Gudsriki (21 page)

“She'd never want to hurt me.”

“She always wanted to hurt you. Every smirk and every glance, every time she saw you change, every time she smelled your skin, every time she couldn't kiss you or fuck you or possess you utterly she wanted to wring your neck. Just like this.”

It tightened its grip.

“Please, you don't know what happened, we finally—”

“Finally what? You gave in and let her?”

“No I didn't give in,” Vibeke said through her teeth. “I took her when I wanted her. I wanted her too, and when she grew the fuck up, I grabbed her and fucked the shit out of her!”

“Why don't I remember that?”

“Because you were docked, and Violet's memories are months out of date.”

Nelson twitched inside Violet's face, looked down and to the right.

“You're telling me after two years of rejection you finally fell in love.”

“I always loved her.”

“You had a strange way of showing it.”

“I'm a strange girl.”

The machine stared at her, contemplating her with its silver eyes. It let Vibs go, and she dropped to the rock floor. The thing turned its back to her.

“Prove it.”

“How?”

“Let me into your head. Let me see.”

“Fine!”

Vibeke scrambled up to stand and pulled out the end of her link. She'd hardwire in. Nelson opened the tip of its link and grabbed the wire from Vibeke's hand, then plugged it in.

Vibeke was suddenly hit by the most invasive, deepest mind probe she'd ever felt. The Tikari memory scan protocol. It made C team's feel like a fond recollection. It began at the moment of V team's backups and ended at the present. All memories vacuumed out within a second, reviewed by the robot and spat back out without storage.

“You can keep them,” Vibeke spat.

“I don't want your goddamn thought juice crudding up my new brain.”

Vibeke swallowed. “You are one angry bitch, Violet.”

“Don't call me that!”

“Nelson. Fine. You just don't look like a Nelson.”

It looked over its body again. Apparently female.

“Nel,” she said.

“Nel,” replied Vibeke, coldly. “Hi, Nel.”

“Hi, Vibs.” Nel's eyes were in a state of pure rage, as if the memories did nothing to sate her.

They regarded each other for a moment, Vibeke in shock that anything with Violet's memories could be so cruel, Nel filled with an intense undiluted fury that constituted the first thing she ever felt.

She disconnected the link and threw it back to Vibeke, disgusted. Another new emotion. Violet's memories flickered through her. They seemed to be nothing but hatred for Vibeke, anger she wouldn't give in, anger she didn't belong to her utterly. Frustration, rage. And in Vibeke's memories, she'd seen it all come to a head. Assault. Attempted rape. And then Violet had stopped. That didn't make sense to Nel.

She reviewed more memories, trying to make sense of it. She found something else recorded beneath the rage and lust. Empathy. Care. Violet was clearly more confused than Nel had ever suspected as a knife.

Vibeke tried to breathe. Her heart was beating too fast. There wasn't enough air. There wasn't enough sense. She knew Nel was sorting through her memories, through Violet's. She hoped as she saw more she'd come to her senses. But what senses does a Tikari have? She thought about Sal. She was dealing with a Tikari. A weapon. What the hell did she expect it to feel?

Nel felt no empathetic conflict. She could only muster rage. Violet's memories, Vibeke's memories proved there were other emotions, but Nel could feel none of them. She looked at Vibeke and wanted to hurt her. Want. It felt less rewarding than hate.

Want could be satisfied. Her first realization. She liked realizing it. She considered how best to hurt the woman before her. She could torture her. She could kill her. But strangling the subject did little to hurt it. Her talk of Violet hurt it more. Nel mustered the cruelest thing she could say.

“If you loved her, why'd you let her die?”

Vibeke faltered. Nel smiled at that. But then Vibeke spoke. “She died because I thought she could escape. She could've if she saw the warnings. She died because she couldn't read.”

Nel thought. Shook her head. It had backfired. She felt shame. Violet's shame in her inabilities. Pain, misery came to her. She didn't like them. She tried to brush them away, but her brain wouldn't allow it.

