Hard Break (Deadlines & Diamonds, #5) (23 page)

Twenty-Five

T
rue to his word, Manny finished the wall in three and a half hours. Kayla didn’t expect to like the guy, but she really did. He was charming and funny and good-looking if you liked that rugged, construction worker type. He’d brought three workers with him and they’d busted down and built up the wall with minimal bullshitting. They impressed her.

So far all of Ian’s friends had impressed her. She hoped she’d get to meet more of them. And maybe she could start introducing him to her friends. That thought made her stomach do a little flip. Not because she was nervous, but because she looked forward to introducing the world to the man she loved.

“Mom, Ian,” Sadie shouted, “I got the mail!” She ran into the kitchen, letters of every size overflowing her arms. She dropped the load onto the table in front of Kayla.

She sorted the mail into three piles; hers, his and junk. She’d let him go through the junk pile before she trashed it, just in case.
Most of her bills came via email these days. Apparently, Ian hadn’t learned that trick. His mail consisted of people wanting money. At least none of the envelopes wore
Final Notice
blazed in bright red. Always a good sign.

The letter she held scalded her fingers and singed her heart.
Clark County Fire Academy.
The black and white went wavy. She didn’t need to open the letter to know what was inside. She’d seen a very similar letter before. A similar letter which ultimately took the man she loved away from her.

Tears burned her eyes. The plain white envelope burned her fingers just as though the stupid thing had erupted into flames. She dropped it onto the table.

“Mommy, are you okay?” Sadie asked.

She glanced up into the inquisitive faces of her children. “Yep. Why don’t you guys go watch a movie up in my room? Ian and I need to talk about grown-up stuff.”

The girls took off, not having to be told twice. Chase, however, scrutinized her. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m
just fine. I need to talk to Ian and I need to do it without you guys interrupting.”

He nodded, uncertainty shone in his protective stare. “If you need me
, I’ll be upstairs.”

She did her best to smile at her son, even as her heart had stopped beating in her chest. “I will. Hurry now, Ian’ll be coming in any second.”

Outside Ian was saying goodbye to his buddies. They shook hands, talked, laughed and ultimately said goodbye. The guys exited through Ian’s yard. Ian opened the slider to her house and came inside.

“I think that’ll be really good for the kids.”

“Yeah. For the kids.” No matter how she tried, Kayla couldn’t tear her eyes from the envelope which had sealed the fate of their relationship. But it wasn’t the envelope. It’d been Ian. The moment he’d sent in the application, he’d driven an unforgiving wedge between them.

Ian sat down in the chair he’d made his own.
“Kay?”

She shook her head, still unable to look at him.

“What’s wrong?”

Her only answer was to slide to offending envelope across the table until it rested in front of him. She pulled her hand back and tucked it into her lap.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“You tell me,” she snapped. All the dread and fear came out pissy, verging on the edge of bitchy.

She chanced a look at him. His eyes narrowed at the letter. His brows were pinched in the middle. He turned it over in his hands, examining the envelope. Instead of being saddened or scared, as she was, he seemed happy. The smile started small, growing into a grin so big, she could shove a candle up his ass and have her very own Jack-O-Lantern.

He grabbed at the top of the envelope and jerked at the
seal until it opened. His eyes scanned over whatever all that black and white said and he whooped. “I’ll be damned. I got in!”

He jumped out of the chair so fast it went over to hit the floor with a
bang!
Holding the papers tight in his hand, he jumped again. “I. Got. In!”

He jerked her to her feet, hugging her to him. His joy overwhelmed her and she wished, more than anything, she could celebrate with him.

“I did it, Kay.” He kissed her. “I got in.”

“I figured.” Her voice lacked the happiness his did.

He set her back, looking into her face. “What’s wrong?”

She’d been trying to be a big girl about this situation, but with those two little words, something inside her snapped. “What’s
wrong
? You can honestly stand there and ask me,
what’s wrong
?”

An iceberg floated into his eyes.

“My husband worked for Clark County, or don’t you remember? My
husband
received a letter very similar to that one. Once.”

Ian flinched, but only slightly around his brown
eyes. “I’m not your husband.”

