Going Solo (New Song) (13 page)

"Want us to sing?" he asked her, winking. "It would be fun."

She thought about it. It would be a nice interlude to her visit here. At least singing with Carson and the band made some of her better memories.

"Let's see if we still got it." She started the song,
I pray you’ll be our eyes...And watch us where we go...
When they finished singing, the guys were nodding. "It's as if you two practiced the song before," Ian said appreciatively. Remember those days when we had a song for the year and we would sing it over and over and over?"

Aaron laughed. "Or when we ran to write it out from the radio first and then we'd argue over the lyrics if somebody wrote it wrong."

Alice grinned. "Modern children have no idea. The conveniences at their fingertips these days."

Ruby cleared her throat. "Guys, I am going to take off. Obviously, you don't need me around. You have the perfect replacement."

"Where are you going?" Ian asked with a hint of suspicion in his tone.

"Out," Ruby said abruptly then softened her tone. "Where is Mia? Maybe I could take her for ice cream?"

"I was wondering if I could take you both for dinner," Alice said to Carson uncertainly.

"Mia is downstairs in the garage helping to power wash a car," Carson said, "and dinner trumps ice cream, Ruby. Do you want my child to develop a sweet tooth? You guys have so many ice cream dates these days."

Ruby sighed. "Then I guess I'll just have an ice cream on my lonesome." She headed through the door and Ian sighed loudly. "I think she's cheating on me."

Aaron laughed and said, "No she's not! Ruby would never do that to you."

Ian did not look convinced.

Chapter Thirteen

If anybody had told Alice that she would actually be having fun on this her month of self discovery and healing, she would have told them they were in fantasy land but by week two, she was practicing with her old band, spending more time with her husband, and getting to know Mia.

"I have to go back to the motel." She groaned when she looked at the clock in the semi-dark.

"No, you don't!" Carson said, holding her back as she made to move. "You don't have to do any such thing. My invitation still stands. Move in here."

"I don't want you and Mia to become too attached to me being around."

"Too late," Carson whispered, caressing her back. "I never stopped being attached and Mia is so happy to have you around that I fear you can't take it back. Would it be so bad to live with us?"

"Well, I could stay," Alice said weakly, "but Emilia is your housekeeper. It will get a little awkward."

"She's only here on Wednesdays and Fridays," Carson said. "And didn't you say talking to her was something you had to do?"

"Yes but I may never be ready," Alice groaned. "I think I should have done it when I wanted to because now I just don't want to face her and tomorrow is Wednesday."

"You can do it." Carson kissed her on her cheek. "She usually comes by at around ten."

Alice sighed. "I hated her for years you know! My therapist said my hate for Emilia could kill me. She said that some of the bottled up emotional stuff that I have floating around in my mind could cause me physical harm. Well, she said this after I developed migraine headaches. I thought what she said was just psychobabble but since I bought my ticket I haven't had even a twinge of a headache."

Carson mused. "It is true that physical illness can be caused by mental stimuli. There are a few cases in the Bible where Jesus healed the mental and the spiritual issues before he healed the physical. Being made whole means being healed in all areas of your life. That's how I understood why you left. I just didn't anticipate that it would take so long." He looked at her, "I am behind you a hundred percent, Alice, as you pursue this healing." 

Alice's eyes filled with tears. "I don't deserve you. How did you come to be the way you are? You are kind to a fault, and patient, and you have been there for me and Mia; you are so...so... different."

"A long time ago, when I was just a little boy, I said an honest prayer," Carson said frowning. "I think sometimes we forget what we pray about, but God remembers. It was after a fight with Aaron in Sister Kirk's class."

"Aaron?" Alice laughed, "Aaron doesn't fight!"

Carson chuckled. "We weren't friends then and he made a comment about Xavier's eyes. He was waving his hand around and asking Xavier, which one of his eyes was looking at his hand, and I got really angry. I tackled him to the ground and started pounding him. Pastor Keen took over the class and had me pray a prayer I'll never forget. I asked for patience and the capacity to love even those who are mean to me and Xavier, and for the peace of God to keep me."

Alice stiffened on hearing Pastor Keen's name. "How can one person be so different?"

"What?" Carson asked, puzzled.

"Pastor Keen," Alice said. "On one hand he was a good pastor, at least to you guys, and then on the other hand he was a beast, a hypocrite, and a disgrace as a minister. That prayer was a gem of a prayer and yet he was so evil."

"Oh, Alice." Carson pulled her closer. "You are going to have to tell me. What is this animosity toward Pastor Keen about? He was the one who helped put Blue in jail after what he did to you. Why are you so angry toward him?"

Alice got up, "I have to tell you this with clothes on. She went toward Carson's closet, took out one of his robes and shrugged into it.

She looked back at Carson then ran her hands through her hair and started pacing. "Remember how I got that job at the church office as soon as I graduated?"

Carson nodded.

Alice was acting so jittery that he was afraid to move an inch. He did not want to spook her. He forced himself to relax and watched as she paced.

June-August, 1997

Alice showed up for work in her best black skirt, the one that was not washed out, and reached well below her knees. It was as modest and as nondescript of a skirt as she could find. She also wore a white long-sleeved blouse. She had ironed it at Carson's house that morning while he prepared breakfast for her. He was so proud of her because she had gotten a job that she did not have the heart to tell him that she was protesting in her mind.

Every fiber of her being distrusted Pastor Keen. She was going to be in an office where he would be for most of the day, from nine o'clock in the morning to three o'clock in the afternoon. With one hour for lunch break, she was going to have five hours to spend with him.

