Girls in Love (12 page)

“What do you think, gold or blue?” Lara asked, holding up two silky ruffled tanks. She was having the worst time getting ready for the big barbecue that Connor’s family held every August. She’d ripped the dress she’d planned on wearing and spilled Coke on her second-choice skirt, so not being able to decide between the two tops was the least of her worries. (
And indecision seems to be a problem of yours lately
, piped a little voice in her head.
Who will it be, Marco or Drew? Gold or blue?)

“Blue,” Jessica answered.

“Gold,” Greer said without looking up from her magazine.

Lara rolled her eyes. “Greer,” she admonished, “you can’t give advice if you’re not even looking.”

Greer flipped a page and affixed a little Yes! sticker next to a gauzy beaded gown. “Oh, but I can,” she replied. “My fashion sense is so impeccable I can just
feel
that the gold is better.”

“Oh, please!” Jessica squealed, nudging Greer with her toe.

Greer rolled over onto her back, languid as a cat. “Seriously, though. Blue tank and blue eyes equals boring. Gold tank and blue eyes equals wow. It’s obvious.” She propped her long legs against the pearl-colored wall and tucked her hands behind her head.

Lara allowed herself to be convinced by Greer’s reasoning, since she’d never seen Greer look bad, not even at six a.m. (perhaps this was because Greer slept in designer pajamas and kept a lip gloss right near her bed so she could swipe it on before she even sat up).

Lara wriggled into the gold top and gave herself a once-over in the mirror.
Not bad
, she thought.
Now if Greer could only tell me what boy to choose
…

Lara couldn’t help it—she wished that Jessica would just vanish and leave her alone with Greer. Because she
certainly
couldn’t talk about Marco with Drew’s sister around.

“What are you wearing, Greer?” Jessica asked as she fastened a gold charm necklace around her neck.

“I’m not going,” Greer answered.

Lara shot her a confused glance, to which Greer responded, “I don’t want to see Hunter.” Then Greer filled both her cousins in on what had happened in the gazebo.

Before Lara or Jessica could respond, Greer went on. “And,” she said, “I don’t want to be at a party with my mother, either, because she still won’t forgive me for accusing her of trying to seduce him. She’s been giving me the stink-eye for, like, two weeks.”

Lara was about to suggest that Greer should consider apologizing, but then she bit her tongue. She didn’t think Greer would take kindly to her interference. And for that matter, Lara wasn’t sure Cassandra Hallsey was the kiss-and-make-up type. She looked like the kind of woman who could really hold a grudge, even against her own daughter.

“You’re crazy not to go,” Jessica said as she rubbed a little volumizer into her roots. “Connor’s family is so great. Even Liam seems nicer this year. And their new deck is amazing. Connor and I had the best time just watching the seals the other day. He is so cute! He kept going to get me snacks and drinks and he even gave me this amazing foot rub and…”

Jessica gushed on, but Lara stopped listening, and from the look of it, Greer did, too. After all, it was highly annoying to listen to someone prattle on about how great their guy was when your own love life was in a shambles. Lara wondered who had it worse: Greer, who currently had no

boyfriend, or herself, who was desperately trying to juggle two?

Lara touched up her pedicure (her toenails were now a bright orange), all the while thinking about Drew and Marco. The only good thing she could come up with about her dilemma was that at least Marco wouldn’t be at Connor’s family’s barbecue. He said he was planning on doing some work on his boat.

Jessica felt a light tapping on her forearm.

“Hello? Planet earth to space cadet Lara?” Jessica said. “I was asking you about my brother. How’s it going with you guys?”

“Oh, it’s great,” Lara said breezily, keeping her eyes focused on her toes. “Totally great.”

“Come on,” Jessica squealed. “I need more info than that! I just told you all about Connor and me!”

Not that we wanted to hear it
, Lara thought. She shrugged. “I don’t know; it’s just really nice.”

Jessica sighed dramatically. “God, it’s like pulling teeth around here! I’m asking simple questions, you know.”

Lara glanced over at Greer, who gave her a sympathetic look in return.

