God Hates You, Hate Him Back: Making Sense of The Bible (49 page)
Read God Hates You, Hate Him Back: Making Sense of The Bible Online
Authors: CJ Werleman
Allow me to paraphrase the above passage in plain speak: Women are disgraceful and should be subjugated by their husbands so that they remain silent. Of all the Gods and religions that man has created, it baffles me that any rational woman with a shred of feministic pride would touch any of the three monotheistic religions with a ten-foot barge pole. Christianity should have as much appeal to women as does the Ku Klux Klan for Blacks. Little wonder that the Eastern religions, such as Buddhism, have Western women trending to them in great numbers.
If I had a little more spunk, and a lot more cheek, I would visit the nearest church on Sunday handing out ‘speaking violation’ tickets to any woman that even uttered “hello” – just to bring attention to the misogyny of the Bible.
Without doubt the single greatest blunder of Paul’s letters, including Corinthians, is his perpetual endorsement of the false second coming of Jesus prophecy included in the Gospels. Paul like Mathew, Mark, Luke and John was of the belief that time was running out for Jews to convert to Christianity. Kind of a ‘only for a limited time’ advertising campaign. Paul, urging believers to change their ways and non-believers to convert, writes:
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What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.” (1 Corinthians 7:29-31 NIV)
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When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it’s always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.”
Robert M. Pirsig
The second letter of Paul to the Church in Corinth begins again with Paul’s claim that he is the apostle of Jesus Christ and begins this correspondence by giving thanks to God for sacrificing his only son, and thus, through God’s barbaric actions, the believers can find comfort to ease the suffering in their own lives. Well, that maybe a slight paraphrasing of sorts, but a fairly accurate summary of the opening verses.
Paul makes an outlandish and obscene claim that we should all feel guilty for the execution of Jesus, even though we weren’t present for it, witness to it, or knowledgeable of it. Christopher Hitchens in his book
God is Not Great
puts it far more eloquently than I:
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Ask yourself the question: how moral is the following? I am told of a human sacrifice that took place two thousand years ago, without my wishing in and in circumstances so ghastly that, had I been present and in possession of influence, I would have been duty-bound to try and stop it. In consequence of this murder, my own manifold sins are forgiven me and I may hope to enjoy everlasting life.”
This persistent tactic of fear, guilt, punishment and reward as a model for Christian recruitment is certainly something I find somewhat repulsive. Even if I did believe that this God was real and that his son did, in fact, die for our sins, why should I be subjected to psychological scaring by being saddled with the gruesome execution of a man that died 2000 years before I had inhabited the earth?
The rest of this letter is a reminder to the church members that he and his fellow apostles have endured much persecution in preaching the message of Christ and that they should be grateful for their efforts. And also mindful of not falling into the trap of being led away by the non-believers to alternative Gods, a fear he repeats several times.
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I fear that there may be quarrelling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder. I am afraid that when I come before you again my God will humble me before you and I will grieve over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.” (2 Corinthians 12:20-21 NIV)
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If two philosophers agree, one is not a philosopher. If two saints disagree, one is not a saint.”
Tibetan Proverb
This is a letter from Paul to a number of early Christian communities within the Roman province of Galatia. The central objective of the letter is to express his concern that the Jewish majority, i.e. non-believers of Christ, had been orchestrating successful marketing campaigns to scare the Gentiles from following the fledgling Christian faith. Jewish elders had succeeded in convincing the small sect of Christian followers in this region into believing that all of Moses’ laws need to be obeyed, because not only had Jesus said so himself, but that Jesus was a Jew and therefore Christianity, rightly or wrongly, was based on Judaist principles. This made the Galatians nervous, as they were in no great hurry to circumcise themselves. Paul’s concern is articulated in the very opening of his letter, which reads:
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I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel – which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. If any is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!” (Galatians 1:6-9 NIV)
So, in your face, Moses! Your laws are no gospel at all, at least according to Paul.
Paul then attempts to claim that he is not a liar, as some had charged, and that none of his words are just the words of a mere mortal man. Claiming that Jesus speaks through him and all truth has been revealed to him alone. With this in mind, I do hope God and/or Jesus have learnt a valuable lesson in the last 2,000 years; the next time either one wants to get a message to us humans, then how about a nice ‘fireside’ chat, FDR style, on live TV so that we can all
fucking get it
! No arguments about interpretation, or intended meanings, and then ultimately we would have one God and one denomination of faith rather than the 38,000 denominations of Christianity that we currently have today.
