HandsOn (9 page)

The chair scraped the floor as he pushed back and stood. Her
heart pounded madly against her breast, but she refused to budge as he drew
closer. “It wasn’t like that, Lara. You’ve got to believe me.”

“Oh, I’ve got to believe you? I don’t think so.”

“I wanted to write for
TMM
, I admit. Jonathan said
that the only way I could do that was to bring you on board. So I got this
stupid scheme in my mind that if I dated you, you’d get comfortable with me and
agree to do the articles. But then I got to know you and—”

She held up her hand. “Oh, don’t tell me. You got to know
the real me and fell madly in love.”

“Yes.”

Refusing to believe the sincerity in his near whisper, she
shook her head. “Too little, too late, Mark. You got what you wanted from me.
Four great articles for
TMM
. You’ll have to find another woman to write
with you now, because our working relationship ends today. In fact, our
everything ends right now. Get out.”

“Lara, please. Let me explain. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for
it to happen this way. I didn’t know I was going to fall in love with you.”

Her throat constricted with the struggle not to cry. “Do
not
tell me you love me. At least be honest now.”

“I am being honest, Lara. I love you.”

“Get out. Now. I mean it. Don’t ever come back here again.
Don’t ever contact me again.”

She brushed past him, hurried to her bedroom and slammed the
door, needing that wall between them. With a shuddering breath she held the
tears in while she waited for him to leave, holding back the emotions boiling
within her until she heard the final click of the front door.

Only when she was convinced he was gone did she let it all
out.

She wouldn’t have been surprised if the neighbors heard her
sobs.

Chapter Nine

“Are you out of your mind?”

Mark stood firm against Jonathan’s wide-eyed expression.
“I’m serious, Jonathan. Pull the articles.”

Two weeks after returning to New York, Mark wasn’t any
closer to forgiving himself for what he’d done.

There was nothing he could do to change Lara’s mind about
him. He’d tried to see her, but she wouldn’t let him in. Wouldn’t take his
phone calls, either. No matter what he did or said, she’d never believe in him
again. He didn’t blame her.

But he could do one thing.

Jonathan’s eyes widened. “You’re joking. We’re going to
print in two days.”

“Tough. Lara won’t sign a contract and is threatening to sue
if we run the articles.”

“What the hell happened? I thought she was all gung ho about
them.”

He shrugged and tried to act nonchalant. “Who the hell
knows? PMS, maybe? She changed her mind.”

“Well, that makes no fucking sense.”

Pushing the point home, he said, “She’s a woman, Jonathan.
They don’t make sense.”

“Godammit, the article was great. Did you try to convince
her to let it run?”

“Yeah. She said she’d sic her attorneys on us if we even
attempted to print the article without her permission.”

“I thought you’d gotten her to sign the contracts.”

Oh, he did. They were in his briefcase, soon to be run
through the shredder. “I thought she had signed them and sent them in herself.
Then I found out she hadn’t, and sure as hell isn’t now.”

With a sigh, Jonathan nodded. “Guess this means you’re out
of a job with
TMM
, Mark. Sorry. No go without Lara McKenzie.”

And it was so much less than what he really deserved. “No
big deal, Jonathan. See you later.”

He walked out of the offices of
TMM
, feeling not the
least bit upset about losing the prime opportunity to write for one of the best
men’s magazines in the country.

He’d get over it. There were other jobs.

But there was only one Lara.

* * * * *

Lara tried to smile for Nancy. She was certain it came out
more of an apathetic grimace.

She’d hid it from Nancy as long as she could, but her friend
finally figured it out and forced her to tell all about the disastrous episode
with Mark.

“Honey, I’m so sorry. I just didn’t see it.”

Lara nodded. “Neither did I. But it’s true.”

Nancy grasped Lara’s hand and sidled closer to her on the
sofa. “You love him, don’t you?”

“No.”

“Lara.”

“I don’t.” At Nancy’s dubious expression, Lara added, “Okay,
maybe I thought I was falling in love with him, but I wised up as soon as I
found out the truth.”

Nancy shook her head. “Just doesn’t make sense. He seemed to
sincerely care about you.”

“Uh-huh. Don’t they all? But they all want something.”

“You’re pretty cynical.”

“I’ve earned the right. He got what he wanted. A series of
articles from both our perspectives. Nothing I can do about the ones we’d
already written. I did sign a contract.”

“Maybe he’ll get fired for losing you.”

“Doubtful. He’s very talented. They’d be crazy to let him
go.”

“When does the first article come out?”

“It’s already out, I think.”

“You gonna read them?”

