Green Fairy (Dangerous Spirits) (38 page)

He reached out to shut off the alarm and sat up in bed, drawing his knees up to his chin and curling his tail around his hip. When he rubbed his eyes dry, there was no flood of tears, but he felt as though he would never smile again. It was not the pain of death, because Niki wasn’t dead; rather, he was dead but not gone. It reminded him of what he’d felt when Natty went off to college and Sol had come upstairs to walls echoing with his brother’s scent and no brother in the next room.

Niki wouldn’t want him to cry, but that didn’t stop a few more tears from soaking through his fur. In the silence of the house, it would be easy for him to imagine that he was alone. But his parents were just down the hall, and their scent was all over the house as well. Meg and Alexei were out there waiting for him, and Natty was only a few hours away at college. Still, he was going to miss waking up with creepy shit in his bed from the dreams.

That thought made him laugh, half-nervously, and look around his bed, then the room. His phone was blinking, but he ignored it for the moment. There was no water other than the dampness around his eyes, no rope, no candlestick. He did not feel grief, nor Jean’s betrayed fury, nor Niki’s tragically misguided love. No smells, no marks in his fur—no trace at all that his dream had been real other than the vivid memory of it.

He picked up the phone and saw a message from Meg:
Hey, dream-boy. You ok?

Now, Sol felt a little more like smiling. He texted back quickly:
I’m ok
.

He set the phone down, rubbed the back of his paw against his whiskers in a gesture that was becoming habitual, and padded to the bathroom. He almost wished Niki had not shown him the final night with Jean; the images and the cruelty of Jean sat heavy in his memory, and he knew they would not soon disappear. But their warning was clear, and against them shone the light and warmth of Niki’s love. Whether it was real or not, Sol believed in it.

At the sink, he looked up, and for a moment could do nothing but stare at the mirror. In his black-furred muzzle, the eyes that stared back at him were no longer a light hazel color, but a bright emerald green.

It was not the largest birthday party Sol had ever had, but the size was pretty much perfect, he thought. Natty had come back from college for the weekend, Xavy and a couple of the wolves from the baseball team were there, and Alexei and Meg sat together over a bowl of chips. Sol had been sitting with them for a while, until Meg told him to pay attention to the other guests, and he’d found Xavy and Natty happy to welcome him into their group. Ears were up, tails swishing lazily, smiles all around.

“Norston here says you played good off the bench last night,” Natty said. He elbowed his little brother. “Getting some playing time, huh? Maybe I’ll have to come down and see a game. I was gonna come down for Lakeside, but…”

“I was there,” Sol said. “It was a great game. Taric went 4-for-4 and had a home run.”

“Taric’s that coyote?”

Sol nodded. “Yeah, he’s good. We had a college scout at the last game.”

Xavy drank from a cup that was supposed to contain only Gatorade, but Sol’s dad was giving out Busch from the kitchen, and the malty smell reached Sol’s nostrils as the other wolf lowered the cup. “He’s still a prick,” Xavy said.

“Fit right in on a college team.” Natty laughed. “He ain’t giving you trouble no more, is he, Sollo?”

Sol shook his head. “Nah. We’re…well, I dunno about ‘cool,’ but…he doesn’t give me shit. His sister still does, but not as much. Alexei took her down a peg.” He grinned at the fox, deep in conversation with the otter.

“Hey, guys!” Sol’s dad came out from the kitchen, a beer in each paw, tail wagging. “I got the charcoal started, so we got half an hour before the burgers start cooking. How about a little five on five down at the park?”

So they walked down to the park, drafting some neighbors along the way, and played five-on-five softball for half an hour. Sol was made to be a captain, and Natty the other; Sol drafted Meg and Alexei and his father, while Natty drafted all the baseball players. Predictably, Sol’s team lost, though they wouldn’t have known if not for Sol’s father keeping score; everyone else kept shouting, “How much do we have?” in between laughing at their errors and absurdly trash-talking each other.

On the way home, Sol walked next to his father, helping him carry the equipment. “Not much time left in the school year,” his father said.

Sol turned his head, but his father wasn’t looking at him. “Mr. Zerling’s pretty happy with the lineup,” he said. “Taric’s doing really well. I’m helping where I can.”

“You’re better than that ’yote.”

“I told you, dad, I’m not.” Sol swung the bag of softballs from his paw. “It’s okay. The team needs good players on the bench, too. We have to keep the team together late in the games.”

“That’s just what he says to keep you happy.” His father looked at Sol now, sideways along his grey muzzle.

“Well, it’s working,” Sol said.

His father snorted loudly, but all he said was, “You did good with that softball team there.” And Sol accepted that for the compliment it was.

