Good Enough to Share (Good Enough, Book 1 - Christmas) (17 page)

“Made up being the
key words.”

“You really are so
rude, not everyone is like you.”

“Most men are.” He
pulls me slightly tighter to him and kisses me again, this time properly, with
tongues. “Do you mind? About Anna I mean?”

“No.” I don’t.
“I’m pleased for him. Me and Charlie were just about having a bit of fun.” And
we were, and it had been fun, as prescribed by Sophie. Except not with the
right person.

“What’s up? You’re
frowning.” I sometimes think my life would be easier if every time I stopped to
think I didn’t end up frowning or smiling, or having some other expression on
my face.

“I’m worried about
Soph.”

“So am I. I text
her earlier and she told me to fuck off.”

“Did she?”

“Well as good as.
I think she needs a bit of time to think.” It surprised me that he’d text her.
It seemed that there was still a lot I didn’t know about the people I called my
friends. “She’ll sort it. Come on, let’s go and disturb the lovebirds.”

“Dane?” There was
one more thing I wanted to ask him. “You know the other day?” I didn’t need to
say which other day, he looked wary. “Why did you just leave me and Charlie,
why did you go?”

“I needed some air.” He kissed the tip of my nose and I knew what he
meant. Air, space, time to think.

***

“Where did you
find him?” Charlie was lounged in his favorite chair, looking slightly smug.

“I was house
hunting.”

“Oh? You don’t
need to move out you know.”

“I want to,
Charlie. I love being here with you, but I think it’s time, don’t you?” I sat
down on the arm of the chair next to him and he put his hand on my thigh. It
was a nice warm affectionate touch that didn’t send even the slightest flicker
of a tingle anywhere. “Where’s Anna? How did it go?”

“Anna has gone to
see her folks and it went fine, good.”

“So, is she going
to be hanging around?”

“I think so.”

“I sometimes wish
men talked more.”

He laughed at my
frustration and pulled me down on to his lap. “I’m not sure she wants to share
me though.”

I grin and give
him a hug. “Good. It was fun, but time to move on.”

“Or back.” Dane
finally chipped in, but he didn’t sound judgmental.

“Don’t tell me
you’re moving in with that idiot?” Charlie was laid-back, and Charlie had
another more important woman in his life but I could hear that slight edge to
his voice that meant he wasn’t entirely joking.

“Not quite. I’m
going to rent his cottage. Well. I didn’t know it was his cottage when I went
to see it.” He raised an eyebrow, which made me think I’d missed something, but
there again everybody else apart from me would know about Dane’s cottage,
wouldn’t they?

The knock on the
door stops the line of questioning, and because the boys are crap at answering
it I go myself.

It’s Sophie. She
glances round and I know she’s spotted the estate agents leaflet. “Did I miss
something?”

 “You
missed lots, where have you been? You didn’t answer my texts, or
—”

“I
know, I’m sorry.” She hugged me. “You’re not going back to James though, tell
me you’re not.”

“I’m
not. Okay?”

“I
knew you wouldn’t.”

“No,
you didn’t. I only realized myself when I saw him.”

“You’ve
seen him, he’s here?”

“He
was.” So I tell her about his visit, and about finally knowing that it was
over.

“Thank
God for that. But what do you mean, you’re moving on? You’re not going Holly?
You can’t go, what about Charlie, and Dane?”

“I’m
not actually going, well not far. I found this cottage that looked so perfect
for me, then I found out it was Dane’s and well –”

“You’re
not moving in with Dane?” She looked even more shocked than before.

“No,
don’t be daft. His other place, Willow Tree. He offered to give me a hand to
move some of my stuff over there, well erm now.”

“So
you have made it up with him? You are talking? He told me
—”

“Sophie,
you seem to know more about what I’m doing than I do. Now are you coming in or
what?”

“You
and Dane?”

“We’re
fine, we’re friends. And Charlie is back talking to Anna, and now we just need
to know what you’re up to.” She followed me through to the lounge, looking
uncharacteristically sheepish, but she needn’t have worried. She was engulfed
first in a Charlie hug and then had her hair ruffled by the slightly more
reserved Dane.

“I’m
sorry.” She sat down at Charlie’s feet. “I’m really sorry for being such a cow
the other day, and for trying to sort all your lives out.”

“It
doesn’t matter Soph, we know you’re bossy.”

“It
does matter. Dane was right. Look, I went to see my parents.” She took a deep
breath, Dane frowned and Charlie ran his fingers through her hair and it was
almost like the world had stopped spinning, and I didn’t know why. “I went to
see their graves.”

I
stared, Sophie knew nearly everything there was to know about me, and I didn’t
know a thing about her. I didn’t know her parents were dead, only that she
never went to see them. And I knew she had a sister, who had a hamster, and
lots of kids. I sat down on the floor next to her and didn’t know what to do.
She gave me a small wistful grin. “I should have told you, I know, I’m sorry.”

“No,
no you
—”

“I
should.” She twisted her sweater between her fingers. “Like Dane said, I ran
away and blocked it all and pretended none of it had happened. But it did.” She
leans in closer against Charlie and her brown eyes look straight into mine.
“You know what I remember most about Mum? She would do anything for us, for me
and my sis, and for my dad.” She runs her tongue over her lips. “Even when he
came home drunk and was throwing things at her she’d be asking if he was
alright, if he needed anything. We’d be listening from upstairs to see if
things would be okay, but they never were. After a bit he’d get louder and
start shouting at her and calling her useless and we’d cover our heads with our
pillows and try and block it out. He hit her Holl.” She was looking at me, but
I knew she was seeing her mum. “He hit her so hard we could hear it. Then it would
go quiet, so quiet that we couldn’t sleep. And in the morning it would be like
it never happened, they’d be laughing and joking but she’d hurt. I knew she
hurt. He never hit her face, there were never cuts or bruises but as we got
older we realized why she winced when we hugged her. I asked her once if we
could leave him but she wouldn’t. She said she loved him.” She pulled her knees
up to her chest and rested her chin on them. “But I left her Holly, I left her
with him when I went away and I shouldn’t have.” I watched the single tear
trace a path down her face, but something told me she didn’t want touching,
hugging. Not yet. “I left her when I could have taken her with me, and he
killed her. He killed her and he killed himself and left some stupid note
saying it was a suicide pact. But I’d left her, I’d run away and I never went
back.” She glanced at me then and I pulled her close to me. We rocked, and she
didn’t cry and wail like I think I would have done. She just gently rocked in
my arms. “I could have stopped him.”