“No. I don’t want to be reminded about Mark Whitman ever
again.”

And yet, two hours later she was browsing the bookstore at
the mall, immediately spotting the cover of
TMM
.

She wouldn’t look. She wouldn’t. Okay, maybe she would. She
grabbed the issue and flipped to the table of contents, running her fingers
down the titles.

That’s odd. No article. And they’d specifically stated in
the issue with Mark’s interview of her that they’d be following up with regular
features including the two of them.

Yet, nothing.

Maybe there’d been a delay.

But something nagged at her. She bought the magazine and
took it home, then went through every page.

She found the retraction in small print under the editor’s
comments.

Correction—The new feature, He Said/She Said, with Mark
Whitman and Dr. Lara McKenzie, will not run as indicated in our last issue. We
apologize for any inconvenience
.

The articles weren’t going to be printed. But why? It didn’t
make sense. She’d had her part done already. All Mark had to do was finish up
edits and turn them in. When he’d shared with her the payment for a regular
feature, she’d nearly fallen out of the chair.

It was an amazing amount of money. And he’d been excited as
a kid about becoming a feature writer for
TMM
.

So where were the articles?

Before she could analyze her reasoning, she picked up the
phone and called Jonathan Smitz at
TMM
.

“Doctor McKenzie,” he said, his voice filled with caution.
“We didn’t run the articles, just as you’d dictated.”

What the hell was he talking about? “I didn’t say not to run
the articles.”

“Yes, you did. Mark told us you threatened a lawsuit if the
articles ran. We canceled the series.”

Canceled the series? “I don’t understand, Jonathan. I never
asked Mark to kill the articles.”

Jonathan went silent. “He said you did. That you never
signed the contract. That you threatened to sue us if we ran the articles.”

But she’d signed the contract. Mark told them to kill the
series? Why would he do that? Unless…

No. She was not going to fall for it again. Never again.

But why would he give up the notoriety and fame that would accompany
writing for a high-profile magazine like
TMM
? Why?

She closed her eyes and listened to her heart. No matter
what, she couldn’t deny Mark his success.

“Jonathan, listen to me. I
want
you to run the
series.”

“Look, Lara, we’ve already canceled them.”

“I signed a contract.”

“No, you didn’t.”

She’d given the signed contracts to Mark. He’d never turned
them in. He canceled the articles because of her!

“Overnight me a contract. I’ll sign it. I want you to run
the first article in your next issue.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Obviously we just got our wires crossed here. I
promise there’s no problem with me writing for
TMM
. Gives me a chance to
reach more readers.”

“Fantastic! I’ll have the contracts drawn up and sent to you
immediately.”

“Good. And Jonathan? Do me a favor. Don’t tell Mark about
this. I want it to be a surprise.”

When she hung up, she wandered through the house, perplexed
as hell by what she’d found out.

Mark had given up his dream for her. He’d given up fame,
money, everything. But why would he do that unless his feelings for her were
genuine?

Did she dare put her heart on the line again?

* * * * *

Mark opened the issue of
Total Man Magazine
that
Jonathan had overnighted to him.

What the hell was Jonathan thinking? He was through with
TMM
.
Did they give him a subscription as a consolation prize?

He was about to toss it across the room when words on the
cover caught his eye. He blinked and looked again.

He Said/She Said! All About Sex From Opposing Sides Of
The Mattress!

Shit! Goddamn, Jonathan! He yanked his cell phone out and
quickly dialed Jonathan’s number.

“Hey, sport,” Jonathan said. “You surprised?”

“Are you insane? What the hell were you thinking running
that feature?”

Jonathan laughed. “Calm down. I have a signed contract from
Lara McKenzie and her written go-ahead to run the feature.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I would have told you, but she made me
promise to keep it a surprise. Hey, you two got something going on or what?”

“Uh, no. She told you to run the articles?”

“Yup. I gotta run to a meeting. Let’s talk on Monday about
the next series of articles. You’re back on board, Mark. And top management
really likes your writing. They want to talk to you about doing more work for
us.”

“With Lara, you mean.”

“Well, the feature with Lara is great, but you’re a damn
good writer. They have a few other things in mind for you to work on solo. I’ll
be in touch next week.”

Mark stared at the phone as if he’d just had an out-of-body
experience. That call hadn’t just happened. No way in hell would Lara have
agreed to run those articles.

She hated him.

Didn’t she?

But if she hated him, why did she call Jonathan? And more
importantly, why did she ask Jonathan to keep them a secret?

Hope filled the empty void he’d been carrying around for a
month.

