Guardians (Seers Trilogy) (8 page)

I set my purse on the floor by my feet while Patrick walked around the car. I was just pulling my seat belt on when he opened his door and settled behind the wheel. He shot me a smile that needed no interpretation, then started the car and we pulled away from my house.

“So,” I said, reaching out to turn down the radio, “what’s on the agenda for tonight?”

He was focused on the road, but he took a second to glance at me. “Well, I thought we’d start this very normal date off by going out to eat. You still like pizza?”

I nodded approvingly. “A very normal choice.”

“I can be incredibly normal,” he assured me, a small grin dominating his otherwise smooth face.

My heart started to pound. “I’m not so sure about that,” I said, faking an ease I didn’t really feel.

His eyes shined toward mine, his tone lightly teasing. “You think me abnormal?”

“Just incredible, actually.”

His eyes rolled. “At least I’ve got you fooled.”

“You’re doing an excellent job,” I agreed with a smile.

He might have blushed, just a little. “All right, so for this perfectly normal evening we’re about to have, are there any subjects to be avoided? Toni, for instance?”

I shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t care—I just wanted to be alone with you.”

“And here I am, completely alone and in your power.” He braked at a stop sign and I reached for his hand, which he’d dropped to the armrest. Our palms pressed tightly together, and he gave me a fast look before starting forward again. “You really are in a good mood, aren’t you?”

I squeezed his fingers. “So far so good.”

He seemed pleased, and I knew I’d made the right choice to keep my visit to Clyde a secret. Patrick needed tonight just as badly as I did.

He took me to a popular pizza place downtown, crowded with families and young couples on dates. It took several minutes, but soon our pizza was ordered and we were seated in the corner near a front window. The atmosphere was still loud, and the background rock music didn’t help things, but since we were on the edge of the crowd we could at least hear each other without raising our voices too much.

Across the small round table from me, Patrick was nodding. “Oh yes, I feel like we’re completely alone.”

I smiled. “There’s no Toni. Or Jack. Or Claire . . . How’s that been going, anyway?”

He winced just a little. “She doesn’t like speaking to me, but she’s not going to leave unless Terence tells her to go.”

“I don’t understand her.”

He shrugged. “She came from a different world. One where men dominated women. She didn’t like it then, and she doesn’t like it now. It’s fairly simple.”

“So she hates you just because you’re a guy? I got the impression it had more to do with what happened in Vegas.”

His face softened a little. “She doesn’t regret helping us. She just—”

“She thinks I botched up her assassination. It’s okay. You don’t have to spare my feelings.”

Patrick spoke quickly. “She doesn’t blame you, Kate. If anything, she blames
me
for pushing her plans forward.”

“You?” I couldn’t hide my surprise.

He nodded simply. His eyes followed his index finger that surreptitiously brushed across the table’s edge. “Claire feels I’m an inferior Guardian because I couldn’t keep you out of trouble.”

“But none of that was your fault,” I protested. “It was all me. I took you to Vegas against your will!”

He shook his head, hand dropping back to his lap, his eyes coming back to mine. “No. I’m as guilty as you, if not more so. My weakness made it necessary for her to advance her plans, so she holds me personally responsible for every breath the Demon Lord continues to draw.”

I shook my head. “She’s such a cheerful person.”

“Toni doesn’t seem to see her flaws.”

“He’s still . . .” I hesitated, unable to find a delicate way to voice his more than obvious infatuation.

“Throwing himself ostentatiously at her feet?” Patrick supplied, before nodding once. “At every opportunity.”

“You’d think he’d get the hint.”

He shrugged. “Toni will be Toni. I don’t think he’s really invested at all. He just likes annoying her.”

Our drinks arrived, and I took a quick sip of the sharp root beer. I waited until Patrick had lowered his own glass, then I spoke carefully. “I’m sorry I’ve been so . . . out of it lately. That wasn’t fair to you.”

“What are you talking about?” He honestly looked confused. “Kate, you’ve been going through an impossibly hard time.”