“You’re right, you’re not.” She hated that tears c
onveyed her emotions. She didn’t want to appear vulnerable to him. “I never thought I’d be the kind of woman who ever made an ultimatum, but here I am. Leon was my world. I loved him with everything I was. Somewhere along the road, I fell again. Even harder, if that’s possible. I love you, Ian McCallister, and I will not lose you to an ungrateful community, that is nothing but a bunch of talk.”

She paused to take a breath and wipe at her running nose with the back of her hand. “Losing Leon nearly ki
lled me, Ian. You should know. You were there to witness my fall into hell in all its glory.” She smudged the tears from her cheeks. “Losing you…” She choked on the thought. “I won’t do it. I can’t do that again, Ian. I just can’t. I’d rather lose you now, than to have uniforms show up at my door again.”

“Kayla,” he said as if she really were perched upon a cliff, instead of just a proverbial one. “I’m not—”

“Going anywhere. I’ve heard it before, Ian. Don’t you
dare
make me promises you can’t keep.”

The tendon in his jaw jumped. Twice. “Kayla, I’ve always wanted—”

“I’ve heard it all before, Ian.” She stepped back, not wanting to seek the comfort she so desperately desired, the comfort only he could give her. “I didn’t marry a cop. I married a student with big dreams of starting his own business. The cop thing scared me to death. I didn’t want him to do it. He made all of the same promises you’re about to make me now. Save your breath, Ian.” She crossed her arms around herself in order to keep from breaking apart. If he chose to leave, it’d crush her. “You have to choose. Me or firefighting. I wish it were different. But you can’t have us both.”

“Don’t do this, Kay.” He stepped clo
ser. She parried, stepping back.

“I have to protect myself, and my kids, Ian. We love you. We don’t want to lose you.”

His jaw stiffened. “But by making me choose, you will lose me.”

“Better watching you walk out that door, than watching them lower your casket into the ground.” She glared at him. “Who will save Penelope from falling into your grave, Ian?”

“I’m not going to die, Kayla.” Even as he said the words, she hated him for trying to make that promise.

“You don’t know that.”

Irritation blazed in his eyes, right along with the love he so obviously felt for her. That love gave her hope. Surely, he’d remember the hell she’d survived.

“Don’t ask me to choose, Kay.”

She heard the anguish in his voice and hoped like hell he’d give up on the death wish, so they could move on with their lives. She wouldn’t give up on this. She couldn’t go through losing another man she loved.

“I’m not asking, Ian,” she said barely louder than a
whisper. “I’m telling you. Choose.”

“Kay?”

She lifted her chin. Defiant, even as tears welled in her eyes and her heart threatened to shatter. “Choose.”

“Fine.
You want me to choose, I’ll choose.” His pulse throbbed in his neck. His fingers clenched into fists. “I choose
me
, Kayla,” he snarled. “For the last year, I’ve lived for
you
and everything you’ve needed. I’m done. It’s about damned time I lived for
me
. You want me to choose? That’s damned fine with me.” He thumped his chest with his fist. “I. Choose. Me.”

And with that final declaration, he strode past her, through
the living room and into the afternoon, slamming the door on his way out.

Sobs shook Kayla’s body. She’d done the right
thing. Better now than later. Better he lived—and died—without her knowing the ins and outs. It might mean a move, but she’d have to find a way to make that work.

Living next door while loving Ian McCallister was no longer an option.

I
an regretted making such a rash decision. He should’ve kept his head on his shoulders and talked out the situation with Kayla. Instead, when she’d thrown the gauntlet, he’d crushed it beneath his boot. No going back.

Yeah, he really was a dumbshit.

He called up the number of the one person who might talk some sense into him, turning the phone over in his hand, working up the courage to hit
send
.

“Hey
, stranger.”

“Hey
, Steph.”

“What’s wrong? She wise up and dump you?” The question was followed by a small laugh.

“Something like that,” he said softly.

“That bitch,” his little sister hissed.

“Steph, can you please be serious? I need to talk this out with someone impartial.”

“Got it.” She cleared her throat. “One impartial
someone here. What happened?”

He went through the whole story, giving Stephanie just the facts.

“Let me get this straight, for the life of you, you can’t understand why the widow of a fallen police officer might have a problem with the new man in her life becoming a firefighter?” When his sister paused, Ian could imagine her pulling a disapproving face. “Gee, you’re a bright one.”

