Godforsaken: Book 1 (Shade of Light) (4 page)

But her newfound craziness had no effect on
her feelings about Alen. When he moved to dance with her, she
pushed him backward roughly. Alen stood two steps aside,
momentarily immobilized and distracted, staring at Lily like she
was an object of inaccessible beauty. Indeed, she really was
inaccessible to him.

Lily didn’t acknowledge Alen’s offended
look, but instead went back to dancing. Although Lily hadn’t danced
in parties like this before, she was a good dancer. She used to
dance in her room, alone in front of the mirror, on evenings when
Nancy went out with Mike and came back late. Now was a good
opportunity to show what she’d learned from those self-lessons.

After Lily had rudely pushed Alen away, the
song ended. An unfamiliar guy closed in on her, putting his hand on
her wrist without her permission. She jerked backward.

“A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t dance
alone,” the strange guy said.

He was too close when he spoke, his breath
mixed with alcohol and tobacco hit Lily in the face.

“Get off me,” she responded sharply, turning
her head aside – and her eyes casually met a young man where he was
standing at the railing, surveying the dance floor.

Lily turned to steel, staring unblinkingly
at the green-eyed guy. As their eyes met, her jaw dropped but not
because of his handsome face, or his long brown hair tangled and
falling to his broad shoulders, or the muscular arms and chest
covered by his T-shirt. A pair of great gray wings furled out
behind him from his back. There was no room for Lily to believe her
eyes. Was that a real angel, standing there? For a long while they
stood and stared without stirring, the man never shifted his gaze
from her either, as though he had seen something equally
unbelievable. Lily saw his wings flutter up and down in the space
of a second before they tucked themselves behind his back.

“I shouldn’t have drunk so much,” Lily
muttered to herself, casting her eyes downwards again.

Lily shook her head in puzzlement. She
didn’t dare to look up at Samael again, but her curiosity gnawed
her until finally, she couldn’t help looking. Samael wasn’t there
anymore, like he hadn’t existed at all. Lily’s eyes jerked to and
fro in search of him.

“Hey, baby, are you alright,” the other guy
showed up again.

“Don’t touch me.” With a frown, she pulled
her hand back from him savagely and wheeled around. The second her
eyes focused on the guy in front of her, her heart almost stopped
altogether. Instead of Alen, there stood the man with gray wings –
the angel
.

Lily stood motionless. The music muted in
her ears, the people around her seemed to vanish, all but him, who
was staring down into her wide blue eyes. In a glimmer of a second,
Lily found herself alone with that man, and the whole world
disappeared. The man took her trembling hand into his palm. Her
eyes cast themselves down to his touch and a tremor ran through her
whole body. She held her breath, felt the blood racing under her
skin, and was utterly unable – or just unwilling – to break the
connection between them. His green eyes locked on hers again. Lily
recalled the dream, the moment when she had seen two green eyes
opposite the golden gates. She wondered whether those eyes had been
his all along.

He didn’t smile. None of the muscles on his
face twitched when he lifted her hand affectionately. Then, he put
his other hand on her waist and forced Lily to dance with him. Lily
obeyed him more easily than she expected she would. She was in his
arms, defenseless as a bird with a broken wing, staring up at the
strong, handsome man. They moved in the same rhythm, blinked
together and stepped together. If Lily opened her mouth, the words
wouldn’t be able to escape from her throat, if she tried to push
herself out of his arms, her hands wouldn’t obey. If she forced her
eyes away from his, they wouldn’t move at all. Lily felt helpless,
as if she was stuck in a cage –
his
cage – and there was no
way out.

They danced without exchanging a single
word. It seemed to Lily that she was unable to think, that the man
who held her in his arms had sucked her whole essence into his
cage. Lily had never experienced such an emotion before. Her heart
was felt as though it was going to break out of her chest and fall
right onto the man’s palm.

He tilted his head down, so close to her
that she could feel his breath on her face. As his scent reached
her nostrils her legs gave trembled. Lily thought she was going to
collapse down to the floor, before his feet, and she tightened her
hands around his shoulders.

