Gray Girl (35 page)

Kristi lifted her chin slightly.
 
“Yes, Sir, that’s what I assumed.”

The Supe took a deep breath and
leaned back in his chair again.
 
“Okay, here’s what’s going to
happen.
 
I’m going to address the entire Corps of
Cadets about the situation.
 
I’m
going to explain Cadet Trane’s alcohol addiction and how it affected his
actions that night.
 
I’m also going
to explain that you both acted in self defense—the MP investigation as
well as our internal one validates your actions that night.”
 
He leaned forward again.
 
Looking straight at Kristi, he
continued, “However, you must know that there will be some, perhaps many, who
will feel that you committed murder and got away with it.”
 

The room fell completely silent.
 
No one moved or spoke while LTG Stanton
let his words sink in to Jan and Kristi’s psyche.
 
Then he added, “Furthermore, no one can
protect you from the fallout that may come from this.
 
Some will never accept you, some may
silence you, and you may find yourselves as the brunt of jokes, snide comments
or other verbal assaults.
 
There’s
nothing I, or anyone else, can do to keep these things from happening.”

Jan and Kristi had already thought
about that.
 
They already felt the
stigma.
 

“If you were my daughters, I would
advise you to resign.”
 
He said it
softly but deftly.

Another long moment of silence
ensued.
 
Jan began to understand the
point of this meeting.
 
He wants us out.
 

“Sir, may I ask a question?”
 

“Yes, Miss Wishart?”

“Sir, what would you advise if we
were your sons?”

Jan saw him flinch.
 
He sat back again in his chair,
interlocking his fingers behind his head.
 
He waited another moment before answering.
 
“That’s a good question, Miss Wishart.”
 
He looked up to the trey ceiling before
looking back at Jan.
 
“I’d probably
tell you to stick it out.
 
You were
out after Taps and in an unauthorized area.
 
You’re
not the first
nor
the last cadets to be guilty of that.
 
But if you hadn’t been out, we might
never have discovered Cadet Trane’s propensity for evil.”
 
He paused again.
 
“Don’t get me wrong, I wish you had not
gone out that night.
 
But in doing
so, we’ve solved…
”
 
He abruptly stopped speaking.

Solved
what?

The Superintendent leaned forward in
his chair.
 
“Anyway, it’s done
now.
 
There’s no way of knowing what
might have happened if you had not gone out that night.”
 
He seemed a little flustered.

 
“Sir, what do you mean?”
 
Jan hoped it wasn’t what she thought.

“Nothing that can be changed at this
point, Miss Wishart.”
 

“Sir, are you saying there have been
other rapes?”
 
Jan began to feel the
rage rising again.

“I didn’t say anything of the
sort.”
 
He stared directly at
Jan.
 
She didn’t flinch.
 
“I’m saying we are hopeful that there will
not be any more incidents like this one.”
 

“
Sir,…”

“Miss Wishart, there’s a lot you
don’t know.
 
We do not share everything
with the entire Corps of Cadets.
 
It
would not be prudent or helpful to do so.
 
But, yes, there have been a few incidents over the last few
years which
yielded no evidence and only reluctant
victims.
 
Without proof and without
witnesses, there is nothing to do but wait and hope.
 
There’s no point alarming
everyone.”
 
His voice indicated the
end of the subject.
 

Jan didn’t say any more.
 
This wasn’t her fight.
 
Not
every battle is Armageddon.
    

LTG Stanton told them to think about
their options and that he would support whatever decisions they made.
 
They were dismissed.

40

Jan
\
jan
\ as a girl's name (also used as boy's name
Jan
), is pronounced jann, Feminine form of
John
.
 
As a girl's name, also a
short
form of
Janet
and
Janice
.
 
It is of
Hebrew
origin, and the meaning of Jan is " God is
gracious
".
 

Wednesday,
May 26, 1982

1300 Hours

Eternity finally arrived.
 
Recognition day began with the last
parade of the year—graduation parade.
 
It was like every other parade, only
this time, the Corps of Cadets minus the firsties passed in review of the
graduating class.
 
The cows in
charge led the parade like they were
old pros, which tends
to happen after three years of practice.
 
Each company presented arms when passing the firsties, and then each company
returned back to their formational areas for recognition of the plebes.
 

The acting Company Commander ordered
the plebes of H-3 to fallout in a wide U-shape.
 
But the Army doesn't do soft corners, so
they formed up in a three-sided rectangle.
 
The yearlings started the procession, each one coming down the line of
plebes, introducing themselves by first name.
 
