Golden Christmas (8 page)

"Of course. What do you need me to do?" She
was grateful to help him and stop thinking about her own issues for
a while.

Jonathan rose, rounded the sofa, and went to
the sideboard. He felt for the right-hand drawer and pulled it
open. He rummaged and lifted out a pile of envelopes secured by a
rubber band.

"Letters?" Vicky asked as Jonathan sat down
and picked up each of the seven envelopes in turn to feel the size
of them. It looked as if they were all addressed to Captain
Bramwell and postmarked four years ago—the same Christmas that her
world had imploded.

"Christmas cards mainly, I think," he said.
"They were sent to me the first Christmas after my injury. I was in
the hospital, recovering. I had a broken arm and collarbone, soft
tissue injuries, and of course, the head injury. They operated
since I had bleeding on the brain. I was told I had a fifty percent
chance of getting my sight back after that operation."

"It must have been desperately disappointing
to be given hope, then have it taken away again."

Jonathan touched his scar and sighed. "Does
it look ugly?"

"No. It gives you character and shows you're
not just a handsome face."

"You think I'm handsome?"

Vicky laughed. "Are you fishing for
compliments?"

Jonathan's cheeks flushed and she felt bad
for teasing him, but at least the smile was back on his face. He
ran his fingers over the envelopes, tore one open, and felt the
raised design sprinkled with glitter on the Christmas card inside.
"Will you read it for me?"

Vicky swallowed and nodded, then remembered
to say yes.

She leaned into Jonathan's side and he put
his arm around her, pulling her close as she took the card from
him.

"It's a picture of a robin on a snow-covered
red mailbox with a thatched cottage in the background." Vicky
opened the card. "Merry Christmas, sir. Hope you recover soon.
Briggsy."

"Old Briggsy." Jonathan smiled. "He was a bit
of a troublemaker, but you couldn't help but like him. I wonder if
he's still in the army?"

He handed her the other envelopes, and she
opened them one by one and read the short messages inside the
cards. "These are all from soldiers you served with?"

"They're some of the men I commanded during
my tour in Afghanistan."

"Why hasn't someone read these to you
before?"

Jonathan shrugged. "I was in intensive care
when they arrived. The medical staff had other priorities, and I
haven't wanted to ask anyone until now. I thought there might be
one that was personal."

Vicky opened a card with a deer and fawn on
the front and a sheet of folded paper dropped out. Her heart gave a
strange painful thump as she unfolded it and noticed the signature.
"This card contains a letter signed by someone called Laura."

Jonathan stiffened.

Vicky scanned the writing and her gut
clenched with distress. "Maybe I shouldn't read this if it's
private?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but
I would like to know what she said."

Vicky's voice came out soft and a little
hoarse as she spoke the words this woman from his past had
written.

My darling Jon,

I called the hospital after your brain surgery and
they tell me they were unable to restore your sight. When we got
engaged, I asked you to leave the army. I warned you I wasn't
certain I'd cope with being the wife of an army officer.

Now this has happened and my worst fears have come
true. I'm afraid I've made the hardest decision of my life and
decided I can't marry you. I know it seems cruel to break up with
you now, but I don't think I could cope with being married to a
blind man.

I wish you a full recovery from your other injuries
and all the best for the future.

Laura.

Vicky's pulse raced, her cheeks hot with
anger, her chest so tight she barely had the breath to finish
reading the horrible note. What a heartless woman.

"I'm so sorry." Snuggling closer to Jonathan,
she wrapped both arms around him and held tight, trying to infuse
him with love and compassion so he wouldn't feel so bad. He cupped
the back of her head and stroked her hair.

They stayed this way for long minutes, the
only sound the clock ticking on the mantel. Finally Jonathan spoke.
"Laura used to be Shelly's best friend. Poor Shelly had to break
the news to me and return the engagement ring. You'd think Laura
could have at least come and told me herself."

"It might not be much consolation, but you're
better off without that Laura woman."

"I know."

"Do you still have feelings for her?"

