Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (23 page)

“Nothing, Gray, it’s a beautiful tree.” Becca sighs.

“Then what is it?” I can’t help feeling annoyed.

“It’s not
our
tree, Daddy. We didn’t pick it out together. We always pick out our tree. It’s our tradition,” Morgan says through her tears.

“Oh,” is all I can say. “Well, we can go tomorrow and pick out a tree. We can donate this one, or we can have two.” I feel awful. I didn’t even think to ask what their traditions are. I’m so focused on trying not to be depressed about my parents, mainly my mother, that I haven’t even thought about what Becca may be feeling.

“Grayson, it’s a lovely tree and it will be fine.” Becca grabs my hand and squeezes. “Hey, Morgy, it’s okay. It’s a special tree because the people that are here to protect us picked it out. Maybe they do that at home, and since they can’t be there for Christmas, it brought them some joy. Remember, it’s not just our tree this year.”

No mystery here ... she’s absolutely wonderful! Morgan cheers up with a smile and hugs me.

“Sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“Next year will be different, little sweetheart. I promise.”

“Hey! Pizza’s here!” Aunt Hazel announces. Derek, Joshua, and Ryan carry in several pies each and bring them to the dining room. I grab Becca’s arm before she follows everybody in.

“Becca, I am sorry.” I pull her to me.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re doing and worrying about so much. Please don’t give it another thought. Hey, how did everything go in there?” She kisses me and glances toward Stacey’s room.

“She was a bit all over the place, really. But the gist of it is that she’s upset with where her life is at. And she’s a bit jealous of you. There is some merit there, but I don’t think it’s everything. Something’s off.” I shake my head. I just can’t put my finger on it.

“I definitely agree with you there. Did you get that info from Jake?”

“Hmm, no, I haven’t heard. Say, listen, sweetheart. She did mention Ray and what she wanted to talk to you about,” I say. Becca rolls her eyes and takes in a deep breath. “He’s worried you are going to press charges. With his parents away until Christmas, if you press charges and have him arrested, Annie will go with Child Protective Services until he posts bail. He’s hoping you’ll wait until after Christmas.” I rub the top of Becca’s arms.

“Uh, Gray, I haven’t even though that much about it yet.” Her eyes are wide and she has a trace of panic on her face. Panic? Why panic?

“Well, I told her that was a discussion for you and Ray to have,” I add.

“You did? That’s what you think?” She furrows her brow at me.

“Yes. Why, what did you think I was thinking?” I hold her at arm’s length.

“I ... I don’t know, Gray. I’m really not sure of how you feel about this whole thing.” She looks down.

“Well, I’m pissed about what he did. Yet I feel sorry for him. I’m actually quite confused regarding how I feel. It’s very strange, very unlike me. Becca, whatever you want to do, I’ll support you, sweetheart.” I pull her back to me.

“I just wish I could talk to him. Without him trying to touch me or kiss me.” She sighs.

“Becca, how do
you
feel?” I tilt her face up to mine.

“I’m mad as hell. And hurt. I get that I’ve led him on terribly over the years, but I’m confused. I just want to understand why he did that to me. It was really out of character. Does this sound weird? I feel like I shouldn’t be concerned with it, though. That I should just have him locked up and throw away the key.” I thumb away her tears.

“But you didn’t even think of pressing charges?” I ask gently. She shakes her head. “I think, sweetheart, that’s because it was Ray who did it, not some random bloke. Ray has had a big and lengthy investment in you and your well-being. Becca, I know he loves you very deeply. I knew that from the moment I met him. That’s why even though most arrows point to him, something’s not sitting right with me.” I suddenly feel as if we’re being watched. I glance up. “Stacey—come to join us now?” I ask, almost too loudly.

“Uh, yes, if that’s okay.” She seems very fidgety. Hmm. Something is really off with her, and I don’t like it.

“We’ll finish up our conversation later, sweetheart,” I whisper in Becca’s ear.

“Okay, baby.” She turns her head and kisses the corner of my mouth ... then my lips. She’s not interested in stopping. I know what she’s doing—and I’m always willing to play. Stacey watches us as we devour each other.

“Ugh! C’mon, you two!” Morgan yells. We laugh a little as we pull away.

“Oh, man, do I have an itch I need you to scratch,” Becca says breathlessly before she quickly lays another one on me.

“Oh, I’m itching to scratch it, love!” I smack her lovely arse before we head to the dining room. “Come, Stacey.” I hold my hand out to her.

“I’m okay.” She smiles and limps along.

They are quiet all through dinner, allowing only a glance or two toward each other. I wish I could fix this for them, that I could figure out what is going on with Stacey.

“Becca, can I stay for the weekend?” Annie asks quietly. Becca looks to me. I nod. I’m falling for Annie—she’s quite the girl.

“I’ll talk to your father and ask him,” she offers as she collects everyone’s plates.

Stacey looks at me, her eyes wide. I give her a quizzical look. She mouths,
She’s calling him?
I ignore her.

“Come, let’s all go to the lounge and sing some Christmas carols.” I get up and lead the parade in there while Becca brings the leftover pizza to the kitchen. “What shall we sing first?” I strum my fingers down the keys of the piano.

“How about something fun like ‘Dominick the Donkey’?” Stacey suggests. Annie cheers.

“Well, I know the jingle, but not all of the words.” I play around with the keys ‘til I get it right. Everyone starts singing except for Morgan and Aunt Hazel. I follow Morgan’s glance and see Becca. Her face distorts a bit, like she’s about to cry. She shakes her head as if she’s trying to push off whatever is bothering her and promptly turns to go back into the kitchen. “Scott, can you take over for a moment, please?” I ask. He’s one of the guys on our team—plays pretty well.

