God of Tarot (24 page)

“
What
things?”

“Your will.”

“My will is to unriddle this Animation effect! Yet here I wander in this forsaken castle, as far from it as ever! What
is
this place, anyway?”

“Thelema.”

“What?”

“This is the Abbey of Thelema, the place for the discovery of your True Will.”

“I already
know
my will! I told you—”

“If you knew it, you would satisfy it.”

Brother Paul paused. On one level, this was nonsense, but on another it seemed to make uncanny sense. “You’re saying I only
think I
know my will, and I am getting nowhere because I am pursuing a false will? An illusion?”

Therion nodded. “Now you begin to perceive the problem. First you must truly understand your objective; only then can you achieve it.”

“Well, I
thought
I understood it. But somehow I keep getting turned aside, as though I were a victim of Coriolis force.” He paused, charmed by the revelation. Coriolis force—a prime determinant of weather on any planet. A mass of air might try to move from a high pressure zone near the equator to a low pressure zone to the north or south, but the shape and rotation of the planet diverted it to the side, because the surface velocity of rotation was greater at the equator than at the polar latitudes. Well, it was a difficult concept for the layman to grasp, but essential for the meteorologist. It was as though nature herself were fouled up by the system, causing the endless repercussions, instabilities, and changes that constituted the weather. Was there such a thing as a
mental
Coriolis force, so that a given urge could not be consummated directly unless the full nature of the human condition were understood? Yet this was hardly a perfect analogy, for the human mind was not a planetary surface, and human thoughts were not mere breezes. The situation was more dynamic, with force being diverted at right angles to—

“Precession!” he cried aloud.

Therion glanced up benignly. “Yes?”

“Precession. The factor that seems to change the direction of force applied to a gyroscope or a turning wheel. When properly exploited, as with a bicycle, it is a stabilizing influence, but when misunderstood, it stymies every effort to—”

Therion shook his head. “Can you explain it to me more precisely?”

“It is a technical term. It affects the Earth and all rotating things, and thus man’s technology and mythology. The precession of the equinox…” He took a breath. “Simply, there is a great deal of rotational inertia in a spinning object, and when you apply an external force to change its orientation, you must deal with that inertia. If you understand this, and know the precise vectors—”

Therion smiled. “Thus your ignorance stops you here, because the inertial velocity of the mind is more complex than any casual survey can reveal. Know thyself—or as I prefer to put it, do what thou wilt.”

“Yes,” Brother Paul agreed, at last appreciating the man’s meaning. A person could not do what he really wanted to do, unless he understood himself well enough to
know
what he wanted. What he
really
wanted, not what in his ignorance he thought he wanted. Many people were stuck on the ignorant route, questing tirelessly for wealth or power that brought them only unhappiness. Others quested for happiness, but defined it purely in material terms. Still others, trying to correct for that, insisted on defining it in purely nonmaterial terms, seeking chimeras. As perhaps Brother Paul had been doing, himself. “My ultimate will is more subtle and devious than I myself can appreciate consciously. Since these Animations are at least in part drawn from my unconscious, I suffer precession when I attempt to direct them by purely conscious thought. Thus I wind up veering away at right angles, battling the Dragon of Temptation, and God only knows what else!”

Therion nodded again, looking like a somewhat seedy street philosopher. “I also know what else: it was your own conscience you battled.”

“You know, you’re not a bad guide, at that,” Brother Paul said. “You have had a better notion of my true will than I. But as with leading a horse to water—”

“The whole of the law,” Therion agreed.

They had been meandering through the gaunt, empty castle. Now they entered an upper chamber— and spied a woman. She reclined in a huge cup, so he knew this had to be another vision of the Seven of Cups, that he had to deal with one way or another. He suspected that the original cup he had chosen, that of the castle, had been merely an entry point; he was required to taste the contents of all seven before he was through. Had he chosen the lady first, he would have found the skull, Temptation, and the castle interposing, though perhaps in a different order. With precession, there was no direct or easy route to an objective. But now this woman; she was a marvel of organic symmetry and cultural aesthetics, with hair like summer wheat…

“Amaranth!” Brother Paul breathed.