“I understand why she might have a problem with it, yes, but I don’t understand why she can’t understand why I want to do this.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Maybe.”

“So let me rephrase the question for you, Einstein. Which can you live without; firefighting or the woman you love?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It sure as hell is, you moron. Call me back after you make your final decision.”

“I’ve made my final decision.”

Stephanie snorted. “Then God help you.”

Obviously
, she had nothing left to say, because the line went dead, the phone going dark.
Shit!
He’d hoped for a little bit of support coming from his baby sister. So much for hopes and dreams. He dropped his head into his hands. One angry conversation was all it took to blow up all of his dreams.

No, not
all of them. He could still go to the academy, become the hero little kids adored and…

Yeah, there was no
‘and’.

The only little kids he wanted adoring him lived next door. With
the woman he hadn’t chosen.

But d
idn’t he have the right to live his own life and do whatever the hell
he
wanted?

Yeah. He did.

If Kayla, with her self-absorbed attitude, couldn’t see and understand that, then to hell with her.

He’d have to move, of course. Maybe one of his buddies knew of a good realtor. The market was coming back, and
the house was much bigger than he actually needed. Maybe he could get a condo on the Strip. There were some really nice ones toward the south end.

He walked into the kitchen and slammed a fist into the punching bag hanging from the ceiling. Looking out over the green grass covering his backyard, he frowned. He’d worked for months getting his yard just the way he wanted it.

Wait. Why the hell should he be the one packing his bags? Truth was, she’d kicked
him
to the curb. She’d proposed the ultimatum. Sometimes the truth hurt, baby.

And sometimes, no matter the choice, a guy c
ould never win.

Ian had lost big time.

Either way he’d forgone his dream.

Either way, he’
d never be the same.

Twenty-Six

A
full two days after their fight, Kayla missed Ian like crazy. She admitted that maybe she reacted a little irrationally, but couldn’t bring herself to go back on her stand. If something happened to Ian…

She derailed that train. It didn’t matter what happened to Ian, as far as she was concerned.
Not anymore. He’d walked out of their lives, proven to be the fair-weather boyfriend she’d feared he was, and
voila!
, she was on her own again. No big. They’d deal.

Pulling up to the daycare
, Kayla wasn’t really surprised when Penelope came out of the big glass double doors with only a teacher in tow. Annoyance bit her in the butt, knowing her two older kids had chosen to go to Ian’s after school. She’d not told them of the change in their relationship, not informed them they were to go to the afterschool program. They didn’t belong at Ian’s place anymore. She hoped Ian hadn’t flipped a lid when they’d knocked on his front door. 

After buckling Penelope into her carseat, she hurried home, eager to see her oldest two were safe and sound. She pulled into the
garage, but left the big metal door open. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s go get your brother and sister.”

Penelope’s feet hit the ground and she was off to the races. “Ian!” she screamed, jumping up to hit the doorbell. “Ian, I here.”

The door flew wide. “Princess!”

Pene launched herself upward, giggling. Ian caught her to his body. Kayla envied the hug her gave her daughter. She desperately missed bein
g held, feeling safe, protected, loved. Penelope vise-gripped his neck then kissed his cheek.

“Why you no get me?”

“Your mom got you.” He spoke only to her, Kayla didn’t seem to exist. “Why don’t you go in and get Chase and Sadie? There’s a bag of cookies on the counter for you, but you have to wait until after dinner to eat them.”

She wriggled to slither down his body. “What for dinner?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, that’s your mama’s call. Hurry. And why don’t you guys try out the back way. Make sure it’s kid-proof.”

“’Kay. Bye, Ian.”

“Bye, sweetheart.” He made a move like he was going to leave her standing on his porch without saying a word to her.

Her hand itched to slap him for being so rude. “Thank you.”

He looked at her for the first time since walking out of her life. His eyes, although still breathtaking, could have frozen water as it boiled. His tone wasn’t any warmer as he growled “For what?”

She braced against a shiver. “
For watching the kids. I’ll talk with them. You won’t have to worry about them anymore.”

His gaze turned artic. “They’
re welcome here anytime. You can talk to them, they are
your
kids after all, but give them the choice. I will be here every damned day at three-fifty-two. If they show up, I’ll give them a snack and help them with their homework. If they don’t—” He glanced into the house, probably searching for the topics of their discussion. “—they don’t.”

