Happy Endings (36 page)

‘The man you still love, right?’

‘I never stopped loving him, Em. It’s hard to explain, but it wasn’t about love, it was about something else. He’d changed and our goals were different. He wanted to stay in London, work twelve hours a day and I didn’t. When I was coming back on the plane, I honestly didn’t know if we’d make it or not. I’d already decided I wanted to teach abroad and I didn’t think he’d come with me, but as soon as I saw him, I just knew.’

‘How?’

‘Because he’d changed, and not just the clothes and the haircut, but something inside of him. It was as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he was the same boy I met at university. If he’d been the same old Ed who worked sixty hours a week and acted as though we were already middle-aged, I don’t think it would have worked.’

‘Good job, Ed, then, I suppose.’

‘It was a close call.’

A close call. Those words started me thinking. Wasn’t everything in life just a close call when we really thought about it? Getting pregnant when I was sixteen. What if I’d had the baby instead of getting the abortion? What if I hadn’t got pregnant and carried on with the film? Moments make us and moments break us and most of them are too close to call.

‘Do you think you and Ed will be OK?’

Kate took a sip of wine and then looked at me.

‘We’ve broken up, been apart for six months, we’ve both cheated and now we’re back together again and heading off to Japan. How am I supposed to know if we’ll make it? I think people who say they know what the future holds, that they’ll be together forever, are lying to themselves. I hope we’ll make it. I hope we’ll be together forever and live happily ever after, but the truth is, I just don’t know. Today it couldn’t be any better, but tomorrow is a new day.’

‘Don’t you think that’s a bit cynical?’

‘Not cynical, just realistic. When I was travelling, I learnt so much about relationships and myself. If it wasn’t for Ed, I’d probably have given Jez a go, but it was more than that. I think I realised the number of opportunities we have in life and really, despite our best intentions, anything is possible.’

‘I’m sure Jack and I are going to go the distance,’ I said, and we would. That much I knew. I think with our career choices, Jack and I hadn’t always known what was going to happen, but with each other we had. Kate and I had been friends for so many years and shared so much in common, but perhaps our one glaring difference, our one defining mismatching quality, was she would always be searching for something, while I was happy to be settled. Jack and I would last because we didn’t know any other way. Kate and Ed would probably make it too, but Kate would never allow herself the luxury of admitting it.

Just at that moment I heard the key in the lock and then Ed and Jack came stumbling and laughing into our flat. Jack was holding a bottle of champagne and immediately leaned down and gave me a kiss.

‘Good news,’ said Jack, beaming.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ed fall down in the chair next to Kate and give her a kiss too.

‘Oh God, what have you two drunken fools done?’ I said.

‘I just got us a house,’ said Jack with a huge smile on his half-pissed face.

‘What do you mean?’ I said.

‘You two need a bigger place and we’re moving to Japan,’ said Ed and it suddenly dawned on me what they’d done. ‘So you can have our place while we’re away.’

‘Seriously?’ I said.

‘Seriously,’ said Jack. ‘What do you think? We’ll have to pay their mortgage, but it will give us the space we need if we’re going to, you know, try for a baby.’

I looked across at Kate, who seemed as shocked as me about all of this.

‘What do you think?’ I said to her.

‘I think it’s an absolutely perfect idea,’ said Kate.

‘A toast?’ said Jack, holding the bottle of champagne in the air.

‘Definitely.’ I gave Jack a big kiss. My Jack. Jack the author and my soon-to-be husband and the love of my life, without a shadow of a doubt.

‘To happy endings,’ said Jack once we all had a glass of champagne in our hands.

‘Happy endings,’ we all said together.

Kate

‘Kate, I need you now!’ came a shout from the other room. It was Emma and she sounded in a panic. So far the morning had gone smoothly enough. We’d had breakfast in the hotel restaurant, had our manicures and pedicures, my hair was finished and Emma was supposed to be getting hers done while I did my make-up.