Unfortunately, Jessica saw the look, too. “What’s up, you guys?” she demanded. “Why are you staring at each other like that?” Jessica glanced from one cousin to the
other, looking hurt. “Do you have secrets or something? Because that’s not fair. We’re family, and we have to be honest with one another.”

Lara felt her stomach tighten. Neither she nor Greer said anything. Greer began to hum under her breath, and Lara became very absorbed in inspecting her toenails again.

Jessica tossed her hair back and shook her finger at them. “You have to include me in your boy talk, Lara, even if the boy you need to talk about is my brother. I mean, come on, how bad can it be? Drew is only, like, the best guy in the world. After Connor, that is.”

Lara couldn’t help it—she snapped. “Sometimes people just don’t feel like blabbing on and on about their
amazing
relationships,” she cried, flinging a scarf she had been thinking about wearing to the ground.

Jessica turned pale and dropped the lip gloss she’d been preparing to apply. Lara glared at her for another second and then her anger melted and she began to feel terrible for her outburst.

“Jess…I didn’t mean that,” she said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever,” Jessica snapped. Her face was now dark pink. Quickly, she grabbed her bag and turned and walked out of the room.

Greer glanced over to Lara sympathetically. “Sucks,” she said. “But at least Jessica doesn’t know about your hot Chilean.”

Lara nodded glumly. She supposed things could always be worse.

Jessica dug her hand into a big bowl of chips and stuffed far too many of them into her mouth at once. She could be—as her mother’s self-help books had informed her—an “emotional eater” (apparently this explained the time she got in a fight with her best friend and subsequently ate half of a chocolate sheet cake in one sitting). So it was a good thing she was a dedicated athlete and burned off most of the calories she consumed.
Otherwise
, she thought
,
munching on another handful,
I’d be as big as a house.

She was still feeling upset and confused after Lara’s outburst. It was one thing to be snapped at by Greer, but by Lara? Lara was the sweet one, the supportive one, the one who put her arm around you when you were feeling down and gave you a big squeeze. Jessica had been so taken aback
by Lara’s aggression that she hadn’t known how to respond at all. And Lara’s apology, though probably sincere, hadn’t made her feel any better.

As she mulled all this over, Jessica stood at a short distance from the thick of the Seldens’ party, fingering her charm necklace, watching adults and kids alike drinking lemonade and devouring lobster rolls.

She just couldn’t figure out what the big deal was. So she’d wanted Lara to share a little about her relationship—was that a crime? Lara knew she was over the whole you’re-dating-my-brother grossness, didn’t she?

Jessica waved away a fat bumblebee that seemed intent on drowning itself in her lemonade and then sat down on a cedar bench. She watched her parents, tan and glowing with health, chatting with the Seldens and the other guests. Her mother wore a big straw hat and her father sported his fisherman’s cap (not that he ever fished—he just went out on the boats and read the newspaper). They were holding hands and smiling.

Jessica’s mood shifted quite suddenly and surprisingly, and she felt almost teary with gratitude to see them like that. She realized that she was incredibly lucky to have parents who still loved each other. While Greer’s parents had affairs and got divorced, and Lara’s mom married and remarried, Jessica’s parents had stuck together, and she knew this was not something she should take for granted.

She spied Connor then, coming up from the beach with a bucketful of seashells. He gave the bucket to a bunch of little kids who were building a lopsided mud-rock-seashell fortress in one corner of the deck. She watched as he helped a little boy make a flag for the fortress out of a stick and a cocktail napkin, and she knew she shouldn’t take Connor for granted, either.

She helped herself to a couple more chips and then, when Connor disappeared into his house, she sent Greer a quick text. U R MISSING OUT – COME 2 PARTY. She knew Greer wouldn’t, but Jessica wanted her to know that the party was fun. Probably the only way she could get Greer out of the house would be to send her a message that said HUNTER = NO SHOW. But she couldn’t do that, because she actually saw him over by the grill talking to Liam Selden. (Hunter was even cuter than Connor’s brother, which was really saying something.)

