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I turned and started walking towards my car.

“Don’t you walk away from me, Cadence!” Gracie screamed. “I’m telling your parents!”

I whirled around and came at her. It was instinct. Total instinct. I slapped her hard across the face, and she cried out.

“You fucking bitch!” I yelled. “Don’t you say a word!”

Gracie rubbed her cheek for a second then slapped the hell out of mine. I wasn’t prepared for it. I didn’t think she had the guts. The severity of the sting made my eyes water instantly.

“I hate you, Cadence!” she screeched, and she slapped me again.

I don’t know what it was that lay dormant in my heart all year, but it was ugly and vengeful and wicked. And I wanted to act on it. I wanted to be a straight-up fucking bitch.

I worked my jaw side to side, loosening all the words that were itching to pour out.

“What? You have a thing for my boyfriend?” I sneered. “Is that what this is all about?”

“Get over yourself,” Gracie snapped. “You’re crazy.”

“Am I?” I asked. I advanced on her, and she shrank back against her car. She looked like she wanted to slap me for a third time, but something about my facial expression changed her mind. She was afraid of me. “Because I think you wanna fuck my boyfriend.”

Gracie shook her head. I watched as fresh tears leaked from her eyes, and if I hadn’t turned into a monster, they would have affected me.

“You’re a jealous bitch because you want what I have. Well, guess what? You can’t. He doesn’t like you. He would never go for someone like you.” I leaned in, inches from her face. “He wants me. He’s fucking me,” I cooed. “And you’re gonna keep your fucking mouth shut about it.”

Gracie drew in her breath once I backed off. “Who are you?” she whispered.

I shook my head, stunned by my disgusting behavior.

“I don’t know.”

***

“Should I tell him?” I asked Avery over the phone.

The anxiety consumed me. I was only brave for the few moments I’d turned into my bizarre alter ego. Now I was back to normal Cadence who was terrified that Gracie would talk.

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Avery asked. “Of course you tell him. He has a right to know.”

“But I don’t know that she’d say anything,” I argued.

“Bullshit. You’ve known the girl for how long now?”

“But I think she was mostly just upset about us not being friends anymore,” I continued.

“Grow the fuck up, Cadence,” Avery snapped. “This girl has something on you, and she’s pissed. You’re a moron if you don’t think she’ll tell your parents. Moreover—”

“‘Moreover’? I asked.

“Yeah, ‘moreover’ you little bitch. Look, it isn’t my fault you two couldn’t control yourselves in public.”

“We didn’t do anything!” I cried.

“You fought. You let him kiss your cheek, Cadence!”

I said nothing.

“He held your hand out of the theatre!”

“All right,” I barked. “I made a mistake.”

There was a brief pause before Avery spoke up. “Did Gracie say anything about me?”

My heart clenched immediately. “No.” It was the worst attempt at sounding nonchalant.

“What did she say?” Avery asked.

“Nothing.”

“What did she say, Cadence?” Avery demanded.

I took a deep breath. “She thinks you’re a bad influence. She knows we sneak off and do things and use each other as covers!” I blurted.

Another brief pause.

“Did you tell her?”

“I swear to God I didn’t say anything, Avery!”

“I’ve gotta go.” It was abrupt. Avery sounded scared.

“No, Avery. Please.”

“Cadence, I swear to God . . .”

“Please listen to me! I don’t know how she figured it out! I didn’t say a thing.” I started crying. It felt like the natural thing to do.

“I’m so dead,” Avery whispered. I barely heard it, but I heard it, and my soft cries turned into full-on sobs. The noise filled the silent space of my bedroom, and I knew I was experiencing the prelude. The opening of a terribly loud, Beethoven-banging symphony where the audience holds its breath throughout the entire song, hoping—praying—for a swift and sudden conclusion. They don’t care how it comes. They just need it to stop their racing hearts. They need it to breathe again. To feel normal again. But it wouldn’t come easily, and it wouldn’t be pretty, and they knew it.

“Stop it!” Avery hissed as I cried into the phone. “Let me think!”

Think? Think about what? My conclusion was nearing—I could feel them on the other side of the door. They would burst through any second and end my life for being bad. For being deceitful. For being immoral and corrupt and wrong. For being anything but good.

“Avery,” I sobbed, and then the knock sounded, and I dropped the phone. It fell with a sudden smack on the hardwoods. I was frozen to my spot on the bed.

“Cadence, honey,” Mom said through the door. “Dinner’s ready.”

Dinner’s ready. I’m not going to kill you. At least not yet. I don’t know what you’ve done, after all. But I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. I’ll find you out, Cadence. You can’t keep secrets from me. I’ll discover your deception and make you pay for it. But for now, dinner’s ready. Come on downstairs and eat, sweetheart.

***

I rounded the corner of the foyer and was greeted by my parents, brother, and Gracie.

I froze.

Gracie sat on the couch hunched over, crying. Mom was crying. Oliver looked confused. Dad was irate.

“Where do I start?” Dad asked me.

“What do you mean?” I knew precisely what he meant, but I stalled anyway. I didn’t know what to say, to do. I had no escape plan. I was instantly angry with myself for not having been prepared for this. The two weeks that passed without any incident tricked me into believing that Gracie decided not to tell my parents.

“Is it true?” Dad asked.

“Is what true?”

“Don’t play dumb, Cadence!” he shouted, and I shuddered.

My breathing came faster, and I looked over at Gracie. She’d stopped crying. I thought they were crocodile tears anyway. She wasn’t upset that she felt compelled to tell on me. She had been waiting for this moment to ruin the one good thing in my life. It was punishment for my destroying our friendship. She was a bitch. A vindictive bitch. And my alter ego bitch self apparently wasn’t convincing enough to scare her into silence.

