Good Vibrations (Welcome to Paradise) (22 page)

“So am I,” I say, not able to hide my smile. “Evan?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry… for earlier tonight. I’m sorry for letting a summer deadline dictate our future.” I slide my cheek against his comforting chest and look up at him. “If you’ll still have me, I’m here, completely this time.”

He laughs aloud and the sound is music to my ears. I love hearing him happy. “
If
I’ll have you? I can’t
not
be with you, Mallory. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I don’t have a choice in the matter.” He rubs his nose against mine and kisses me sweetly on the lips.

“I meant what I said outside.” Three words that came from the heart, shared in a moment of passion and closeness I’ve never shared with anyone before.

“I know you do and I do, too,” he says, and I catch that he isn’t saying the words I want him to, but his feelings are the same. I try to let that comfort me, but in an emotional girly moment, I really wanted to hear him say those three little words that mean so much.

I gulp down the unimportance of my silly need and bring myself back to the current romantic position I’ve found myself in. He takes the bar of soap and dips it beneath the water running it across my stomach and under my breasts. Sliding back down my stomach, his hand dips between my legs. A sharp intake of air traps itself and I hold my breath.

“Breathe, baby, breathe,” he whispers, tonguing the shell of my ear.

I try to comply, but only short, ragged breaths escape.

“Am I making you nervous?”

“No,” I lie.

“Liar.”

I relax at his playful banter. He knows me well enough to know I was lying.

“You’re right, I am a little nervous, but I don’t know why. Maybe nervous isn’t the right word.”

“I think it’s because we had our first fight as a couple. It’s new for both of us and we’re trying to figure out how to get over it and come together and be stronger because of it.”

It’s times like these that he blows my mind. He’s insightful and brilliant and has so much to offer the world, but chooses to keep his true feelings bottled up inside.

“How do you do that?” I ask, hoping he understands my vague question.

His head tilts back to rest on the ledge. “Hmmm.” He hums as I wait for him to share more. “You mean the stuff about coming together?”

“Yes.”

“Although I haven’t been in many relationships, I want this with you, because of you. I don’t want to lose you over petty bullshit.”

I laugh when I hear him say that. “
Petty Bullshit
. Did Zach talk to you?”

“Yeah, I got the ‘Petty Bullshit Lecture’ texting edition.”

“How’d that go?”

“Something like, ‘
Don’t let the petty bullshit fuck things up’
.”

“I got a similar speech.”

“So, what do you think?”

I spin my body around in the water so that I’m straddling him. I kiss him, fondling his lower lip with my tongue and then enter his mouth. It’s wet, soft, welcoming, and I can taste a hint of liquor and cigarettes. I moan, craving him again already. That bad boy of mine is such a turn-on. I adjust myself, placing his firming cock right against my most needy spot and then reluctantly pull back to answer his question between heated pants. “I think we should forget the petty bullshit and really give this a go. What about you?”

His dreamy eyes focus on mine, and he says, “If you mean
us
when you say ‘
this’
than I agree wholeheartedly.” His hands pull my head to his and we kiss, not frenzied or crazy, just sweet, sincere, and meaningful.

My body goes on auto pilot and I rub against him searching for that radiance that only Evan can give.

“No one has ever turned me on as much as you do, Mallory,” he says, his lips against mine.

Picking up the pace of my grind, I mumble, “Yes, turned on,” grind, “like you, Evan.”

He snickers then weaves his hands into my tangled hair, still wet from the rain. He holds us together until in unison, we part needing oxygen. I stare down at him, heated and lusty, as he says, “I…” He closes his mouth and then opens it to start again. My heart bubbles over knowing what he’s about to say. “I…,” he clears his throat, “
Mallory…”

Chapter 23

Mallory

“I… let’s move to the bed,” Evan says, his words staggering out, but the
I love you
I know he feels remains elusive.

To say I
’m disappointed would be an understatement. My love for him is felt down to my bones, so it was easy to say, but it makes me wonder why he can’t just say it. I really hope I don’t start obsessing over this. “Bed?” I ask, confirming what he said.

“That will be more comfortable.” I step out of the tub and grab a towel, tossing him another. We dry off in companionable silence both knowing that the ‘I Love You’ elephant is now in the room making its presence known.

“I’ll meet you in there,” I say, walking out of the bathroom and straight towards the bed. I drop my towel and slide in under the sheets that feel like a cool heaven. Evan walks in looking relaxed and sleepy.

He spreads his arm out and I snuggle into his side, and ask, “You want to talk and then go to sleep?” From this vantage point, I see a bottle of whiskey, a shot glass, and a pack of cigarettes on the kitchen counter which explains a lot about how his night went while we were apart.

“You want to…” He lets the questions trail off.

“I’m always up for it, but we can just lay here, if you’d rather. I’m just happy to be here.”

“I’m happy you’re here too, baby,” he says, kissing my forehead. Questions fill my mind as I look up at him, studying his face. “Oh no, here we go again. Ask whatever it is you want to ask. I know you want to, so go ahead.”

Not hesitating, I go for it. “Why were you drinking tonight?”

“I drink almost every night.”

“You drink hard liquor every night?”

“No,” he says, sighing loudly. “I’d just had a fight with you. Did you think it didn’t affect me?”

“I guess I wasn’t thinking about how it affected you. I was kind of caught up in my own pain at the time.”

