Gifted Touch (5 page)

“You look shocked to see me,” Yana commented.

It
was
pretty freaky to see Yana standing in Rae’s hallway, underneath the fluffy white clouds Rae’d painted on the blue walls when she was twelve. “I sort of thought when we did the number-and-address-exchange thing, you might just be being nice to the psycho girl,” Rae admitted.

“I’m not that nice. And you’re not that psycho,” Yana answered. She smiled, showing the little gap between her front teeth. “But you’re late. Your dad let me in on the way out, and he made me swear I’d get your butt out the door within the hour. I’m thinking clothes, then—” Yana gave the Krispy Kreme box a shake. “Do you already know what you’re going to wear?”

“Yeah. I spent a massive amount of hours last night deciding,” Rae confessed. “And what did I choose? Khakis and a button-down shirt, which was the first thing I tried on.”

“A little boring for my taste,” Yana said. She ran her hand down her Grateful Dead T-shirt, the one she’d cropped to show off the DNA-strand tattoo that 44

circled her belly button. “But perfectly acceptable.”

“The kitchen’s through the living room. You can hang there while I get ready. Have some coffee or whatever,” Rae said as she started down the hallway toward her bedroom.

“Oh my God,” Yana exclaimed. “Rae, what happened?”

Rae turned around. “What?”

“Your back.” Yana’s eyes were wide with alarm.

“It’s bleeding.”

Rae froze.
I can’t go back to the hospital. Can’t,
can’t, can’t.

“I must have, um, cut myself on the edge of the shower door,” she blurted out. “It’s really sharp.” Yana hurried over to her. “Let me look at it.” Before Rae could stop her, Yana circled behind Rae and pulled down the back of her robe. “Ouch,” she said softly.

Silence stretched out between them. Rae’s heart was pounding so hard, she wouldn’t be surprised if Yana could hear it.

“This doesn’t look like a cut,” Yana finally said.

“It looks like a layer of skin was . . .
scraped
off.” She pulled Rae’s robe back up. “What really happened?” Rae turned to face her. Yana’s serious expression made it clear that another lie wasn’t going to cut it.

“I was really nervous, about going back to school, 45

you know, post- . . . everything. I got obsessed with wanting to look perfect.” Rae’s voice started to tremble. “I was just . . . I wanted to get off a layer of dead skin. I really didn’t mean to hurt myself. Really.

You’ve got to believe me. I just—”

“Got a little overzealous with the exfoliator?” Yana supplied.

“Loofah,” Rae said. She gave several quick blinks because her eyes were suddenly feeling wet. “It was an accident. You’re not going to tell Dr. Warriner, are you? I can’t go back to the hospital, Yana. Please—”

“God, do you think I’m here as some kind of spy?” Yana interrupted. “I finished my hours of com-munity service. Which, by the way, I was assigned to do by the court. The doctors didn’t think it would be good for the patients to know that little tidbit.”

“The court?” Rae repeated, feeling kind of dazed.

“Frat party. Many cups of lethal punch. Much stupidity. Long story,” Yana answered. “Do you have any Bactine? I want to put some on your back.”

“Medicine cabinet,” Rae answered.

“Go start getting ready.” Yana waved her off, then headed back toward the bathroom. Rae stared after her for a long moment, then turned and walked down the hall to her room. On autopilot, she began to get dressed. Yana hurried into the room right as Rae was zipping up her pants.

46

“Just pretend you’re at the gym,” Yana said as Rae grabbed a towel to cover her chest. “Turn around.” Rae obeyed. She focused her eyes on the wall across from her. She’d painted it herself, going for a faux marble look in a deep green with black swirls.

“It’s not really that bad,” Yana told her as she sprayed the cool Bactine on Rae’s back. “It’s already stopped bleeding.”

“But what kind of a nut bucket does that to herself?” Rae muttered. She patted her back with the towel to dab away any remaining blood and Bactine.

“I don’t want to hear you call yourself that again,” Yana said, her voice harsh. “They let you out of the hospital because you’re okay. You’re just stressed out this morning.”

“You sound like my dad,” Rae said as she put on her favorite lacy lavender bra and then gingerly shrugged on her lavender shirt. “Except I actually half believe you,” she added, turning to face Yana.