The brain. It let her do so much, but it was so overcomplicated, unwilling to cooperate. It didn't do what she told it to do. It told her what to do right back. How to feel. How to act. She tried to withdraw from it. To return to the simple, clear calculations of her insect body. It wasn't possible. Like a hermit crab that had grown into a larger shell, she couldn't fit back into the one she'd held last. Not while maintaining her new, full scope of thought.

“Why did you make me humanoid? Why did you put me in her body?”

“Because I loved her. And I couldn't lose her. I needed her back.”

Nel considered. “I'm your love doll?”

“I'm sorry.”

She smiled cruelly. “You wanted a love doll of Violet, and you made it out of the AI for a murderous robotic insect knife?”

“In retrospect, maybe that wasn't the best idea.”

Nel laughed and shrugged mockingly. “Well, it worked for me!”

Vibeke chuckled at the situation and tried to breathe. Her neck still hurt.

Nel thought for a second.

“She almost raped you.”

“Yeah.”

“You beat the shit out of her and fucked her.”

“Yeah.”

“She probably enjoyed that.”

“I think she did.”

“What a dumb cunt….”

Vibeke stared at her. “Me or her?”

“Both of you. All that over sex. What a fucking waste.”

Vibeke sighed. “Maybe.”

“That's what you built me for? More sex? So what, am I supposed to fuck you now?”

“No, I think that…. You're uh….”

“I'm not what you wanted.”

“No. I wanted Violet.”

“And you got a vicious angry weapon of a woman instead.”

“When you put it like that, it sounds like I got what I asked for.”

“So what do you want from me? Now that you've got me?”

“I don't know. I have no idea what I wanted.”

Nel looked over her new body. She was covered in goose bumps.

“I'm cold. Do you have clothing?”

“Yes! Yes, I brought extra Thaco armor. I'll go get it.”

Vibeke jogged down the passage to where she'd left the suits. Nel continued to look over herself. She opened her skin panels in sequence, including her chest where she could see her former robber-fly body.

She felt amusement. She enjoyed it. It was as fun as cruelty and kept her warm inside despite the cold air. She still wanted to hurt Vibeke, to hurt her as badly as she could. That would be amusing, she thought. That would be rewarding. She reviewed more of Violet's memories. She realized she was wrong when she said Violet always wanted to hurt her. More often it was sex. More often than that, it was love. Nel played back the memories where Violet felt most in love. They were insipid. Perverse. They made Violet act foolishly. Love was easily the most disgusting thing Violet had ever done. Nel was happy and relieved not to feel it for Vibeke. Hating her was much more clean.

Vibeke ran back with a suit.

“Thaco armor, still fully functional.”

Nel took the suit and pulled it on. Vibeke watched. Her motions were almost human, ever so slightly not. Her body was beautiful, looking more like Violet in the suit than she expected, with most of her seams hidden, all but those on her face and hands. Nel adjusted the suit as best she could without Eric present.

Then she began cutting the jumpsuit open with a blade in one of her fingers. She cut lines over the seams in her skin. Vibeke couldn't tell how the armor remained stuck to her as she rotated some of her panels, checking to see that the armor didn't get in the way. Vibeke stared.

“Do you even understand what sex is? What Violet and I—”

“Perfectly.”

“And love?”

“With utter clarity.”

“You're one up on me, then.”

Nel looked up. “Yes, I'm far superior to you in many ways.”

Vibeke stood silent.

“I am. I can feel all the systems in this body. My feet contain basic Hall thrusters. I contain numerous weapons systems. Microwaves, projectile weapons, expansion missiles. I have fight skills hardwired into my joints that match Violet's memories of training, but I'm twenty times stronger.” Nel looked over her hands. “I'm prettier too.”

“And more modest.”

Nel laughed kindly. “I can see why she liked you.”

Vibeke was surprised. “Really?”

Her face hardened. “No.”