I sit up in bed with the sheet covering me. Evan puts his arms behind his head and angles himself in my direction. “Listen, Mallory, I don’t like feeling bad. I’ve spent years feeling like shit and you made me excited again, happy. So your words earlier cut deep. I’m not trying to drag this up again, but I’m thinking long term here and you’re thinking the present. I understand why you feel that way. I’m just saying it hurt to know that you were closed off to the idea of a future together.”

I scoot down and roll onto my side facing him, eye level. “I’m not now. It may have taken me awhile to realize it, but I do now. Isn’t that what matters?”

He rolls over and rubs his thumb along my cheekbone and smiles. “It’s all that matters, but I also have a better understanding of why you were thinking the way you were.” He looks down and says, “I just can’t help myself when it comes to you.”

He looks back up, needing me to reassure him, so I do. I want to anyway. “I want to be with you, Evan. Sometimes my heart races and I feel like I’ve never wanted anything more. My feelings scare me as much as they excite me, but August looms over my head, smothering me,
smothering us
and all we’re meant to be.” Tears fill my eyes as I verbalize my fears.

One falls down my face as he moves closer and kisses my cheek, capturing the tear with his lips. I grab onto his shoulders and get as close as I can. His right hand slides down my arm, working itself under the sheet to graze lightly across my skin. We look at each other and I see that look again, him adoring me, appreciating me with his eyes. I lean forward to give him a gentle kiss, but he pulls back. His voice is thick and husky as he speaks. “I want to make you feel good, baby.”

I gulp, already feeling the moisture between my legs from his declaration. His hand presses against my side, so I roll onto my back. He positions himself, his large erection trapped between us. I gasp from the contact as he leans up to my ear, rubbing himself against me, and says, “I’m going to make love to you, but I’m going to watch you come first.” His hand slides between my thighs and sparks fly, setting the wick on my coiled dynamite on fire.

I can’t stop from wriggling in pleasure as he starts working me over more purposefully. My eyes begin to close, but he demands, “I want you to watch me do this to you. I want you to remember this when we’re not together.” Two fingers—turning, spinning, exploring me. I want to close my eyes and savor the feeling, but he’s right. I don’t want to take my eyes off of him either.

He lifts his body off of me and repositions himself lower down. His eyes don’t leave mine and his fingers never lose contact. He touches me in a way that makes me jerk involuntarily and push down harder against his hand. A mischievous smile covers his face then he sticks his tongue out, flicking it against my needy sweet spot. I bite my lip to keep it from hanging open. My heart is pounding and my body squirms from the erotic sight in front of me.

My hands need to touch him, but I can only reach his hair, which is not such a tragedy. I move it around unable to put effort into it while he’s looking up at me from between my legs. He twists his fingers, knowing exactly what he’s doing, my inner dynamite getting close to exploding. My eyelids drop closed despite my best efforts and then nothing. My eyes pop open to find Evan lowering a condom down his length. “Sorry, baby, I need to be inside of you right now.”

“No sorries. I want you.”

He’s at my entrance as he steadies himself on top of me. “Mallory, I uh…” He slowly closes his eyes and kisses me as he enters me with care.  “You always feel so ama… ungh, amazing,” he mutters and then says, “it’s never been like this. I’ve never felt like this.”

His body moves on top of me and I can’t resist joining him, the intensity of our connection heightens.

“Evan, Evan, make me yours, babe,” I say, knowing that I’m needy for him to give me my release. Only he can do this for me, no one else ever has.

I watch as his eyes twinkle, and he smirks. “
Oh
baby
, you’re in trouble now. Roll over.”

“What?” I ask, snapping out of my semi-delusional state.

His tone is firm and demanding, no sign of playful Evan left. “You heard me, Mallory. Turn onto your stomach and don’t lose contact. Now move.”

Holy Shit, he’s sexy when he takes charge! I pull my leg up and twist my body. I can feel him withdrawing as I continue to roll over.

“Mallory! Don’t. Lose. Contact.”

I stop moving. “I—”

“You can do it. I want you to do this. Go slow, baby.”

He sits back and I complete the maneuver, which has my back to him. My lips part, my lungs needing the air while still enjoying the fullness that is a part of me. I happily sigh and inwardly congratulate myself.

“Stay up on your hands and knees. I’m liking this view.” He resumes a slow push into my soaked center while gripping my hips tighter. “I’m going deeper,” he warns, pausing momentarily. “Hold on.”

I nod to let him know I’m ready and arch my shoulders upwards, lower my back, and angle my hips up to meet his every thrust. Each plunge is rapid and with grand intention, and yet I can still tell how much care he’s putting into his every movement. He leans his chest down against my back and snakes a hand around to my stomach. His fingers lower, grazing across me down there and I explode, clenching around him and feeling like I might black out from rapture. Holding me firmly against his pelvis, he furthers the depth and then orgasms while sputtering profanities. I drop to my elbows, forcing the back of my body up as I come back to the reality of us still linked together.

As soon as he lets go of me, I drop to the bed not realizing until that moment that he’d been holding me up. He falls next to me and settles by pulling my back against his chest. He wraps around me while protectively holding me inside our little pleasure bubble.

I can’t hold my eyes open any longer. The last thing I see is the illuminated clock across the room— 3:19 in the morning. The last thing I hear is
‘I… you’
and I fall asleep.