Golden Colorado (3 page)

One thing she had learned about James over the past months was that he was incredibly creative and inventive. He could create or fix anything metal. Still, the thought of cooking a Thanksgiving turkey over an open campfire wasn’t exactly conducive to matching her fond memories of Thanksgiving with her family growing up. So much for a sit-down, family get-together, surrounded by friends and loved ones and a gloriously set table brimming with a turkey feast with all the fixings.

A week before Thanksgiving, Minnie finally brought up the topic she’s so dreaded to discuss with her husband. Because she didn’t have a winter jacket adequate for Colorado’s biting chill in the air, she had donned one of her husband’s older jackets and stepped outside, nervously approaching him as he sat at his table, once again focusing on a number of papers and diagrams, all held down with small rocks to keep them from blowing in the breeze.

“James, I need to talk to you.”

Minnie had learned over time that James, though stubborn, impatient, and often impetuous, always meant well. He was kind, if somewhat introverted, and he didn’t talk much, but when she talked she always received his full attention. He put his pencil down and turned to look up at her.

“I… I think I may need to go to the doctor,” she blurted.

He immediately frowned with concern and began to stand up. “You’re ill?”

“Not exactly…” she mumbled.

“What is it, Minnie?”

All of a sudden, and quite to her surprise, her eyes filled with tears and she began to weep. “James, we’ve been married for nearly six months now and I haven’t… I haven’t been… well, I haven’t yet conceived…” She glanced down at her feet in abject embarrassment while the heat of a flush warmed her cheeks. She didn’t want to look up into his eyes.

He coughed in what she could only perceive as discomfort, but then he gently patted her shoulder.

“Now now, Minnie, it will be all right. Maybe we just need to give it more time.”

She looked up at him, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I don’t think that time is going to help…”

He glanced from her to the house, which had come a little further in the past month. One side was already walled in, and the inside framing had finally been completed. It would be a good and proper house when it was finished, ready for a family.

She knew what he was thinking, gazing between her and the house.

“I know we don’t have a lot of money, James,” she said. “I wouldn’t ask, but I know how important it is for you, and for me—”

“Hush,” he said gently.

He stepped forward and wrapped her in his embrace. She felt his strength and appreciated it as she burrowed her head into his shoulder, allowing the tears of despair to flow through her. She wanted children so badly. It was the only dream that she could still hang on to.

“We’ll head into town tomorrow, all right, Minnie?”

She looked up into his face, saw the concern in his eyes, and felt a sudden rush of affection for him.

“You’re a kind man, James,” she said. “Thank you.”

The following day, a bundle of nerves, Minnie climbed up onto the wagon bench seat beside James to head into town to visit the doctor. She had only seen the doctor a couple of times at church before. He was a kindly, elderly man with glasses who commonly wore a dark frock coat and hat. He always had a perpetually half-sad, half-compassionate expression on his face. He spoke with a slight Irish lilt, and based on what others said about him and how busy he was, Minnie knew he was a good doctor. He would be able to either set her mind at ease, or deliver some of the worst news of her life.

As they traveled, she noticed storm clouds building to the north. Occasionally she saw streaks of lightning, and she hoped they could get to town and back before the rains came. She didn’t think it was cold enough to snow, but this would be her first winter in Colorado and she had no idea what to expect.

The journey into town didn’t take long, but neither of them said much along the way. Minnie’s mind raced in a thousand different directions and she couldn’t tell what James was thinking, as usual. Once they arrived in town, he pulled up in front of the doctor’s office.

“Would you like me to come in with you?” he asked, one hand on the wagon break.

She thought about it for a minute, then shook her head. “No, James. I’m sure you have some things you can take care of while I’m in there. I don’t expect it will take more than an hour.”

He gazed at her for several moments, opened his mouth to say something, and then nodded. “All right, I’ll go get some grain for the horses and pick up a few more supplies for the house. You’ll be all right?”

