Hallie's Destiny (The Donovans of the Delta) (9 page)

“One bad incident doesn’t make the family history black.”

“How about two? George married a social climber. Janice was never satisfied with the comfortable middle-class lifestyle provided by a high school biology teacher. All George ever wanted to do was impart his love of science to children. Driven by greed and lust for social position, Janice hounded him until he gave up his job and borrowed money for a high-risk business venture. The fact that she was pregnant spurred him on. Janice persuaded him that his child needed a better life than he could provide on a teacher’s salary. He borrowed a hundred thousand dollars to invest in a small coffeehouse, which she said would be the South’s answer to the Hard Rock Café. The coffeehouse didn’t succeed. Janice filed for divorce and left town, taking the baby.”

“Does George see his child now?”

“He’s never sober long enough.”

Hallie thought of her own brothers—Paul and Tanner, who were full of fun and laughter, Theo and Charles and Glover, steady and reliable as rocks, and Jacob, the lovable family vagabond. Her heart ached for Josh.

“I’m so sorry,” she said quietly.

“They’re my family and I love them,” he said simply. “But I take extreme precautions to avoid involvement.”

Hallie was thoughtful. “In my own way, perhaps I do too.”

Josh chuckled. “I’d say riding bulls is extreme.”

“It pays the rent.”

Her bright and lovely spirit was balm to Josh’s tattered soul. The longing to stay in her presence was a physical ache. But the time had come to say goodbye for real. There was no need for useless regrets and foolish hopes.

“Hallie . . .” He hesitated for a moment, savoring the feel of her name on his lips. “What will you do now?”

“I’ll go back to Memphis State and complete my degree. I should finish by the end of summer. Then . . .” Her shrug was eloquent. “. . . who knows? I might even find adventure and excitement in the classroom.”

“Is that what you want? Adventure and excitement?”

She answered his question with one of her own. “What do you want? Freedom?”

“I don’t know anymore, Hallie.”

“Neither do I, Josh.”

A silence enveloped them. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye again.

Finally Josh spoke. “Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.”

“You too.”

Hallie wanted nothing more than to touch his arm and say
stay
. But she knew this was neither the time nor the place. In fact, there might never be a time or a place for the two of them. She hated endings. Fortunately, her dramatic nature came to her rescue. Reaching into the backseat, she picked up one of the Stetsons she kept in abundant supply. She set it at a rakish angle on her head and winked at Josh.

“Nothing beats riding off into the sunset, pardner. Point me in the direction of your rig, and I’ll drop you off.”

Josh gave her directions, then leaned back in silence, watching her, memorizing her as she drove.

“Take care, Hallie,” he said as he descended from her lavender El Dorado. He was careful not to touch her, for if he had, he might never have been able to let her go again.

“You, too, Josh.”

She gave a jaunty wave and blasted her horn.
The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You
shattered the stillness as Hallie Donovan disappeared into the sunset.

Standing in the settling dust her car had spewed up, watching until she was out of sight, Josh didn’t know that she had tears in her eyes.

 o0o

Three days later Hallie and Hannah received an early morning call from Tanner. They left the ranch and headed to Dallas to meet his newborn daughter. Hallie was driving.

“Do you always drive like a bat out of hell?”

“Yes. And so do you.”

Hannah laughed. “A fellow never gets anyplace going slow.” She had her slim legs propped on the dash, and she was as relaxed and serene as if she were riding down a country lane in a horse-drawn buggy. “You haven’t said a word about what happened between you and Josh Butler at the rodeo.”

“It doesn’t matter. We both have our reasons for not wanting an involvement. This episode with Josh reinforces my feeling that I am destined to choose the wrong man.”

“Hogwash!” Hallie had to laugh at Hannah’s choice of words. When she was disturbed, Hannah always reverted to the vernacular learned during their Mississippi Delta childhood. “The only thing Josh Butler has in common with Robert Gilbert is good looks. Robert was a spoiled, selfish man whose only thought was to surround himself with the best of everything. You were his prize possession, Hallie. And he was scared to death of losing you.”

“I used to wonder about that. He certainly put me in a cage.” She glanced out the window then swung her gaze back to Hannah. “Men of power scare me to death. I’m well rid of Josh. I told you that the first day I returned from the lake.”