"No." Jonathan laughed without humor. "She's
already been married and divorced. I had a lucky escape. Anyway, if
I'd married her, I might not have met you."

His lips touched Vicky's forehead, and her
eyelids fell. Jonathan sparked desires she'd thought dead
forever.

"Thank you for reading me the cards. I didn't
want to ask Shelly. She introduced me to Laura, so she already
feels bad enough about what happened, and it's not the sort of
thing I wanted to ask Marcus or Owen to do."

"You're welcome."

Despite the sad note, Vicky was pleased
Jonathan had confided something so personal. She ran her fingers
around his nape and into his thick hair, angling her face up to
press her lips to his.

Sharing confidences brought them closer and
dispelled her final doubts about unlocking her emotions. Sensual
longings she hadn't felt for years flooded her body, leaving her
muscles weak and her blood pumping.

“You don’t know what you do to me,” Jonathan
mumbled. “It’s been so long…”

They kissed for hours, and when he rose and
led her to his room, she didn’t hesitate. Could she be falling in
love with this man?

Vicky
woke in the warm comfort of Jonathan's bed, her legs tangled with
his and her arm over his chest.

"Hey there, sleepyhead, Merry Christmas." He
kissed her and snuggled her closer. "I'm so pleased you stayed last
night and I got to wake up with you this morning. I haven't had
such a wonderful gift on Christmas morning for years."

Through her sleepy haze of pleasurable
memories, Vicky drifted, confused by how different she felt than
when she'd arrived a week ago. She'd come to the Cotswolds to hide
away and mourn. Yet something magical had happened when she met
Jonathan.

This man touched a part of her she'd thought
was too numb to ever feel again. It was as if he'd woken her from a
bad dream, and she'd opened her eyes for the first time in four
years. Yet part of her still felt guilty for being here with him,
guilty for the buzz of pleasure and excitement that touching him
and seeing him smile gave her. She wasn't sure that would ever
completely go away, but she had a life to live and it was time to
embrace it.

Vicky leaned her forearms on his chest and
kissed his lips. "Merry Christmas." For the first time in four
years, she meant it. Honey came in, tail wagging tentatively, and
sat beside the bed. "Poor girl. I think Honey's confused by my
being here."

"Well, you have stolen her spot on the bed."
Jonathan boosted himself on an elbow and patted the covers. "Come
on, girl. Still room for you." Honey jumped up and wormed her way
between them.

They both made a fuss of her, rubbing her
ears and petting her. "I know what you want, and it involves a
ball," Jonathan said to his dog.

"I'll make a cup of tea, and then we can take
her out." Vicky climbed out of bed and glanced through the window
while she pulled on Jonathan's green-and-red-checked robe. The
amazing view over the Rosemoor gardens resembled a winter
wonderland, and her heart soared.

"Jon, it snowed last night. Everything's
covered in a crisp white frosting. There are patches of blue sky
visible between the gray clouds, and the sun's shining through the
gaps, sparkling on the snow and ice. The grass, trees, and bushes
look as though they're covered in diamonds."

She tore her gaze from the view and glanced
over her shoulder. Jonathan leaned back against his pillow, a
faraway look on his face as he ran his palm along Honey's back. "I
remember the garden looking like that when I was a boy. Back then I
couldn't wait to get outside and break the ice on the lake, and
have a snowball fight with my brother."

The thought of boys playing in the snow sent
a shot of pain through Vicky as she remembered her precious photos
of Colin and Josh with their snowman. The mental image slowly
morphed as she imagined Jonathan as a boy running around on the
lawn outside, having fun.

He held out a hand, and she stepped closer
and took it. He drew her near and pressed a kiss on her knuckles.
"Thank you for describing what you can see. You've no idea how much
that means to me."

To know she'd given Jonathan pleasure left
her with a warm fuzzy feeling. Being with him was starting to fill
the gaping void that losing Colin and Josh had left in her
life.

Vicky kissed the scar on Jonathan's forehead,
purposely choosing that spot to show him it didn't matter to her.
"I'll make the tea. Be back in a moment."