While she didn’t feel all right at all, she smiled and nodded gravely. “Of course, James.” She began to climb down from the wagon, but he gestured her to stay put, quickly jumped down, and hurried around the wagon to her side. He lifted up his arms and she allowed him to help her down. With both feet on the ground, she kept her hands on his shoulders for a few seconds, looking deeply into his eyes.

Then, with an awkward clearing of his throat, he turned and climbed back onto the wagon seat. Releasing the brake, he drove away. She turned toward the door of the doctor’s office, took a deep, trembling breath, and reached for the doorknob.

An hour later to the minute, James pulled the wagon up to the doctor’s office. Minnie, leaning outside against the side wall away from the street traffic, recognized the sound of his voice as he pulled the horses to a stop. After she heard them climb down from the wagon and step toward the doorway, she called out to him.

“James, I’m over here, on the side,” she said, her voice trembling. She knew she looked awful; how her face would be red from crying, her eyes most likely bloodshot, her nose red and running. She had managed to saturate her hanky, but she couldn’t stop the tears. She had been standing out here for the last ten minutes or so, her spirits crushed, her dreams once again shattered.

James ventured around the corner of the building, frowning in curiosity. Her eyes met his, and she saw that he knew. At the sight of him she let loose with a low wailing sound that shook her to the core. He rushed toward her, wrapped his arms around her, and allowed her to sob out her heartache on his shoulder.

“I’m… I’m barren, James,” she shuddered. “I’m so sorry… I’m worthless to you—”

“No, no you’re not, Minnie.” His arms tightened around her. “We’ll get through this somehow.”

“But you wanted children so badly,” she cried, a fresh stream of tears running down her cheeks. “So did I James! I feel… so….”

He gently nudged her away, looking down into her eyes while he grasped her shoulders in his hands. “It’s a disappointment, no doubt about that, but if it’s God’s will—”

“Why is God punishing me?” she cried. Her heart thumped dully in her chest and she began to shiver with emotion. “First, I lost my family, all of them in the house fire—” she looked up at him. “That’s why I responded to your ad… I had nothing… no one—”

“You have
me
now,” he said.

“But I can’t even give you what you wanted most!” Again sobs shook her tiny frame.

“Come on, Minnie, let’s get you home,” he said. He wrapped his arm around her and helped her to the wagon.

As if on cue, a huge clap of thunder rumbled overhead. She glanced up, noticing several streaks of lightning brightening the now cloudy day. “Is it safe?” she asked. “I didn’t think it was safe to travel in—”

“I’ve got supplies in the back, Minnie, and I’m going to get you home,” he said. “I’m sure we’ll be all right.”

She didn’t argue. She had no energy left to argue or disagree. After all, she knew that despite her concerns, James had made up his mind and she had no desire, at least at the moment, to debate with him. She was devastated beyond despair.
Barren
! How humiliating!

The miles passed and she barely notice them, her mind turned inward, her heart aching, bouts of weeping alternating between blank, blurry stares into the distance surrounding her. She didn’t even notice when it started to rain, not until James nestled a little closer to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

“We’ll be home soon,” he soothed.

He was right, but as they breached the rise and headed down the trail that would take them to the soddy and they’re not-quite-half-finished new home, he pulled the animals to a sudden halt.

She glanced up from her hands, tightly folded in her lap, saw his face, white as a ghost, and then turned to look. The wail that escaped her encompassed disbelief, horror, and the epitome of despair.

The frame foundation of their home lay charred and collapsed in a heap, only one half of the new walls remained upright, also charred. Lightning must have struck the house.

Fresh tears flooded her eyes as she stared, gaping at what remained of James’ dream house. All of a sudden she couldn’t take anymore. She began to cry, sob, and shout all at the same time. She looked up into the gray, ominous, and cloudy sky and barely resisted the urge to shake her fist at it.

“Why God? Why? Haven’t I suffered enough? What have I done to disappoint you so?” Her voice rose to a shriek. “What have I done for you to punish me so?”

