GRINGA (52 page)

    
             
His brows knit as he runs his fingers through his hair. ‘Payton, I tell her many times I don’t want her like that but she don’t listen, she want get married, have babies
.
’ 

    
             
‘Y …you don’t want to have children?’

    
             
‘No!’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t want children. No.’

   
             
I’m at a loss for words - hurt. ‘Not even with
me?’
I want to blurt, ‘When we’re so good together and when we light up each other’s lives? When we can’t wait to be with each other?’

    
             
But, I say nothing and try to hide my disappointment. I’m in love with a man who does not want to have babies with
me
. I may be fast-forwarding right now, but that is something I can’t accept in my life. My childhood sucked and there is a void in my soul. To compensate, I want to have children and give them all the things my mother would have given me had she been alive. I want to smother them with love and affection and brainwash them into believing how magnificent they are. If I am robbed of that, I know I will never salve my soul.

             
     His adamant answer provides me with my reality check. Since I’m a master at hiding my true feelings, I swallow them with a glass of water from the bedside table and shrug. 

   
             
He reaches over, grabs my chin and turns it towards him. ‘What?’ 

   
             
Maybe I’m not such a master at hiding my feeling after all. ‘Nothing ...’ 

    
             
‘You want babies?’ 

             
Yes!

             
I move my face to avoid his eyes, but he jerks my chin so that our eyes meet. ‘N ... well ...’

             
I can’t lie. I don’t want to for some reason. ‘I do,’ I whisper. Now I feel exposed and vulnerable.

             
He falls silent and appears thoughtful.

             
‘Diago, I don’t want them
now.
’

    
             
His silently looks at me.

             
‘We have to get some condoms,’ I say.

             
‘“Condoms”?’

             
‘To avoid pregnancy. No babies for you, right? So we have to use condoms.’

             
‘No, no condoms.’

             
‘What if I get ...?’

             
‘Don’t worry ’bout that.’

             
‘“Don’t worry ’bout that”? How can I not?’

             
He looks me in the eye and says, ‘I got it.’

             
I bet you do.

             
I let it ride and swallow hard.

Diago stands before me looking smart in jeans and a grey shirt. His hair is neat, he’s stubble free and he’s looking really uncomfortable.

             
‘I am taking you to a movie,’ he says. ‘Senor Vito ... he say I must take you so you don’t get bored.’

             
I know he hates going out in public so I appreciate that he’s trying to keep me happy.

    
             
‘Wow, you sure are smoking!’ I say, circling him with wriggling eyebrows, adding to his discomfort. ‘I hope I’m not gonna have to fight off any Senoritas out there. Because I can – ask Christa and Santana.’

             
He grins while he loosens his collar. ‘The things I do for you …’

    
             
The movie is
Zorro 14, Son Of A Gun
. The cinema is small, crammed and lacks proper air-conditioning. The ticketmaster sees Diago and immediately offers us back row seats and free popcorn, which means we don’t have to wait in any queues.

             
‘
Gracias
, Senor,’ I say, ‘but we will stand in the queue.

             
Diago flashes me a confused look.

             
‘I want you to experience ordinary life and waiting in queues is part of life, honey. ’Sides, one day I’m gonna take you to
America
to see
my
world, where queues are aplenty, believe me.’

             
Even though his appearance today is fairly unthreatening, I notice the frightened looks from those around us and I hear the whisperings, ‘Is Diablo! Is Diablo!’

             
To my dismay some patrons quietly leave. 

             
‘Hey Diago, lemme tell you a joke,’ I quickly say. ‘A man went to see his doctor. “You need to stop masturbating”, the doctor says. “Why?” asks the man. The doctor replies, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”’

             
He chuckles and crushes me to him, then tilts my face for a kiss. Everybody gapes at Diablo’s show of affection – probably never believing Diablo had a soft side to him. 

             
I guess I bring out that side in him by showing
him
affection, something nobody’s done in his life. I’m touchy-feely person and people usually like that about me.

             
We watch a little bit of the movie, but spend a lot of time necking. I mean, we have the back row and necking in the movies is all part of his education, right?

    
             
‘Are you having fun, Diago?’ I whisper.

     
             
‘I always have fun when I’m with you,
cariño
’
he whispers back. ‘You make
everything
fun. That’s why I like being with you.’

    
             
‘Your very own clown, huh?’ I’m happy with his response so I allow him some inappropriate and scandalous touching in the dark.

    
             
On the way home, I talk about the movie. ‘You see how Zorro helped his people, Diago? You gotta do the same. You have oodles of dough just lying there, doing nothing. You should donate that money to hospitals, churches, schools. Schools are great, they will help the children of
Mexico
, mmm?’

    
             
He looks at me, his expression thoughtful. ‘I like to do that, but how?’

             
‘I’ll show you.’

             
‘You show me?’

    
             
I smile and rest my head on his shoulders. ‘You bet I will.’   

It’s midnight and I’m awakened by screams - sounds like a young woman. I run to the window and see Tongue dragging a young girl dressed in just a slip of a nightdress, up to his villa.

             
Santana is on her balcony yelling at Tongue to stop.

             
‘Shut up!’ he yells to Santana. 

             
Christa appears on her balcony, sporting a sheer negligee and smoking a cigarette.

             
The moment Santana sees Christa, she backs away into her room.

             
Christa watches, calmly dragging on her cigarette. 

    
             
Without thinking, I dash outside. ‘Tongue!’ I shout. ‘Leave her alone!’ I can’t stand by and watch Tongue violate young women anymore.

             
Now that I’m sleeping with Diago, I too should have some perks and I’m going to demand them.

             
Tongue stops and shakes his head. ‘Gringa, no! You stay out of this. A man has needs,’ he says and wriggles his eyebrows. ‘You come join us.’

    
             
‘Tongue, she’s a fucking kid,’ I hiss and yank the girl out of his hands. ‘Leave her alone!’

             
The little girl darts behind me.

    
             
‘Gringa, she is not a kid. She is ripe and she ... ’

    
             
‘I will call Diago, Tongue! Leave her the fuck alone.’

     
             
His laugh is mocking. ‘Diablo? What’s he going to do, eh? He bring
you
here?
Si
?
Si
?’

    
             
‘Tongue, the difference is: she’s a child. You have to let her go. Now!’

    
             
He smile vanishes and his eyes turn hard. ‘You should not interfere if you know what is good for you.’

             
I have no time to be intimidated. I turn to the little girl. ‘How old are you?’

    
             
She looks at me, confused.

             
‘Um …?’ Crap, how do you say
age
in Spanish?

             
‘
Epoca
?’ Santana shouts to the little girl.

    
             
‘
Trece
,’ the girl whimpers, clutching my nightdress.

    
             
‘
Ttrece
...?’ I silently work it out.

             
‘Thirteen!’ Santana shouts.

             
I spin around to look at Tongue. ‘Thirteen! What the fucks wrong with you, Tongue?’

    
             
Tongue flashes Santana a murderous look before he grabs the girl from behind me and starts to drag her away.

             
The girl screams hysterically.