Glow (22 page)

69.

Lukas

Pride is never something I struggled with as a young boy. It wasn’t part of my vocabulary. I’ve always felt insecure, lonely. Angry, sure. Trapped, yes. But pride was always said to come before the fall and I had no interest in failing the people who depended on me. The Refuges needed what I gave, and I gave freely. Never thinking of myself in their survival as more than a responsibility.

But I’m realizing I’ve been wrong about a lot of things. Like why my parents left. And why they never came back. Wrong about how my choice to be with Perfection might affect Lucy. Wrong about my ability to change my fate.

I always thought I was just one branch connected to a giant tree. I never considered that I might be the trunk.

Standing here in front of what is left of the fold, holding the hand of the girl who changed everything, all I can think is how wrong I’ve been about so many things. And how for the first time in a long time, everything … absolutely
everything
… feels right.

Maybe it is pride. Feeling so strongly that I’m doing the thing I was created to do. Maybe it’s prideful to believe that I was created for anything at all. To believe that I am more than a man, raised from the remains of a forgotten world.

Standing here before this bowing, falling at our feet, fold of followers, I can’t imagine staying away. It would mean denying ourselves our very essence.

I hold Lucy’s hand and we raise them over our heads, letting our rainbow light fall over the sanctuary. We allow everything within us to spill onto them. Tears spill down her cheeks, though the fold can’t tell. They are too busy being blinded by our light.

But I see.

I see her.

And I know that she has everything to do with the pride I feel right now.

She has everything to do with everything.

70.

Charlie

Being here, with Lucy and Lukas in the front together, I can’t help but shake my head. It’s like this force I can’t pinpoint propels me to the ground, to my knees, and the next thing I know I’m bowing to them. Literally. Actually bowing to the people I know and love.

I try to logically push myself from the marble-floored Haven, but there is no logic here. Only faith. Frenzied, fanatic faith. Even though I don’t want to believe, I do. And I continue to kneel, despite my shock.

You can’t
not
believe when it’s right in front of you.

I can’t tell if I’m disgusted with myself for giving into the fervor or just strangely relieved that the choice has been made for me.

“Charlie, what are you doing?” Junie whispers.

I look up, pulled from the trance, and see her light. The one Lucy swears she sees. And it really
is
there. Purple-y and glowy. I look at Duke next to her; his knees kneeling just like me. Junie leans over, pinching my ear.

“I thought you didn’t believe in this mumbo-jumbo, dude?” she asks.

“I know. But doesn’t it feel so … so … good?” I ask, basking in the glow.

“Yeah, it feels good, but something’s off. I swear. Like, is this how it normally feels here?” She searches my face. There’s a Vessel behind her giving us the stink eye. We’re breaking their meditation.

“It’s better than I remember, this light is transcendent.” I turn back to face the front where Lukas is. “Does it look cloudy up front, by Integrity?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. How long does this last, is this what Lukas and Lucy want to do every day? Stand in here and what, just give off their light?” Junie’s agitated, shaking her head and tapping her foot.

The Vessel behind us holds her fingers to her lips, annoyed.

“Let’s go to the hallway to talk.” I pull Junie’s sleeve and we pass a bowing Basil, Dad, and Jax. They’re not even aware that we pass them. I never imagined Jax and Dad would buy into this, too. I feel less wussy with Duke and Jax both on their knees. There’s a tug inside, urging me to stay for the rest of the service, but Junie needs to settle down.

Once in the hallway, with the door shut behind us, Junie shakes her arms out, as if letting go of whatever was stored up.

“I don’t want to stay here. It’s creepy, worshipping them like this.”

“Are you jealous?” I ask. I’ve known Junie a long time, and I’ve known her to be a favorite among people. She always gets along with the guys, and cowgirls are pretty novel. The fact she never left for The Light herself is rare.

“No, I’m not jealous. Gosh, Charlie. You’re such a guy. Assuming this is about a rivalry or something. I just think something’s off.”

“Why are you talking to me about it? Doesn’t Duke share your sentiments?”

“I don’t know what the deal with Duke is. He’s been distant ever since we set foot on the ferry. It’s like he doesn’t want to talk to me. Besides - did you see him in there? He was like, mesmerized.”

“I know. I can’t decide if it’s all in my head or not. It’s easy to be tempted with a warm building, and music and….”

“The freaking light? I know. Come on. We need to figure this out.” She pulls my hand around the corner, where there’s more privacy. “Listen, Charlie. I want to go to the Councilmen’s room or office or whatever it’s called.”

“Chambers. The Councilmen’s Chambers.”

“Okay, yeah, that place. Take me there. I need to understand what the Rainbow Children are. It’s too cryptic in my book. And I’m not gonna commit my life to a fuzzy explanation.”

