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Authors: Chris Bridges

Tags: #comedy, #humor, #sexy, #stories, #essays, #sexy stories, #erotica anthology, #silly

Giggling Into the Pillow

BOOK: Giggling Into the Pillow
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GIGGLING INTO THE PILLOW

 

By Chris Bridges

 

 

 

 

 

Much of the contents herein previously
appeared, in various forms, on HootIsland.com, CleanSheets.com, and
Erotic-Readers.com.
“Chapter and Perverse” previously appeared
in “From Porn to Poetry: Clean Sheets Celebrates the Erotic Mind,”
Samba Mountain Press, 2001.
“Are You and Your Genitals Sexually
Compatible?” originally appeared in the August 2000 issue of Xtreme
Magazine.

Survey questions used in
“Hey Kids, Sex Survey!” reprinted from
The
New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex
by Anne
Semans and Cathy Winks, copyright 2002, with permission of Cleis
Press.

 

 

Cover illustrations by Chris Bridges

 

 

Copyright 1999-2007 Chris Bridges. This work
is licensed under the Creative Commons
Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs License. To view a copy of this
license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.5/ or
send a letter to Creative Commons, 543 Howard Street, 5th Floor,
San Francisco, California, 94105, USA.
PRAISE FOR “GIGGLING INTO THE
PILLOW,” ACQUIRED WITH HARDLY ANY BEGGING AT ALL

 

“Finally--a book about sex that's funny on
purpose. Chris Bridges' twisted take on erotica, sex surveys, and
sexual self-help is a hoot!”

-- Cathy Winks, co-author
of
The New Good Vibrations Guide to
Sex

 

“There's just one word for Chris Bridges's
work: brilliant … no, 'fantastic' is better… well, not that either,
how about 'incredible' … not quite there, how about 'genius' … no,
not quite enough … what about 'delicious? ' … nah, too fattening …
Wonderful? Great? Elegant? Beautiful? Just read the book and see
how erotic writing should be done and pick your own word.”

-- M. Christian, author
of
Speaking Parts: Provocative Lesbian
Erotica

 

“Giggling Into the Pillow is... not only a
particularly funny collection of stories, parodies, and articles
about sex but is also the most honest erotica I've read.”

-- Jason Toney,
ScarletLetters.com

“An excellent book which will allow you to
use the phrase 'Rabelaisian wit' in casual conversation.”

-- Phil Foglio,
xXxenophile
,
Girl Genius

“...Chris Bridges' book, Giggling into the
Pillow, isn't a short story collection or a novel. It isn't
intelligent discourse via nonfiction. It's more like what you'd get
if Mad magazine was published by a nudist colony headed by Mel
Brooks.”

-- Debra Hyde,
PursedLips.com

“Let him put a smile on your face, and on
your lover's too - nothing says, “I love you,” like a giggle.”

--
Erotica Readers and Writers Association

“In Monty-Python-meets-Deep-Throat style,
Chris Bridges strings a series of sexual non sequiturs together to
create “Giggling into the Pillow.” In it, what ought to make us
squirm makes us laugh, and what ought to turn us on, well, makes us
laugh.  As strange as the tales are, they're closer to reality
than standard erotic fare. I'll take Chris's reality any day.”
-- Sage Vivant,
customeroticasource.com

 

“Don't let any of your right-wing
acquaintances see this book: they might get the idea that sex is
supposed to be fun, and God only knows what would happen then. This
book sucks! (And if you think that's an insult, you really need to
read the book.)”

--Hanne Blank, author
of
Shameless: Women's Best
Erotica

 

 

 

 

For Teresa, because everything is for
Teresa, just not everybody knows it yet.

 

 

 

My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She
reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and
eternal and solid and her nose was shot off by French
soldiers.
—Emo Philips

 

 

Table of
Contents

 

Forward
Introduction: What the fu…
Found: One Dildo
Are You Sexy Enough?
How Was Your Service?
An Unsigned Love Letter Stuffed in a
Locker
Make Mine Vanilla
Self-Paced Course
ASK MISS DILDO
Sex in the Suburbs
Valentine’s For One
Sex au Jus
How to Bag a Supermodel
POV
Chapter and Perverse
Jim Jackson, Clitoris Hunter
MOOP BEEP BEEP, My Baby
6 Nights of CRRRRRRAPPY Sex
Do You Want to Play “Questions?”
Happy Fucking Easter
Are You and Your Genitals Sexually
Compatible?
Truth in Seduction
Gender Bending
You May Now Kiss the Brides
Motel Fun, or Norman Bates Was Just Getting
Started
Take the Bukkake Challenge!
Stop Saying “Sucks”
Boutique Encounter, or Why I Hate Writing in
Second Person
The Perils of Being a Sex Writer
A Tall Tail
World’s Greatest Gang Bang IV
MY PENIS IS…
Guess Your Fetish
Porn Drinking Game
All We Want for Christmas Is…
Hey Kids! Sex Survey!
My New Year's Resolutions
What It Was, Was Porno

 

-------------------------
About this
edition

 

This e-book is being offered for free,
gratis, no-charge, for a couple of reasons. First, because I like
free stuff and I’m guessing other people do, too. Second, because
I’m hoping that people will read my stories for free and like them
enough to pay cash money for print versions for themselves or to
inflict upon hapless friends and family. If you’re interested, and
you know you are, search for “Giggling Into the Pillow” at
amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com and pick up a few copies.
Thanks!