“Nobody
could have stopped him Sophie.”

“If
I had been there
—”

“There
would have always been a time when you couldn’t be. And if she loved him that
much nobody could have made her leave him.” I hug her tighter. “Maybe it really
was suicide, because neither of them knew what to do to sort things out.” I
don’t know why I said it, because I didn’t know. Nobody could know. But I did
know that what you think you are seeing, and what you get, isn’t always the
same thing.

“I
know. But I ran away which makes me even more irresponsible, doesn’t it?” She
wiped her sleeve across her eyes and sat up straighter, giving me a watery
smile. “I’ve never stopped to think about what happened you know. It’s not just
the running away and leaving Mum thing that bothers me, I just realized the
other day that I’ve never faced up to it at all. I’ve just buried myself in
doing stuff for you losers.” She smiled. “God knows how you’re going to cope
without me.” A hint of the old Sophie was back. “Trying to make the world right
doesn’t make anything any better for me does it? Dane was right.” She swiveled
round to look at him. “I need to do things for myself, sort myself out. So
—”
She crossed her legs and pulled herself
up straight. “I’ve handed in my notice, well they said they’d give me a year
off and I’m going to take some time out and sort out how I feel about all this.
None of that talking to therapists type crap.” She gave us a warning look and I
laughed.

“What
about talking to friends type crap?”

She
smiled. “I’ll stay in touch, I promise. I just need to get away, you know? If
I’m here I’ll take the easy option out and stick my nose into your affairs
instead. Right
—”

I
could tell by the way she said it that she was just about to stick her nose
into everybody else’s affairs, and from the looks on their faces so could the
boys.

“
We’re
going to have the best New Years Eve party we’ve ever had,
okay?”

***

“Come
on, I want to show you something.” Dane tugs at my hand and I can’t resist, I
never could resist him. I glance back, but Sophie and Anna are in deep
discussion, and Charlie is watching them, looking the angel I know he isn’t.
For a moment I wonder if they would, him and both girls. But then I know he
wouldn’t. The smiles he shares with Anna are far different to the cheeky boy
ones we get. Even when we were in bed he never gave me the type of look he
gives Anna.

The
cold air hits me and it’s nice when Dane pulls me close. He leads the way down
to the bottom of the garden, over the wall, through the small coppice and into
a clearing where there’s a fallen tree. I’m pulled onto his lap as he sits down
and for a moment we just sit there, in the dark, his arms wrapped around me.
His breath warm against my neck.

“I’ve
been doing some thinking.”

“Oh
boy, now I’m worried, you doing thinking. There’s been too much thinking going
on around here, even for me.”

He
laughs and hugs me closer. “Shush, woman, you always say men don’t talk
enough.”

“True,
consider me shushed.”

“I’ve
been thinking about Sal.” His voice is soft and deep, and I wish he’d talk more
often just so I can close my eyes and let his voice
play with
my senses. “I was talking to my Dad the
other day and he told me he’d heard she was married with a toddler and another
on the way.”

“Oh.”
I wasn’t surprised about Sal, but talking to his dad? “Your dad?”

“I
thought it was time to man up.” He gave a gruff laugh that sent a shiver of
goose bumps down my arms.

“Just
like Soph told you to?”

“Yeah,
just like Miss Bossy Boots said.” He sighed. “I knew me and Sal weren’t right
you know, before all the baby stuff. We were fine, but that was it, and I guess
we just rushed into getting married, I didn’t know what hit me after we got
engaged, it was like some mad shopping spree. Not that I minded.” He kissed my
neck, his lips warm and moist. “She was happy.” His teeth teased the skin and I
tilted my neck and tried to ignore the little spiral of need that was unfurling
in my body. “And I never even thought to wonder if I wanted to get married. But
we had problems, we wanted completely different things, and when she couldn’t
get pregnant it was the final straw. I didn’t realize until now
—”
His tongue snaked over the area that
his teeth had been teasing and a rush of warmth seeped between my thighs. I bit
my lip, trying not to groan, trying to listen. “
—
just how different we were. I wasn’t acting the martyr letting her go,
we should have faced up to it before. The baby stuff was a bit of a reality
check I suppose, which is good.” He sucked gently on my neck, just in that
little sensitive dip where it met my shoulder and I did moan, and run my
fingers up the inside of his thigh. “And I should have faced up to my family
and not thought they’d be disappointed in me.”

“Ah,
eldest son syndrome.”

“Yeah,
smart arse.” He pauses. “You women know everything don’t you?” He moves back a
little then and the cold air hits my neck. When I look at him those deep slate
eyes are almost black with need. “I do want a family you know, my family are
great.” His fingers rest on my chin, holding me still, his thumb rubbing gently
over my skin, and his gaze travels over every inch of my face making me squirm.
“And I do want you.”

“Oh.”

“To
myself.” His lips are firm and warm against mine and it’s heat not cold that is
making me shiver. “I only left you with Charlie because I was shit scared that
if I didn’t leave right there and then I’d make the biggest idiot of myself.”