He didn’t stop moving his head toward her.
Lily bit her lip, still staring into his unearthly beautiful eyes.
Was he going to kiss her? He was; his dry lips met hers
passionately, his tongue slid into her mouth and rolled in it. She
closed her eyes, sinking into darkness where only she and that man
existed, inhaling a deep breath and holding it, enjoying this
stranger’s gentle kiss.

She couldn’t say how long the kiss lasted.
When his lips unlocked from hers Lily couldn’t force her eyes open
for some seconds. With her mouth still half open, she stood still
waiting for his lips again, but Samael only put his hand on her
face and caressed her soft skin.

Opening her eyes, Lily was almost afraid
that the maybe-angel was only a wonderful dream, but a shiver ran
through her body as she realized that the kiss had been real, and
that the man himself still had her in his warm arms.

He allowed himself a slight smile. Lily
grinned back, then peered around in search of Nancy. There, a
little way away, Nancy was dancing with Mike. Looking into her
friend’s eyes, Lily realized that Nancy had witnessed everything.
Her roommate winked at her and gave a wave and a smile. Lily felt
embarrassed, and hid her face from Nancy quickly.

The strange man, without another word, took
Lily by the hand. Purposefully, he led her to the exit. Lily,
staring at the back of his neck, followed him quietly, as if she
was his child and had no right to go against him. She couldn’t even
think about who the stranger was, or even why he had so strong an
influence on her. She was paralyzed by his charm, her legs and
hands belonged to him now. With a last glance back at Nancy, she
came out of the club with the man, the pair entering into the
night’s chilly air.

There was a long queue by the entrance. Lily
peered at it surreptitiously and saw several inquisitive gazes land
on her and this mysterious man while they were walking past. They
moved toward a black car on the opposite side of the street. As
soon as they reached the expensive car, he opened the passenger
door and, with a cold look, invited Lily in. She didn’t hear his
voice, and got in in silence. The man shut the door, rounded the
car, and got in too.

Within seconds, the engine roared, and the
car set off to some unknown destination. Lily didn’t wonder where
the stranger was taking her to, she just knew she did not want him
to leave her. She didn’t know what in the mysterious man had
attracted her, what kind of magic had tied her to this gorgeous
green-eyed young man. She had no strength to disobey him, much less
speak to him.

The man himself, on the contrary, looked
unfazed, wholly determined and concentrated on the road, but Lily
felt his eye on her regardless. She sat still, staring at his long
brown hair ruffling in the wind coming through the half open
window. The only thing she was curious about was how this man could
be so attractive. Truly, he had a magical charm.

The trip seemed to Lily to last only a
minute, and then they were in a dark and narrow alley. He stopped
the car, killed the engine and, finally, his eyes found her. Now
his irresistible green eyes were wider. They glittered like there
were two torches trapped on his handsome face. He stared at Lily
unblinkingly for some seconds, most probably pondering what he was
going to do to her. In the meantime Lily felt like her blood had
stopped racing in her veins, like her heart wasn’t beating anymore,
and the only thing keeping her alive was this stranger’s gaze.

Lily couldn’t bear his eyes anymore, she
yearned for his kiss again, wanted to feel his lips and lean
against his chest. She bit her lip and felt her fingers trembling,
aching to touch him.

His hand rose in the air toward her. Lily’s
eyes, full of passion, followed it. His fingers touched her cheek
and caressed down her face, towards her chin. He leaned forward
slowly as if he was enjoying Lily’s impatience. The next moment,
when she felt his sweet breath upon her face again, she inhaled
deeply and closed her eyes.

His lips covered hers again and her body was
enveloped in warmth. This time, he was more passionate than he had
been in the club. His one hand held her head against his mouth
tightly; the other slid under her shirt and grasped her breast. She
moaned in his mouth, put both her arms around Samael’s neck, and
flung herself against him. Passion possessed her now, passion Lily
hadn’t known she had before.

The man's other hand came away from her face
and slid under her shirt to caress her back. Lily borrowed his
boldness and tried to dig her hand under his T-shirt too. He didn’t
seem to mind as her fingers ran over his muscular stomach up toward
his chest. Lily realized she had never known such a wonderful touch
as his before this moment. A desire to kiss his muscles washed over
her, but his tongue kept her lips tight to his mouth without giving
a chance to break away. Her breathing became faster and deeper, as
if she was gasping for fresh air.

