God is in the Pancakes (18 page)

“Really? What makes you say that?”

I can't tell her this is a recurring line I've heard on Lifetime that always seems to make the heroine feel better. “First of all,” I reply, trying to think quickly, “you're much too pretty for him.”

“Shut up,” she says, obviously wanting to hear more.

“Really, Lolly, you're great-looking.” Lolly is pretty. Great-looking is a stretch, but it's what she needs to hear right now, and though I'm no expert on morality, I'm pretty sure this type of “truth stretching” can't be a bad thing.

“Am I as pretty as Natalie?” she asks.

“She's just more ‘traditional' American pie pretty, you know? You've got your own thing going on.”

“Grace, you know you have the potential to be really good-looking yourself.” Lolly sits up as I react, blinking back the insult. “No, I didn't mean it to be mean! You have a really pretty face, I just meant you should take care of yourself a little more. You're always eating crap. It's going to make you fat and ruin your skin.”

“Maybe I like to eat crap?”

“So does everyone,” Lolly responds, shaking her head. “But let's be honest: When Dad left, you went looking for him at the bottom of a Doritos bag.”

“So if that's the thing that somehow makes me feel a little better, is that so wrong?”

Lolly reaches for my arm. “Yes,” she says with a nod. “You know why?” I turn away from her and don't respond, but this doesn't stop her from talking. “Because all the junk food in the world isn't going to make Dad come back.”

I stay silent. This was
not
the conversation I was prepared to have this afternoon. The most maddening thing about it is that some small part of me knows that Lolly (Lolly!) might be right.

“Look, Grace, I didn't mean to upset you. I just want things to start feeling better for both of us. I mean, even if you just started wearing clothes that flatter you more, I think it would be a start.”

“Trust me when I tell you this is not the time to hit Mom up for a new wardrobe,” I say with a laugh, deciding to let the anger go.

“I know.” Lolly nods. “Though when
is
the right time for that? I asked her for a new sports bra since I outgrew my last one and she looked at me as if I'd just asked her to buy me a pony.”

I can picture the exact expression Mom must have given Lolly, and I do my best impersonation of it, which makes Lolly laugh again.

“Hey, want me to do your makeup?” she asks.

“Makeup?” No.

“Come on, it'll be fun. Go sit on the bed.” Lolly walks over to her bureau, then carries her three-tiered makeup chest back towards me.

“You've got a lot of stuff in there.” I eye the chest. “How do you even know what goes where? Or is that like a natural thing that a person has to be born with?”

“Practice,” she says, squeezing brownish goop into her hands before rubbing it into my cheeks and forehead. “Hey, have you been coloring your hair?”

I'm not sure whether to admit to this or not. Mom will go nuts if she ever finds out, and I don't kid myself to think that my relationship with Lolly will be forever changed after tonight. But right now I am feeling closer to her than I have in a long time, and there's something really nice about that. “Yep.” I nod.

“I knew it,” she replies. “You've been doing it since right around your birthday, haven't you?”

“Yeah but don't—” I start to say, but Lolly cuts me off.

“Come on, Grace, I'm not going to tell on you. I'm your sister.” And that's all she has to say.

Later that night I convince Lolly to come see Eric's basketball game with me. She was worried that Jake would be there, but I told her she'd have to face him eventually, and since we'd spent so long getting the makeup right this afternoon, this would be as good a face to show him as any. The logic made sense to her, which was a relief to me because I wanted to go to the game to support Eric, but I didn't want to sit in the stands all dolled up and Han Solo.

When we arrive, the school parking lot is jammed. “What's going on here?” I ask.

“Do you even go to this school?” Lolly replies. “This is a big game, Grace—Harriton vs. Lower Merion—our rival school, remember?”

I hadn't remembered the night's matchup. At that point I was glad I could even remember the name of my own high school. When Lolly and I walk into the gym, I see Eric dribbling the ball back and forth across center court with Mike Richter, and I can't help but smile seeing him in that uniform. It's not just that the shorts are slightly longer on him than the rest of his taller teammates, it's more that he's wearing a uniform in the first place. I consider trying to catch his attention, but I don't want to distract or embarrass him, so I just keep my eyes on him as I let Lolly find us the spot where she wants to sit.

“So, is Eric going to start?” Lolly asks as we move through the crowded middle of the risers.

I shrug my shoulders. “Dunno.”

“You're a good friend,” she laughs, sitting down on the wooden bench.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

Lolly raises her eyebrows, surprised that I'm surprised. “Well, you are his
best
friend, right? I just assumed that's something you guys would have talked about.”

As soon as she says it, I know Lolly has a point. Whether or not Eric started was something we definitely
would have
talked about in our normal conversations. But recently our conversations have felt anything but normal. “Well, he's just been at practice a lot and I don't think the coach had made any final decisions about the lineup or anything.”

“Grace,” she says, “some advice: Act interested. Even if you're not,
try
to act interested. If you don't, trust me, a lot of the other girls in this school will . . . if they haven't already.” Lolly tips her head courtside, and when I look over I see Chelsea Roy on the sidelines. She's managed to catch Mike's and Eric's attention, and though they're still passing the ball back and forth to each other, they're also carrying on a conversation with her. About something
really
important, I'm sure.

“Ew, could she be any more obvious?”

“If she could, I'm sure she'd find a way, Gracie,” Lolly replies. “And that's exactly what I'm talking about.”