Jessica got up and slipped into the house, passing through the living room with its wide-planked floors and big bay windows. In the kitchen, the Seldens were now refilling the lemonade pitchers, a few kids were pawing through the freezer looking for ice cream treats, and half a dozen adults were lingering, making idle chatter.

She smiled at a red-haired woman wearing a violet dress and peered past a large man helping himself to cheese and crackers. She saw the back of Connor’s head and decided to
sneak up on him. As she tiptoed nearer, she heard him say, “I promise, it’s going to be okay.”

She craned her neck to see who he was talking to, and she was not at all pleased to see that it was Lily.

Lily was shaking her head and looking uncertain, and then Connor reached out and took her hand.

Oh, no, he didn’t.

Jessica halted in her tracks—
what
in the world was her boyfriend doing, holding another girl’s hand in the middle of his parents’ party? An image of all the lovey-dovey posts Lily had written on Connor’s Facebook page flashed into Jessica’s head, and she gritted her teeth. This was insane. She was
not
going to put up with Lily trying to steal Connor away from her. And she was going to let Connor know that she was
not
a moron, not some naïve girl who could be jerked around.

Trembling, Jessica started walking toward them—she was going to give those two a piece of her mind—when she heard Connor’s voice again, low and urgent. “I told you,” he said firmly, “I’m going to help you take care of the baby.”

Baby?

Baby?

Jessica’s heart seemed to stop, and then plummet down into her espadrilles. She froze for a second, and it felt as if all the blood drained out of her face. Then she took a deep
breath, and the blood came rushing back to her cheeks, and her heart started beating hard and fast. And before she even knew what she was doing, she heard herself scream, “Connor Selden, you got Lily
pregnant
?”

A hush fell over the room. Lily’s mouth fell open in horror. Behind Jessica, she heard a woman gasp, and when she turned around she saw the redheaded woman steady herself against the counter, looking like she was going to faint. The man she was with put his arm around her to steady her, but he, too, looked like he was about to pass out.

Lily’s parents
, Jessica thought, suddenly seeing the family resemblance.
They didn’t know!

Lily stifled a sob and then fled from the room. And everyone stared after her—everyone except Connor, that was, who was glaring at Jessica fiercely.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” he hissed. And then he, too, turned and hurried out of the room, following Lily.

Jessica began to shake uncontrollably. Lily’s mother was crying, and Mrs. Selden was fluttering around, trying to offer her tea, a cookie, a tissue—anything to make her feel better. But Lily’s mother waved it all away inconsolably.

“What does pregnant mean?” asked one of the kids who’d been reaching into the freezer. He looked to be about three.

This prompted Lily’s mother to nearly wail with grief.

Jessica wished that a hole would open up in the floor
and she could fall through it and disappear. Seeing the havoc all around her, she felt more horrible than she’d ever felt. She’d lost Connor to another girl, and now he was going to be a
father.
She felt like her mind might explode from the shock.

As she heard Lily’s mother gasping for breath, Jessica understood that she probably wasn’t the only one wishing for a hole to disappear into. She couldn’t believe she’d outed Lily to her parents. She never, ever wanted to be the bearer of bad news like that. And she wouldn’t wish an unwanted pregnancy on anyone, not even her worst enemy. Not even, she thought grimly, on a horrible, evil boyfriend-stealer like Lily Fitzgerald.

Lara knew Greer had been right about the gold tank top when she walked out onto the Seldens’ deck and saw Drew’s face light up. He grinned at her, his green eyes crinkling up at the corners the way they did when he was happy. He motioned for her to come join him at his table.

She threaded her way through the other guests—gingerly, because her heels were extra, extra high—and then sat down next to him. Without saying anything, he offered her a bowl of blueberries. She reached in and took a few; they were tiny and delicious, unlike any blueberries she’d tasted before.

He watched her enjoying them. “I picked them today, just for you.”

Lara smiled at this. “How sweet! Was it difficult, harvesting them? Was the bucket heavy? Did your fingers get tired, plucking the blueberries off the bushes?” she teased.

Drew sat up straight in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know I got sunburned picking those.
And
I got stung by a bee. But no effort is too much for my Lara.”

She giggled and ate some more, which seemed to please him. “Yum.”