She should’
ve been grateful he didn’t bring up their break-up. But, as he turned his back, stepped inside and closed the door, she felt anything but relief. In fact, the damned tears were back. She’d hoped the end hadn’t really been the final chapter in their story.

Crossing the space between their yards may as well have been the Sahara. She needed t
o remember hopes and dreams no longer had a place in her life. Nor did men. She’d only ever loved two men in her adult life and both had left, one unwillingly, the other…

She walked into the garage and closed the giant door.
It rumbled down, kissing the floor with a tiny squeak. She leaned against the door leading into the house and sighed.

One day at a time. She’d made it through today without Ia
n—for the most part—and she’d make it through tomorrow. And the next day. But only because she had no choice in the matter.

She’d asked
him to choose. And by damn he’d made his choice. She’d now have to live with it.

***



By Wednesday afternoon—four days after the fight—Ian still hadn’t said more than a few words to her. This morning, she’d told the kids they needed to ride the bus to the afterschool program. She kept telling herself she did it because she didn’t want Sadie to say something about it being her birthday and Ian feeling obligated to do something.

The truth was, she’d wanted to punish Ian a bit. Knowing him the way she did, he’d probably done something specia
l for Sadie. Kayla, being mature as Sadie’s now seven-years-old, wanted to remind him the kids
were
hers and they were a package deal.

She turned onto their street and into the driveway. Sadie began bouncing in the backseat. “It’s my birthday. It’s my birthday.”

Kayla glanced into her rearview mirror. “Yep, and as soon as we have dinner we’ll have cake.”

Penelope clapped her hands. “Yay. Cake.”

Dinner proceeded without much effort or conversation. Kayla did her best to smile and laugh and pretend she wasn’t annoyed and hurt and on the verge of tears. Damn Ian.

“Sadie, are you ready for cake and presents?” she asked once the dishwasher began its cycle.

“Almost.” She hopped off her chair. “I’ll be back in a minute. I need to get something.” She ran for the door, only to stop and look at Chase. “There’s a present under my bed, will you get it?”

“Yep.” Chase darted from the room.

“Don’t move, Mom,” Sadie said, pointing at Kayla. “I’ll be right back.”

Kayla pointed back at her daughter. “I’ll be right here protecting the cake.”

A few minutes past and Chase came back with a present. He put it on the table amongst the other packages. Kayla wondered what was in it. Sadie—or some other tiny fingers—had wrapped the rectangular item.

“Is that from you?”

Chase shook his head. “Huh-uh. I don’t know what it is.”

Kayla turned to Penelope, whose finger inched toward the corner of the cake. “Did you wrap it?”

“Nope. Sadie did.”

“What is it?”

Penelope didn’t have the chance to answer because Sadie came back into the room, announcing herself. “We’re here. Let’s party.”

Kayla glanced up to find Ian standing in the arched doorway. He looked a little shell-shocked with wide eyes and a forced smi
le. Dressed in workout pants, a wife beater and flip-flops, he obviously hadn’t planned on joining the rah-rah.

“Sorry to crash. But she didn’t exactly give me a choice.” The
kinda like her mother
went unspoken, but she saw the words raging in his eyes.

Sadie pulled out Ian’s chair, the same one he’d been using since he’d bulldozed his way into their lives, the one right next to
Kayla. She slid over to the side of her chair, putting more space between them. Talk about awkward.

Maybe it was time to give her kids a heads-up and release Ian from their lives. Permanently.

Sadie opened her presents, seeming to save the one she’d wrapped for very last. When it was the final one remaining, she knew it for a fact.

“Who’s that from?” Kayla asked.

“Ian.” Sadie grinned at him.

“What? I didn’t—”

“Yes, you did.” A tug and a
riiiip
later revealed a Hello Kitty book. The same one from the book fair. Paper free, she hugged the book to her chest. “You said it was your present. I waited, just like you said. I love it. It’s my favorite. Thank you.”

Ian’s face softened, the hardness in his eyes eased and a smile grabbed hold of his lips. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. I’m so glad you love it.”

“After cake will you read it to me?” She blinked at him, hopeful. “Please.”