“You did. But the way you looked when you talked about him, I didn’t believe you. That’s why I sent him after you. Hallie, I think he’s the one for you. In my opinion you’re making a mistake to let him go. If I were you, I’d set my sights on Florence, Alabama. No matter what happened between you two, I’m sure he can be persuaded.”

Hallie threw back her head and roared with laughter. “Hannah, what is it about you that makes you always want to run things?”

“Who me? You know I’d never tell a soul what to do. I’ll leave that to Aunt Agnes.” Hannah gave a wicked grin, so like her sister’s. “What do you suppose Tanner and Amanda will call this baby? I think they should name her Hannah. That’s what I’m going to suggest.”

“Maybe you should save that name for your own babies.”

“I’m too busy doing whale research and training my huskies for the Yukon Quest to bother with domestic matters.”

“Don’t let Aunt Agnes hear you say that. She’d consider it a challenge.”

“I only give advice,” Hannah said serenely. “I never take it.” She dropped her feet from the dashboard and looked at her sister, her face becoming serious. “I’m here, you know. Whenever you get ready to talk about what happened at the rodeo, I’ll listen. I might even forego the intense pleasure of telling you what to do.”

“I can’t think about what happened right now.”

“You’ll have to face it sometime, Hallie. In my world life holds such immediacy, I can’t afford the luxury of putting off a decision.”

“This is Texas, Hannah, not Alaska. I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

CHAPTER SIX

Herb Williams was more than Josh’s advertising manager; he was a good and longtime friend.

Two days after his return from Dallas, Josh sat in his office watching with his usual amusement as Herb softened a huge wad of gum in his mouth and blew an enormous bubble.

“I keep expecting one of those bubbles to lift you off your feet.”

Herb tucked the gum into one corner of his mouth before answering. “Keeps me sane.”

“I won’t knock anything that does that.” Josh tipped back in his swivel chair. “I want to thank you again for helping take care of Dad and George while I was gone.”

“Always glad to. I keep hoping things will change with them.”

“Perhaps if I had more time to spend with them—”

Herb interrupted him. “Don’t you dare go blaming yourself. You work like a dog down here. Where in the hell would George be without your money for those fancy clinics? Who would pay his rent? Who would take care of Hiram?” He blew a small bubble and sucked it back in with a loud, angry pop. “Don’t you give me that superman routine. You’re only human, just like the rest of us.”

Josh chuckled. “That’s why I keep you around. To remind me.”

“You keep me around because I’m a genius— the best ad man in the business.” He swung his gaze around the office. “Speaking of the best, where’s The Woman in Red?”

“I moved it.”

Herb eyed him closely. “Just like that?” He snapped his fingers. “Out of the blue. After five years you up and stuff that piece of art in the closet somewhere? What in hell’s going on?”

Josh bought time by reaching into his desk drawer and bringing out a file folder. The day before, when he’d returned to Florence and seen the poster again, he’d felt as if he’d been socked in the gut. He’d actually had to sit down to regain his composure. Reason told him he’d been right to let her go, but instinct screamed that he’d been wrong. He’d sat in his chair for an hour rehashing his decision, but in the end he’d been no closer to an answer. Matters of the human heart puzzled him, as they’d puzzled all the Butler men.

Thinking about the poster, shut up in his closet, made him dizzy with the desire to see her. “Let’s talk about that magazine layout for our line of silk teddies.” He flipped open the folder.

Herb held up his hand. “Not so fast. Tell me why you got rid of The Woman in Red.”

Josh’s grin was lopsided. “I should fire you for insubordination.”

“The man who saved your butt more times than a person can count? Who would have been the high scorer in all those high school basketball games if I hadn’t made the rebounds and passed them back to you? Who would never have gotten up the nerve to ask Marvalene Wilder to the senior prom if I hadn’t played Cyrano? Who would have—”

“Enough. I get the picture. Emotional blackmail.” Josh tipped back in his chair and closed his tired eyes for a moment. His father had been unusually petulant and complaining since Josh’s return, and Lord only knew which bar George was visiting at the moment. Short of keeping him locked in, there was no way to keep him sober. He snapped his eyes open. “Her name is Hallie Donovan.”