“Those are wild Maine blueberries, you know,” Drew added. “They’re the best in the world.”

“They taste…well, they taste like summer,” she told him.

“Exactly,” he said. “And, as you may know, they’re rich in antioxidants.”

Lara decided to tease him a little more because she felt pretty sure she could get away with it. “Did you read that in
Self
magazine or something?”

“No,” Drew said, pretending to be very serious. “I read it in
Cosmo.
”

Clare Tuttle passed by and grinned at them. “Try the lobster rolls, dears,” she called over her shoulder. “They’re absolutely fabulous. I think I might have to divorce your father, Drew, and marry Connor’s mother, just so I can eat them for the rest of my life.”

They grinned at each other—Drew’s mother was obsessed with lobster, which was one of the reasons she
insisted on coming to Maine each summer—and Lara felt a return of the spark she used to feel every time she and Drew were together.

They’d laughed and teased each other every day at Ahoy, and sometimes when they refilled their coffee carafes at the big machine behind the cash register, their hands would inadvertently touch, and a ripple of desire would begin at that point of contact and spread through her whole body like an electric charge. And though she’d resented the secrecy they’d needed to maintain, she’d also found it exhilarating.

She thought back to the night last summer when they’d gone to see a double feature at the local theater. Though they’d both wanted to see
Dark Knight
and
Iron Man
(Drew, especially, had a soft spot for big summer blockbusters, the cheesier, the better), they hadn’t ended up watching a single second of the movies, because they’d been kissing the whole time.

Lara took another handful of blueberries. “Aren’t you going to have any?”

Drew shook his head. “They’re all for you.”

It was just like him to say something like that, Lara thought. He was so generous and so thoughtful—how had she forgotten that about him? Not to mention he was funny and handsome and goofy and loyal.

She took a deep breath. She knew she was about to
make a decision—a decision about Marco, a decision about her relationship with Drew—but she didn’t quite know what that decision was yet. She had an idea, though. “I’ve been thinking,” she began.

Drew held up a hand to stop her. “Don’t say anything,” he interrupted gently. “There’s stuff I want to tell you first.” His voice was low and warm. It sounded the way it had when they lay in his bed in Ithaca, when she’d snuggled next to him under a down comforter as the snow had fallen softly outside his window, and she’d felt safer than she’d ever felt before.

Drew leaned closer and went on. “I know that it’s been a little weird between us lately. I mean, sometimes I get the feeling you’re avoiding me because you don’t want to deal with telling people about us. And I just want you to know that I understand. I shouldn’t have pressured you about it.” He smiled ruefully. “I shouldn’t have just stopped calling you like that over the summer. I think I got freaked out by everything. And I know I shouldn’t have quit the camp job and showed up without warning you. I guess I just wanted to see you so badly…”

Lara felt nearly sick with guilt.

He watched her roll a blueberry around in her palm (she’d suddenly lost her appetite) and then continued. “I guess I just want to say that I care about you so much, Lara, and I want us to be whatever and however you want us to
be. If you still want to keep everything a secret, I’m cool with that. If you want to tell people, I’m cool with that, too. It’s so lame, I know, but it’s like there’s no such thing as other people to me right now. I’m only interested in you, and what you want.”

Startled by his forthrightness, Lara was at a loss for words. He wasn’t usually so, well, communicative. All those months they spent apart, he would
never
talk about his feelings, not even when she begged him.

She reached over and touched his hand (but surreptitiously, so that their parents wouldn’t see). She felt choked up. “Drew…that’s not lame. At all. Thank you. And I—“

“Sweetie!” A familiar voice interrupted their tête-à-tête, and Lara’s mother came swooping down on them with a giant plate of picnic fare. “Lara-Bear, have you tried these lobster rolls Clare is going on and on about? I kid you not, they are The. Best. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Eaten.”

Though Lonnie’s appearance came at an awkward moment (and it was
truly
unfortunate that she’d used Lara’s childhood nickname in public like that), Lara smiled at her. Her mother sounded as giddy as a teenager. Behind her, Mike Tuttle was trying to balance their cocktails as well as his own heaping plate of food. His shirt said scram tour-ists, you’re scaring away all the lahhbstah. Of course, he himself was a tourist, but Lara didn’t feel the need to
point that out. Perhaps he was wearing it with a sense of irony.