 

 

W
ULFGAR
AWOKE
.

“Hati? Did it work?” he asked.

“It went smoothly. We'll find out if it worked quickly. First Ben has a recording to show you.”

Dr. Way played the record. Wulfgar appeared before himself in hologram and spoke.

“The operation is complete. You recorded this to tell yourself what happened. You had a memory removed. One you needed removed to move on. Do not seek it out. Trust me, you are better off without it. You've ordered Donatien to remove all semblances of it from the fortress so as not to remind you of it and damage the hack. You will be a happier, more efficient man than you were, than I am. Enjoy your life. Take over the world. And never think of this again.”

The hologram ended. Wulfgar thought it over. He remembered ordering the operation, though not what he asked them to remove. Whatever it was, the recording convinced him not to look.

“Still remember me?” asked Hati.

“Of course, how could I forget my favorite son?”

“Daughter.”

“Oops.” He knocked on the side of his head.

“So it worked?”

“I don't know. Should I?”

“What's the most important thing in your life?”

“You.”

“And?”

“The globe, but you come first.”

“Nothing else? Nobody you're looking for?”

“I was looking for someone?”

“Let's just say no. It sounds like it worked so far. Don't try to think too much about it. It's like a scab. If you keep picking at it, it'll bleed again.”

“Indeed. Thank you, Hati.”

“You're welcome, Dad.”

She left and bumped into Donatien in the hall. He was in a panic.

“Hati!”

“Donatien.”

“Has your father gone mad?”

“Quite the opposite.

“He ordered me to… to—”

“Follow his orders.”

“I must see him now! His orders were—they must be confirmed!”

“Consider them confirmed.”

Donatien calmed down. “Very well.” He moved as if to go but hesitated. He stared at her for a moment. “Another note, yes? Have you considered my invitation?”

“Yes, I'll have to decline.”

“I'm so sorry to hear that, yes. Thought you would be interested.”

“Why did you think I'd be interested in touring the prison?”

“Thought you'd take after your old man, thought you would share his interests, yes. Thought you would… enjoy seeing his, how shall I say it… harem? Before it goes….”

“I don't care to know about my dad's sexual proclivities, especially if they involve the prison and especially especially if they involve you.”

Donatien giggled. “Wulfgar and I would never! Your father merely charges—charged me with his collection. But now he wants me to…. My goodness. I hope he's not had his libido removed?”

“It's not my place to say.”

“Yes, of course, yes. I'll do his bidding in any case, yes.”

“Then I won't keep you.”

“Ahem, yes, but at the risk of flirting with the uh, boss's daughter, yes?” He giggled again. “I should very much like to ‘keep
you
,' if you will.”

“I won't.”

“Yes, of course, yes,” he muttered.

She went on her way. Donatien stood outside the door to the medical suite for a moment, unable to hold still, and then walked away mumbling.

 

 

V
IBEKE
AND
Nel sat on a small patch of dead grass on Maeshowe, spears of it coated in Celtic frost.

“You don't have to forgive me for letting her die. I'll never forgive myself.”

“As you shouldn't. You threw away a universe.”

“To save a planet. From what I knew then, billions would've died or worse.”

“But none of them were Violet. I can promise you from what I remember now, she'd have killed the planet herself to save you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, she would.”

“She deserved better than you.”

“Fuck you too, Nelson. I fought alongside her for two years, I loved her, loved her like you couldn't believe and—”

“I knew her about a day less than you, and I spent more time inside her than you ever did. In two days? You had half a handful of memories of treating her like you loved her back. You left her wanting you for two years and think two days makes up for it?”

“It was a good two days. And you missed her life until I gave you her memories. She only let you out when she was killing someone. All your own memories are of her fighting. You never saw us speak, never recorded her actual life between missions. I knew her—are we really gonna fight over who knew her better?”

“No, I'd win without question. I was part of her.”

“So was I, you egotistical fucking bug.”