Girlfriend in a coma (31 page)

question stamped on it - a demand for people to reach a finer place." There's silence. The water's white noise is invisible now. The skyhas cleared and the stars are timidly reappearing, point by point.

"What do we ask?" Wendy says.
"Ask whatever challenges dead and thoughtless beliefs. Ask:
When did we become human beings and stop being whatever it was we were before this?
Ask:
What was the specific change that made us human?
Ask:
Why do people not particularly care about their ancestors more than three generations back?
Ask:
Why are we unable to think of any real future beyond, say, a hundred years from now?
Ask:
How can we begin to think of the future as something enormous before us that also includes us?
Ask:
Having become human, what is it that we are now doing or creating that will transform us into whatever it is that we are slated to next become?
"Even if it means barking on street corners, that's what you have to do, each time baying louder than before. You must testify. There is no other choice.
"What
is
destiny? Is there a difference between personal destiny and collective destiny?
'I always knew I was going to be a movie star.' 'I always knew I was meant to murder.'
Is Destiny artificial? Is it unique to Man? Where did Destiny come from?
"You're going to be forever homesick, walking through a cold railway station until the end, whispering strange ideas about existence into the ears of children. Your lives will be tinged with urgency, as though rescuing buried men and lassooing drowning horses. You'll be mistaken for crazies. You may well end up foaming at the mouth in a central Canadian drug clinic, Magic-Markering ideas onto your thighs which are bony from scouring the land on foot. Your eyes will always feel as if you've been staring at the sun, your bodies seemingly aching to cool them by staring at the moon. There aren't enough words for 'transform.' You'll invent more."
"We'll go crazy!" Hamilton shouts.
"No. You'll become clearer and clearer."
"No - we'll go totally effing crazy."

"Haven't you always known that, Hamilton? At the base of all of your cynicism across the years, haven't you always known that one day it was going to boil down into hard work? Haven't you?"Hamilton and the rest imagine their new lives.
"And you're going to care about what people think? As if
they
care! And
you
know the

truth - or at least you'll always be headed in its direction. It doesn't matter how stupid or crazy or extreme you become. There is no other meaning. This is it."
Hamilton closes his eyes and specks of mica dust fall from the sky, making his face glint.
"In your old lives you had nothing to live for. Now you do. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Go clear the land for a new culture - bring your axes, scythes, and guns. I know you have the necessary skills - explosives, medicine, engineering, media knowledge, and the ability to camouflage yourselves. If you're not spending every waking moment of your life radically rethinking the nature of the world - if you're not plotting every moment boiling the carcass of the old order - then you're wasting your day."
The water flowing beneath us and over into the spillway has stopped, but nobody notices. One by one I come face-to-face with my friends.
"Pam, you have hard work ahead of you. Every moment of your life from now is going to be work, and no excuses. It's as though you've have to dig up a massive tree and untie the roots which have been tied into complex knots by dark forces beneath the soil. Could you do that? Are you capable?"
"Yes."
"Hamilton - no more pretending to be a child trapped inside an aging body. No avoiding the enormity and responsibility of being an adult. Could you do that? Are you capable?"
"Yeah."
"Wendy, no excuses: no drugs, no sleeping, no booze, no overworking, no repetition or insulation or efforts to make time disappear. You're in for the long haul. Could you do that? Are you capable?"
"I am. But what about the baby?"

"You may not be able to change the world on your own, but our kid
will
- as will Jane. You'll be their teachers and then they'll teach
you.
"Linus - the world is
not
going to end in your lifetime once you return. That form of self-flattery is gone. But too much freedom won't swamp you anymore. Are you ready to change - to join - to become part of what's Next?"

"Yes."
"Megan - if necessary, you're going to need to reject and destroy the remains of history kill the past - if it hinders truth. Most of the past can only hold back what needs to be done. An astounding weight of history hangs around your shoulders. But in so many ways, it'll be useless to you. Too many things are too new. Rules have to be made up as you go along. Are you ready, along with Jane, to change - to join - to become part of what's Next?"
"Yes."
"And Richard: Will you go undercover? Will you destroy information? Cut wires? Sever links? In an efficient, adult, and professional manner will you dismantle and smash everything that stops questioning? Will you cut your hair? Will you infiltrate systems? You had no trouble thinking of dinosaurs and Ice Ages as prehistoric. Will you have just as little trouble thinking of your new epoch as post-historic?"
"I will."
Nobody notices that I don't speak to Karen. Richard asks me, "Jared - "
"Yes, Richard?"
"What if we don't want to go back? What if we don't mind the way things are? What if we choose to stay here?"
"I was wondering when you'd ask. The answer is, if you want to stay here and continue the life you've been leading, you can. No strings attached. But I want you to think about that for a second." Richard and the others mull this over and the implications of this quickly becomes obvious. "No, I didn't think you'd like that option. You had another question, Richard. ..."
"Yeah, Jared - what happens if we go back and we stop asking questions? What happens if we stop looking and asking?"