“I remember. How could I forget? She was the best model I’ve ever worked with. I would have used her again, but she dropped out of sight.” Herb gave him a shrewd look. “We’re not talking about the cardboard statue here, are we?”

“No. We’re talking about the woman. She got married, gave up modeling.”

“You know her? I thought I knew all your women.”

Something slammed Josh in the gut. Whether it was anger or pain or desire, he didn’t know. “She’s not my woman.”

“Judging from the fierce look on your face, she means something to you.”

Some of the tension left Josh’s face as he thought about Hallie. He looked at his old friend and decided to share his burden. “I met her outside Dallas, at Ray Hubbard Lake. She might have been my. . .” He was thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t know what she might have been to me. All I know is that she’s special . . . and I let her go.”

Herb sat like a silent, benign Buddha, waiting for Josh to continue. Even the large wad of gum in his mouth was still.

“No woman in the world should be asked to be a part of the Butler family.” He gave Herb a black look, challenging a denial.

But Herb was not deterred. “You can’t stand losing.”

“What?”

“You can’t stand losing, Josh. You never could. Even in high school you always had to be the best, to do the best. And I admire that quality in you. I don’t say it’s wrong, but you’re too hard on yourself. It’s almost impossible for you to admit you’re human, and therefore fallible, just like the rest of us poor slobs. We all have to make our mistakes. It’s how we handle them that separates the sheep from the goats.” He gave Josh a satisfied smile, as he always did when he’d finished one of his famous philosophical lectures. Folding his hands across his big stomach, he delivered his punch line. “I think you’re scared out of your gourd that you’ll make the same fool mistakes your dad and your brother did.”

Josh was astute enough to recognize there was a little truth in what Herb had said. Maybe even more than a little.

“I wonder if letting her go was a mistake?” He asked the question more of himself than of his friend. But Herb wasn’t about to miss another opportunity.

“You’re damned right, it was. From what I saw of her, Hallie Donovan is one woman worth taking a risk over. So what if you screw up? You pick up the pieces and go on. That’s life.”

Josh sat in his chair for a long time merely gazing at his friend. His mind was busy analyzing everything that had been said to him. Finally he broke the silence. “Why have you never said those things to me before?”

“The opportunity never came up. I’ve never seen you this serious over a woman,”

“It could be serious, all right,” Josh mused aloud. “Damned serious.”

Herb took the wad of gum from his mouth and studied it as if it were an edict from Rome. “I’d advise you to help her get a divorce, first thing. Fooling with a married woman can be a risky business.”

Josh glanced at his friend in astonishment, then he realized he’d only mentioned the marriage. “She’s already divorced. Surely you didn’t think . . .”

“I don’t make moral judgments. I just call the cards as I see them.” Herb pulled a tissue from his pocket, wrapped his gum in it, and heaved it into the wastebasket. “Now, let’s get on with this business of selling women’s underwear.”

Their meeting lasted an hour. When he stood up to leave, Herb reached into his pocket for another piece of bubble gum. Stuffing it into his mouth, he sailed the wrapper toward the wastebasket. “Think about everything I said, Josh. It’s about time for you to start thinking of yourself. I don’t like to see you let your brother and your dad steal your chance at happiness.”

Josh stood up, walked around the desk, and clapped his old friend on the shoulder. “I promise I will. Thanks, pal.”

After the door closed behind Herb, Josh buzzed his secretary. “Hold all calls for an hour, Sadie.” He sat in his chair, leaned back, closed his eyes, and put his full powers of concentration on the task of unraveling the tangled web of his life. At last he got up, went to his closet, and took out the cardboard replica. Then he stood The Woman in Red beside the window.

“You’re back where you belong, Hallie.”

 o0o

Two weeks after the birth of Tanner’s daughter, Hallie said goodbye to Dallas and turned her El Dorado north and east toward Memphis, Tennessee. She’d been working on her master’s degree there when she’d met Robert Gilbert. Going back after nearly five years would be a catharsis for her. Although she’d long ago resolved her feelings of love and hate for Robert, going back to the place they’d met and fallen in love would finally put their relationship to rest.