to squeal as she swiveled.

“Hey!”

“See, that was fun,” Archibald said, his face splitting with a wide smile.

“What happened?” Zander asked, blindly letting his gaze bounce across the cemetery.

“Listen, pervert, you’re passing over whether you like it or not,” Harper said, scowling. “I don’t care if you want to stay. You’re going.”

Archibald didn’t look particularly worried. “Do you really think you can force me?”

“I really do.”

“Well, bring it on,” Archibald said. “I love it when war is afoot.”

J
ared Monroe checked
the marinating steaks before turning to the Brussels sprouts and dousing them with olive oil and salt and pepper. He tossed them in a bag so he could shake the ingredients and then poured the contents onto a cookie sheet. He glanced at the clock, frowning when he realized how late it was getting. Harper and Zander were supposed to be home by now. He hoped something wasn’t wrong.

If someone would’ve told Jared three months ago that he would be absolutely besotted with a feisty blonde who happened to hunt ghosts for a living, he would’ve called them crazy (and probably a few more things that were just as colorful). He definitely wouldn’t have believed them. Here he was, though, cooking dinner for Harper and Zander while they did … well, he honestly had no idea what they did when they were out on a job. He’d been meaning to talk to Harper about that because he was dying to tag along on an outing. She seemed embarrassed at the prospect, but he was genuinely curious.

Before Harper came into his life, Jared didn’t believe in the supernatural. He thought it was hokey superstition and nothing more. Now he truly believed Harper was gifted and could talk to ghosts. He still grappled with what that would mean for their future, but he was determined they would have a future so he knew he would find a way to deal with it.

The sound of a car door slamming in the front of the house caught Jared’s attention and he moved in that direction. He opened the front door, an admonishment for being late on his tongue, and then burst out laughing when he caught sight of Harper and Zander.

The willowy blonde was caked with mud, her hair matted and almost completely covered. Zander was even worse off because he appeared to have rolled around in leaves and other debris after being coated with the mud. If he didn’t know better, he would think they were dressed for Halloween. Jared wasn’t familiar with all of Zander’s quirks, but he knew the man didn’t like getting dirty. This definitely wasn’t on purpose.

“What happened?” Jared asked, fighting to rein in his laughter.

“Archibald was a douche,” Zander said, trudging up the front walkway. “He was the world’s biggest douche.”

“I see,” Jared said, pressing his lips together as he focused on Harper. She was lovely on a normal day, tall for a woman and slim. She didn’t wear a lot of makeup and was naturally pretty. That was one of the things he loved most about her. “How did you like Archibald?”

“Zander is right,” Harper said, scratching the side of her nose with a filthy finger. “Archibald was a douche.”

“Did you get rid of him?”

“Yes, and it was a lovely send off,” Zander deadpanned. “Harper kept arguing that he wasn’t really a bad guy and he only remained behind because he was disgruntled with life due to his unfortunate name. Then Archibald explained he didn’t want to leave because he enjoyed scaring people and occasionally watching couples do the dirty in the cemetery.”

“That’s gross,” Jared said, reaching to brush Harper’s hair away from her face and then thinking better of it. Zander wasn’t the only one with an aversion to getting dirty. “So what happened?”

“Do you mean before Archibald started throwing mud at us or after he pinched my butt and declared it okay for an old woman?” Harper asked.

Jared tried to hold in his laughter, but failed. “Oh, Heart … .”

Harper made a face. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny,” Jared said.

“It’s really not,” Zander said. “It’s been a terrible day. All I want to do now is to take a shower and have you feed me.”

“The food is ready to cook,” Jared said. “I think you both need showers first.”

“I definitely need a shower,” Harper agreed, moving to kiss Jared’s cheek by way of greeting and frowning when he pulled away. “Seriously? You’re not going to kiss me after the horrible day I’ve had?”

“I’m going to kiss you senseless once you shower and change your clothes.”

“I think that’s kind of offensive,” Harper said. “If you truly cared, you would want to kiss me no matter what.”

“I think you’re playing games because you want to manipulate me,” Jared countered. “I’m going to cut that little maneuver off at the pass. While you and Zander get cleaned up, I will handle dinner. After that, I will massage you for an entire hour while you drink red wine and tell me about your day.”

Harper’s face split with a wide smile. “You had me at massage.”

“I know I did,” Jared said, smirking.