I look at Karen; everybody's eyes turn to Karen. "Karen - you remember now?" I ask. "Don't you, Karen?""I do."
"What?" Richard shouts. "What are you talking about?"
"I remember now. It's all coming back to me. I can't believe I didn't remember. Richard

Beb . . . I have to go back into my . . .
coma."
"Oh no - "
"Yeah," she says, "I do. I have to go back," she says.
"What do you
mean
you're going back? You can't. Stay here. I won't let you."

"It's not your choice to make, Richard - it's
mine. And unless I make it, none of you can go
anywhere. That's what I saw, Richard. Back in
1979. This. Here. Me - I'm your Plan B."
36 THE END

"Jared, you demented psycho - what gives you any right to do this?" "Richard, buddy,
bro
- I wish I
were
psycho, but I'm not. And nei-ther's Karen. I'm not even
doing
anything, Richard, I mean,
you're
the ones who need to do the choosing."

Richard is flailing and it's not cool - it reminds me of when we were younger and he never got picked for teams. He says, "What happens if Karen and I - all of us - don't go along with your deal what then? What if we all
like
it here and want to stay here? We
could
build a new society - the planet could be our ark. I've been thinking of this - we've all thought about it at some point during the year. Earth isn't heaven and it isn't hell but it's something."

Karen's breathing is stiff and pumplike, similar to latex lungs I once saw in a high school guidance film on smoking. "Richard, Beb,
that's sweet. But it's too late. This was decided a long time ago." She
looks toward me. "You can't stop it. It's a done deal. Sacrifices need to be made. This is mine."

277
Megan breaks the silence: "How do we go back?" she says.
"Megan, at least defend your mother," Richard says.
"Dad, you
never
listen to me. She's going, okay? She's
leaving."
"Megan," I say, "Getting back is easy, a real no-brainer. All you guys have to do is each

return to the place you were at the moment Karen woke up - that point in time and space where the world banged off of its old foundations. Just before dawn, November i,
^II
Walk to the places where you were at that moment. All of you standing in your correct spots will be like notches on a key in a tumbler - you'll unlock the world - reopen its doors. Megan, I believe you and Jane, then eight cells big, were in the Emergency waiting room with Linus that morning. Wendy was with Pam and Hamilton in Intensive Care. Richard was down there," I say, pointing to the canyon just down around the bend from the dam's spillway.

"Oh excuse me, Glinda, Good Witch of the North," Hamilton interrupts, "You mean all this time we've been marooned on this slag heap all we had to do was go stand around the hospital?"

"No, Hamilton. The offer's only good as of now. C'mon, Karen, it's time to leave." "But wait, Jared," Richard says. "You didn't fully answer my question - okay, so Karen goes back into her coma. I repeat my question - what happens if we stop questioning - what happens if we stop looking for good questions and good answers?"
"Then you come back here."
"Yeah?"
"And you
stay
here." I let this sink in. "Ready to go, Karen? It's almost dark out."
"Wait!" Linus shouts, "We've lost something - and I don't know what it is we've gained in the process."
The lights above us dazzle. I say, "Linus, there are three things we cry for in life - things that are lost, things that are found, and things that are magnificent. You've got all three this evening."
The lights, dazzle as they will, are silent. "Karen," I repeat, "It's
game time.""Go
where?"
Richard asks, his voice sandpaper dry with desperation.
"Now
what?"
"Karen needs to walk up the mountain," I say, "and she needs to take Jane with her. When she reaches the top, the world will return and Jane will be born on the same date as before."
Richard says, "Jared, shit,
no.
You can't - her legs - "
"My legs are fine, Richard. Stop treating me like porcelain. I'm strong. The die's cast." One by one Karen bids good-bye to the others as Richard stands beside her, trying to catch her eyes.
"Pammie - Hamilton: we'll have drinks some day. Okay? With the Duchess of Windsor and Jimi Hendrix - and we'll laugh at this past year. And Pam? - always speak your mind, and Hamilton - always say whatever's truest. Don't be afraid of being kind." Hamilton and Pam look grief stricken. "Please guys - it's for the best. I'll always be dreaming of you and maybe you of me." Hurried hugs, as though a train is leaving, which it is. She moves along: "Wendy Linus - you know this is true - this is all for the better. And I'm counting on you guys to change the world."
"Karen - "
"This is odd," Karen says, "I feel like I'm an astronaut before takeoff. Maybe you guys can think of it that way. Look at this as glorious and exciting. It's a launch - think of it that way, each of us reaching a new world once again. Megan?" She approaches Megan whose eyes are overflowing into Jane's wool sweater. "You're a good daughter, Megan. You're a smart kid. You're a good mother. You're a good friend. I wouldn't have wanted anybody else to be my kid."
"Mom?"
Karen kisses Jane. "She's beautiful. I'm glad you can know how much I love you."
"She - she goes with you now?"
"Sorry, sweetie. Just for the time being. You'll meet again come September."
"But."