The house wasn’t the only thing that the obviously quick moving thunderstorm had damaged. Not only was the house destroyed, or at least severely damaged, but the soddy was damaged as well. One of the front sides had completely collapsed back on itself, falling into the interior. She stared in shock at it, then glanced up at James. He too assessed the damage, his jaw working furiously.

She had just opened her mouth to express her increasing panic when he turned to her and spoke.

“It’ll be okay, Minnie,” he said. “I can repair the soddy—”

“No,” she said. “If one rainstorm can destroy it, it’s not stable! I don’t want to live in a soddy all winter!”

He stared down at her a moment and then nodded. “This time, I do have to agree. It was a foolish suggestion. I would not want to put you in such danger.”

She grabbed his arm. “James, what are we going to do?”

Heaving a heavy sigh, he clucked the horses forward. “I guess we’ll have to take up residence in the barn with the animals.”

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Minnie thought. The barn was small, already crowded with two horses, the milk cow, and a stack of hay in one corner, a small tack room in the back, and only one empty stall. The thought of being in such close proximity to the animals frightened her, but what else could they do? The house was inhabitable, the soddy even more so, and dangerous.

During the following couple of weeks, James had transferred most of their belongings into the barn, salvaging what cooking equipment and supplies he could from the soddy and moving them in as well.

He had made up a bed for themselves, a rather comfortable one at that, she had to admit, in the empty stall. The straw was clean and he had piled it high, covering it with blankets and their pillows. He had placed a small dresser from the soddy against one of the stall walls, and even though the horses snorted at it in suspicion for several days, they gradually got used to it.

The days she spent in the barn watching James with the animals prompted her to begin to lose some of her fear of them. She was impressed with his gentleness, and the way he softly spoke to them as he brushed the horses every evening and milked the cow every morning, humming softly as she chewed her cud.

One evening as he brushed one of the horses, he gestured her over to his side. At first she shook her head, eyes wide with fear, but he continued to urge her. One slow step at a time, she hesitantly approached him, keeping James’s body between herself and that of the huge sorrel mare. To her surprise, he handed her the brush and showed her how to slide her hand between the strap and the wood backing.

“She’s gentle, Minnie,” he said. “We’re going to be spending the winter in here, or at least until I can get that house built, so it’s probably a good idea for you to try to get over your fear of the animals.”

“But—”

“But nothing,” he said.

With the brush now attached to her right hand, he gently clasped her left and placed it on the mare’s withers, at the base of the mare’s neck. The mare turned her head slightly, glanced at Minnie with wide eyes, and then returned to eating her hay.

“A horse can sense your fear,” he explained softly. “Don’t be afraid. She’s not going to hurt you. She loves to be brushed and stroked.”

Minnie’s heart pounded, but she kept her hand on the mare. With his hand, James grasped the hand holding the brush and began to stroke it along the mare’s back.

“Gentle, but firm strokes,” he instructed. “Always go with the grain of the hair.” He showed her how to brush the mare, and then slowly released his grip on her hand.

Minnie continued to stroke the brush over the mare’s back, and with each stroke, the mare offered a little shiver. After several strokes she neighed softly, then returned once again to eating her hay.

“See? She likes it.”

Minnie, astounded by her bravery, smiled up at James. After several minutes of brushing the mare, growing steadily calmer, James removed the brush from her hand. She gazed up at him in question. He urged her closer to the mare’s head. “Feel how soft her nose is, right between her nostrils,” he encouraged. He demonstrated by running the palm of his hand down the mare’s face and then over the softness of her nose.

James waited patiently for her to copy his movement. Minnie wasn’t sure she wanted to get so close to the horse’s mouth, but once again, stiffening her spine and strengthening her resolve, she placed her palm on the bridge of the mare’s face, just below her eyes. The mare stared at her sleepily. Slowly, as James had done, she stroked her hand down the length of her face, and then over her nose, her eyes widening when she felt the soft fuzzy softness there. She giggled.

James offered a low laugh, and the sound warmed her heart.

“Watch this,” he said. He pulled a chunk of carrot from his pocket, placed it in his palm, and moved his open palm beneath the horse’s mouth.