Golden Son (42 page)

“What do you suppose they would think of us?” I ask. “Of man?”

“I suppose they would think we’re beautiful, strange, and inexplicably horrible to one another.” She points down a hall. “Is that the training room?” She flips off her slippers and walks away down a marble hall, casting a look back at me over her shoulder. I follow. Lights come mutedly to life as we pass. She slips ahead faster than I care to follow. I find her moments later in the center of the circular training room. The white mat is soft under my feet. Carvings line the wooden walls. “The House of Grimmus is an old one,” she says, pointing to a frieze of a man in armor. “You can see the Ash Lord’s first ancestor there. Seneca au Grimmus, the first Gold to touch land in the Iron Rain that took the American eastern seaboard after one of Cassius’s ancestors, forget his name, broke through the Atlantic Fleet. Then there is Vitalia au Grimmus, the Great Witch, right there.” She turns to me. “Do you even know the history of the things you try to break?”

“It was Scipio au Bellona who defeated the Atlantic Fleet.”

“Was it?” she asks.

“I’ve studied the history,” I say. “Just as well as you.”

“But you stand apart from it, don’t you?” She paces around me. “You always have. Like you’re an

outsider looking in. It was growing up away from all this on your parents’ asteroid mine that did the trick, wasn’t it? That’s why you can ask a question like ‘What would aliens think of us?’ ”

“You’re just as much an outsider as I am. I’ve read your dissertations.”

“You have?” She’s surprised.

“Believe it or not, I can read too.” I shake my head. “It’s like everyone forgets I only missed one question on the Institute’s slangsmarts test.”

“Ew. You missed a question?” She wrinkles her nose as she picks a practice razor from a bench. “I suppose that’s why you weren’t in Minerva.”

“How did Pax manage to get picked by House Minerva, by the way? I’ve always wondered … he

wasn’t exactly a scholar.”

“How did Roque end up in Mars?” she replies with a shrug. “Each of us have hidden depths. Now,

Pax wasn’t as bright as Daxo is, but wisdom is found in the heart, not the head. Pax taught me that.”

She smiles distantly. “The one grace my father gave me after my mother died was letting me visit the Telemanus estate. He kept Adrius and me apart to make assassination of his heirs more difficult. I was lucky to be near them. Though if I hadn’t been, maybe Pax wouldn’t have been quite so loyal. Maybe he wouldn’t have asked to be in Minerva. Maybe he’d be alive. Sorry …” Shaking away the sadness, she looks back to me with a tight smile. “What did you think of my dissertations?”

“Which one?”

“Surprise me.”

“ ‘The Insects of Specialization.’ ”
Snap
. A practice razor slaps into my arm, stinging the flesh. I yelp in surprise. “What the hell?”

Mustang stands there looking innocent, swishing the practice blade back and forth. “I was making sure you were paying attention.”

“Paying attention? I was answering your question!”

She shrugs. “All right. Perhaps I just wanted to hit you.” She lashes at me again.

I dodge. “Why?”

“No reason in particular.” She swings. I dodge. “But they say even a fool learns something once it hits him.”

“Don’t quote”—she slashes, I twist aside—“Homer … to me.”

“Why is that dissertation your favorite?” she asks coolly, swinging at me again. The practice razor has no edge, but it is as hard as a wooden cane. I leave my feet, twisting sideways out of the way like a Lykos tumbler.

“Because …” I dodge another.

“When you’re on your heels, you’re a liar. On your toes, you spit truth.” She swings again. “Now spit.” She hits my kneecap. I roll away, trying to reach the other practice razors, but she keeps me from them with a flurry of swings. “Spit!”

“I liked it”—I jump backward—“because you said ‘Specialization makes us limited, simple insects; a fact … from … which Gold is not immune.’ ”

She stops attacking and stares accusatorially, and I realize I’ve fallen into a trap.

“If you agree with that, then why do you insist on making yourself only a warrior?”