Back at their house, his mother was just putting some thick, juicy burgers on the grill. Charcoal and meat smell filled the hazy air. It was warm enough that all the canids were panting, and even Meg, who couldn’t be bothered to chase balls that weren’t hit directly to her, drank a big glass of Gatorade.

Xavy patted Alexei on the back as they ate their burgers. “You got a good swing,” he said. “Thought about playing baseball?”

Alexei smiled, showing no self-consciousness at being the only fox at the party. “I am teaching Sol football, and he is teaching me baseball.”

“Football?” Natty perked his ears up.

“Soccer.” Alexei grinned at Sol. “Sol has good speed. Needs to improve his,” he gestured to his feet.

“Footwork,” Sol said. “We do footwork drills for baseball, but nothing like what they do for soccer. It’s crazy. We didn’t even do it for the high school team.” It was the closest he’d ever come to dancing.

“Long as you’re enjoying it,” Natty said. “And you ain’t neglectin’ baseball.”

“Sol’s out there every afternoon,” Xavy says. “Busts his tail.”

Sol saw Alexei’s briefly furrowed brow, but he didn’t want to embarrass the fox by explaining the phrase in front of him, so he made a mental note to tell him later. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll get to play. So I’m enjoying it while I can.”

“Not stayin’ till dark anymore.” Xavy tipped his beer to his muzzle and drank.

“Nah. I’m staying as long as it’s fun.” Sol grinned.

“Fun?” Natty flicked his ears. “Not about fun, Sol. It’s about working hard to be the best.”

Sol elbowed his brother. “Sheesh, now you sound like Dad.”

“Whoa, hey!” Natty held up his paws and grinned. “Sorry. Just want you to be the best you can.”

“I’m happy,” Sol said. “That’s all I want out of it.”

“Well,” Natty said, “I guess that’s okay, too. Just tell Dad you’re having the most fun of everyone, or something.” But he looked at Xavy with an exaggerated shrug, kind of a “what’cha gonna do?” look.

The other wolf grinned uncomfortably back. “He’s a lot looser than he was early this year,” he said. “That coyote’s just a freak of nature, or Sol’d be starting for sure.”

“Yeah, so what happened then?” Natty took another swallow of beer, too. “You were all weird up ’til like a month ago.”

“Ah…” Sol couldn’t restrain a smile; his brother had noticed his moods. Someday, he thought, he might tell Natty everything. “I told you. Senioritis.”

“You’re still a senior.”

“Yeah, well.” He grinned. “A friend of mine told me not to take everything so seriously.”

Xavy punched Sol’s shoulder lightly. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You did great when Zerling moved you away from second.”

Natty raised his eyebrows, turning back to Sol. “You didn’t tell me about that.”

Sol waved a paw. “Wasn’t a big deal. Couch twisted his ankle and we needed someone. Anyone can play left field. It’s not permanent.”

“And shortstop two weeks ago,” Xavy added.

“Backup shortstop. Anyway, that’s not too different from second base.” Sol shook his head and finished off his Coke in one gulp. “I’m just happy to get to play where I can.”

And after the burgers, there was ice cream cake, and then the guests drifted away one by one as the evening wore on. There was talk of going out to a movie, but nobody could agree on a movie, and Sol was comfortable just sitting around with his friends talking, so he didn’t push it. Eventually, Sol’s father went to the living room with Natty to talk and watch the end of the Typhoons game, and the last of the baseball team headed home, and it was just Sol and Meg and Alexei.

“Your eyes still creep me out,” Meg said when they were alone.

“I think they are pretty.” Alexei smiled.

“You didn’t know him for three years.” Meg grimaced. “Still feels like he’s an alien.”

“Mom and Dad got over it,” Sol said.

Meg rolled her eyes in the direction of the living room. “Right. Aren’t you going to some specialist in Millenport next week?”

“Vidalia, yeah.” Sol had told his parents that he didn’t want to go to Millenport, and they hadn’t argued too much. Vidalia was not quite as large, but was still a good-sized city. “But they don’t talk about it anymore. Anyway, it was your Green Fairy.”

“I didn’t tell you to get so wigged out your eyes changed. That was all you.”

“I was pretty screwed up back then.”

Meg snorted, play-slapping at Sol. “It was a month ago.”

“Five weeks!”

“Whatever.” She sat back and looked at him. “I’m glad you came through it okay. And glad for whatever I did to help. You still haven’t written about it.”

“It’s a long story,” Sol said.

Alexei laughed. “I want to read it too. I am very happy there are ghosts in this country like in Siberia.”

“There are not ghosts,” Meg said. “It’s just some weird shit. I asked my vampire fox friend, and—”

“Hey.” Sol held up his paws. “It’s my birthday. Could we not have this argument?”