“What about me?” Zander whined. “I had just as terrible a day as Harper did.”

“I’m not massaging you.”

Zander scowled.

“I did, however, buy you a blueberry cheesecake from that deli you like downtown,” Jared said. “I think it’s called Whisper Cove Delicacies. Harper said it was your favorite.”

“You had me at cheesecake,” Zander said, taking Jared by surprise when he planted a firm kiss on his cheek. “I love coming home to find the little woman has prepared dinner for us.”

Jared narrowed his eyes. He found Zander’s sense of humor endearing most of the time. On the occasions it missed, though, he wanted to throttle him. “I’m going to spit in your food if you’re not careful.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I’m going to put mushrooms on your steak,” Jared threatened. “Since you’re not over that guy growing mushrooms between his toes, I think it’s going to ruin your dinner if I do it.”

“Fine,” Zander said, rolling his eyes. “You win.”

“Thank you,” Jared said, giving Zander and Harper a wide berth as they walked into the house. He couldn’t help but chuckle as he heard them chat during their walk to the bedrooms.

“He’s really bossy and mean sometimes,” Zander lamented.

“I think he’s cute,” Harper said.

“He does have dreamy eyes,” Zander agreed.

“Don’t go there.”

“You don’t go there,” Zander countered, poking Harper’s side. “I still maintain I would be the better nipple model. I don’t care what you say.”

“In your dreams.”

Jared had no idea what they were talking about, but he left them to their idle gossip and cleanup and returned to cooking. Despite Zander’s teasing tone, Jared found he really didn’t mind cooking for the dynamic duo. He had no idea how it happened, but he was suddenly domesticated.

“That’s an interesting development,” he muttered to himself, rolling the idea through his busy mind. He didn’t give it much thought before returning to his Brussels sprouts. He was definitely domesticated, but he was also happy.

He could live with that.

“
S
O
how did
you guys finally catch the douche-y wonder?” Jared asked two hours later, kneading his fingers into Harper’s sore muscles as she sat between his legs on the living room floor.

“Harper tricked him into chasing her by threatening to make sure the only butts coming to the cemetery would be old ones and I dropped the dreamcatcher in front of him when he wasn’t looking and we absorbed him right there,” Zander explained, wearily relaxing on the couch. “That cheesecake was amazing, man. I definitely needed that after my crappy day.”

“Everything was amazing,” Harper said, a low moan escaping as Jared hit a particularly sensitive spot. The moans were doing something to him. He couldn’t lie – not even to himself. He also wasn’t going to follow his inner caveman and toss Harper over his shoulder and carry her into the bedroom. He promised her an hour-long massage and that’s what she was going to get.

“I grilled steaks, bought a cheesecake, and roasted Brussels sprouts,” Jared said, feigning modesty. “It’s not like a cured cancer.”

“It was close enough,” Zander said. “I’m so stuffed I could pass out right here.”

“Me, too,” Harper said.

“Oh, you can’t do that, Harp,” Zander chided. “Jared doesn’t like it when we sleep together so you have to go to your own bedroom.”

Jared stilled, cocking an eyebrow as his gaze bounced between Harper and Zander. “What?”

“It’s nothing,” Harper said hurriedly, straightening her back and gesturing to her shoulders. “Rub, please.”

“I’ll continue to rub you when you tell me what’s going on.”

Harper sighed. “I
might
have told Zander how it makes you uncomfortable when he climbs into bed with us some mornings.”

Jared ran his tongue over his teeth as he considered how to answer. It did drive him crazy when Zander ended up in bed with them, but not for the reasons Harper and Zander thought. “I … .”

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Zander interrupted, holding his hand up. “I understand. Harper explained about you being insecure because I’m so much hotter than you and have better muscles. I thought it might be because you were embarrassed I have better nipples, too, but Harper says that’s not the case. I promise to only climb in bed with Harper when you’re not here.”

“Well, since I plan on spending every night possible with Harper, that’s not going to leave you a lot of options,” Jared said. “I honestly don’t have a problem with you and Harper gossiping in bed because you’re hot. Although … what’s wrong with my nipples?” Jared pulled his shirt out and looked inside. He’d never given his nipples much thought, but now that’s all he could focus on.

“There’s nothing wrong with your nipples,” Harper said. “Zander doesn’t like them because they’re bigger than his.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s bigger,” Jared muttered, causing Harper to snicker and Zander to scowl.