I slid a finger over the rim of my glass, watching the drops of condensation slip down the frosted sides. “But I haven’t been the only one suffering.” I peered at him through my eyelashes, wondering even as I spoke if I was doing the right thing by bringing this up. “Seeing Sean again, realizing everything he’s done . . .”

It was amazing how quickly his body stiffened. His whole bearing changed in an instant. In the second I mentioned Sean’s name, Patrick turned his head and stared out the large window, watching as the cars darted past along the thin street. “You don’t have to do this,” he said, his voice low, knowing some words were required. “We don’t have to talk about him.”

“He’s your brother, Patrick.”

“No, he’s not.” I couldn’t see his face, but his words were enough to stop my hand from reaching for him. “That monster, that Demon . . . he’s
not
my brother.”

I pursed my lips briefly and then forced myself to continue, despite the growing unease in the pit of my stomach. I’d known this would be a hard subject for him, but I trusted Lee’s opinion that he wanted to talk about Sean. “I can’t even begin to understand what this must be like for you—”

His eyes came back to mine in a rapid turn, and I was surprised to see how pale he was. His face was tight and his words were hard. “Stop. Please, Kate. Just stop. I can’t do this . . . not with you.”

I tried not to let the hurt leak into my voice. “I think it would help you to talk about him.”

He shook his head. “Not after everything he’s done to you.”

I stretched my hand out, my fingers brushing the back of his loosely clenched fist before settling over it completely. My hand flexed around his, and our eyes remained firmly on each other. “I’m not the only one he’s hurt,” I said slowly, speaking just loud enough to be heard over the clamor of voices and music. “I love you, and I’m going to be here for you. You can talk to me about anything.”

“Even your grandfather’s murderer?” His words might have stung me, if he hadn’t almost choked on them. His eyes were deeply pained. “Maybe you’re strong enough for this, but I’m not.”

“You aren’t responsible for his actions.”

He nearly snorted, his voice almost desperate. “Everything he’s done is on my head. I’m the reason he’s this way. The hate he feels for me justifies everything he’s done, at least in his mind.”

“He can blame you all he wants, but you’re not accountable for any of it.”

His head lowered, his eyes gazing firmly into his dark drink. “Maybe I could overlook the fact he’s a Demon. The horrible things he had to do—that he must have
enjoyed
doing, to reach this point—they’re haunting enough. But helping the Demon Lord and hurting you . . . My own brother tried to kill me. And you.” I could feel his hand tremble beneath mine, and his words spilled quickly after that. “I gave up everything for him, and I only succeeded in destroying him. My brother isn’t alive. Sean is dead. Only Far Darrig remains.”

For a short moment, I wasn’t sure what to say. I just stared at his ducked head, drawing a mental blank. When my mouth opened and words started to come out, I could have sworn the message came from someone else. “Maybe I can’t help you understand that you’re not responsible for Sean. Maybe that’s because I don’t know what you’re going through, or maybe you won’t listen to me because you think I’m incapable of understanding. But there is someone who knows
exactly
how you feel. The betrayal, the hurt, the guilt.” His eyes lifted, but his expression was still guarded. He didn’t press me to reveal a name—maybe he thought I was referring to deity. But no matter what he thought, he was surprised by the person I named. “Your father suffered through this too,” I reminded him gently.

The song playing from the speakers was much too upbeat for this moment, but Patrick didn’t seem to be aware of the noise. He was focused on me, on my words. “My father’s gone,” he whispered at last.

I nodded once, allowing that. “Now. But he wasn’t always . . .”

I expected him to look relieved—maybe even excited. Instead, all I got was a rapid blink and a pale face. And he was stiffer than before. “No,” he said firmly.

I waited for him to elaborate, but when he didn’t I let my forehead crinkle. “No? What does that mean?”

His voice remained level, slightly clipped. “You’re not . . . I’m not going to let you use your traveling abilities to go back and visit my father for me.”

“Why not?”

“There’s no need to risk it. I don’t want you to travel ever again.”

“But you could write a letter to him, get his advice—”

His eyes bored into mine, but he wasn’t angry, just frustrated. “Kate, I don’t want you experimenting with time. The past isn’t supposed to be influenced by the present. It’s unnatural and wrong. That makes it dangerous.”

