Going Under (17 page)

I panicked, trying to decide if I should pretend I was trying to punk her or own the crazy, beautiful love I had for Jessie. I decided to go with my heart. “I didn’t mean to fall for him, Payton. It just sort of happened as I spent time with him and we were so wrong about who he is.”

Payton looked at me like she wasn’t quite sure what to think of me and I told her my plan. “I’m telling him tonight at Dane’s party.”

“Are you sure you want to jump head first into that?” she questioned.

“Payton, he pulled me into the closet in the school library and kissed me until I was senseless. He asked me to choose him over Forbes. He told me he had fallen in love with me.”

“What if he’s playing you to get at Forbes?” she suggested.

“He’s not. I would know if he was.”

* * *

When the team was about to run out onto the field, Forbes began to walk toward me for his traditional good luck kiss and I acted as though I didn’t see him coming. I quickly told Payton to put me up in a shoulder stand to prevent the awkwardness of kissing him in front of Jessie. After I went up, Forbes turned and joined the rest of the team behind the run through sign and I felt a sigh of relief.

As I stood on Payton’s shoulders holding one side of the sign, my eyes found Jessie in the group and he was looking up at me. I mouthed the words, “Good luck,” to him.

He smiled and mouthed the words, “Thank you,” then the team ran through the sign, tearing it to shreds.

East Franklin scored only minutes into the game when Jessie threw for sixty yards to Cooper in the end zone. He did it again in the first quarter, then a third before half-time. He threw a fourth completed pass resulting in a touchdown before the end of the last quarter and Dane made good on every kick, so the game was a shutout of 35-0 against Nortonville.

While Coach gathered the team for the post game talk, Payton and I took the opportunity to hurry to my house to get ready for Danes’ party. I changed into a casual black dress and sandals, then brushed my hair before I braided the front and secured it with a bobby pin above my ear. I fluffed the back of my hair after curling it loosely, then freshened my make-up before spraying myself with my favorite body spray.

Payton whistled at me. “I hope you know CPR because you are going to take Jessie’s breath away.”

I did a spin around for Payton. “Do you really think I look okay?”

She nodded and raised her eyebrows. “I think you look awesome and I know Jessie will, too. Do you want me to drive so you can leave with him and not have your car stuck at Dane’s?”

“That would be so perfect if you don’t mind.”

She looked sad, but happy at the same time. “I don’t mind. I want you to be happy and if it’s Jessie that does that, then I want you to be with him.”

Even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself, I desperately wanted Payton’s approval and I couldn’t have been happier when she gave me her blessing. I hugged her tightly and said, “Thank you, Payton. You’re support means the world to me.”

She returned my embrace and said, “Anything for my Claire Bear. Now, let’s go so you can go get your happily ever after on.”

When we arrived, I was nervous and excited at the same time about the decision I had made. We walked into the foyer and saw kids all over the house dancing to loud music while drinking beer from plastic cups and I knew Mrs. Wickam would have a fit if she knew what was going on in her house right now.

I searched the crowd for Jessie, but couldn’t see him anywhere. I heard my phone alerting me to a new text message and I pulled it out to find a text from Jessie telling me he was out front waiting for me.

After I said goodbye to Payton, I left through the front door. I saw Jessie waiting for me in his truck in front of Dane’s house and I ran and jumped inside with him. “Are you the getaway driver?”

We were parked under the streetlight so I could clearly see the worry on his face and I was eager to put it to rest. “Yeah. I guess I am if you’re wanting to get away from here.”

“I do want to get away from here. Where are you taking me tonight?”

He looked so uneasy. “Where do you want to go?”

I smiled, hoping to bring a little reassurance to his mind. “I don’t have a preference-just anywhere but here.”

He slowly pulled away from Dane’s house and said, “I think I know just the place, but you might think it’s a little weird.”

He had my curiosity peaked. “I can handle weird.”

“I don’t know that weird is the right word. Maybe unexpected describes it a little better.”

He turned on the radio to drown out the silence between us as he drove me to the unexpected destination. We pulled up at a car garage and I was momentarily confused until I remembered that Jessie worked at his dad’s garage.

“Do you mind pulling in for me?” he asked.

It was an automatic so surely I could do it. “Okay.”

He got out of the truck to lift the garage door and I slid into the driving seat. I put his truck in drive and pulled into the shop. He lowered the door behind us and it felt like the world outside these four walls disappeared. I slid back to the passenger side and he got back in his truck. “Not what you expected, huh?”

I laughed and said, “Nope. Not what I expected, but after the playground and the football field I’ve come to expect anything out of you.”

“When I wasn’t on the football field, I was here with Earl. He was always teaching me something about engines.”

I was suddenly all nerves as I began to fidget my feet. I looked around like I was taking in the inside of his dad’s garage, but I really was avoiding looking at him and approaching the subject he brought me here to discuss.

He rolled the ignition key back, then turned the radio on like he did the night we danced on the old football field. “Is this station alright with you?”

It was a soft love song and I thought it was the ideal mood setter for the things I wanted to say to him. “Yeah, it’s perfect.”

“You’re fidgeting. Why are you so nervous?”

I stopped twitching my feet and shrugged my shoulders casually. “I’m not nervous,” I lied.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

I felt like I was standing half past the point of no return, but the unknown of being with him no longer frightened me. I had fallen in love with him and the time had come for there to be no more camouflage. I was ready to be exposed.

“I want to thank you for giving me the time I asked for because you didn’t have to. You have been such so incredibly understanding this week and although unintentional, I’m sorry for any pain I caused you.”