In an effort to get his message across to the doubting Gentile followers, he portrays himself as the poster-boy for conversion. Telling his readers that he was a practicing Jew, who persecuted Christians until that point on the road to Damascus where Jesus spoke to him. Obviously, an effort to reach across the aisle to the Gentiles who believed the tedious, perplexing and often-brutish laws of Judaism to be unnatural fits to their cultural roots and traditions.
According to Christian fundamentalist and author Dr. Henrietta C. Mears:
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This Epistle (letter) has done more than any other book in the New Testament to free our Christian faith from Judaism and from the burden of salvation by works, taught by so many false cults, which has threatened the simple gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.”
This further demonstrates that the roots of the church of Christianity are made more on Paul’s whims and decisions, rather than that of Jesus himself. As Jesus made it quite clear that
all
Mosaic Laws are to be adhered to, as written in the Gospels:
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Anyone who breaks one of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.” (John 5:1 NIV)
Paul sticks to his guns and ridicules the Galatians for being fooled into thinking that Old Testament law matters. He makes the point that faith in a man crucified for their sins is more righteous than following the 613 commandments as given to Moses in the first five books of the Bible:
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You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard?” (Galatians 3:1-2 NIV)
It is through this book, Galatians, that I can see why Christianity appeals as broadly as it does to Americans, because if ever there was a religion that you can follow from the comfort of your own sofa then this is it, and you can thank Paul for that. No laws, no commands, no mundane ceremonies to observe, just believe that Jesus died for your sins and you are in. Presto!
The balance of this letter reads as a rally cry to stand strong against doubters and naysayers, as he reinforces the mantra that freedom can only be found through Christ and that zealous opponents will continue to attempt to drag them from their faith.
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But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
Mark Twain
The central theme of Paul’s letter to the Church in Ephesius appears to be a message to newly converted Jews who viewed their Christianity to be more righteous than that of their Gentile brethren. Paul’s letter is an attempt to bring unity to the church, demonstrated by his reminding the followers that all believers of Christ are made equal and alive by Christ, whether they be Jewish converts or Gentile newbie’s.
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Remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called ‘uncircumcised’ by those who call themselves ‘the circumcised’, but now in Jesus Christ you who were once far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.” (Ephesians 2:11-14 NIV)
To reinforce this principal of church unity he finishes his second part of the letter with:
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And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his spirit.” (Ephesians 2:22 NIV)
Paul reminds the Gentiles that in acceptance of Christ as the son of God, they are now pure and saved and that they are no longer the wretched filth they once were as uncircumcised non-believers:
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You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made in new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 3:22-24 NIV)
And just in case you were still fooled by self-righteous Christian fundamentalists that the New Testament is far more enlightening than its Old Testament predecessor, herewith a couple of passages to challenge that falsehood.
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Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his , of which is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24 NIV)
Everything? Wow ‘everything’ leaves the door wide open for things a wife should to submit to doesn’t it? Too bad then if my wife isn’t up for anal sex because I own her and if that’s what I want, then that’s what she gets! “Says so in the Bible, honey!”
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Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear and with sincerity in your heart, just as you would obey Christ.” (Ephesians 6:5 NIV)
If you are a Christian, then you are to believe that Jesus is speaking through Paul, therefore Jesus, in effect, is endorsing slavery just as his father did so through Moses and Abraham. At a stretch one could argue that the writers of the Old Testament and therefore God were, were ‘unenlightened’ on the issue of bondage and human trafficking. But the writers of the New Testament, including Paul, had the benefit of writing an extra one or two thousand years after their Biblical predecessors, thus we should hold Christians accountable for these immoral attitudes of their Gods.
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If God doesn’t like the way I live, let him tell me, not you.”
Unknown
This is a letter from Paul to the Church in Philippi, Macedonia, the first Christian Church established in Europe. Paul writes this letter whilst bound in chains in prison and reads as encouragement that pain is good, pain is what Jesus went through and we should all rejoice in the pains of life together. Whilst there doesn’t seem to be a clear objective to this letter it does include all the usual messages such as praise Jesus only; salvation comes through Jesus alone; don’t perform sexual acts of immorality; and all believers are equal in the eyes of Jesus.