“Answer my question, Cadence,” Dad said.

I nodded. I had no choice.

Mom let out a pitiful whimper. Oliver gasped.

“What is
wrong
with you?” Dad asked. It came out as an accusation of the worst kind, like I committed a heinous, perverted crime and needed to be locked away in an insane asylum.

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I replied. I tried to be stoic.

“Engaging in a relationship with your teacher?” Dad asked. “And there’s nothing wrong with you?”

I raised my head in defiance.

“Why?” Mom asked. “Why would you do this to us?”

“To you?” I screamed. “It’s got nothing to do with you!”

“The hell it doesn’t!” Dad replied. “Is this your way of getting back at us for punishing you? Are you really so immature, Cadence?”

“I’m not immature!” I cried.

Dad took a step towards me then stopped.

“Gracie, you need to leave,” he said.

She jumped up from the couch and walked past me.

“I’m sorry, Cadence,” she whispered.

“Yeah, I bet you are,” I replied, and that’s when the first tear fell.

When Gracie left, the storm picked up.

“What are we supposed to do with you?” Dad roared.

“Nothing!” I shouted back. “I’m eighteen! There isn’t anything you can do!”

“When did it start?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied. “I love him.” I turned to leave, and Dad grabbed my upper arm, hauling me over to a club chair, and tossing me in it.

“You don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you,” he warned, hovering over me. “Now I want to know when it started.”

“September,” I answered. My voice was suddenly small and scared.

“Oh my God,” Mom whispered. “Liam, she was just seventeen. She was still seventeen!”

Dad glared at me, and then his eyes softened. “Did that man take advantage of you?”

I shook my head.

“Did you have sex with him?”

I didn’t move. That question was a private one, and it crossed the line.

“Did you have sex with him?”

I started crying in earnest.

“Answer your father, Cadence,” Mom said. Surprisingly, she was no longer crying. She looked as pissed off as Dad.

“Yes.” I didn’t say that word. My brother did. And I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe he’d betray me like that.

“What?” Dad asked. He looked at Oliver.

“I . . . I knew Cadence was having sex with someone, but she wouldn’t tell me who,” he said.

“Shut up, Oliver,” I said.

“How did you know?” Mom asked.

“I overheard—”

“SHUT UP!” I screamed.

“She thought she was pregnant,” Oliver said.

I had one thought: I had to get out of the house. I was genuinely afraid of Dad’s reaction, and I needed to be somewhere safe. Somewhere with Mark.

Dad turned to me. “Is this true?”

I felt I had no choice, and spilled everything in that moment.

“I love him!” I cried. “I love him. I can’t help it. I fell in love with him. And he loves me. And it’s not your business what we do behind closed doors, and I’m sorry I’ve embarrassed you, but it’s got nothing to do with you.” I took a breath and continued. “No! That’s not true! It does have something to do with you. You don’t like me. You haven’t liked me since I got in trouble. You don’t show me love. You’re not there for me. But someone else was. He was there for me. And kind to me. And he showed me love.”

“He took advantage of you, Cadence!” Dad yelled. “Do you not see that? He used you because he saw an easy target!”

“That’s not true!” I shot back. “He didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted him as much as he wanted me! But I
was
an easy target. You’re right about that. And whose fault is that?”

Dad grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the chair. He held me mere inches from his face.

“Don’t you dare act like a victim here! You broke the law. You went to jail. You embarrassed your family, and if you think for a moment you didn’t deserve all the punishment you got, then you’re a stupid girl, Cadence!”

Those words were more hurtful than what came after.

“You will never see him again,” Dad said. “And we’re pressing charges.”

My heart dropped. Charges? Charges for what? I didn’t understand.

“No!” I cried. “I love him! I want to be with him!”

“You don’t love him, Cadence. You cannot love a man who’s done that to you,” Mom said.

“Done what? He’s done nothing but show me love!” I screamed.

“Stop saying love!” Dad roared. “You don’t know what it is!”

“I do!” I cried. “I do, I do, I do. I love him. I love him. I love—”

I only felt the throb once my bottom hit the floor. I heard my mother scream in the background, but I couldn’t make out the words. My eyes were closed: one sealed shut from the blow and the other sealed shut from fear of what might happen next. I could feel the pulsing of my heart in my eye, beating hard and fast. I thought it might push out my eyeball, and I placed my hand over the wound to keep from losing my eye. My sight.

Mom hovered over me crying. She tried to help me up, but I pushed her away. I needed something for my eye. It was screaming in pain.

“Was Avery a part of this?” Dad asked.

I couldn’t believe that he continued interrogating me after he hit me. But I didn’t care what he did next. I would never tell on Avery.

“No.”

“Then why did Gracie say she was?”

“Because Gracie’s a little bitch,” I replied.

“Well, she was right about you,” Dad said. “I’ll have to call Avery’s parents.”

I said nothing. There was nothing I could do anyway except pray that Avery would forgive me for ruining her life. I should have been more careful at the movie theatre. I shouldn’t have fought with Mark in public.

I didn’t wait to be excused. My black eye earned me the right to leave without permission. It didn’t occur to me at the moment that Dad just gave me a card to play. I wouldn’t realize it until the following day.

Dad watched me rummage through the freezer for an icepack.

“Where’s your cell phone?” he asked.

I tensed, then slammed the freezer door. Why didn’t I pick up my bag?

“I don’t know,” I replied. I glanced at my book bag on the living room floor, and he saw. I sprinted as fast as I could, but he had already taken possession of the phone.