 

-------------------------
Acknowledgements

 

No book is written by just one person, no
matter how much everyone else involved wants to forget it ever
happened. Besides, I need to get my accusations in early in order
to establish my future legal position, so I’d like to publicly
thank the following people:
The visitors and virtual residents of
HootIsland.com, for humoring me by coming back, week after week and
year after year, to see just what silly shit I’m up to this
time.
Heather Corinna, for friendship, constant
encouragement, great websites, and nekkid pictures (which were
pretty damn encouraging all by themselves).
Jane and Jim, Todd and Debbie, Anne and
Cathy, Jen and Dave, and the incredible Asia Carrera, for helping
Hoot Island get on the map way back when, and for being pretty cool
URLfriends besides.
The good people of the Erotica-Readers.com
listserv for catching many of my bonehead mistakes and literary
felonies before they got out and hurt innocent people.
The fun-loving folks at CleanSheets.com, for
putting up with my amateur editoring for a year.
Hanne Blank, Spider Robinson, Phil Foglio,
Robert B. Parker, Jennifer Crusie, John Varley, Christopher Moore,
Brian Michael Bendis, William Goldman, Kevin Smith, Terry Moore,
and many other people I’ve never met, for writing things I couldn’t
stop reading and thus helping me avoid actually writing anything
myself.
Dave, Shasta, Dan, and other unnamed
friends, for unconditional support and for selflessly sacrificing
their own diets to make sure I didn’t accidentally eat too much
Chinese food by myself.

 

And, always, Teresa, Tony, and Jamie, for
being Teresa, Tony, and Jamie.

 

-------------------------
Foreword by
Heather Corinna

 

Apparently, there are some folks out there
who don’t think sex is very funny.
Some think sex must at all times be
serious, treated with the sort of forced silence of Mass on Sunday,
or dinner at your grandmother’s house with the relatives. Others
feel that laughing during or about sex means something is terribly
wrong; that a penis is too small, a bottom too curvaceous. Others
still cannot trust even a smile, mistaking it for a mocking grin,
an untold secret, or perhaps a case of gas.

Thankfully, for all of us,
Chris Bridges isn’t one of those people. Like the Chink in
Robbins’
Even Cowgirls Get The
Blues
, his mantra is simple and to the
point: “Ha ha ho ho and hee hee.” It may sound somewhat unfamiliar
at first, but we know we’ve heard it somewhere before. And we
really need to hear it again. Thankfully, we have people like Chris
out there who realize that all of our anatomy—including our funny
bones—can be sexual organs; that realize that what happens when we
laugh and what happens when we orgasm, are pretty damned similar
and when combined can be a fabulous uproar.And if sex isn’t a
fabulous uproar,why bother? Our sex lives should be a roll in the
park on a sunny day, not an obligational hour spent on a creaky
treadmill.

If we are made nervous by a partner
laughing or grinning, if we cannot possibly find sex or our sexual
selves funny (unless we’re a character in an Anne Rice novel—then
we may be excused), if we can’t find the comedy in sex itself, if
we don’t recognize that an earnest smile, laugh, giggle or guffaw
from a partner is one of the best responses we could hope for, then
somewhere along the line, we simply must have forgotten that sex is
supposed to be joyful. And if that is the case, as a culture, we
are sexually ill.
If there is a doctor suited to help us with
this malady, the best one I know of is Chris Bridges. Chris’ humor
is accessible—neither highbrow nor lowbrow—it is simply real,
sincere and not at all forced. It, in fact, comes as naturally to
him as breathing—something the rest of us may have trouble doing
while reading his work. It isn’t at anyone’s expense, and is
grounded in daily life, in sexual politics, in personal history and
in a spirit of elation with a few giddy hits of nitrous oxide
tossed in for good measure. You can adjust your dosage accordingly:
read a few passages one day, a few more the next, or, for serious
emergencies, take it all in at once until your sides hurt and you
feel the insistent need to make a Jabba the Hut costume just so you
can show your partner what he really would have done to Leia if he
had the chance.
Laughter is powerful and essential.
Laughter can shake shame senseless, can remind us of our humanity,
can force us to be as real as we are, it can refresh intimacy, it
can transform our sex lives: hey, this is no laughing matter—the
stuff is serious medicine. And there is, in Chris Bridges, a doctor
in the house.
At least, that’s why I think he walks
around in that white coat.

 

Heather Corinna is the founder of
ScarletLetters.com and Scarleteen.com, and is one of the most
foreword people I know.

 

 

-------------------------
2009
Introduction to the Introduction: Where the fu…

 

Once upon a time, I had an adult website.
It was called HootIsland.com, named after an especially odd
construct built in the original Commodore 64 version of Sim
City.
It was unlike most other adult websites I
saw, which is why I did it. Hoot Island was based on the
groundbreaking principle that sex was funny and fun, and that women
were people. Oddly, even many of the adult websites run by women
had problems with this simple attitude.
The motto and mission statement was “Silly
sex, for silly people,” and I held tightly to that vision for 10
years. I posted cartoons and reviews and stories and poems and
songs and lots and lots of pictures. And those pictures had a
single restriction: the people in them, naked though they may be,
had to be visibly enjoying themselves. Not the fake,
the-photographer-told-them-to-look-sexy-and-now-they-look-like-they-have-sort-some-of-severe-gastrointestinal-disorder
kind of enjoyment, but sincerely smiling and laughing and having a
good time.
Unsurprisingly (to me, anyway) this caught
on. I had a lot of fun with Hoot Island, venting and being silly
and getting to look at lots of nekkid pictures as a hobby. A hobby
that more or less paid for itself, even. I met lots of wonderful
people who also believed sex was fun. I got to interview porn
stars, go to awards shows, and review odd little rubber devices I
got in the mail. Who says America isn’t the land of
opportunity?
BOOK: Giggling Into the Pillow
12.64Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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