“Becca, sweetheart, what’s the matter?” I follow her into the kitchen.

“Oh, nothing. It’s silly, really.” She wipes her tears.

“No it’s not. Tell me, please.” I grab her hands.

“That song reminds me of my dad. He loved it. Loved to sing it. He would really make an ass out of himself.” She giggles, a bit lost in the memory, I think. “It’s such a silly song to get sad over. I do like to hear it, though, because it makes me feel close to him. What made you play that?” she asks, and I feel my concern turn toward anger.

“Somebody requested it.” I won’t dare give Stacey the satisfaction.

“Oh. Well, come on, maestro. There are many other songs I’d like to hear!” She pulls me back out. “Hey, Stace.” Becca grabs her hand. “Let’s sing. Gray, can you play ‘Merry Christmas with Love’?” She pulls out sheet music. I guess she had Melissa pick it up for her.

“Sure, baby.” I put it up in front of me. Becca walks around to the other side so she and Stacey are facing each other.

“Our usual?” Becca smiles.

“Okay, Becca.” Stacey seems unsure and emotional at the same time. I start playing. Becca sings the first verse, Stacey does the next. They take turns with the lines in the third verse and join together for the chorus. They sound lovely. They are having quite the moment with each other. I can see their connection again. They finish to a round of applause. After another hour or so, we’re all caroled out. The girls grab me to watch
A Christmas Story
.

“I should go call Ray,” Becca says with a sigh.

“Okay, love, then you’ll join us?” I rub her back. She nods and leans into my chest. “Take as long as you need. He can’t try to physically persuade you over the phone.” I kiss her hair.

“You’re right.” She plants a kiss on my chest and heads off to her office.

BECCA

I take several deep breaths before I dial the familiar number I’ve been dialing for five years.

“Hello?” Ray answers. I can sense his guard is up.

“Um, hi.” I swallow.

“Becca, is Annie okay?” His voice shakes, as if he’s nervous. I guess he thinks the only reason I’d call him myself is if something was wrong with her.

“She’s fine. She’s having a great time. She’d like to stay the whole weekend, if that’s okay with you.” I’m deafened by the silence on the other end. “McNeil, stop thinking so hard ... there’s smoke coming through the receiver over here.” I try to break the ice. “I’m not pressing charges against you.” That should do it! I hear a sigh of relief on his end.

“Not that I want you to, but why?” he asks. I can picture his furrowed brow on the other side.

“I have my reasons. I do want to know what led you to the decision to do what you did. Please tell me. That’s all I ask, Ray.” I’m both relieved and mad at myself for finding it so easy to talk to him about this. He didn’t take my car without my permission—he took
me
without my permission! “What did you slip me?”

“Ecstasy,” he breathes.

“Now, why?” I shake my tears away.

“Becca, I have to spell it out for you, baby?” I can hear him trying to control his annoyance.

“No, I know I’ve strung you along. Not intentionally,” I add quickly.

“Yeah, babe, not intentionally. For over five years!” he almost yells.

“I’m sorry, Ray.”
Wait ... why the fuck am I apologizing?

“Well, you paid for it, didn’t you?” A verbal slap.

“Ray!” I gasp, then start to cry.
Who is this person?

“Becs ... Becs, stop crying, baby.” His voice softens. He sounds like my Ray again.

“What ... what brought you to ... ugh, Ray—you know what I’m asking.” I feel so defeated. I just want to understand. What was the straw?

“Yeah. I just don’t get the point, baby! It’s over and done with.”

“Because I want to know!”

“There’s nothing
to
know!” he yells back. “I slipped it into your drink, and as soon as I saw it was working, I took you home and fucked the shit out of you for hours! There’s nothing else to know!”

I pull the phone away from my ear. It is vibrating with his rage—I can only imagine what it would be like if he was right in front of me. I’m glad he’s not.

“That’s all it was to you? That’s all you wanted?” I swallow hard. I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted more.

“No, baby, I made love to you first. Oh God, you were so ... oh, I love you, Becca, I do. I’m sorry for what I did. I hope someday you will forgive me.” His voice is the one shaking now.

“You haven’t answered my question. Take the extra day to think about it. Pick Annie up on Sunday.” I slam the phone down.

The private line rings as soon as I sit back.

“Hello?” I sigh.

“Don’t hang up, baby. I’ll tell you what you want to know. Becca, I just ... I love you so much. I’m hurt and upset—I may yell and get impatient. Becs, are you there?” Now he’s the one who sounds defeated.

“Yes, I’m here.” I’m barely audible.

“Can I come over there and talk to you? I need to see your face, baby. Please.” His voice is thick with yearning.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ray—for either of us.” I sit back and close my eyes.

“Because I’ll touch you ... because you’ll like it ... because you’ll hate that you like it? Some things never do change.” I sense his smile.

“Tell me everything that happened. Start from what made you decide to get one of those pills.” I decide to ignore his comment.

“Oh, there’s that convenient pretending. In Becca’s world, things aren’t said, kisses aren’t kissed, and touches aren’t touched. You are the queen of denial, baby.”

Butterflies erupt in the pit of my stomach.

“Ray, you called me back to tell me what I wanted to know. That is all I’m asking. If I was any other girl—you wouldn’t have it this easy.” I give him my best
don’t fuck with me
voice.

“Easy?” he questions flippantly. I await a comment about being a whore or something. “If you were any other woman, you’d have my fucking ring on your finger and we’d be on our third kid by now! Nothing with you has been easy, Becca!”