“Beg pardon?” Therion inquired.

Of course this man would not know about the private name Brother Paul had for the Breaker-lady. But now he was sure; Amaranth had gotten into this Animation, and here she was, the actress in a very special role. The major characters in these scenes
were
played by living people, reciting their lines, as it were, or perhaps extemporizing according to general guidelines. “A private thought, irrelevant,” Brother Paul said, and knew he was lying. Since to him a lie was an abomination, he had to correct it immediately. “I believe I recognize this woman. She—”

“The female exists but to serve the male,” Therion remarked.

So the man wasn’t really interested in the identity of this woman. To him, women were interchangeable, covered by a general blanket of animosity. Well, Brother Paul was amenable to that game, in this case; from what he knew of Amaranth, she would quickly disabuse all comers of such notions.

Brother Paul approached the lady. “In what way do you reflect my hidden will?” he asked her.

She unfolded from the cup and stood before him, as lovely a creature as he could imagine. “I am Love.”

Love. That was rather more than he had bargained on. “Sacred or profane?” he inquired somewhat warily. “I am here on a religious mission.”

“He claims he loves God, not woman,” Therion put in.

“I love God
and
woman!” Brother Paul snapped. “But my mission requires—”

Amaranth stretched, accentuating her miraculous breasts, and Brother Paul recognized Temptation in another guise. He knew that Animation was not enhancing her appearance; it was every bit as enticing in life. A woman who was beautiful only in Animation—but of course physical appearance should not be the prime appeal.

“You fought valiantly to achieve this castle,” Therion pointed out. “Do you now reject what it holds for you?”

“Precession brings this woman; what I seek is elsewhere.”

“How do you know?”

Brother Paul considered that, uncertain. He had supposed he was overcoming Temptation—and a formidable Temptation it was!—but could it be that the physical side of Love was the essence of his search? It hardly seemed likely, but he could not be
sure
. There was a deep affinity between types of love, expressed on the highest plane as religion, and on the lowest as sex. It was often said that “God is Love.” Could he achieve one form without the other?

He remembered the sour comments of the Hierophant. What was the nature of his belief? That the expression of physical love was inherently evil? The Hierophant’s views had resembled a parody of—

“The Hierophant!” Brother Paul exclaimed, wheeling on Therion. “You!”

“So you caught on,” Therion said smugly.

“You purposely distorted the religious attitude of—”

“Distorted? I would not say so,” Therion said. “I had a role to play, so I played it with complete candor. I gave the essence instead of mere casuistry. Modern religion hates sex and pleasure and tries to suppress them, because a man with a stiff cock will not seek a priest. The ancient religions were much more savvy; they knew that the alternate facet of divine love is physical love. It is a completely natural and necessary function.”

“But not outside of marriage,” Brother Paul said, shaken by the way he had been guided even before he had chosen the guide.

“Why not? What is marriage but a ceremony of society, establishing the proprietary rights of a particular male over a particular female? Does God
care
about the conventions of human culture? Who governs here, anyway—God or man?”

“Surely God does!” Brother Paul said.

“Then why didn’t God make man impotent prior to the nuptial ceremony, or responsive only to some other key stimulus, like smell? Animals have no such trouble.”

“Man is not precisely an animal!” Brother Paul retorted. “Man has a conscience. He controls his urges.”

“The tail wags the dog, then. Man controls the natural urges God gave him, instead of allowing their expression in the way God intended.”

“No! Man’s conscience stems from God!”

“And God is created in the image of man.” Telling thrust! Of course,
man
was in the image of
God
, but if he argued that case, Therion would simply point out that God was therefore a sexual creature, and unmarried. Now Brother Paul was uncertain where the sacrament of marriage fitted into this scheme, for it was true that animals did not marry. Animals were completely natural, yet innocent.

Still, he had to believe that one of the things that distinguished man from animal was his morality, his higher consciousness. “I do not choose to argue with you about marriage,” Brother Paul said, “or to abuse this young woman. I only wish to ascertain the reality behind the image.”

