Gone (14 page)

‘You?’ Freeman asked, just to be polite.

‘Oh, I’ve got no family now, dear. It’ll just be me, Roy, and the telly. A few glasses of sherry. You’re welcome to come.’

Freeman stared at the old lady and it clicked. The lonely old lady felt sorry for her. She was being offered charity, a place to go. She didn’t even have a dog to keep her company.

‘Is that you, dear?’ said Lady C and Freeman glanced up before realising her phone was ringing. She pulled it out of her pocket and answered.

‘Freeman.’

‘DS Freeman, it’s Michael Gardner.’

‘Oh,’ she said and stood up, indicating to Lady C she’d be back in a minute, and returned to her flat.

‘Is this a bad time?’ Gardner asked.

‘No, no, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect you to call back tonight.’

‘Yeah . . . well,’ Gardner said and the line buzzed with quiet for a moment. ‘So, Ben Swales. To be honest, I don’t remember a huge amount about him. I think I only met him once.’

‘Yeah,’ Freeman said. ‘And that probably answers my question. It’s just, I went to see him today about Emma. He denied knowing her.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. He backtracked when I mentioned him going to see her dad, but he still didn’t have much to say about her. I got more from your report. Hang on . . .’ she said and found the notes from Gardner’s interview with Ben. ‘She first went to the clinic in March ’99. Wanted help getting off heroin. But then she disappeared again in April, which was when Ben visited her dad. From your notes he admits to that, said, “I did visit Mr Thorley on a couple of occasions. But Emma and I didn’t have a relationship. Emma trusted me. She’d been having problems with an ex-boyfriend.” You asked if it was Yates and he said, “I believe so. I didn’t really know any details. I just knew that she wanted to get away for a while. She came to me and asked if I’d go to her father’s house and give him a note. She knew he’d been upset when she left before.” Thing is, he’d only known her a month. In which case, yes, you might forget someone eleven years later. But he admitted going to Ray Thorley’s when he talked to you.’

‘So?’

‘So, doesn’t it seem weird that he’d go to all that trouble for someone he’d known a month? A little bit creepy?’

‘I don’t know. He was just trying to help her. That was his job.’

‘His job was to help her off the drugs, not to help her leave town and act as a go-between.’ Freeman sighed. Maybe she was being too hard on Swales. Maybe Gardner was right. ‘But why lie about knowing her? He can’t have forgotten her. Plus his boss reckoned he was overfriendly with some of his clients. The girls.’

‘I didn’t speak to his boss,’ Gardner said, and Freeman caught a hint of something in his voice. Regret, maybe. ‘Remind me, did he just go to her dad’s once?’

‘No,’ Freeman said. ‘He took another note later on but claimed he didn’t see Emma. She posted it to the clinic and he took it to Ray. Then she came back and Ben didn’t see her again. Or so he claimed. He did suggest she was still using, though.’

‘Yeah, I remember. He thought she’d just taken off again.’

‘Said, “No doubt she’ll turn up sooner or later.”’

‘Guess we were both wrong,’ Gardner said.

They let that thought hang between them for a moment. ‘It’s possible he had forgotten about her,’ Gardner said after a while. ‘If he saw a lot of people through his work.’

‘But you remembered her.’

Gardner didn’t reply for a moment, then just said, ‘I did.’

‘And you didn’t get any bad feeling about him? Nothing bothered you?’

‘I don’t remember having
any
feelings about him. He was someone who’d known Emma. Someone who had an insight into her state of mind. His professional opinion was that she was unstable.’

‘Yeah. I’m just wondering how professional he really was,’ Freeman said, more to herself. ‘Well, sorry to disturb you again.’

‘No problem. Just let me know if there’s anything else you need.’ Gardner cleared his throat.

‘Thanks,’ Freeman said. ‘Night.’

She went to her neighbour’s and said goodnight to Lady C before going back home, feeling like shit. She wanted to believe it was Gardner’s call that’d lowered her mood, because he’d had no answers for her. But she knew it was seeing her neighbour, seeing her future. She wondered about calling Brian, but knew it would be a huge mistake. She took the cardboard box from her bag and carried it to the bathroom, thinking it didn’t matter either way.

The night before, she’d drifted off thinking about the possibility of having a family but woke in a hot sweat, dreaming of screaming babies. She knew it was the thought of being old and alone that was making her waver, seeing Lady C without anyone to care for her. But she wasn’t going to let it get to her. She didn’t
want
to be a mother. Nothing would change that. Besides, as far as she could tell, having kids caused nothing but trouble. Imagine the grief, the years of pain Ray Thorley had been through. That her own parents had been through.

And shit, maybe she wasn’t even pregnant anyway and all this headfucking was for nothing.

Chapter 30

14 December 2010

Lucas watched as Andrea tried to wipe away the lager she’d spilt down her chin without anyone noticing. It was hardly subtle but as she appeared to be the soberest person in the pub – staff included – it worked. It was apparent that the quiz had been won, the winnings had been drunk and now those still upright were singing along to Slade.

Lucas made his way to the bar and stood a few feet away from Andrea, waiting for her to stop draping herself across some pensioner in a trilby and notice him. She was hardly Marilyn Monroe but she was making an effort with her low-cut jeans and high-rise thong. She could do better than the old bloke, and tonight she might just get lucky.

‘Pint of lager, please,’ Lucas said and the barman roused himself and found an almost clean glass from beneath the bar. Lucas wasn’t going to put it anywhere near his mouth but a few quid wasted was a small price to pay for getting what he wanted.

‘Don’t I know you?’