I watched him squeeze his eyes tightly, bracing to hear what he had mistaken as the beginning of a goodbye. I slid closer to him, across the bench seat in his truck. I took his hand and brought it to my lips. I placed a feather light kiss upon it and said, “You are so much more than I expected, even more than I dared to hope for.”

I leaned closer and pressed a light kiss on his lips and whispered, “I feel myself...going under. I’m drowning in you because I am so hopelessly in love with you. You’re the only one I want.”

A smile replaced the worried look on his face as his fear vanished. “I was terrified that you wouldn’t want to take a chance on someone like me.”

“It doesn’t feel like taking a chance. It feels right, like it’s what I’m supposed to do, but I still have to break up with Forbes.”

He put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder as he began to stroke my arm. “I want you to as soon as possible because I can’t stand the thoughts of you being his for another minute.”

“You can take me back to Dane’s so I can do it tonight, but that means giving up this time together.” I lifted my face and kissed his stubbled chin. “Do you really want to do that?” I raised up and moved my lips along his jawline until I reached that sensitive place on his neck below his ear, the same spot he kissed me when he drove me into a stupor. I heard a moan escape his lips, telling me we would be staying right where we were so my attempt to persuade to stay with me was successful.

Sitting side by side in Jessie’s truck was cumbersome and prevented me from feeling him the way I wanted to, so I told him to scoot to the middle of the seat away from the driver’s side of the truck. I climbed on top of him with my knees on each side of his hips because I was desperate to feel his body pressed against mine. He put his hands on my hips under my dress and pulled me hard against him while I reached behind his neck and tightened our embrace. His mouth abandoned my lips and trailed kisses down my neck, onto my chest and I felt him trembling beneath me.

I never allowed Forbes freedom with my body, but I felt different with Jessie. Although being with him this way felt right, I wasn’t ready to be physically intimate with him and decided it was a good idea to get on the same page. I pulled back and cupped his face with my hands, putting my thumbs on his lips. “I know I just crawled up on top of you like I was going to devour you, but I can’t sleep with you. I’m sorry. I want to, but I’m a virgin and I’m not ready to change that.”

He nodded with my hands still holding his face and whispered, “I know.”

Everyone assumed I was sleeping with Forbes because we had been together so long and I wondered why he would think differently. “How could you possibly know?”

“Forbes was bragging about how he was going to screw you the night of the bonfire. I knew the only reason he would be bragging about it was if he had never been with you, but sex isn’t why I want to be with you. I’d be with Gretchen if that’s what I wanted.”

I didn’t want to jump from one guy trying to get in my pants to another one, so I felt like he needed fair warning. “I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be ready and you should know that up front.”

He rubbed his hands up and down my back. “This is enough. Just being with you is all I need.”

His reassuring promise confirmed how right this was between us. “I want to touch you and kiss you and feel you against me, but I don’t want to be a tease.”

“You’re not a tease because you’ve told me that you won’t sleep with me. I won’t lie and say I don’t want you because I do, but your boundaries are clear and I’m okay with them. I know what to expect from you, but if things get too heated and I tell you to give me a minute, I need you back down.”

Knowing he wanted to be with me without the expectation of sex was a relief and I felt my love for him grow because of it. “I don’t deserve you.”

He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the seat like he was struggling with something. “You’re wrong. It’s me that doesn’t deserve you.”

With his head against the seat and his face lifted, his neck was exposed and I wanted to take full advantage. I told him, “We won’t argue about it,” then I returned to kissing him until I felt him tremble from my touch.

22 Wife Material

Jessie

Claire sat next to me with her hand on my leg as I drove her home. I covered her hand with mine and laced our fingers together, occasionally bringing her palm to my lips for a kiss. She laid her head against my shoulder and said, “Do you have to work tomorrow?”

“All day long.”

“Since we can’t do anything together tomorrow, could I talk you into a date tomorrow night?”

Her question brought a smile to my face and to my heart because I think this girl could quite possibly talk me into anything. “I could be persuaded.”

She brought my hand to her lips and placed a kiss on the top. “With a kiss?”

“It’s a good possibly,” I hinted.

“Would you mind staying in? I want to cook for you.”

Coming to her house so she could cook for me sounded like her way of introducing me to her mom and reacquainting me with her dad. “Are you asking me to do the meet the parents thing?”

“Technically you’ve met my dad, but I don’t mean the parents thing. My mom and dad will be out of town until Sunday evening, so it will only be us. We can go out and do something if you prefer. It’s no big deal.”

I was relieved because she wasn’t asking me to spend time with her parents, but I thought it best to keep that info to myself. “I’d love to come over, but I won’t get off work until six.”

“Could you be there around seven?” she negotiated.

“Seven sounds perfect.”

When I dropped Claire off this time, our goodbye was different. It was more like our make out session at the garage and I was dangerously close to needing a minute to compose myself when she told me she thought she should go inside.

Instead of walking around to open the passenger door, I opened mine and slid out. She got out behind me and gave me one last kiss before going inside for the night.

When I made it home and got in bed, I couldn’t fall asleep because thinking about my reality with Claire was far better than any dream I could have. I replayed the memory of hearing her tell me how she loved me, but I was left with mixed feelings. I was thrilled because she loved me, but a real relationship with her meant I would eventually be forced to come clean about my life. I couldn’t hide my past forever and I was terrified she would see me for what I really was and realize she was too good for me.

My fear of losing Claire kept me awake most of the night and I felt exhausted when the alarm began to scream, but I got up because I didn’t have a choice. Earl was counting on me for help and I needed the money since I suffered from a chronic case of empty pocket syndrome.