Kayla’s throat tightened, her eyes stung. There was more at stake than just her and Ian’s feelings. Her kids were emotionally invested. They loved this man, the sexy guy next door,
as much as she did. Ian so obviously loved the kids, but did he still love her?

Was she willing to find out? She wasn’t sure. She knew asking him to give up his dream wasn’t fair. In fact, the ultimatum had been cruel. But she couldn’t handle living in fear every day that today would be the one he didn’t come home.

“Mom, are you gonna cut the cake?”

Kayla blinked, bringing her family into focus. Well, her family…and Ian.

Ian opened his mouth and she expected him to ask if she was okay, but he clamped it closed instead. The muscle in his jaw worked, probably chewing on the words he wanted to growl at her.

Kayla picked up the knife and slid it into the white cake with pink and white frosting.
She put a piece of cake onto a plate and gave it to Sadie.

“Thank you.” She stabbed at the frosting with a finger, licking off the tip.

She sliced another piece and felt the cut in her chest. Avoiding Ian sliced her just as deep. He teased with Penelope, asked Chase what his favorite kind of cake was, and complimented Sadie on her present-wrapping ability.

Nothing for Kayla.

Not that she wanted anything from him.

Except his heart.

She bit into her lower lip. She wouldn’t cry. She blinked, her eyelashes fluttering so quickly she felt the breeze.

“I think I should go.” Ian pushed back from the table.

“You can’t go,” Sadie protested. “You promised to read my new book to me.” Her daughter didn’t attempt to control her tears. One big, fat one rolled down her cheek. “It’s my birthday and I say you stay.”

Kayla actually felt sorry for
him. No matter how hard he tried, the women under this roof weren’t very good at offering him a choice. They demanded. They dictated. They destroyed good things.

“Don’t cry, birthday girl.” Defeated, he slumped back down in his chair.
“I’ll stay and read you your new book. You’re right, it’s your birthday.”

Unable to handle whatever she’d see in his eyes
, she plated a piece of cake and handed it to him without so much as a glance. He passed it to Chase, who dug in immediately. Another plate, another pass, this time to Penelope. The final plate stayed in front of him. He picked up a fork and lifted a bite to his mouth. Kayla did the same with her piece, focusing only on the cake she bought because she didn’t have time to bake it herself.

This was the first birthday cake she hadn’t made herself. It wasn’t bad, but homemade was always better. Or maybe it just made her feel like a better mother. Regardless, this whole experience was one she’d have to revisit again in about six weeks, when Chase turned eleven. The question remained,
when the time came would Ian be sitting at the table actually
enjoying
his cake?

***

The next morning, Sadie crawled into bed next to Kayla before the sun pinkened the sky. The little girl burrowed her seven-year-old body in close to her mother and sighed. “I love you, Mommy.”

Kayla snuggled her daughter. “I love you, too, baby girl.”

“Mommy.” Sadie rolled over.

Kayla could just make out her daughter’s perfect profile. “Yes?”

“I need to talk to Daddy.”

The request surprised her, her insides lighting up like a live, exposed wire. Yeah, she
’d really like to talk with him too.

“You can talk to him anywhere.” Kayla wasn’t sure that was the case, but it sounded good.

“No, I want to
go
talk to him. At the cemetery.”

Goosebumps dotted Kayla’s skin and a shiver wriggled up her spine despite the warmth and weight of the blankets. She’d never thought to visit the cemetery, let alone take the kids there. Leon’s body might rest there, but the thing that made him
him
no longer resided there. Not that she had a clue where the hell he
was.

And maybe that was Sadie’s point. Maybe the only thing left of him was the remains buried six feet under the soil. How depressing.

“We can go after school.”

“I would feel better if we went
before
school. I wanted to talk to him on my birthday, but you were busy. I want to talk to him this morning. I need to talk to him.”

“We’d better get up and moving, then. Hop up.” Kayla threw back the covers
, more exhausted than she’d been moments before.

The morning routine went easier than ever. The kids hurried, eager to talk to Daddy before school. It seemed they all needed to chat with Leon.

Deserted, except for a few crows
caw-caw
ing and flitting from headstone to headstone, the cemetery held a quiet eerie mood. Kayla stopped the SUV and all the kids unbuckled. Doors opened, feet hit the gravel road and darted off toward their father’s final resting place. Kayla wasn’t quite so eager to talk while no one listened.