Lucas looked across at Andrea. She was squinting at him the way only drunks do. He smiled at her. ‘I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure.’

She giggled. ‘No. I definitely know you from somewhere.’ She slid off her stool and staggered towards him, tits first. ‘Do you work in the offy on the high street?’

Lucas waited. She’d get there in the end. Maybe he should’ve left his suit on.

‘No, I know,’ she said, slapping him on the chest. ‘You came to work earlier. You were looking for Ben.’

Lucas raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh, yeah. That was you.’ He clicked his fingers as if trying to remember her name.

‘Andrea,’ she said, her hand still on his chest. ‘But you can call me Anders.’

‘Well, Anders,’ he replied and slid the filthy pint glass towards her. ‘Can I get you a drink?’

Lucas untangled himself from the dead weight of Andrea’s arms. She’d been snoring for twenty minutes and he was starting to think it hadn’t been worth it. Especially as she hadn’t told him any-fucking-thing. To be fair, she wasn’t bad in bed, but he didn’t have time for this bullshit. He needed to get what he came for and get out. He’d already given her his sob story about how sick he’d been and how much he’d turned his life around thanks to Ben. Ben, Ben, fucking Ben. He’d been talking about him all night and still she hadn’t told him anything.

Lucas looked at his watch. He was losing the will to live. And he needed to piss. He tried shoving her a little but she was in a booze coma. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ he muttered and looked around the room. Beside the bed was a small chest of drawers. He reached over and opened a drawer before slamming it shut. Andrea jumped and rolled away from him. She brushed the matted hair back from her face and wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth.

‘What time is it?’ she asked.

‘Half six.’

‘In the morning?’ Andrea rolled onto her side of the bed and grabbed her cigarettes from a pocket in the pile of clothes on the floor. She lit one and held the pack out for Lucas.

After he’d lit his he lay back, staring at the ceiling. ‘I should quit these next,’ he said.

‘I’ll never quit smoking,’ Andrea said. ‘My nana smoked every day from age fourteen to eighty-four. Never did her any harm.’ She took a long, deep drag. ‘Died of lung cancer. But she was eighty-four.’

Lucas took a drag and then stamped the fag out on the bedside table. Why wouldn’t she just shut up? Why did she keep bringing everything back to herself?

He rolled onto his side and faced her. ‘I wish I could’ve thanked Ben. I liked him.’

‘Yeah, he was nice.’

‘How come I never saw you about when I went to the clinic?’

She shrugged. ‘Dunno. I just do admin stuff.’

‘Were you friends with him?’

‘Yeah. Sort of. He was a bit weird, though. Never wanted to do anything with us. Never came on work nights out or anything. But canny enough.’ She put out her cigarette. ‘We’ve got our Christmas do coming up soon. You could come with me if you like.’

Lucas stared at her. He wanted to punch her in the face. Instead he sat up, swung his legs out of bed and started getting dressed. ‘Don’t know about that.’

Andrea sat up in bed. ‘How come you’re just coming to see Ben now? How long have you been clean?’

Lucas turned around. Maybe she wasn’t as stupid as she looked. ‘Long time,’ he said, eventually. She sat looking at him, waiting for him to say more. ‘I moved away, got a job down south. Just came back a few months ago. Felt like I should come and say thanks.’

Andrea shrugged. ‘Well, Ben’s long gone. Got a call about his mum one day and he just dropped everything and went back to Alnwick.’

Lucas stopped, belt in hand. Finally. Alnwick. Would he still be there? He started looping his belt through his jeans. ‘How long ago was that?’

‘I don’t know. Ages,’ she said. ‘Ten, eleven years maybe.’

‘Eleven years,’ Lucas murmured, thinking of the last time he’d seen Emma. He could feel Andrea staring at him. ‘Eleven years,’ he said again. ‘Have I been clean that long? I should get some sort of badge.’ He smiled, sat down on the edge of the bed and tied up his laces. ‘You didn’t keep in touch, then?’

‘Nah,’ she said. ‘He reckoned he was going to come back when his mum was better but he never did.’ She lit another cigarette. ‘Be a darling and get us a glass of water, would you?’

Lucas grinned at her and walked out of the room. He picked up his coat from the floor in the hallway and let himself out. She could get her own fucking water.

Chapter 31

17 April 1999

Emma slumped down to the bathroom floor. She’d prepared herself for it, knew it was a possibility. A big possibility. She wasn’t stupid. The odds were that it’d be positive considering how careless they’d been. How careless
she’d
been. But seeing it, confirming it was true, some things you’re never ready for.

She pressed her face into her hands, knowing her dad was downstairs, that he could hear her as soon as there was a quiet moment in whatever TV show he was pretending to watch. She didn’t want him to know anything was wrong, especially this, but she couldn’t stop it. The tears came hard. She gulped for air, hiccupping between sobs. Her chest ached and she could barely breathe. She wanted her mam. She might’ve been angry but she’d have known what to do. Would have told her everything was going to be okay.

But thinking about her just made it worse, made her chest tighten even more. If her mam were still here none of it would’ve happened. She never would’ve met Lucas. Never would’ve let him do what he’d done.

Maybe she
should
tell her dad. There was a chance he’d understand, know what to do. But she just couldn’t do it to him. He knew she’d been with Lucas, knew she’d taken drugs, but he never mentioned it. Never asked her what’d happened, what she was going through. He couldn’t comprehend that his little girl had done those things. Or didn’t want to. She’d told him she was seeing someone to help her get off the drugs, help her get her life back on track. He’d even given her a lift so she wouldn’t run into Lucas but he never asked for details, never tried to understand. If he didn’t acknowledge it, it’d go away.