“It’s what I am.”

“It’s what you are?” she laughs. “You who trust Victra. A Julii. You who trusted Tactus. You who let an Orange give strategic recommendations. You who gives command of your ship to a Docker and

keeps an entourage of bronzies?” She wags a finger at me. “Don’t be a hypocrite now, Darrow au Andromedus. If you’re going to tell everyone else they can choose their destiny, then you damn well better do the same.”

She’s too smart to lie to. That’s why I’m so ill at ease around her when she asks me questions, when she probes things I can’t explain. There’s no explainable motivation to so many of my actions if I am really an Andromedus who grew up in my Gold parents’ asteroid mining colony. My history is hollow to her. My drive confusing … if I was born a Gold. This must all look like ambition, like bloodlust. And without Eo, it would be.

“That look,” Mustang says, taking a step back from me. “Where do you go when you look at me

like that?” The color slips from her face, retreating into her as her smile slackens. “Is it Victra?”

“Victra?” I almost laugh. “No.”

“Then her. The girl you lost.”

I say nothing.

She’s never pried. She’s never asked about Eo, not when we shared time together after the Institute when I was a rising lancer. Not when we rode horses at her family’s estate or walked through the gardens or dove in the coral reefs. I thought she must have forgotten I whispered the name of another girl as I lay with her in the Institute’s snows. How stupid of me. How could she forget? How could it not linger there inside her, forcing her to wonder, as she lay with her head on my chest listening to my heart beat, if it didn’t belong to another girl, a dead girl.

“Silence isn’t the answer right now, Darrow.” After a moment, she leaves me alone in the room.

Sounds from her feet fade. The Mozart disappears.

I chase after her, reaching her before she finds the door to the hall. I grab her wrist. She flings me off.

“Stop it!”

I reel back, startled.

“Why do you do this?” she asks. “Why do you pull me back if you’re just going to push me away?”

Her fists ball like she wants to strike me. “It’s not fair. Do you understand that? I’m not like you … I can’t just … I can’t just shut off like you do.”

“I don’t shut off.”

“You shut me off. After that speech about Victra … about the importance of friends …” She snaps

her fingers in front of my face. “You can still cut me away like
that
. You care and then you don’t.

Maybe that’s why he likes you so much.”

“He?”

“My father.”

“He doesn’t like me.”

“How could he not? You are him.”

I back away from her and find rest on the edge of the bed. “I’m not like your father.”

“I know,” she says, releasing some of her anger. “That’s not fair to you. But you will become him if you follow this path alone.” She puts her hand on the door controls. “So ask me to stay.”

How can I let her? If she gives me her heart, I’ll break it. My lie is too great to build a love upon.

When she discovers what I am, she will reject me. Even if she could survive that, I would not. I look at my hands as if the answer is there.

“Darrow. Ask me to stay.”

When I look up, she is gone.

34

BLOOD BROTHERS

Lorn’s scouts capture the camel vessel as it brings foodstuffs to Pliny’s fleet gathered around Hildas Station, a star-shaped hub of trade and communications on the fringes of the asteroid belt between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter. For fifteen hours, I hide with Roque, Victra, Sevro, the Howlers, the Telemanuses, Lorn, Mustang, and Ragnar among boxes and crates of vacuum-sealed protofiber meals. Ragnar crushed the first box he sat on, sending meals scattering everywhere, before he left the humid cargo bay for the subzero freezer unit.

Sevro cuts open a half dozen of the meals and nibbles throughout the journey, sharing with the Telemanuses and his Howlers while Roque sits speaking with Victra in the corner. Mustang leans against Daxo, sharing stories with Kavax about Pax. She avoids my gaze.

I tried apologizing before we boarded the ship, but she cut me off fastlike. “Nothing to apologize about. We’re adults. Let’s not sulk and bicker like children. There’s things to be done.”

The words grow colder as I roll them over and over again through my mind.

