Glory (5 page)

He chuckled, his hot breath disturbing the short tendrils of hair around my face. Heat shot through my entire body without my approval and settled in the apex of my thighs. My breathing hitched higher, heartbeat thumping wildly. One fleeting touch and this guy had me in shambles. “That’s true. You haven’t. But your body is certainly interested.”

Once again, my mind and my body were at war against each other. I shouldn’t have wanted him, especially after being a tease, yet my body heated instantly.

A single finger traced a path from my hips to the low waistband of my shorts and settled there, waiting for an invitation. I took a deep shuddering breath. If Hastie hadn’t intervened when he had, I would’ve left with those two men, drawing me back onto that road I didn’t want to be on. If anything, I should be thanking him. But now I was angry with myself for my weakness.

I pushed off the table and ignored the pang in my body at the loss of contact. “I’m going home,” I snapped. “You can find someone else to mind fuck.”

Hastie shook his head slowly, never once taking those emerald eyes off me. “Not interested in anyone else.”

The words were too little, too late. My mood had shifted drastically already. I no longer felt flirtatious or coy. Sometimes this would happen. Instead of the productive feel-good feeling of a hypomanic phase, I would grow edgy and easily irritated.

Unaware of the conflict in my mind, Hastie tried to pull me in but I pushed off him with a little more force than was necessary. I was losing control inch by inch and the pieces inside of my mind were moving too fast for me to catch my breath. Panic began to slowly rise within me, the need to escape a suffocating chasm in my chest.

“Indy?” Hastie’s eyes traced over my face. Growing concern filled his features. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head to try to clear my racing thoughts. “Nothing,” I lied. Everything was wrong with me.

“I’ll take you home.”

“I can get home myself. Thanks.” I was already moving past him towards the exit.

“Indy, wait!” I ignored his calls after me. All I knew was that I had to get out of there.

Footsteps sounded behind me before I could feel the heat of his body as he followed me out of Neptune’s. My keys, which had been in my hands already, were snatched away from me. “I’m driving,” Hastie said before I could protest. “Deal with it.”

A mix of Neptune’s patrons and Glory members were now watching our altercation. Pissed off but with nowhere to go without causing another scene, I realized there was no use in arguing with Hastie over this. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of it anyway. Biting my tongue, I slid into the passenger side of the car and slammed the door shut after me.

Hastie

I had only known her for a few days and yet Indy had already managed to get under my skin. At first, lust had been what drew her to me, but even when she had turned down my offer, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. What was it about this girl that intrigued me so much?

Seeing her now, irritated and distraught, it was clear something else was going on. I just didn’t know what yet, but I intended to find out. Her mood had suddenly dropped to winter ice, and I wondered if it was because I hurt her feelings when I said I wouldn’t kiss her.

It was the damn truth. Her lips could test a man’s will. Did she really think I could stop at kissing if she let me touch her? When I did, I didn’t want the prying eyes of strangers or the rest of Glory MC to be there. I wanted it to be just me and her, with the freedom to touch and kiss her however I liked. Wherever I liked.

It was the MC lifestyle to share our women, but I had a feeling that I’d be doing none of that with Indy. She brought out the possessive side in me like never before, and yeah, I got a little carried away earlier with those idiots. Realizing my mistake, I sprang back, knowing I needed to distance myself with her. Kissing her would only make me thirst for more and the further away she was from Glory MC, the better it was for me.

She was too good for us. Maybe that was what had hit her. Sometimes it took longer for women to realize we were often too much trouble to be worth it. It was best that I just take her home and be done with it. Forget about her completely.

Looking at her Chevelle now, it was probably easier said than done. A car this size wouldn’t hold all of me. As I tried to stuff myself into it, Indy sat on the other side with her arms folded over her chest, completely zoned out and lost in her thoughts. I’d give anything to know what she was thinking in that moment.

Pushing that thought to the back of my head, I held the lever down that would push the seat back and give me more space. As I slid in, I keyed the ignition. It had been a while since I had driven anything that wasn’t a motorcycle, but the ghost of knowledge came back to me swiftly. Peeling out of Neptune’s parking lot, I tried to get Indy’s attention. “Which way?”

