Goodness and Light (10 page)

“I wandered around the store, found the Queen of Hearts stuck to the milk carton.” She demanded with a swish of an arm. “I mean, who delivers milk to the markets of New York City with a deck of cards in his pocket?” She curled her legs under herself, wrapped her arms around them. “I got chills, Luke. I didn’t finish my list—just got the hell out of there. And on the walk home, picked up wrapper after wrapper after wrapper.”

She looked at him, all enormous frightened eyes and he felt a pull on his heart.

“What about the Queen of Hearts?”

Elena managed half a smile. “My mom loved to play cards.”

He nodded and drew in a deep breath. “You know what my mom loved?” He shifted closer, put a hand in his pocket and pulled out a seashell, dropped it into Elena’s hand. When she sent him a questioning look, he only shrugged. “I don’t get it either, but she loved seashells. Every trip we took, she bought a seashell.” He smiled, rolled his eyes. “Really drove my dad nuts.
‘You can get one for free on the beach! Why do you have to pay for a damn shell?’
She got them from the beach, too. Our house has dozens of seashell projects she made over the years—picture frames, lamp shades. I found this one on the train, right after I walked you home the other night.”

Elena’s eyes went round. “And you think it’s a sign?”

He opened his mouth and abruptly clamped his lips together.

“What?” She pressed, but he only shook his head.

He’d nearly told her about the snowflake ornament he’d given to a frightened little girl. He would never tell her, not now. Not after learning how much this talk about signs upset her. He moved closer. “Elena, what if Al’s right? What if the baseball cards, the seashells, the candy wrappers—what if they all really are signs? I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” He took the seashell, studied it. “It makes me...warm inside, I guess, knowing she might still be with me.”

What little color there was in her cheeks fled and her jaw dropped. Slowly, mechanically, she shook her head. “No. Oh, Lucas, no!”

He wrapped his arms around her to soothe, to comfort. “Shhh, baby, shhhh. Tell me.”

Elena shuddered and pulled away. “It means she’s still punishing me, Luke. Still mad at me. It means she’s in Hell—and so am I.”

He thought about that. “Why would she punish you?”

Because she’d disobeyed. Because she’d done exactly what her mother told her not to do. Because she’d ruined everything. She shifted, turned away. “I...I can’t talk about this, Luke. I’m sorry. You should go.”

Not gonna happen. He lifted her face to his. “You believe in that? Hell, I mean.”

“Yes. No. Jeez, I don’t know what I believe anymore.” She scrubbed her hands over her face.

A new thought arrowed straight through his heart. “You...you think
I’m
part of this... this punishment? Is that why you sent me that text?”

Elena leaped to her feet. “You—you really need to leave.”

He stood, waited for her to face him. “Answer me.”

“Luke, please,” she whispered.

“Not going anywhere until you answer me.”

She shut her eyes and nodded once.

He stepped closer. “You’re wrong. You’re a gift, Elena.”

Her eyes snapped open.

“Elena, from the second I saw you get out of that little Zipcar the other day, I’ve wanted to get to know you. Spending yesterday with you, putting up this tree? That was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” He brushed the hair behind her ear, cradled her face in his hands. “Al is my closest friend but he drives me crazy with all this crap about signs. It makes him happy so I go along with it. But not this, sweetheart. Not you. I can’t walk away from you just because of some—some silly superstitious crap.”

She stared up at him, at that bright smile, those dark glittery eyes, and felt the pull deep in her gut. He slid his hands into her hair, his thumbs drawing circles along her face.

“I know you’re leaving soon. But we have the next few weeks to make this the best Christmas either of us has had in years.” He ran his hands down her back, subtly pulling her closer. “I want to get to know you better. I want you, Elena, and I’m pretty damn sure you want me, too.” His hands settled on her hips, stirring up a storm of desire. “Let’s forget all about Al’s signs and just—just have some fun together. Spend time with me. We’ll tour the city, watch silly holiday movies—you and me.”

You and me.

Luke’s words spun Christmas magic inside her and Elena found herself nodding, pressing closer to him until his mouth was on hers again. Their first kiss nearly melted a hole through her chest but it was nothing but a distant memory—a pale impersonator of the kiss he gave her now. He tasted like candy canes and sugar cookies and when his hand brushed along the sides of her breasts as he banded his arms around her body, she felt like a Christmas gift—wanted and precious and wrapped in bright ribbons.

“Y
ou can do this, Elena.” Lucas tugged on her hand.

She swallowed hard and stepped down to the subway entrance, clutching his hand tightly in hers.

“The subways are the best way to travel around the city. Sure, they can be dangerous, but you’re not alone, so your odds of getting into trouble just drastically fell.”

Her hand tightened even more, but she nodded and barely three minutes later, the train arrived and they stepped aboard. She gripped his hand for the entire trip and when the train finally reached Penn Station, only then did she release all the breaths she’d been holding. He took her to Macy’s at Herald Square, where Elena bought gifts for Milk Dud and Kara, and—when Lucas wasn’t looking—for him. After that, he took her to the top of the Empire State Building where the cold and the view were equally breathtaking.

They walked uptown along Fifth Avenue, stopping to look in store windows from time to time. He wanted to take her skating at Rockefeller Center but the lines were too long so instead, he tugged her into a store that sold nothing but Lego blocks. When his eyes went round at the sight of a Lego replica of the UN building, Elena took out her credit card and bought it for him on the spot. In return, he led her to a bakery and bought her a trio of the biggest cupcakes she’d ever seen.