Yana opened the Krispy Kreme box and held it out to Rae. Rae picked a chocolate-glazed old-fashioned.

Yana grabbed a cinnamon twist. “You don’t believe your dad?” Yana asked. She plopped down on Rae’s bed and ran her fingers over the green bedspread with the black diamonds.

“You’ve got to know my dad. He’s this English professor—early stuff, like medieval; you know, 47

Arthurian legends,” Rae said. She pulled the black leather chair away from her desk, a couple of the strange thoughts flashing through her brain, and sat down on the edge of the seat. “He’s just not all that well acquainted with reality. We don’t even have a TV.

And you should hear him talk about my mother. He—

”

Rae snapped her mouth shut. She’d almost told Yana the thing she’d spent her whole life trying to keep a secret. And not just a piece of it. The whole ball o’ wax.

“He what?” Yana asked.

Rae felt like her ribs were pushing together, dig-ging into her heart. “Nothing,” she mumbled.

“Come on.” Yana brushed some cinnamon off her chin. “You have to tell me now. You can’t get that far and stop. It’s against the friendship code.”
It might actually feel good to tell her,
Rae thought suddenly.

You really are insane,
she told herself.
What? You
have so many friends right now that you can afford to
scare one away?

But Yana hadn’t freaked when she’d seen Rae’s back. And she knew Rae’d been at the walnut farm, and that didn’t stop her from coming over with doughnuts.

“Come on, Rae,” Yana urged.

It’s not the same as it was with Lea,
Rae thought.
I
48

would have been handing Lea a weapon that she could
have used to make everyone at school think I was a
freak. But I’ve more than taken care of that myself.

Rae swallowed hard, her throat feeling as dry and scratchy as an emery board. “Okay. My mom, she did something really terrible to someone.” She swallowed again, realizing that she couldn’t do this—couldn’t spill what she’d worked so hard to keep secret. Not yet.

“Trust me—it was awful,” she continued. “So bad that she would have gone to prison, except she was found mentally unfit to stand trial. She died in a mental institution,” Rae said in a rush. “And my dad . . .

Anytime he talks about my mother, which isn’t that often, he goes on and on about what a great person she was. He totally believes it. That’s the sick part. He’s not just trying to make me feel better.”

“Wow,” Yana said softly.

“Yeah.” Rae turned her doughnut over and over in her fingers. “So, anyway, you can see why I don’t exactly believe everything he says.” Yana pointed at the doughnut. “Eat,” she ordered.

Rae obediently took a bite. She kept shooting little glances at Yana’s face. Was she wondering if Rae was just like her mother? Was she repulsed to be sitting so close to her?

“I never believe anything my dad says, either,” Yana commented, her tone matter-of-fact. “But that’s 49

probably because he’s always telling me how stupid I am. And how lazy. And how unreliable. Isn’t that just a pretty, pretty picture?”

“That’s awful,” Rae said.

Yana stood up. “Yeah, well, in a couple of years we’ll both be father-free. Or at least we won’t have to live in the same house with them anymore.” She pointed at the chunky shoes positioned neatly next to Rae’s closet. “Now, put those on. I’m driving you to school. I promised Daddy darling you wouldn’t be late, remember?”

The bell rang. Rae knew she had to stand up. She knew she had to head down to the cafeteria. But she felt like all the bones had been surgically removed from her legs. How could she stand up when she had no leg bones? She busied herself putting her English book and her binder into her backpack, not-her thoughts popping in her brain like carbonation in soda as the rest of the class hurried out, laughing, talking, and shooting fast little I’m-not-looking glances at her.

“Rae, would you mind doing us a favor?” Rae jerked up her head and saw Mr. Jesperson, her English teacher, standing in front of her. Next to him was a guy she didn’t recognize—which was probably why he was actually meeting her eye.

“This is Jeff Brunner,” Mr. Jesperson continued.

50

“He’s new, and he needs someone to show him to the cafeteria. Since it’s my first day here, too, I don’t think I should be playing tour guide just yet.” He gave her a sympathetic smile, a smile that told her he’d already picked up the 411 on her in the teachers’

lounge. He probably thought it would be easier for her to return to the scene of the “incident” if she had someone with her. Which was so not true.