Meg sighed. “I’m gonna go outside and take a walk.” That meant she was going to light up. At least she’d given up asking if Sol wanted to come. “See you guys later.”

“She is sad that she is still here,” Alexei said softly when Meg had gone.

“Yeah,” Sol said. “But I think she’ll come with us this summer.”

The fox looked toward the door. “She does not like me very much.”

“She likes you,” Sol said. “She wouldn’t be talking to you at all if she didn’t. She’s just afraid of being a third wheel.”

Alexei laughed softly, his gaze returning to Sol. “‘Third wheel’?”

“Yeah, she thinks we’re—she thinks she’d be in the way. I keep telling her it’s not like that.”

The fox nodded. “I found listing for apartment. Nice section of Vidalia, near Riverwalk. Two bedrooms.”

Riverwalk was the small gay neighborhood where one of Alexei’s Internet friends lived. “Cool,” Sol said. “I’ll take a look. My parents are okay with it as long as I still go to college in the fall.”

“I would like to stay here for college as well.” Alexei’s ears folded down. “There are many papers to be signed, and I must hope that Siberia allows it. I hope the football—soccer—is enough.”

“You love soccer, and you’re really good.” Sol grinned and reached over to pat the fox’s knee. “The guy in that league in Vidalia wrote you an awesome letter. It’s gonna work out, I can feel it. And Meg’s gonna come with us.”

She opened the door just then. “I’m gonna do what now?”

When she came and sat with them, Sol didn’t smell any marijuana on her breath. “Where’d you go?”

She shrugged. “I told you. Just took a walk. Leave you two alone for a bit.”

“I like talking to you,” Alexei said. “Sol is just saying you will come with us to Vidalia. I find two-bedroom apartment.”

“One for me, one for you two.” She snorted and looked between them.

Alexei shrugged. “If you and Sol want to share room, is all right also.”

“Or we all sleep in one room and use the other one for video games.” Sol grinned.

Meg shook her head and lowered her voice. “You two make the worst couple I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah, so? Come with us. Come on, it’s my birthday.” Sol leaned in to Meg.

She pushed him away. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll think about it.” But she smiled and her tail thwapped the floor. “Not like there’s anything else to do in fuckin’ Midland.”

“Told you,” Sol said to Alexei.

She pointed a finger at both of them. “But I swear, if you wake me up in the middle of the night with any kind of…noises…” She leaned back in the chair. “Lived with that for eighteen fucking years and I really need a good night’s sleep for once.”

“Cross our hearts,” Sol said.

Alexei mimicked Sol’s gesture, and Meg said, “You’re already starting to act alike.”

Sol pushed her back and laughed, and the conversation moved on, but he couldn’t keep his tail from wagging for the rest of the evening.

When Alexei and Meg went home, Sol hugged his parents and Natty goodnight. All in all, his birthday had gone as well as it could’ve without a car in the driveway. And even the loss of the car didn’t sting, not now. Sol had his friends, and everything else would work itself out in time.

He closed the door to his room and picked up the main present his parents had given him: the giclée of Niki, mounted under glass with a nice wooden frame and mat. They hadn’t asked any questions about why he wanted a picture of a nude male fox, nor where he’d gotten it from. Neither of them had recognized it, but then, he hadn’t really expected them to.

He rapped a painting hanger into the wall and slipped the wire on the back of the frame over the hook. It took a small adjustment to straighten, and then it was up on the wall. He had just stepped back to admire it when his mother knocked on his door. “Happy birthday, honey. I saved a birthday present,” she said, and handed him a small envelope.

“Oh, Mom. Thanks.” Sol ripped it open and pulled out a small plastic card. He turned it over. It was a Visa, with his name on it. “What…?”

“Well, it’s not a car. But at college…or if you go live on your own this summer like you’ve been talking about…it would be useful. You’ll be responsible for it, but we’ll have access to the account. We can help out if you need it.”

Or take it away if he didn’t use it well, in addition to being able to see everything he bought. But he smiled, because it was a nice gesture. “Thanks, Mom. This is really cool.”

“It was hard to shop for you this year.” She leaned against the door frame, right against the stone where Natty used to lean, looking into the room. “I didn’t really know what you wanted.”

Sol placed the card on his desk, caught his reflection in the mirror. “I’ve been trying to figure that out myself.” Bright green eyes stared back at him. His mother was here alone, and smiling, and it was his birthday. “Mom, can I talk to you for a second?”

She nodded and stepped into the room, and he met her eyes. “What’s on your mind, hon?”

Was this the right moment? Sol had no idea. But it was in his heart, he felt it was right, and so he followed that before he could chicken out. “Um, I’ve been thinking about stuff a lot.” His throat was dry, but the words burst out. “I think I’m gay.”