Her voice came out wintery. “Keep going south and then turn left at the next crossing.”

I forgot how difficult it was to drive a car in Ward Four. Most of the roads were ruined, crumbling beneath the scorching hot heat of the sun. As they grew narrower with the passage of time, cars were becoming harder and harder to use on the rugged terrain. As I followed her directions, I gave another shot at conversation. “You gonna tell me what happened back there?”

“No.”

Aw shit. I really had hurt her feelings. “Indy,” I began, but her next words cut me off.

“Just get me home, Hastie. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Huh. So she knew my name. Had she asked Hanna about me? It was hard to deny the pleasure of hearing my name on her lips. “So you know my name now?”

Her amber eyes glanced in my direction as I commented on her little slip. “I was curious as to who you were. You didn’t exactly offer your name when we first met.”

I shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”

Her mouth opened to respond, but she must have thought better of it because she closed it again.

“Were you really going to leave with those guys?” I wasn’t one to think too highly of myself, but she said she wanted to focus on work and yet she was willing to leave with those guys. What had changed?

“Why not?”

“I didn’t realize threesomes were your thing.”

“They aren’t.”

“So again, why?”

“Because I could.”

“You do everything you want just because you can?”

“Do you always ask so many fucking questions from strangers?” she snapped.

“I wouldn’t consider ourselves strangers since we’ve talked on two occasions.”

“Talking doesn’t mean shit.”

“You would’ve fucked me anyway.”

Her head snapped to me, amber eyes glaring. “You’ll fuck me, but won’t kiss me? I don’t get you.”

“I’m not a hard man to understand, Indy. I like to fuck. And I do it hard. You think I could’ve stopped at kissing you back at Neptune’s? I’ve watched you bend over that pool table one too many times. If I had kissed you then, I would have had you spread out on that table, with me inside you.”

As I growled those last words, her eyes went wide and she broke eye contact. She stared down at the dash, avoiding the charged electricity in the air between us. She was shutting me out. Okay, I could understand that, but what I didn’t understand was why she suddenly turned cold.

Don’t you think you’re being a little hypocritical there?

True, I was giving her the hot and cold act too. There was no question to the attraction between us. I could see it mirrored in her eyes. Initially I had come on to her because she had this indescribable quality to her that drew me. The days on the road made me yearn for a release and something about Indy made me think she’d be the perfect woman to lose control with. However, I quickly realized there was more to her.

Who exactly was she? Right now the girl seated next to me was a far cry from the girl I had first met. But I got the sense that the reason why she was holding back was because of a whole other nature. It didn’t lessen the confusing need I had to pull her car over and carry her into my lap though. Christ, I didn’t know what I wanted from this situation. Perhaps it was something better to think about in the morning. My eyes darted to the dash to register the time. Two a.m. “You usually up this late?”

She shrugged her shoulders in answer.

“Fine,” I said, when I realized that was all the response I’d get. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” I wished I could rewind and take back what I’d said earlier. I’d hurt her feelings, and I knew it would take more than driving her home for her to forgive me. “You sure you’re okay?”

Indy turned to face me. “I’m fine.” That look paired with her next words of, “Thanks for driving me home” sealed the deal. Something was going on with her that she wasn’t ready to talk about. Despite my efforts, she was shutting me out and nothing I did was going to get her to open up to me.

I could accept that for now, especially since I had hurt her. But that only amplified the protective instinct within me that wanted to grab her and hold her, cage her in until she accepted my apology.

As I pulled the Chevelle in front of her house, Indy opened the car door without a word and stepped out. I did the same and approached her, meeting her at the front of the car. “I just realized now that you’ll have to walk back.”

I shrugged off her concern. “I can handle it. You gonna be all right?”

Her smile was weak. “Yeah,” she whispered. I handed back her keys and watched as she closed the door behind her, leaving me outside alone.

Her lie lingered in the air long after I left.