‘Coming,’ I shouted back.

I walked into the bedroom expecting to find some sort of chaos. I thought there’d be tears and recriminations or, at the very least, Emma and her mum going at it. Maybe the photographer had called in sick or the caterers had double-booked. From the high-pitched tension in her voice, it must have been something awful. However, when I walked in, Emma was standing in front of me in her dress looking absolutely incredible.

‘What do you think?’ she said with a radiant smile.

‘You look absolutely beautiful, Em.’

‘Thanks,’ said Emma and then we both started to cry.

Maybe it was the occasion, the fact we were both so tired from being up most of the night, that we were hung-over, or maybe we were being sentimental, but we hugged and wept for maybe five minutes.

I don’t have lots of childhood memories. I’m not one of those annoying people who say they can remember breastfeeding or their first tentative steps, but one of the clearest memories I have is the day I met Emma. We were five and it was the first day of school. The playground was a scary place. A football-pitch-sized expanse of concrete completely and utterly jam-packed with kids in brand-new school uniforms. I didn’t have any friends and so I stood there on the precipice of tears when suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and standing there was a little girl with curly blonde hair and huge green eyes.

‘Will you be my friend?’ she said.

‘I’m Kate,’ I said calmly, but inside I was jumping with joy that I wasn’t alone. I had a friend.

We held hands and walked around the playground together, safe in the knowledge that whatever happened during the first day of school, it would be OK because we weren’t alone. This continued and we were soon the very best of friends. We stayed that way from primary school, through middle school and when Emma’s mum tried to get her to attend a private secondary school Emma refused and we went to the same comprehensive. It wasn’t until university, when she’d gone to Bristol and me London, that we were finally separated, but even then we were on the phone every week. Emma and Kate. Kate and Emma. Best friends forever.

‘Good luck,’ I said when we finally parted.

‘You too,’ said Emma, sniffing up tears.

‘OK that’s enough,’ said Emma’s mum, suddenly stepping in. ‘There will be time for all of that soppiness later. Emma, darling, we need to take photos and Kate dear, I think you need to get back in the bathroom and finish your make-up.’

Emma and I smiled at one another and did as we were told, but not because we were fourteen anymore and terrified of Emma’s mum. We did it because we’d said our goodbyes. We would always be best friends, we would always find time for each other and maybe at some point in our lives, we’d be on the same trajectory again, but for the time being we knew we had reached the end of an era. The two little girls who’d become friends so easily were all grown up and finally ready to let go of each other’s hands.

The church bells rang out through the village. It was a clear, brilliant day in the small Oxfordshire parish where Emma and Jack were going to be married. The beautiful old Norman church, with an entrance surrounded by trees that swayed gently on the faint breeze, was surrounded by close-cut grass and old lichen-covered gravestones. Everyone was already inside when we arrived in the Rolls Royce. I was in the back with Emma and her father, who was taking quick sips from the flask he kept in his jacket pocket.

‘Give me a sip,’ said Emma. Her father handed her the flask and she took a nip. ‘Jesus Christ, Dad, what’s in here, rocket fuel?’

‘Just a little something I concocted in the shed,’ replied her father with a wry smile. ‘Mum’s the word, eh.’

Emma, her dad and I got out and walked towards the church. The bells were loud and crisp as we approached the huge entrance. The vicar, a bumbling man in his late sixties, was standing at the door and gave us a pensive smile as we approached.

‘Perfect timing, Emma. Ready?’

‘As I’ll ever be,’ she said and then the vicar disappeared inside and the organ started with the opening bars of ‘I Was Glad’. It was time.

Jack and Ed stood at the front of the church in their grey morning suits looking as dapper as I had ever seen them. They were smiling and there were tears in Jack’s eyes. We walked down the aisle and all I could see was Ed looking at me. My Ed, whom I loved dearly and could have lost, had it not been for both of our infidelities. It was funny because most people would assume that cheating would break us up, not keep us together. The thing was though, we were stronger because of it. We had both been unfaithful, but, in a way, it had made us both realise just how much we loved each other.