“Okay. I just.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to keep running. I want to commit to something. All I’ve ever done is run.”

“You know when I told you to grow up, Charlie, back at the barn? I didn’t mean sacrifice your ideals, okay? You can have both. Commitment and honor.”

I nod, wanting both, just not sure if it’s possible. “This way.” I lead her down the corridor towards the Chamber. “I hope your intuition is right, Junie. Because I’m not really interested in being staked to the ground like the Councilmen.”

“I hope so too, Charlie. I hope so too.”

71.

Lucy

After the service people rush to our feet, Humblemen and Vessels alike. Tears flow from their eyes as they lift their hands to us. Lukas and I stare at one another, not sure what to do next. We’re making these people so happy.

              “Noblelady, would you touch me?” a Vessel asks, tugging at my feet.

“Touch me, heal me with your hands!” another shouts.

Integrity is by our side, pulling us from the crowd. As we leave the bowing people, I search the Haven for sight of our friends. I haven’t seen them since Integrity whisked us away in the courtyard, bringing us here, where the entire Haven was filled with waiting members of the fold. I can’t find them in this throng of people. I want to know they are here, safe. I want them to know we will be back for them.

“Vessels and Humblemen, return to your duties. There will be announcements later explaining everything,” Integrity calls out to the gathered crowd, and then pulls us into a back room behind the stage we’ve been standing on.

“Integrity, why are they so … fanatical?” Lukas asks.

“There is much to discuss. But first, are you hungry?”

“Yes. Very, actually.” It feels like hours since I ate breakfast. Pouring out this energy exhausts me. I need to ask Lukas how he keeps such stamina for so many years. ”But first, will our friends be okay? I mean … I feel bad just leaving them.”

“Of course, ever thoughtful aren’t you?” He calls out to a Vessel I know, Honor, Perfection’s mom. She’s cloaked in heavy eyes and what looks like a heavy heart.

“Will you and some other Vessels guide the cowboys who’ve arrived to the common meal room for the mid-day meal?” Integrity asks. “I’ll call for the ones we need to speak with later.”

“Very well, Head Councilmen,” she whispers quietly, not looking up at us. Nothing like the bold and assertive woman I met when I first arrived here.

“Honor,” Lukas begins, stopping her before she can walk away. “Perfection is alive, and well. She’s on the ferry.”

Honor’s eyes well up with tears, and she covers her mouth with her hand, as though in disbelief.

“It is as Head Councilman Integrity said, you have returned with great news.” She runs off to do the job Integrity has asked of her.

Lukas and I exchange looks.
Head Coucilman Integrity?

“Very well. Let us go to the great room and eat. And catch up,” Integrity leads the way through a back hall I’ve never used before.

Lukas holds my hand in his, tightly. Even though there’s much we don’t understand, his excitement runs through me, and my face breaks into a smile. I feel so … necessary. So valuable.

It feels good to be needed.

It’s an entirely new sensation, and I let it envelop me just like the kaleidoscope color that surrounds Lukas and me when we touch.

The great room has been transformed since we walked through it an hour ago. The banquet table that’s used for all the important meals at the Refuge has been laid with platters of beautiful food and three chairs grace one end.

A roasted chicken, sweet apple wine, savory tarts filled with squash, and pumpkin pie. A feast, for sure, and one I didn’t anticipate. I look around, momentarily distracted with thinking about all the cowboys who joined us here this morning, ready to fight. Who were instead whisked into a service, then left alone.

Lukas pulls out my chair, and I sit, letting go of his hand and our lights becomes our own once more. Integrity sits, too. He looks aged in the weeks since I saw him last. He’s a grandfatherly benefactor, looking out for me, to ensure I’d find my way back here. Back to him and The Light.

Lukas beams at me. Vessels enter the room and serve us our food. It’s so formal after our meals at the compound, where we’d take our food to the living room, sprawl around couches and hungrily eat whatever was available.

“You made it here with such a grand entrance. Commandeering a ferry. Impressive. Now, tell me where is little Timid? I didn’t see her in the Haven.”

My throat catches and words don’t come.
Timid.

“She died. In a fire,” Lukas states, factually. I try to meet his eyes, but he’s determinedly focused on cutting his chicken into tiny pieces.

“That’s terrible. And unexpected.” Integrity’s voice falters, but he starts again. “Was this fire started by you, Lukas?”

“It was an accident. Lucy and I were in the dark when this happened, it was all very tragic.”

“The dark?” Integrity’s eyes squint, and with his elbows planted on the table it feels as though he’s peering into my heart.

I try to shake off the memory of floating away, losing touch with gravity, with myself. I need to change the topic.