She boiled the kettle and made two mugs of
the English breakfast tea Jonathan liked, then carried them back to
the bedroom. Honey had laid her head on Jonathan's lap and was
asleep with a satisfied look on her face.

"Don't worry, baby," Vicky said, rubbing
Honey's ears as she settled beside her on the bed. "I'm not going
to steal your master. We can share him." Honey's tail thumped on
the covers, and she licked Vicky's hand as if to say she
understood.

When they'd finished their tea, Jonathan put
on his dressing gown and took Honey outside for fifteen minutes
while Vicky cooked a full English breakfast. They went back to bed
to eat, leaning against the pillows with trays on their laps.

Vicky never wanted this perfect Christmas
morning to end, but all too soon the clock in the sitting room
chimed midday. "We need to think about getting up. Shelly is
expecting us at two for Christmas dinner, and I want to give Honey
a decent walk first."

Vicky set aside her tray and pressed her
fingertips to her temples. She really should call her mum and dad,
and she was putting it off.

"I think I'll go to my room for a shower.
I'll meet you back here in thirty minutes to take Honey out." While
she was alone, she would make her quick call to her parents and get
it over with.

She carried the trays to the kitchen and
loaded the dishwasher, then stopped by the bathroom to kiss
Jonathan's stubbly cheek while he brushed his teeth. "See you in a
little while."

Back in her room, she decided to shower first
and call afterwards. She set the shower running and pulled off her
robe. She was about to step under the water when her mobile phone
rang. Shutting off the water, she dashed back into the bedroom,
wrapped in a towel. Her heart pinched at the sight of her mum's
name on her phone screen.

She wanted to speak to them but it was always
so awkward, like walking on broken glass. Scooping back her hair,
she released a sigh as she lifted the phone to her ear and tried to
recover the happiness she'd felt earlier.

"Hi, Mum. Merry Christmas." Vicky plopped
down on the red velvet chair in front of the dressing table and
pasted on a smile as she stared at her reflection in the
mirror.

"Merry Christmas, darling. How are you
feeling? You sound happier than usual."

"I am. I decided to stay at a place in the
Cotswolds this Christmas, and it's wonderful. I've met
someone."

"A man?"

"Yes, and a puppy. I'm buying a
Labrador-cross golden retriever. She'll be ready to leave her mum
at the end of January."

"That's wonderful, darling. I'm so pleased.
Colin and Josh would have wanted you to move on. You don't know how
relieved I am that you're finally doing it."

"I'll never forget them, Mum."

"Nobody expects you to. We still miss them as
well. Josh was our grandson, remember. We had to cope with the
loss. But life goes on. We want to see our little girl happy again.
Dad's nodding. He agrees."

Vicky rested her head in her hand. She knew
her mum meant well, but somehow her encouragement to move on always
made Vicky feel guilty for grieving too long.

There was a shuffling sound. "Dad wants to
talk to you. I'm passing the phone over."

"Hello, Vicky, love. I'm glad to hear you're
feeling better."

Tears filled Vicky's eyes at her father's
gentle tone. They'd always been close, but she'd shut him out after
the accident. She knew she'd hurt him.

"You going to make it over to see us sometime
soon?"

"I'll try."

"That'll be wonderful. Just let us know when
you're coming. We miss you, love. I miss you."

After the conversation with her parents,
Vicky went back to her shower and stepped in. She hung her head,
letting the water stream through her trailing hair. Her earlier
happiness leaked down the drain with the suds. She hadn't just lost
Colin and Josh, she'd lost her whole life. The way she'd reacted
had made a terrible situation worse for herself and her poor
parents.

She remembered the sensation of lying in
Jonathan's arms, and hope whispered through her. With him there was
the possibility of love and security, something that had been
missing from her life for so long. Yet if she was to have a chance
with Jonathan, she must reclaim her past and accept there would
always be reminders of Colin.

And it was long past time she visited her mum
and dad.

After her shower, Vicky dressed and headed back to Jonathan's
apartment. A growing sense of purpose filled her now she'd decided
to visit her parents and stop running from the memories there.