His hands grasped her shirt and he pulled it
up.
He’s going to take me here,
she thought. Lily couldn’t
deny she didn’t want it either. But she recalled the words she had
told Nancy that morning:

The dreams where they are fucking me in a
car or in a park and what then, Nancy?

Instinctively Lily pulled herself out of his
arms.

“No!” she half-whispered, half-shouted.

He wasn’t going to give up easily. His hands
encircled her again to restrain her in his arms, but Lily fought
them aside, retreated and reached for the door.

“No, please,” she said in a panicked
undertone, and opened the door.

Lily didn’t realize what she was doing. The
only thing she was thinking of was leaving the car as quickly as
her legs could manage it. The thought that this stranger had made
her come here, and she had been ready give herself to him without
exchanging a single word, was like a cold shower for Lily.

She regained her wits. A voice inside her
kept telling her to leave the stranger right away, and she fled out
of the car. The man stared after her with a distracted look. The
door swung shut behind her, and Lily got away from the car almost
at a run.

Without glancing back she reached the
nearest corner and careened around it.

Now, when she didn’t smell the stranger’s
infatuating scent, and couldn’t see his magical eyes, she could
justify to herself that leaving this stranger with divine
attraction was the right thing to do. Heaven only knew what kind of
passion had overcome her beside him. And that was when Lily found
herself on a dark and empty street. A chill ran over her body.

A car veered around the corner and followed
her. She spun around instantly. It was him, but Lily kept walking.
Samael came to a stop next to her. It troubled her, that this guy
wouldn’t let her leave with ease. Peering back Lily saw the
handsome stranger getting out of the car.

“Just leave me, please,” she pleaded with a
shaky voice. “I’m sorry about all of this.”

“Where are you going?” The man cried after
her. Those were the first words she had heard from him. His voice
was as beautiful as his appearance. “This is one of New York’s bad
blocks. You don't want to be walking here at night.”

“I don’t care,” Lily said, starting away
from him.

“I can drop you at your home. Where do you
live?” he urged.

“I don’t need a lift from you. Just, leave,
please,” she demanded.

Lily was dreading getting into his car
again. The second time she might lose control of herself.

“I'm warning you, it’s dangerous out here,”
The man said calmly, still following her. She heard his footsteps
echoing behind.

“Then why did you bring me here?”

Lily exhaled and raised her eyes. She saw
headlights around the corner – a taxi. She raised her hand.

“I’ll be alright,” she muttered to him, not
daring to look right into his eyes. “You can go back to the club
and enjoy the rest of evening. Please, just sorry, but I can’t be
like this. I’m not a one-night-stand kind of girl.”

Lily opened the door and leaped into the
taxi. As it set off, Lily’s eyes found him of their own accord. He
had an absent look, like something had struck him in the face. Her
heart sank. He remained standing there, rooted in the dark. Then
the taxi turned around the corner, and his eyes were finally out of
her sight.

Now that she was safe in the taxi, Lily
could barely hold back her tears. Without warning, the stranger had
become a part of her vision: wherever she looked, it was as though
his green mystical eyes were pursuing her everywhere. For a moment,
Lily even thought about turning the taxi around, going back to him
and throwing herself into his arms, begging for his forgiveness and
pleading with him to love her again, to kiss her with his dry but
delicious lips. But her mouth could manage nothing except
trembling.

As Lily got home, she ran into her bedroom
and tossed herself on the bed, covering her eyes with her hands,
and began to weep silently. There was no sign of Nancy around, she
was probably still dancing and enjoying the evening in the club
with her boyfriend. There was no room to hold the tears back
anymore, they came out of her in a rush. Lily hated herself, hated
the fate that had played such a cruel game with her. No guy had
ever had such an effect on her before. What had happened to her
just a half an hour ago? Lily knew that at that moment she could
have been naked in his arms if she hadn’t fled the car, and it
terrified her. Was that what her heart really wanted? Just a
glimpse of him had caused the trembling in her legs, the hammering
in her heart, and the butterflies flying in her stomach.