“Honey,” Mike said, “you’ve got mayonnaise on the back of your dress somehow.”

Lonnie twirled around, revealing a large oily splotch between her shoulder blades. “However did that happen?” she exclaimed.

Lara rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “You might not know this, but my mom is one of those people who can’t eat anything without wearing some of it,” she informed Drew. “She’s like a toddler that way.”

Lonnie sniffed indignantly. “Well, darling, you have a piece of blueberry skin stuck to your front tooth,” she said, and then scampered away to eat the rest of her dinner.

Lara reached up and covered her mouth. “Is that true?” she asked through her hand.

Drew smiled. “Um, maybe.”

She fished the errant bit of fruit off her tooth with her tongue. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded.

“Well,” Drew admitted, “it sort of made me feel more comfortable. Like, you looked so beautiful that it was actually making me shy. So when you got that blue front tooth, it kind of made you more…approachable.”

Lara reached out and swatted his shoulder. “You idiot,” she laughed. “I’m always approachable. And you’ve
approached
me plenty of times, if you know what I mean.”
Her voice was full of sexual innuendo, which Drew clearly understood.

“Yeah,” he said, grinning. “And I want to
approach
you again, as soon as possible.” Under the table, his hand reached out and caressed her knee, then slid a few inches up her thigh.

Lara felt goose bumps rise on her skin and her breath came light and fast. She wanted to be alone with him—she wanted to fall onto a bed with him in a tangle of limbs and hungry mouths. Yes, she knew what she wanted now, and what she wanted was Drew. She wanted to share their secret love with everyone. But there was something she needed to do first.

The sun was setting as Lara approached the bobbing white shape of Marco’s boat. She stood uncertainly on the dock as Marco, unaware of her presence, polished the shining oak of the helm. After a moment, she cleared her throat.

Marco turned around, startled. “Oh,” he said happily, “it’s you!”

Lara looked down at the dock, at her high, uncomfortable sandals. This wasn’t going to be easy, so she might as well get it over with as quickly as she could.

“I came here to tell you something,” she said. Marco raised his eyebrows expectantly, and she summoned her courage and barreled on. “I think you’re really great and
I’ve loved hanging out with you. You’re funny and smart and you’re a great sailor and a wonderful big brother to Marcela and I admire you so much.”

Marco frowned. “I think I know where this is going,” he said, tossing the rag he’d been using to the floor of the boat. He looked down at his feet and his shoulders slumped. He seemed to shrink two inches in height.

Lara nodded sadly. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. She fingered her crystal necklace from Drew nervously. “I can’t see you anymore.”

Marco nodded and Lara just stood there, not knowing what else to say. She felt a little better than she had before she’d made her decision—but she still felt pretty terrible.

“Wow,” Marco breathed. “I don’t know what to say.”

Then a cold but familiar voice broke the silence between them. “That’s really
too bad.
”

Lara whirled around, her heart pounding. Drew stood behind her, his face as dark as a thunderstorm over the Atlantic.

“I can’t believe you did this to me,” he said, his eyes blazing. “To us.”

Lara was speechless with shock. Drew stared at her for another interminable minute, and then, without saying another word, he turned and stalked back to shore.

Lara held out her hands to Marco, who by now was looking just as furious.

“So you were with him all along, too?” he asked, shaking his head bitterly. “
Wow.
Can I say that again? I know some girls like to get around—you know, like they say, a guy in every port—but I wouldn’t have thought
you’d
be that kind of girl.”

“I’m not,” Lara cried. “Marco, I’m not!”

But she knew the evidence was against her.

Marco bent down and began to polish the helm again with angry energy.

“Marco?” she asked querulously. “Really, you have to understand—”

“I think we’re done here,” he responded without looking at her at all. “See you around, Lara.”

And there was nothing for her to do but walk away, as her tears blurred the shapes of the sailboats and the white wings of the hovering seagulls.