The plebes also offered their first
names, while sounds of joking and laughing went up across the Academy.

The night before, the Superintendent
called a special session to address the entire Corps of Cadets.
 
They had marched to Ike Hall where he
spoke about “an incident involving the death of a first classman.”
 
This young man, he said, while a model
cadet in many ways, had a serious alcohol
addiction which
explained why he might have acted violently.
 
He never used the word “rape.”
 
The investigation into these events
would continue, LTG Stanton said, but the cadets involved were not to
blame.
 
All the evidence to date, he
said, supported the female cadet’s decision to defend
herself
from a perceived and real threat.
 
Any rumors to the contrary were false.
 
These cadets, he stressed, deserved
acceptance and treatment in the same manner as any other member of the
Corps.
 
Additionally, he reminded
them that the deceased firstie had a spotless reputation prior to this incident
and that the Corps should also remember him that way.
 
Since the young man was no longer here
to defend himself, no further judgment could be made about his character other
than what was previously known about him.
 

Jan and Kristi sat stone-faced and
still in their seats for the whole lecture.
 
Angel looked over at them a couple of
times,
still disbelieving what her roommates had been
through.
  
Even though
their
names were never officially mentioned, most everyone
knew who was involved.
 
They went to
bed hoping the Supe’s words would be taken seriously.
      

They didn't have to line up in height
order, so Jan, Kristi and Angel stood next to each other.
 
Each upperclassman congratulated them and
most seemed genuinely happy that the three women had made it.
 
Although, a few came
through the line and refused to shake Kristi’s hand.
 
One or two only nodded at Jan, never
greeting her formally.
 

Kristi’s first semester Squad Leader
broke the ice, “Well, you certainly finished plebe year with a bang, Kristi.”

“Yes, Sir.”
 
She looked down.

“Hey, none of that anymore, I'm Ken
now.”
 
He smiled at her.

“Thanks, Ken.
 
I wish it could have been very
different.”

When Cadet Meyer stepped in front of
Jan, he said, “You were squared away first semester when I was your Squad
Leader, Jan.”
 
He smiled,
 
“I’m Steve.”
 

“Actually, I was a mess first
semester—intra-murder soccer, blueberry pies and diet tables—you
remember?”
 

“Okay, but those were nothing
compared to…” he seemed to think twice about his comments, “well, you know what
I mean.”
 

Jan smiled back. “You were the first
upperclassman to give me a compliment.
 
I really appreciated that.”
 

“I did?
 
I don’t remember…”
 

“Yes, you did, I remember it well.”

“Well good luck at Camp Buckner.”

“Thank you, Sir…I mean, Steve.”

With each Yearling who congratulated
and called her “Jan,” she felt more secure in her place in the Long Gray
Line.
 
She was now a full-fledged
member of the United States Corps of Cadets.
 
They confirmed it.
 
They called her Jan.
 
At least most of them did.

Then the cows came through the
line.
 
She greeted Cadet Rallins,
“Thank you for the iron, Jean.
 
It
really helped with my wool trousers that time.”

“Oh, I felt so bad for you, Jan.
 
That was such a hard night.”

“Yeah, but you made it easier.
 
You saved my pants from the trash
can.”
 
They both laughed.
 

“And I guess it was easy in
hindsight…I mean…now…”

“Yes, Jean.
 
Looking back, it was…. easy.”

The cows finished filing through,
then the firsties started coming.
 
She saw Dogety approaching in the corner of her eye, but she didn't look
at him.
 
Thankfully, Cadet Holdern
came first.

“Congratulations, Jan.
 
No matter what anyone else says or
thinks, remember that you and Kristi both deserve to be here.
 
Hold your heads high. ”

I’ll try.
“Thank you, John.”

“And you will always have the notorious distinction of digging Harold’s
grave.”
 
He winked, but Jan wished
he hadn’t mentioned that last word.

“It was an honor.”

He lowered his voice, “And nothing
will ever seem too difficult after what you’ve been through.”
 

“You’re right about that.”
 

 
A few more firsties came through the
line.
 
Jan saw Dogety getting
closer—only two people away.
 
Then, he stood in front of her.
 
She took a deep breath while an awkward silence hung between them.
 
She decided not to speak first.
 
  

“Congratulations, Jan.”
 
He held his hand out to shake.
 

She took it and they shook slowly,
deliberately.
 
“Thanks, Sam.”
 
She could not think of anything else to
say.

“I’m really sorry for all the trouble
I put you through.
 
You’ve taught me
more than I could possibly have taught you.”
 