When she entered the side of the building through the church hall and then into the pastors' suite of offices promptly at nine o'clock, she saw that he was already there, sitting around his desk.

He smiled at her, "Alice. You are right on time. I think we will work well together."

Alice nodded jerkily.
Not in your dreams, pal.
She thought resentfully.

"I have been telling the powers that be, for quite a while now, that I am unable to manage administrative duties along with the host of other things that I have to do."

She looked at his red tie, not wanting to look in his face.

"You see," Pastor Keen continued, "I have to ask Sister Keen to do a lot of my correspondence and she's not really so proficient at writing letters or contacting other churches and replying to email. For years, we have been coasting along in the dark ages where technology is concerned and having sporadic communication with other churches at best. I want this church to enter the twenty-first century in style."

He got up and Alice actually had to look him in the face. He winked at her. "No need to be so nervous, Alice. Your office is right across from mine." He opened a wooden door to an old storage room where they used to keep miscellaneous items. It was now furnished with a large desk, a computer, a telephone, an office chair, a tall gray file cabinet, and an empty bookshelf that had a huge Bible on top of it. There was a lone glass window, which was missing blinds but the window was so high up the wall that she could only see through if she tiptoed.

"Go on and try out the chair." Pastor Keen prompted her. "I hope you'll be very comfortable here."

Alice went over and sat in the chair. Indeed, it was comfortable but she was still uncomfortable in her mind.

"Now this is what I want you to do for this month," Pastor Keen said, pointing to the desk drawer.

She opened the drawer and saw that there was a notepad and a pen in there. She withdrew it and looked at him solemnly. Maybe she was misjudging him. He looked to be all-business and he had not given her any of his sexual looks. Maybe living with Blue made her hyper-aware and edgy. She reasoned that she had read Pastor Keen wrong.

"Now I want a church website, church letterheads..." By the time Pastor Keen was finished with his list, Alice was looking in horror at the pages and pages of notes.
So, he really had wanted a secretary.

"Please make the letters that I told you about a priority…" he said, "and the church program. Now that you are here, we can have it every Sabbath. This will be a good time for you to practice time management too," He said, pushing his hand in his pocket and leaning against her door, "Because I won't be in for the rest of the day. Have a good day, Alice. I am sure you will find that I am not a bad employer."

She looked at him and almost felt repentant about the things she had thought about him in the past. "Yes, Pastor Keen," she said with a more friendly tone.

Pastor Keen smiled and left her to it.

In the following days, she found that the work was pretty challenging and yet quite fun. She had the responsibility of adding content to the church website. She worked with Derek, a volunteer from church who had built the website. She found this part of her job especially fun. She took photos, wrote up tidbits about the church and gave the New Song Band a prominent place on the website. She hardly saw Pastor Keen. He only came in to say hello and to give her even more work.

Sometimes various persons stopped by to schedule meetings with him or request his services as a Justice of the Peace. She began to understand how really involved being a minister was. Pastor Keen seemed up to the task and appeared to love his job. When he was in the office his phone rang non-stop and sometimes he closed his door so that Alice could not hear him counseling some poor soul or the other.

She had a face-to-face meeting with Sister Keen in her second week there. She came in quietly one Thursday when the printer was acting up and knocked on Alice's door. Alice was in the process of dragging out a piece of paper and did not hear her. She was quite surprised when she turned around, disheveled and sweaty, to see Sister Keen looking at her, a small smile on her face.

"How are you dear?"

"I am fine, Sister Keen," Alice said, panting a little, "Pastor Keen is not here you know. He had an appointment with... ahm...don't remember. It's in his appointment book on his desk."

Sister Keen smiled, "I actually came to see how you were getting on."

"I am fine," Alice said, looking into her round kindly face. She had her hair in a low bob. It was streaked with silver. Her face was unlined and she looked fresh and pretty, much better than three years ago when Alice had thought that she was looking at her with a faint dislike. Looking at her now, Alice could barely remember what she had found so disagreeable about her.

She had greatly misjudged both her and Pastor Keen and she promised to pray an extra prayer for the Lord to help her to stop judging his servants.

Sister Keen nodded. "What are you doing there?" She pointed to the printer and the stack of papers on her desk.

Alice sighed. "Printing out the program for the church's hundredth anniversary next month. It is going to be huge and it seems as if Pastor Keen is inviting the whole country."

"A hundred years is a long time," Sister Keen said. "It is a good thing to celebrate these kinds of milestones. 'Hitherto has the Lord helped us...' This is our Ebenezer year as a church. As for Pastor Keen and I, we've been here now since '86, eleven whole years. At least we have made a positive impact on this place."

Alice nodded.

Sister Keen leaned forward, "Alice, have you ever...?" she swallowed. "Has my husband ever...?" She sighed. "Obviously there is no easy way to say this. Alice, has my husband ever made a pass at you?"

"A... a pass?" Alice asked, her fears about Pastor Keen roaring back afresh, almost making her breathless.

"Three years ago, I saw how he looked at you," Sister Keen said, "and I thought...oh dear... I have really put my mouth in it." She had a distressed look on her face as she looked at Alice's shocked expression.

So she was not imagining things. Alice felt strange. Her instincts had been right. She knew it. "He has never made a pass at me but there was a time when I felt uncomfortable around him," she said to Sister Keen.

"Oh my," Sister Keen said. "Is it possible for you to forget this conversation? Forget I said anything?"

"But why would you suspect him of this?" Alice asked. "He's Pastor Keen, our beloved pastor. Everybody says he is above board in all his dealings."