Indy

At my usual four in the morning, I was still up, thoughts still gunning at top speed. So I had resorted to what I usually did when this happened. I wrote.

My therapist before the flares had always encouraged it, which was why I continued to do it. Sometimes the myriad of thoughts felt like too much that I had to get them out. So I wrote whatever came to mind. Sometimes, they were stories. Other times, poems. On occasion, just fragmented words and sentences.

My bedroom was now covered with them. Loose pages were strewn everywhere, covering the floor and the furniture. Some were even pinned on the walls. To others, it was a complete mess. But to me, this was my mind manifested.

I’d been writing for hours and when my glass finally came up empty, I cursed. Dropping my pen onto the table, I went in search for a refill. The alcohol helped after the big mess I had made with Hastie earlier. If there was any question as to if I was crazy, then Hastie got the proof tonight. His words from earlier floated back to my mind.

I’m not a hard man to understand, Indy. I like to fuck. And I do it hard. You think I could’ve stopped at kissing you back at Neptune’s? I’ve watched you bend over that pool table one too many times. If I had kissed you then, I would have had you spread out on that table, with me inside you.

I ignored the responding ache in my groin at his words. Yes, they were crude, but they were brutally honest, too. Just like the man.

Though Hastie’s actions crossed over to the extreme, there was no doubt that he had my best interests in mind. When he had intervened with those two guys at Neptune’s, I could tell he was holding back from all the hostility rolling off him.

In some ways, I was thankful. I didn’t really want to have sex with them. I had agreed simply because it was an option. Indulging in sex whenever I wanted was a common thing for a person like me. To anyone else, it made me look like a slut. I was glad Hastie saved me from gaining that reputation at Neptune’s. It pulled me off that dangerous road that often seemed endless.

On the ride home, I had felt caged in my own car. His questions, along with his commanding presence, felt like they were suffocating me. My mind was processing things at an alarming rate and I found it difficult to keep a conversation going with him. Either my responses were defensive and mean, or simply cut short to minimize conversation. I think after my bitch act, he finally got the point that I wasn’t comfortable talking about it.

I had messed up big time, my mood derailing as if some switch had been flipped inside of my head. It only frustrated me more as Hastie seemed genuinely concerned about me.

Descending the stairs, I scoured the kitchen and then the dining room, looking for a new bottle of Jack when Seven came down. Her hair was a tangled mess upon her head and her eyes, though slit with sleep, were hard as they glared at me. “What the fuck, Indy! It’s four in the fucking morning!”

Agitated because the whiskey was playing hide and go seek, I threw the empty bottle in Seven’s direction. It shattered into a million shiny pieces at her feet. Without a word, she stomped back up the stairs, slamming the door shut after her.

Shit. What the hell was I doing?

I slumped forward like a marionette that had its strings cut. How did people deal with me when I couldn’t handle myself? My constant mood swings made me go crazy. How would a person looking in think of my behavior? Was this how I wanted Hastie to see me?

Before the flares, society had dubbed me as crazy. I had a mood disorder that alienated me from the rest of the world. Even without societal structures in the post-flare world, could I ever see myself as something other than fractured or damaged? I was a lunatic. A riot that couldn’t be contained. A raging storm that couldn’t be predicted. A disaster just waiting to unleash its unholy terror on everyone around me.

This had been months in the making and I had been slowing tapering myself off the medication. Usually the longer you had the symptoms, the longer it took to wane off the drugs. Tonight there had been a slip somewhere. My mood stabilizers had to be taken and it almost felt like failure as I held the pill in my hand.

That was the most frustrating part. No matter how hard I tried, I would always be this way. And on nights like these, I realized the impossibility of making it all disappear.

FOUR

The Perfect Ride

Hastie

I
ndy’s Chevelle sat amidst a sea of Harleys behind Neptune’s. I leaned on the hood of it, sucking on the end of a cigarette. It was a nervous habit I couldn’t seem to shake but sitting out here, waiting for Indy’s shift to end, was making me impatient to see her again.