Karen holds Jane and comes to Richard. "Richard - Beb, I'll stilllove you, even in my sleep, and in my dreams I'll - " she pauses. "We never did get married, did we?"
"No. We didn't."
"Well then, in my dreams we'll be married."
"No - "
"Yeah. Yes.
Yes,
we
will."
A final kiss. "Bye." She turns to me: "Hey, Jared. I think you made the cut."
I touch my heart and remove a glowing spark from it. I take the spark and place it inside Karen's chest and say, "Touchdown."
Karen turns and walks away from the group, across the dam toward the mountain's base, her body like a doodle on a telephone book. "I'm
glad
I woke up," she shouts. "The world is so pretty and the future was so interesting. But I'll be awake inside my dreaming. I'll be dreaming of you all. Good night, everyone!"
Then there's silence. I look at those who remain, frozen by the speedy sequence of life and its action. "The rest of you, it's time for you to go. Wendy, Linus and Megan, Ham and Pam
- you walk to the hospital. Richard, you walk down into the canyon. Once you reach your places, please sit and stay. Once Karen reaches the apex you will have your world again."
I pause. "Good-bye, men. Good-bye, women. Think of me."
"Good-bye, Jar - "
And then I'm gone, sunk down into the dam's concrete, leaving their lives for the time being. But I have my own secret job. I'm a part of Plan B, too. My job is to stay here on this blank and now empty Earth and traipse its unholy carcass for years and years - decades, even
- for as long as Karen remains in her coma. That's the choice I had to make. I'd do it again.
God.
So it looks as if I'll be running the streets here naked for the next fifty years. Reading a bit of porn; watching a few tapes. Tomorrow it may rain spiders or it may rain battery acid - I'll still be here. And no
dates for a few decades except for Miss Fist; don't blame me if I
crack.

I can see the others now as I feel my own life pulling away fromtheirs. Megan and Linus are sitting in the waiting area as the outside sky flickers hot and white. The hospital lobby is littered with countless leathery skeletons, but neither these bones nor the clanging silence bothers them.

"I still feel pregnant," Megan says. "Jane's still here. Four hours old. She's a clump of cells now, like a basketball, like bread dough - imagine that, Linus."
Down a hallway, something clanks.
"Look at all these people," Linus says. "They'll be
real
people soon."
Megan's face relaxes. "Funny how used to them we got - Leakers, I mean. I don't think of them as monsters anymore."
"Me neither."
"We're friends now, aren't we, Linus?"
"Yup."
"Are you scared about our new lives?"
"Yup."
"But there's no other choice, is there?"
"I don't think there ever was."
Over in the ruins of the Intensive Care unit, Wendy stands beside both Hamilton and Pam, who are resting on two gurneys They're silent. What is their fate? How will their lives be changed?
"The room's a bit dark," Pam says.
"Do you want more flashlights on?" Hamilton asks, reaching over to swat one of a dozen emergency flashlights placed on their bottoms, shining up into the dusty air at the trolley's end.
"No. It's okay. It doesn't scare me anymore. Darkness, I mean."
"I know what you mean," Hamilton says.
"And look at the beams," Pam says, "The way they cut through the dust. They're like pillars, aren't they? Aren't they, Wendy?"
A catafalque of skeletons encircles the room; Wendy nervously taps steel forceps onto a stainless steel tray and she feels extremely
old. "Yeah," she says. "They are."