“Integrity, why did you leave Perfection at Refuge One? She said you knew where she was, but allowed her to be put in a dark room, and then you fled without getting her.” My words tumble out, and I’m relieved I don’t have to stumble to find them. I need to understand.

“You were there? At Refuge One?” he asks.

“We went to Refuge Two first, found out what Care had said, that a riot had started. We brought with us the hundreds of women on the ferry because they were without power or medical attention, with limited water and food, Integrity. Why did you desert them?” I ask, realizing how many questionable choices he has made.

“It wasn’t a choice. It was the only way. If I stayed, my identity would have been revealed to the other Councilmen. Surely you understand that keeping our plans a secret was the most desirable choice.”

“I understand that you didn’t want to be discovered as having ulterior motives, but Perfection and Lukas were Bound, I mean, she’s like family now,” I say.

Lukas puts his hand on his neck, looking down at his plate. I swear there are tears in his eyes he wants to hide.

“Even so, nothing was worth compromising you two. If the Councilmen knew of Lucy’s ability, of your power when combined, they wouldn’t have liked it.”

“Why was there a fire at Refuge One? And why are the Councilmen tethered out there to the ground?” Lukas asks, regaining his composure.

“This is the story you are both so eager to hear. One I hope we can forget soon enough. I know we are all eager to start the next chapter of this story.”

Lukas and I nod, and Integrity waves the help out of the room. A girl opens a door behind the table; I’d never noticed it before. She waits until Integrity nods firmly at her, and then she shuts it behind her.

“So the next chapter?” I ask, no longer having an appetite. I want to know. Everything.

72.

Charlie

Junie and I ransack the Councilmen Chamber, which was oddly empty and unguarded. I guess the men standing outside the Refuge, staked to the ground, were the only ones Integrity saw as a threat.

“I don’t see anything, Charlie. Is there another room we could look in?” Junie gathers her short hair in her fingers then flicks it to the side. We’ve looked through the drawers and files, nothing. “There’s got to be some sort of incriminating evidence.”

“Against what?” I’m all for a conspiracy theory, but at the same time, maybe she’s trying too hard to find something that’s just not there.

“How about against whatever psycho-science is happening here? Did your parents ever mention some sort of dungeon vault?” 

“Junie! Seriously, you’re getting nuts. You’ll drive Duke away if you go down this road. He’s a total believer.” I sit down in the big leather chair, and lean back, reclining all the way to the wall. “Although, being a Council-Clown has its perks.”

“Charlie, stop!” Junie throws her hands out and freezes them.

“Not moving,” I say only moving my mouth. “What’s happening?”

“Behind you, when you leaned back. There really is a hidden vault.” She starts laughing. “This is so weird. Where the hell are we?” 

“Welcome to my childhood.” I turn my head and sit up. A bookcase flips back around against the wall. Leaning back again, I see it triggers the case to flip, revealing an entrance to a tunnel. “Fancy.”

“I knew it. Come on, Charlie, we have to find out what’s back there.” She grabs my hands and pulls me into the wall before the chair goes upright and hiding the entrance.

“Crap. Where’s Lukas when we need him?” I ask, laughing. It’s pitch dark in here.

“Hey, I have light, too. Seriously, I know it doesn’t heal or like transcendentally overcome people, but I can help with the dark issue at hand. If you believe.”

“I believe. Sheesh, Junie. Lighten up.” I start laughing again. “Get it? Lighten up?”

“I get it. Stop acting like a twelve year-old, okay? Hold my hand.”

I find her hand, and she squeezes mine. I can tell she’s kind of scared, and honestly, I am too. But not being in here alone helps, and once I calm down I realize Junie’s right. There is a faint lavender light coming from her, and it helps us see our way.

The tunnel is about twenty feet long, and the walls and ground are bare. Once we get to the end of the passageway, there’s a large metal box sitting on top of table, with a folder stuffed with papers sitting next to it.

Immediately I try to open it. “It won’t budge.”

“Well, probably because whoever’s box this is, doesn’t want people like you and me opening it.” Junie rolls her eyes.

“True.” I pull at the lid again, but it won’t move at all. “What do we do now? Take it to Lukas and make him open it?”

“Good call. I mean, I wish we could open it ourselves, but….”

“Maybe we can,” I say.

“What do you mean?” Junie asks.

“Well, I think Duke might be able to help us.”

“Why?”

“He just … look I’m not supposed to say anything, but I think he has light too. I mean, don’t all the cool kids, these days?”

Junie’s shakes her head, stunned.

“Okay, no time to process. Let’s take the box and the folder, and get out of here.”

I grab the box, with both hands, and pull it off the table.

“Stop, what this?” Junie asks, looking at a small door in the wall behind the box. “Shit, someone’s coming!” She grabs the folder and we run down the hall as we hear someone silently slip inside the door.