Burdened with shopping bags filled to bursting, they walked down Fifth Avenue and Elena’s phone buzzed.

“It’s Kara. She’s home,” Elena said, reading the text.

“We should head back.” Lucas put down one of his bags, stuck two fingers in his mouth and whistled for a cab. Once they’d climbed inside, their bags safely tucked between their legs on the floor, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “Thank you,” he murmured against her neck, where he kissed her.

Elena’s pulse leaped and her eyes fluttered shut only to pop wide when he lifted icy cold fingers to her face. “Lucas! You’re practically hypothermic!” She grabbed his hands and rubbed them briskly between hers.

He grinned. “Cold hands, warm heart.”

Elena stripped off her gloves and dove into one of her Macy’s bags. “I should have given these to you as soon as I bought them.” She tore the tag off a pair of black leather gloves lined in cashmere and handed them to him.

“Whoa, fancy.” He slid his hands inside, gave them a flex.

“Better?”

“They’re perfect, Elena. Thank you.” He studied his hands in the black leather. “I promise not to give these away.”

Elena looked at him sideways. “You give away all your gloves?”

Lucas lifted a shoulder. “Maybe.”

Elena stared at him for a long moment. He really was too good to be true. And—at least for the moment—he was hers. She shifted, took his face in her hands and kissed him full on the mouth, took the kiss slow and deep. When they pulled apart, the bright and hopeful expression on his face pinched her heart. “I’m sorry.” She moved away.

“I’m not.”

She snorted. “I’m serious, Lucas. I’m only here for a few more weeks. I have no business starting something with you.”

He shifted in his seat, faced her. “I’m a big boy,” he began and his words almost made her blush. “Come on. Let’s go make your sister and Milk Dud some dinner.”

Something inside her, some chain that weighed her down, broke free at his words.

She tried not to take that as a sign.

“H
i, guys!” Kara said brightly from her favorite spot on the sofa. The baby name book was now accompanied by a legal pad, on which dozens of names had been scrawled and crossed out.

Elena rushed across the apartment and folded her sister into a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me, too.” Kara sniffled. “Is that what this is for?” She waved a hand to the huge tree in front of her window.

Elena shook her head. “This? This is Christmas. The baby’s crib, though? That’s an apology.”

Kara’s eyes went round. “The crib? I didn’t go in the other room. Oh, Lord, haul me up. I need to see.” She held out both arms. Luke laughed, took one arm while Elena took the other. Together, they helped Kara reach her feet, followed her into the bedroom. “Laney, oh wow, this is adorable.” She brushed a hand over the blanket, the crib bumpers. “It matches the walls perfectly.” She turned, caught Elena’s hands. “Thank you.”

“I’m so glad you like it.”

“I love it. And—” She winced, put a hand to her side. “I think Milk Dud does, too.”

Elena’s hand followed her sister’s. She gasped when she felt the baby kick. “Whoa! Doesn’t that hurt?”

Kara shrugged. “When the baby hits my kidney or liver, yeah. Otherwise, no. It’s pretty cool.” And then her face crumbled. “Oh, Laney.” She fell into Elena’s arms. “There’s a little human inside me and Mom isn’t here to see it—him—her.”

Elena swallowed hard, squeezed her eyes shut and held her sister as tightly as she could given the swell of baby between them. She opened her eyes when Luke’s hand squeezed her arm.

Not your fault,
he mouthed.

But it was.

“Come on now, no tears. It’s Christmas time.” Lucas rubbed Kara’s back. “Let’s make some dinner. Elena and I got dessert, so I hope you’re hungry.”

“Like pretty much all the time.” She patted her belly. “Milk Dud is a bit of a pig.”

“Hmm, well, the little Milk Dud is gonna love these.” He tugged her back to the living room, pulled a container from one of their bags and opened the lid on one of the monster cupcakes he and Elena had purchased earlier. “It may need to thaw out for a while. It’s damn cold out.”

Kara’s eyes popped and she shuffled to the kitchen for a fork. “I don’t care how cold it is, I’m eating it. So what else did you two do today?”

“Lucas took me to Rockefeller Center, the Empire State Building, and a Lego store.”

Kara’s face softened. “Lucas, you really are a saint for showing my baby sister a fun time.”

But his face clouded. “No. I’m really not.” He sat down on the sofa on the cushion opposite Kara’s favorite spot and grabbed her TV remote. “What do you ladies say to watching a Christmas movie?”

“Yes!” Kara clapped. “When we were little, we used to do this all the time—spend an entire weekend watching all the holiday classics. Laney used to love those clay cartoons, remember?” She lowered herself to one of the kitchen stools.

Elena merely grunted.

“But I love the comedies.”

Luke’s eyebrows climbed. “
Christmas Vacation
?”

“Yes! Hell yes! That one’s hilarious.”

While Lucas selected the channel, Elena busied herself in the kitchen, prepping the roast chicken, only half-listening to Kara babble. She slid the chicken into the oven and then switched to mixing hot cocoa.

“I got your message. How’s Bree doing? Did you see
him
?”

“See him?” Kara fanned her face. “I met him. The man is totally P.D. and Bree still gets The Look at the mere mention of his name. But don’t worry, she’ll be fine. Aunt Enza and Uncle Ed are all over him.”

Elena laughed and quickly shot a glance at Lucas, who was also entirely P.D. – panty-dropping – but she did not want to explain that to him.

She’d die of embarrassment.

“Need help?” His deep voice made her jolt.

“No, I’m good,” she lied.

His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t press her. “Let’s watch the movie, okay?”