“Still, you suffer precession,” Therion said sadly. “You insist on carrying into this framework the private standards dictated by your Earthly existence, refusing to admit that they may be no longer applicable. You think you can penetrate the morass by plowing straight ahead. When will you realize that you cannot win unless you play the game by its rules? You have sampled only three cups.”

Temptation, Victory, and Wealth. Apparently he did have to go through them all before gaining enlightenment. No shortcut! Yet did the presence of this woman, who had been accidentally trapped in the Animation, mean he had to use her sexually? Therion seemed to be arguing that case, which was odd, because Therion professed to hate women. Obviously he could not afford to be guided too closely by Therion’s words, which did not necessarily reflect Therion’s own will. This woman might be seductive, but he did not have to be seduced.

“I would like to talk with you,” Brother Paul said to the lady. “What is your preference?”

“I adore thee, I A O,” she replied.

“My name is Brother Paul, of the Holy Order of Vision,” he said. That made a formal introduction within this Animation, in case that should help. “You—I believe we met before, in, er, real life. And you introduced the Brotherhood of Light Tarot deck, didn’t you? What shall I call you now?”

She opened her robe. She was naked underneath, slim and pink-white and full-breasted. She was his physical ideal of woman, which was obviously what had first attracted him to her. He tried to seek the sublime understanding of God, but his flesh had other notions.

“I adore thee, I A O,” she repeated.

Brother Paul refused to go along. “I understood you to say, in real life, that you worshipped a snake-footed God, called Abra—” He was unable to recall the full name.

“She refers to I A O, or Abraxas—literally, ‘the God to be adored.’ Therefore she adores him,” Therion clarified. “He has human form, with the head of a cock and legs of serpents, and he is the god of healing. It would seem she believes you are that god.”

“I!” Brother Paul exclaimed, appalled. “A pagan deity?”

“Abraxas was a most fashionable god, in the Roman Empire. She might see you as a modern incarnation. Perhaps if you showed her your feet—”

Brother Paul uttered an extremely un-Orderlike syllable. But Therion was studying Amaranth’s torso. “She certainly is a healthy, well-fed specimen,” he remarked, as though appraising a thoroughbred horse. “Most peoples of most times have been malnourished; only in the past century has good nutrition spread. One seldom sees as fine a form as that, however, even today.”

To whom was he trying to sell that form? “You really do worship a pagan god?” Brother Paul demanded of the lady. He had somehow not appreciated the significance of this, or really believed it when, as a colonist, she had mentioned the matter.

“This is, after all, a free society,” Therion remarked. “No person, according to the Covenant, may persecute any member of any other religion, whatever its nature. It is the only thing that prevents absolute internecine warfare throughout this colony. I’m sure I A O has as much right to be here as any Christian god.”

The girl shrugged out of her costume and stood before them, completely nude. The splendor of her body was dazzling, and not because she was well-fed; there was no fat on her where it didn’t belong. She stepped toward Brother Paul.

He stepped back in alarm.

“The early priestesses led devotees to union with their god by the most direct means,” Therion continued. “She wants to help you discover your true will; will you not oblige?”

“This is not the kind of union I seek!” Brother Paul protested. “Not with I A O, not—”

“Suppose I A O is the God of Tarot, and you refuse to meet Him?”

“Impossible!” But Brother Paul realized that it was
not
impossible. Improbable, perhaps, but theoretically possible. The whole problem on Planet Tarot, the reason he had come here, was to determine objectively (if circumstances permitted) which god was the guiding power behind the Animations, or whether
no
god was. He could not let his own religious prejudice interfere. For—he forced his mind to consider it—I A O Abraxas, the Adorable God, just might be the one. Even if I A O were not, he still had to ascertain that fact honestly. The assembled religions of Planet Tarot were awaiting his verdict. No one of their own representatives could make this survey, because every person among them was too firmly committed to his own particular concept of God to be objective. Those who had tried most sincerely had suffered the ravages of loss of faith, in some cases with fatal results.