“Do you want to measure?” Zander challenged.

“We’re not in high school,” Jared replied.

“I think you’re worried you’ll lose.”

Jared worried Zander was right so he decided to change the subject. “I have no problem with you two gossiping in bed,” he said. “I have a problem with you not knocking before you come into the bedroom, Zander … and there’s nothing wrong with my nipples.”

“I happen to love your nipples, honey,” Harper cooed. “Now rub my back.”

Jared sighed but did as instructed.

Zander mulled over Jared’s statement. “I can knock,” he said after a few moments. “I think that’s fair. I honestly didn’t realize I wasn’t knocking. Harper and I generally have an open door policy on bedrooms. I get it, though. I promise to knock from here on out.”

“That’s great,” Jared said. “I appreciate it.”

“You still have freakishly big nipples,” Zander said.

Jared rolled his eyes. “Speaking of nipples … wait, that’s not a proper transition. I need to get away from the nipple talk, though, so I’m going to change the subject to something completely different.”

“I’m game,” Zander said. “Let’s talk about how old Harper’s butt feels.”

“I will kill you,” Harper hissed, reaching over to pinch the inside of Zander’s ankle.

“Ow!”

“Your butt is beautiful, Heart,” Jared said, smirking as he watched Zander glare at Harper. “I happen to think it’s one of your best features.”

“Thank you.” Harper’s response was prim and pleased.

“He’s just saying that because he wants to get lucky later,” Zander supplied.

“I’m definitely going to kill you,” Harper muttered.

“Can we focus on me a second?” Jared prodded. “I got a call from my old college buddy Josh Stoker and he invited me to one of those murder mystery events. His family owns a house on Harsens Island and it’s supposed to be a big shindig and last several days.”

“Are you going?” Harper asked.

“I already got the time off from work,” Jared replied. “Mel said it’s not a problem because things have been quiet. I haven’t seen Josh since graduation and Harsens Island is only a half-hour away. I thought it would be fun.”

“When is it?”

“I have to leave tomorrow,” Jared answered.

“Oh.” Harper’s voice was laced with disappointment. “Are you going to be gone the whole week?”

“It’s a weeklong event,” Jared said. “It’s some charity thing to raise money for children’s cancer, but Josh wants me to come so we can catch up.”

“That sounds … fun.” Harper swallowed hard.

“Oh, don’t worry, Harp. I’ll be here to keep you company,” Zander said. “We can gossip in bed as much as we want.”

“I … sure,” Harper said. “That sounds fun.”

Jared considered stringing Harper along a little longer but opted against it. “The invitation is for two,” he explained. “I was kind of hoping you would want to come with me.”

Harper’s eyes widened as she shifted to glance at Jared over her shoulder. “Really?” She looked so hopeful Jared couldn’t stop his heart from rolling.

“Really,” Jared confirmed, hauling her back so he could kiss her cheek. “Do you really think I want to be separated from you again after our last debacle?” He referenced a recent event that almost derailed the couple’s relationship. His mother injured herself and needed help so Jared had to leave town for an extended trip. Jared was embarrassed to call Harper during their time apart because he didn’t want to appear needy, so he left things hanging for ten days. It didn’t go over well, and he practically had to beg her to forgive him when he returned. “Do you want to go to a murder mystery event with me?”

“I don’t know,” Harper hedged. “What would we have to do?”

“We would eat dinner and sleep in a fancy room,” Jared replied. “We’re supposed to participate in the mystery event, but it’s not necessary if you don’t want to do it. It’s an island, so we can swim. They have a pool if you don’t like the lake. There’s also a tennis court. The food is supposed to be to die for. No pun intended.”

“That sounds great, Harper,” Zander said. “You have absolutely nothing to wear to those big dinners, though. We’re going to have to shop all day tomorrow to get you ready.”

“But … .” Harper broke off, biting her lip.

“What’s wrong?” Jared asked, pushing her hair away from her face. “If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to go. I can go out on my own for an afternoon to catch up with Josh. It won’t be a big deal.”

“I want to go,” Harper said. “I just … I’m not sure if I can leave GHI on such short notice. I am technically the boss.”

“I didn’t think of that,” Jared said, his heart dropping. He’d been looking forward to time alone with Harper. He didn’t even pause to consider the ramifications of her work situation.