“I did it before.”

“That was different. You were forced to do it. There’s no reason to go back now.”

I tried to be as persuasive as possible. “Your father would love to hear from you. After everything that’s happened—everything you both went through—he needs this contact as much as you do.”

“I’m your Guardian. Your safety is more important than my personal problems.”

“I disagree. I love you. Nothing is more important to me than your happiness.”

He looked a little taken aback. Maybe
stricken
was the better word. “Please, can we just drop this?” he pleaded. “What happened to that normal date we were supposed to be having?”

I ignored his last comment. “You’re being unnecessarily difficult. What could be so dangerous about my going back to see your father?”

He didn’t answer for a long minute. His clear eyes were hard to read. So many emotions were warring inside him that it was almost impossible to guess what he was thinking. The only thing clear to me was his pain. And above all, I wanted that to end.

Finally he spoke carefully. “If anything happened to you, Kate, I would never forgive myself. For as long as I existed, I wouldn’t stop blaming myself. And I’ve never felt so helpless or useless as when you traveled to the past. I couldn’t protect you there, because I couldn’t follow you. Can you understand that? Letting you go—even for that split second—was the . . . the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. If something happened to you in the past . . . what if I lost you?”

I wasn’t sure how to argue, so I made the first observation that came to mind. “Did it occur to you that I might be safer in the past? At least then I don’t have the Demon Lord after me.”

“He can travel too,” Patrick pointed out evenly.

“Do you honestly think traveling is more dangerous than being here?”

“At least I’m with you when you’re here. I can protect you here. As long as I’m with you, Kate, I
can
keep you safe.”

His hand was no longer a fist beneath my palm. He was gripping my fingers on the table, as if he could hold me here forever. I understood his protectiveness. I just didn’t understand why he thought my visiting his father was such a bad idea. I personally believed it was inspired. But how was I supposed to convince him of that?

Before I could come up with a good reply, our server stepped up to the table, invading the space between us.

Patrick released my hand and I drew back to make room for our pizza on the table. The server set out a plate for each of us, placing our napkin-wrapped silverware on the side. He told us to enjoy our meal, and then he retreated.

I pulled in a deep breath, meant to brace myself for the resuming of our disagreement. Instead, I got a giant mouth-watering whiff of the warm crust, melted cheese, and perfectly spiced sauce. My stomach growled without my permission. It wasn’t loud, but loud enough.

Patrick’s stiff shoulders relaxed and he forced a smile that was sincere except for the lingering tenseness in his eyes. “Perhaps we should put this discussion off until
after
our attempt at a normal date.”

I nodded once, because I knew he was stubborn enough to hang on to his reservations all night. “If you’d like.”

His lips pressed together a second before he spoke again. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for your offer. I just—”

I forced a smile. “It’s okay. We can try being normal again. It lasted all of what, five minutes last time?”

“I’m not very good at normal, it seems.”

“Neither am I, I guess.” I hesitated then reached out for the spatula that had been slipped under one of the large slices. I lifted the piece up and waited for Patrick to hold out his plate.

Soon we were eating, both of us trying to avoid anything that would bring us back to the topics we’d already covered. We talked about school, which brought us to Lee. We both saw that would ultimately take us to Peter Keegan, so Patrick deftly steered over to what classes I was taking next semester. Before I knew it, we were discussing possible college options, almost like we were a normal couple. I hadn’t really thought of what would happen after high school lately, because I’d been so focused on my more immediate fate. But the way Patrick talked about the future made it sound like life could continue, even if I was an enemy to the Demon Lord. I don’t know how much I believed him, but it was nice to talk about different universities, possible cities to live in. The best part was knowing even if Terence somehow managed to fix things and I no longer needed several bodyguards, Patrick still planned on being with me. It was great to know that when Patrick said he would love me forever, he meant it. Even if the Demons were persuaded to believe I was unimportant, Patrick fully intended to stay with me.

The seriousness of our relationship didn’t scare me, like I used to worry about me and Aaron. How I felt about Patrick was something that would never change; I would always love him, and he would always love me.