Lorn nudges me with his boot. “Try to be less obvious, boy. You’re staring.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Love and war. Same coin. Different sides. I’m too wrinkled for either.”

“Maybe war will breathe some life into your old bones.”

“Well, I tried love last month.” He leans close. “Didn’t work like it used to.”

“Too honest, Lorn.” I can’t help but laugh.

He grunts and adjusts himself on the boxes, groaning audibly as something pops in his back. “So

that’s the reason for all this. Helping poor old man Lorn get his fix of war.” His anger has not yet dissipated, nor do I expect it to. “Let me return the favor to you. The key today will be tact. The Praetors, Legates, and bannermen you attempt to woo are not fools. And they do not suffer fools.

Pliny has given them valid argument. He’s aligned their interests with his. You must counter with the same.”

“Pliny is a leech,” I say. “A liar as much as you’re an honest man.”

“And that makes him dangerous. Liars make the best promises.” Lorn plays with his griffin ring,

no doubt thinking of the beast and of the grandchildren on his ships in the fleet. He brought his whole household off Europa, three million men and women of all Colors. “I could not leave them,” he told me when I noted the size of his fleet as we left that water moon. “Octavia would come and burn the home while we’re away.” So they left their floating cities and set to the stars. The civilians will separate from my fleet soon, hiding in the infinite black space between the planets. His three surviving daughters-in-law will guide them.

“And Pliny has the power of the Sovereign behind him,” Lorn continues. “It will be difficult to dissuade them. Speaking of the Sovereign … I noticed that you have something of hers.”

“The
Pax
?”

“No. Smaller. Though not much smaller. The Stained that was here.”

“Ragnar?”

“If that’s its name,” Lorn says.

“
His
name,” I say. “He was meant to be a gift to the Julii for betraying Augustus.”

“Saw it in the Citadel’s arena once—scary as some of the creatures that hide in Europa’s seas.”

“He might be an Obsidian, but he’s still a man.”

“Biologically, maybe. But he’s bred for one thing. Don’t forget that.”

“You treat your own servants kindly. I expect you to treat mine the same.”

“I treat people kindly. Pinks, Browns, Reds are people. Your
Ragnar
is a weapon.”

“He chose me. Tools don’t choose.”

“Have it your way, but know the consequences.” Lorn shrugs and mutters something further under

his breath.

“Say what you want to say.”

“You will fall to ruin because you believe that exceptions to the rule make new rules. That an evil man can shed the trappings of wickedness just because you want him to. Men do not change. That is why I killed the Rath boy. Learn the lesson now, so you don’t have to learn it with a knife in your back later. The Colors exist for a reason. Reputations exist for a reason.”

For the first time, he seems small and old to me. It’s not his wrinkles. It’s what he says. He is a relic.

Thoughts like his belong to the age I am trying to destroy. He can’t help what he believes. He’s not seen what I’ve seen. He’s not come from where I’ve been. He had no Eo to push him, no Dancer to

guide him, no Mustang to give him hope. He grew up in a Society where love and trust are as scarce as grass in the Helion waste. But he’s always wanted both. He’s like a man planting seeds, watching them grow into trees, only for his neighbors to cut them down. It will be different this time. And if all goes well, I will give him back a grandson.

“You taught me once, Lorn. I’m a better man for it. But now it’s my turn to teach you. Men can change. Sometimes they have to fall. Sometimes they have to leap.” I pat his knee and gain my feet.

“Before you die, you’ll realize it was a mistake to kill Tactus, because you never gave him the chance to believe he was a good man.”

I find Ragnar lying on the ground in the freezer unit, at home in the bitter chill. His shirt is off, so I see the frightening angles of his tattooed body. Runes everywhere.
Protection
over his back.
Malice
over hands.
Mother
over his throat.
Father
over his feet.
Sister
behind his ears. The mysterious skull marks of
Stained
upon his face.