I don't dignify this with a response, mainly because I don't have one, so I keep watching their conversation instead. A minute later I decide that I might as well go over to say hello, but when I turn to Lolly to tell her I'll be right back, I see her staring at her own fixed point in the crowd. Jake's sitting a few risers away, surrounded by his group of guy friends,
his boys
. Thankfully there are no girls sitting with them, but I get the feeling their absence doesn't make Lolly feel any better. I stick my hand in my coat pocket and pull out a half-eaten Milky Way.

“You want the rest?” I say, tapping the candy bar wrapper against her knee. “You could eat it from the other side.”

Lolly looks down and wrinkles her nose. “That's okay, thanks,” she says.

“No, you're right,” I reply, rewrapping the Milky Way and shoving it back into my pocket, embarrassed by the offering. I keep my hand in my coat and wrap my fist around the candy bar, giving it a firm squeeze and enjoy feeling it smoosh between my fingers. When I look back to the court again and see Chelsea smile and wave good-bye to Eric and Mike as she turns and heads for the stands, I clutch the candy bar a little tighter.

Eric does not start for the team. Still, he is subbed in during the first quarter.

“The coach must think he's pretty decent to play him this early,” Lolly says with approval. “Usually they only play the little guys when the team is either so far ahead or so far behind, they can't have any effect on the outcome.”

“That must build confidence,” I reply, not taking my eyes off Eric as he runs back and forth on the court. As far as I can tell, he's not really doing very much, and the guy he's guarding has about half a foot and thirty pounds on him. But he's giving his all. I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is pride—that it's
my
Eric who's in the middle of the action—or whether it's just general excitement for my friend, but I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my body as he runs up and down the court.

Though I expected Harriton to take a beating from its bitter and better rival, the team is doing surprisingly well. The score bounces back and forth throughout the night, and the gym thunders with the crowd's excited cheers. Harriton's coach continues rotating his players. When Eric and Mike are out on the court together, they both play well, and the time they spent practicing with each other is clearly paying off.

“Little Eric Ward, who would have guessed!” Lolly says, leaning over to me as the Harriton side stands to do the wave. “Not bad at all.”

“Taught him everything he knows,” I reply, throwing my arms over my head.

“No doubt.” She smiles, lowering her arms and sitting back down again.

With a minute and a half left in the game, Eric is still on the court. Intercepting the ball, Eric quickly turns it around and throws the ball back to Mike. The two make their way to the midfield and as the shot clock winds down, Mike passes back to Eric, who goes for the long shot. Hurtling through the air, the ball miraculously swishes through the basket for the three-pointer with a minute to go in the game. The Harriton side goes wild. We are up by two when the game ends. We win! We actually win.

“Wow,” I say, turning to Lolly, “are basketball games usually this exciting?”

“No,” she replies, looking off in Jake's direction, “usually they suck.”

“Eric was good, wasn't he? I'm going to go over and congratulate him. You want to come?”

Lolly keeps staring at Jake and I know what she really wants is for him to come over here, confess he's been an idiot and experienced temporary insanity, and beg her forgiveness. “You go ahead,” she says.

“Come on,” I reply, dragging her with me.

When we get down to the court, a lot of kids are milling around, happy for the chance to celebrate and not yet ready to go home. Eric's standing in a group of a few players, but I catch his eye as Lolly and I approach.

“Hey!” I say as Eric turns from the guys to greet me. Lolly pushes me forward, not so subtly letting me know that I should hug him, which I not so subtly do, wrapping my arms around Eric and quickly giving him an awkward squeeze. This is something we'll definitely need to work on if it's ever going to feel natural.

“You made it,” he says, smiling. “I looked for you in the stands, but I didn't see you.”

“Are you kidding? I wouldn't have missed your star turn.”

“It was a pretty good game, huh?” he replies.

“You were terrific.”

“Hey, kiddo, great game!” Eric's mom says. “Hi Grace.”

“Hi, Mrs. Ward, hi Mr. Ward,” I reply as Eric's dad strides over and nods at me.

“Nice shot, son,” he says, pawing Eric's head.

“Thanks, Dad,” he says. Then, turning to Mike, he says, “But this is the guy who made it all possible.” Giant Mike smiles and waves down to all of us, clapping Eric's hand in a high five.

“Ohmigod, Eric!” Chelsea Roy runs up and throws her arms around him. “You were awesome,” she trills. When she breaks the hug, she bumps her hip against Mike. “Both of you guys were!” I watch for a moment as the boys beam under Chelsea's praise. But the Chelsea effect is diminished as soon as Natalie approaches the group.

“Eric,” Natalie says, smiling at him, pink glossed lips parted slightly to reveal perfectly shaped, straight white teeth. “Amazing.” She touches his elbow and keeps her hand there for a moment before letting go. That's all she says before she turns and walks away, but the boys' eyes trail after her as she moves through the crowd. Once Natalie's out of view, their circle closes back around Eric, Mike, Chelsea, and Eric's parents; Lolly and I are on the outside. I stand there for another minute, waiting to be reabsorbed, but as they continue to chat, I begin to feel more and more on the wrong side of the ring. “Come on,” I say to Lolly, “let's go.” I manage to tap Eric's arm and get his attention. “Lolly and I are going to take off,” I say.

“Okay, see ya,” he replies.

“Yeah.” I nod. “And congrats,” I add as he turns his attention back to his fans. I glance at Lolly to get her take on what just happened, but she's looking down and appears sullen, so I just link arms with my sister and we head for the exit.