He looked in her eyes.

“You’ve taught me well.
 
Everything you put me through helped me
to survive the… that last thing.”
 
She looked back at him, eye to eye.
 
“You prepared me to face this…situation.”

“Well, I am truly, deeply sorry for
getting you into this whole mess.”
 
He looked down now.
 

“I am sorry we couldn’t get to know
each other more.
 
But I wish you all
the best in the Army, and beyond.”
 
She meant it.

“Thanks, Jan.
 
I wish you the best, also.
 
Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Sam.”

Jan looked down the line of plebes
and saw Rick greeting everyone with a smile and a handshake.
 
She never would have guessed
him.
 
This cocky, prior service, good at
everything, Mr. Know-It-All could not possibly be the same sensitive, funny and
spiritual pen pal she had come to know.
 
But he was indeed the very same person.
 
She realized how little she knew about
anyone.
 
Hell, she didn’t even know
much about herself.
 
Although, she knew quite a bit more now than a year ago.
 

She wanted to hug him before everyone
scattered for summer leave.
 
She
contemplated how best to approach him when he looked up and caught her
eye.
 
Jan wanted to tell him how
much he meant to her.
 
She wanted to
tell him she loved him.
 
But what
did he think about her now?
 
Now
that she had been involved in Cadet Trane’s death would he still want to be her
friend?
 
She looked away.

The line finally finished.
 
The plebes of H-3 were officially recognized
and dismissed to begin packing.
 
She
walked back to her room.
 
Kristi and
Angel were packing their green duffle bags.
 
Jan flopped down on her now stripped
bed, putting her feet up and falling back on the pillow.
 
She felt like she had just been released
from prison.

“Oh Jan, I almost forgot.
 
You got another note taped to the
door.”
 
Kristi handed Jan a folded
piece of paper.

Jan took the note and brought it
close to her face.
 
She unfolded it
and read.

Jan,

I
really enjoyed helping you in Calculus.
 
You always made me feel so smart.
 
(I know you think you were terrible at it, but you were not that bad
really.)
 
And yes, I enjoyed seeing
you in Drowning, also.

I
am so thankful that the honor charges were dropped. And deeply thankful that
you were not blamed for what happened on that other night.
 
I don’t think I’ve ever prayed so hard
in my life.
 
And it looks like God
may have been with us after all.
         
`

I’m
sorry we haven’t connected very much in the last couple of weeks.
 
With exam week, moving to Camp Buckner,
graduation week activities and walking area tours, we haven’t had any time to
catch up.
 
I’m sure you’ve had even
less time, given the extra hours you have to put in on the area.
 

Anyway,
I was hoping to spend a little time together before summer leave.
 
But it looks like we’ll have to wait
until Buckner to actually speak again.
 
I am looking forward to it.

I
hope I won’t get “all stupid” around you then.
 
If I do, give me a chance to make it
right, please.
 
Surely you can tell
by now that I’m a nice guy.

Rick
 
(aka SKIP)

Jan folded the paper again and held
it against her stomach with her left hand.
 
I thought Trane was a nice guy,
too.
 
She covered her eyes with
her right hand.
 
She suddenly felt
so tired.
 
So
goddamn tired.
  

Angel and Kristi continued
packing.
 
Jan began to nod off when
Kristi said, “Jan, do you mind if I come to your house again in, like, two
weeks?”

Jan felt like she needed a break from
everyone, even Kristi
,
 
but
two weeks should do it.
 
How could she say no to the one friend who risked her own life for
Jan’s?
 
“Yeah, that’s fine.
 
Just let me know when you’re
coming.”
 

“I’ll call a few days ahead.
 
You can pick me up at Logan, right?”

“Yeah, Kissy, no prob.”
 
Jan didn’t want to think about two weeks
from now.
 
She just wanted to
sleep.
 
She turned her head toward
the wall on the uncovered pillow, closed her eyes and fell asleep.

The West Point Class of 1982
graduated the next day.
 
Senator
John Tower
 
(R-TEX), Chairman of the
Senate Armed Services Committee, gave the commencement address.
 
Jan wondered if the firsties felt a
little ripped off since the previous year’s graduation speaker was President
Ronald Reagan.
 
The thousand or so
classmates, including Dogety, Conrad and Jackson, threw their hats at “Class
Dismissed.”
 

Everyone was free to leave after the
two-hour ceremony.
 
Jan’s parents
didn't come for her this time.
 
Instead, she took a late afternoon Greyhound bus from the nearby town of
Highland Falls.
 
Fitting
name for the bus out of West Point.