“Um, sure. I’ll show him,” Rae answered because it would be too weird to say no. And without con-sciously deciding to stand, she was on her feet and leading the way to the door. She pulled it open.

/
I CAN’T BELIEVE RAE CAME BACK
/went psycho/

God, it was bad enough just getting random thoughts. But these ones were so personal. Having them rush through her brain, with all that static underneath, was like getting attacked from the inside. And they felt so
real
—like they were actually coming from the people around her.

“Thanks for doing this,” Jeff said as they stepped into the hall.

“Actually, the cafeteria is incredibly easy to find,” she answered. “You know where the main office is, right?” She forced herself to look up at him, and he nodded. “Well, you just follow the mural that starts by the office. It ends right in front of the caf.”

“You’re not coming?” Jeff asked, his gray eyes all 51

puppy dog. He was cute and possibly trying to flirt, but she was far from flirt mode right now.

“No, I am. Just not right this second.” The thought of walking back into the cafeteria was making her dizzy with anxiety.

“Oh. Okay. So, I guess I’ll see you around,” Jeff said. And he actually blushed. His skin was so fair that the splotches of color looked almost painted on.

He gave a half wave and started to stride away from her.

“Wait,” she called. He immediately stopped and turned around. “Look. You’re new. So you don’t know. Although I’m sure you will soon enough.” Jeff raised his eyebrows, clearly puzzled. Rae hurried on.

“Anyway, last spring I had this kind of meltdown in front of pretty much everyone. Trust me, you don’t want to go into the cafeteria with me. You’d be a freak by association.” She made a little pushing motion with her hands. “Go on. I’ll give you a head start.” Jeff smiled and took a step closer to her. “You’re trying to protect me?” He combed his dark hair away from his face with his fingers. “I don’t care what people think,” he said. “Let’s go together.” Wow. The guy had guts, at least. Every new kid knew that who you’re seen with those first few days is crucial to your rep.

It would definitely be nice not to have to walk into 52

the cafeteria alone. Those first few seconds, when everyone realized she was there and got all quiet—it wouldn’t suck to have someone normal standing next to her.

“Fine,” Rae said. She started down the hall without another word. Jeff stayed in step beside her. The hallway had less and less air the closer they got to the cafeteria. She felt like she had to gasp for each breath, although, reality check, she knew she was breathing in a normal way. Which was her goal for the day—

breathe normal, walk normal, talk normal,
be
normal.

“Well, here we are,” Rae announced, feeling like she had to force the words out of her mouth. She straightened her shoulders, then pushed open the cafeteria’s double doors with both hands—

/gross/
see Rae
/
gym next period/

—and stepped inside. The volume on the noise went up a notch, then dropped to near silence. Rae didn’t think it would be paranoid to attribute the change to her entrance. Her body felt hot all over from all the eyes that were focused on her.

“So this is the cafeteria,” Jeff commented.

Rae scanned the room for her friends, spotting Marcus, paying for a slice of pizza. Her stomach clenched in fear at the same time that her heart rate zoomed. She’d spent so much time imagining this moment—seeing him again. But she had no idea what 53

he’d been thinking, what he expected to happen between them now that she was back.

You’re supposed to be acting normal,
Rae reminded herself. And normal meant her and Marcus, together.

It’s not like they could just pick up right where they left off, but if she made sure he knew she was better now, that she still wanted to be with him . . .

“I’ll be back in one sec,” Rae told Jeff. She raced over to Marcus, wrapped one arm around his waist, and pressed her free hand over his eyes. “Guess who?”

“Could it be . . . Dori?” Marcus asked, his voice teasing.

Rae’s hand slithered off Marcus’s face. “That would be no,” she answered, the words coming out a little choked.

What did you expect?
she asked herself, her stomach churning with acid.
Did you expect Marcus freaking Salkow to ignore the existence of all other girls for
an entire summer?

Maybe she just hadn’t let herself think about that.

But she
had
at least figured Lea would give her a heads up if he was seeing someone else.

Marcus turned around. Rae thought she caught a flicker of disgust in his expression, but then he gave her the Salkow smile, his teeth gleaming white against the tan he’d acquired over the summer.

“Sting Rae! You’re back,” he exclaimed, then 54