I think it’s easy to love someone if you aren’t tested, if you don’t question your happiness or step outside of your comfort zone and really think about what you want. I knew that Ed and I were more in love than ever. I also knew that life wasn’t as straightforward as a wedding. It wasn’t just a simple ‘I do’ and that was it. It required work, commitment and it needed us to keep trying every single day, because if we stopped and took it for granted, it could slip away from us. I guess what I realised as we walked slowly down the aisle, smiling faces watching us as we made our way towards our futures, was that there was no such thing as a happy ending. An ending was never happy because it was the end, and endings by their very nature are bittersweet at best. True happiness was in new beginnings, clean slates and the promise of a better future.

A few hours later the disco was in full swing. People were on the dance floor making all sorts of shapes, while Ed and I were sitting together at a table. Jack and Emma were circling the room, talking to old friends and long-lost relatives and looking happier than I’d ever seen them.

‘Do you think this will be us one day?’ said Ed, looking at me.

‘If you play your cards right,’ I said and then leaned in and gave him a kiss.

‘And how will I know when I have a winning hand?’

‘You won’t,’ I said and then I smiled. ‘That’s the thing about cards, Ed. It’s a gamble.’

At that moment the music suddenly stopped, the room was bathed in silence and everyone looked towards the DJ. Only the DJ wasn’t there. In his place was Emma, and she was holding a guitar.

‘Do you know what’s she doing?’ Ed whispered to me.

‘No idea.’

The next moment she had a microphone handed to her.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming. I’d also like to invite Jack over,’ said Emma with a smile. Jack, who looked as baffled as everyone else, walked over and stood next to Emma. ‘Some of you probably know how Jack and I met, but for those of you who don’t, it happened like this. I was at a karaoke bar in Camden with some friends. I hadn’t really wanted to go, but they dragged me along. I wasn’t feeling the best and I didn’t want to sing, but then something happened. This poor lost, drunk soul was up on stage, staring at the crowd like a rabbit in the headlights, while ‘I Got You Babe’ started. I took one look at the gorgeous but desperate man on stage and something inside of me just melted. I fell in love with Jack that night and haven’t looked back since. So, Jack, darling, if you’re up to it, I thought we could relive that night one more time,’ said Emma with a smile. ‘You in?’

‘Do I have any choice?’ said Jack, which caused the room to erupt in chants of, ‘Jack! Jack, Jack!’

‘Ready?’ said Emma and then she started playing the guitar.

Emma started singing confidently, her beautiful voice ringing out around the room, before Jack joined in, slightly off-key, but trying his hardest. It was a wonderful sight and I’d never seen them look so happy.

As Emma and Jack continued, with Jack getting more confident and singing slightly better, I nestled into Ed. We sat together, cuddled up, and in that moment I knew I had made the right decision. Ed looked at me and we kissed. Ed and I were going to be OK. I didn’t know for sure because we can never be one hundred per cent sure about anything in life, but what I did know and what made me feel the happiest I’d ever felt, was at that moment I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I didn’t want to be twenty-one again. I didn’t want to be in Thailand or Australia. I didn’t want to be with anybody else, anywhere else, and surely that’s all we can ever hope for. I think if happy endings are possible, this was the closest I’d ever get.

Acknowledgements

As I didn’t dedicate this book to her, I’d like to start by thanking my wonderful wife for literally everything. I tell her all the time, but I don’t know if she really believes me. Without you I wouldn’t be doing this. You make this possible, me possible and every day better than the last. I love you.

A HUGE hug and a kiss to my children, Charlotte and Jack, who are just too cute and perfect and who put up with me having to ‘do some work’ when they want to play a game or dance around the living room. You both inspire me so much.