She loved him. That had to be it.

But why? She shouldn’t love him. God knows he didn’t deserve
it. The first time he’d fallen in love and he’d fucked it up badly. He’d hurt
the one person he cared about more than anyone else.

He had to see her, had to ask her why she told Jonathan to
print the series.

And maybe, just maybe, if he groveled hard enough, she’d
give him another chance.

He shook his head as he jammed things into his overnight
bag. Mark Whitman, the guy who’d never fallen in love, was just about to get down
on his knees and beg forgiveness from the one woman who’d managed to capture
his heart.

* * * * *

Lara grinned at the cover of
TMM
, their feature
highlighted in big bold letters.

She chewed her lip, wondering if Mark would be angry with
her.

Should she call him? Drive up to New York and try to see
him? She’d never taken a chance like this before. Shouldn’t with him of all
people. But what her head told her to do and what her heart wanted to do were
two different things.

He’d stopped the articles because he loved her. Really and
truly loved her. She had to believe that to be true. She mattered to him more
than money or fame or contracts or
TMM
.

The doubts pounded away at her. Those nagging voices that
told her she wasn’t loveable. She was plain, a geek too filled with smarts and
not enough beauty.

She pushed the doubts away. One thing she’d learned from
Mark was tenacity and never giving up.

She jumped when the doorbell rang. Nancy said she might drop
by today. But when she pulled the door open, it wasn’t Nancy standing there.

Her heart stopped, remembering the very first time she’d
seen him. His cocky smile had unnerved her, his wicked grin had disarmed her,
and his gorgeous body had awakened the woman in her.

“Hi, Mark.”

“Hi, Lara.”

They both seemed at a loss for words. She couldn’t tell from
his blank expression how he felt. “Did you see the feature?”

“Yeah. Can I come in?”

“Oh. Sure. Sorry.” She stood aside while he walked by. The
sweet scent of him that still lingered throughout her house filled her senses
with an aching need to touch him.

“Lara, why did you have the feature run?” he asked as soon
as she shut the door.

“Because you had it pulled.”

He frowned and shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either, really. Why did you kill the articles?”

“Because I’d already hurt you enough. There was nothing I
could do to take back what I’d done, how I’d deceived you. Except to pull the
feature.”

“You lost a ton of money. And a chance for fame, too.”

His gaze focused on the carpet. “It’s only money, Lara. I
can live without money, I can live without fame.”

She waited. He looked up, his eyes warm and filled with an
emotion she dared not name.

“But I couldn’t live without your love.”

She closed her eyes, waiting for the doubt, the disbelief,
to creep into her heart.

It didn’t. The only thing there was her love for him.

“I love you, Mark.”

His eyes widened. “I don’t deserve it. I’m sorry, Lara. I
should have told you from the beginning. Then, after I started to care for you,
I didn’t know how to tell you without losing you. So I lied.”

“Don’t do it again. I can take anything as long as you’re
honest with me.”

“I was a different person then. You changed me.”

“Oh, I did not.”

He stepped forward and threaded his fingers through her
hair. She died at his touch, wanting him, missing him so much she was starving
for him.

“Yeah, you did. I never thought I was the kind of guy to
fall in love. My career, making it to the top in my field, that was always
first. But then I met you, and you drove me crazy. I didn’t want to, but I fell
in love with you. And that means more to me, you mean more to me, than any
money, any contract, any job I’ll ever have.”

Her heart was going to burst. “So now what?”

“Now we take it day by day. Open and honest. I don’t know
where we’re headed.” He grinned and added, “I think I have a pretty good idea
where I’d like our relationship to go, but that’s up to you.”

“No, it’s up to us.” She curled her arms around his neck and
kissed him lightly, then harder, pouring out her love for him with every touch
of her lips against his.

His kiss, his touch, his mouth, told her everything she
needed to know.

When he swept her into his arms and carried her to the
bedroom, he said, “One thing. Bob’s gonna have to go. And anyone else you have
hidden in your nightstand. Any hands-on sex you get from now on has to be with
my hands—on you.”

“Whatever you say. Of course, if I kept Bob and the others
around, I might treat you to a little show.”

He stopped dead in his tracks. “You’d let me watch?”

Desire opened with her, just like her blossoming love for
Mark. “All in the name of research, my love.”

“Then show me.”

Not too long ago she’d have been too embarrassed to show
anyone how she masturbated. But now, with the man she loved, the idea excited
her. Her nipples tightened as she leaned over and pulled Bob out of the
nightstand. Moisture already gathered around her pussy, her clit throbbing in
anticipation.