Hard Break (Deadlines & Diamonds, #5) (24 page)

She approached in time to hear Chase say, “…going great. We miss you.
We’re getting by though.” He dug his fingers into the collar of his shirt, dragging it up to dab at his eyes. “Love you, Dad.”

Penelope strode over to the grave next to Leon’s and pulled a flower from an arrangement there. She toddled
back to place it on Leon’s headstone. “Lo’ you, Daddy.”

The two kids, having said their piece, headed back for the car. Sadie scowled at Kayla. “I want to talk to Daddy
alone
.”

Without a word,
Kayla offered her back and wandered away, but not so far she couldn’t hear every word her daughter spoke.

“Hi
, Daddy. I’m seven.” Rustling had Kayla looking over her shoulder. Tears stabbed hard and fast when Sadie retrieved the real reason they’d come today. “I brought you a piece of cake, Daddy. I know white cake is your favorite.” She plopped down, criss-cross-applesaucing her legs. “I miss you. But we’re doing good. We have Ian. You remember Ian. You liked him. You were right, he likes Mommy a lot.” Kayla jerked her head away when Sadie glanced her way. “And I think Mommy likes him too. Don’t worry about us, Dad. We won’t ever forget you. Love you.”

And with that, she hopped to her feet and walked away, blowing him a kiss as she jumped into the
SUV.

Kayla’s turn. Her heart, filled to bursting, thundered against her ribcage. Each step became harder than the last. She didn’t want to pour her heart out to a cold
rock, but as she knelt down and brushed a few leaves from the stone she opened her mouth.

“Oh, Leon, I miss you so much
.” She hadn’t realized she’d started to cry until a tear splashed onto the dark gray stone. “I’m trying…. This time without you has been hell and I’m trying my very best to survive, but I’m screwing up all over the place. We even had an orange light bulb in the laundry room for a couple days.” She laughed in spite of her own misery. “I had to buy Sadie’s birthday cake. The laundry is out of control. We eat out more than I cook.”

She glanced over to check on the kids. Penelope waved cheerfully. “You were right about Ian.” She paused, almost
expecting a deep
I-told-you-so
to rumble on the wind.
“Ian loves me. And I love him. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but…yeah. I’m crazy about him. He wants to be a firefighter though.” More tears, clenched throat. “A freakin’ firefighter. Can you believe it? As if losing you…”

She shook her
head. “I made him choose, Leon, and I lost. He didn’t choose me.” Her heart broke all over again. “I’m such an idiot.”

Then his words came to her thoughts, the
ones he’d said the night before that fateful day. “
Promise me if something does happen to me, you’ll move on. I want you to love again. I want you to be happy.”

Imagined or real, she’d gotten the insight she needed from Leon. She’d not been living, only barely surviving. Ian had awakened her. She needed him in her life, for as long as she could have him. If he died in a year, fighting a fire, she’d cherish the year she had with him.

A crow
caw-caw
ed and she glowered up at it. “Be careful, I may have to eat you next.”   

Twenty-Seven

A
ll day Kayla’s heart hurt. She knew what she had to do, and by lunch time she was faking sick. Not really faking, her entire body
ached and her stomach was
nauseous.

“No, I don’t think it’s anything contagious. I’m gonna head home and sleep it off.”
Yes, that
was a bald-faced lie. She had no intention of sleeping. Although, she did hope the afternoon ended with her in bed. Just not alone.

“Take care of yourself,” Dr. Monroe said, patting her on the shoulder. “If you can’t make it tomorrow, that’s okay. I’d rather have you well, than pushing yourself too hard. You do have sick time, you know?”

No, she hadn’t known. “Thank you. I’ll let you know in the morning.”

She gathered her things and headed for home. She really should stop and pick up Penelope. Nah, Pene could take her nap at daycare while Kayla made things right with Ian. Oh, she hoped he’d still have her.

When she decided to screw things up, she couldn’t settle for bronze or even silver, Kayla went for the gold. It wasn’t the National Anthem echoing through her thoughts though. She only heard,
“I’m done. It’s about damned time I lived for me. You want me to choose? That’s damned fine with me. I. Choose. Me.”

Her heart pounded with the tattoo,
I. Choose. Me. I. Choose. Me. I. Choose. Me.

She knocked on her chest with her fist. “Yeah, well, I choose you too, Ian.”

She watched out the front window, waiting to pounce on him the moment he pulled into his driveway. Checking her watch, she worried. He was late. But did it count as late if he didn’t know she was waiting?

Finally, an hour and a half later than she’d expected him, the KKLV
branded Explorer slowed to a stop in his driveway. He got out slammed the door and strode inside. He didn’t spare a glance her way. Why would he? He didn’t know she watched. If he did, would it make a difference?

She was about to find out.

Gathering what little dignity she had, she opened the door and walked outside. The bright sunlight warmed her skin, blinded her eyes, making her sneeze. She paused in the landscaping rocks marking the property line. She was going to be sick. Pressing a hand to her churning stomach, she continued her quest.

No turning back.

If she played the coward now, she may never make the situation right.

His door looked so ominous. Th
e shadow casted by the overhang hid her from the autumn sun, chilling her skin. She shivered. As if having an out of body experience, Kayla watched her hand reach for the doorbell. Higher reasoning requested the pull back. Two more attempts, back and forth. Curling her hand into a fist, she knocked. Three sharp raps. Do or die. Kill or be killed. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No turning back.

This. Was. It.

Nothing happened.

Instead of relief, the beige door fueled her inner burn, ignited her desire to ask for forgiveness. If he didn’t accept it, that wasn’t h
er problem. Then it was all on him.

She knocked again. Five times.

Still nothing. Shifting from foot-to-foot, she waited, feeling like an unwanted pest. Forget it, she wasn’t leaving until she said what she had to say.

He didn’t have a choice in this.

She nearly laughed out loud. She was right back to his choice again.
His
choice. She’d given him two. He’d chosen wrong. She’d make sure he realized it.

Right. F
reaking. Now.

She knocked, another five times in rapid succession, rang the bell twice, then pounded on the door with her fist, nearly falling in when the focus of her attention flung inward.

“What?” He glowered down at her. His features softened then hardened between one heartbeat and the next. His sigh conveyed a weariness she completely understood. “Why are you here?”

She sucked in a deep breath, fought to keep her emotions in check, her tears at bay, and asked the question that had been plaguing her since the moment he’d walked out of her kitchen.

“Do you miss me yet?”

He didn’t answer. Just stared at her. Her breath froze in her lungs, her heart ceased mid-beat. A thousand emotions played through his stare. She saw them all. He loved her and hated her, desired her and wanted nothing more than to push her away. His nostrils flared with each suck of breath and she continued to watch, hoping the slot machine
of emotions would end with a jackpot.

Time passed, even as it stood still. She didn’t dare move. Her eyes moved over his face. She ached for him. Wanted to tell him as much, but had already aske
d a question. She’d wait for his answer. Until the end of time, if that’s how long it took for him to process.

Finally, his anger melted, pooling around their feet, replaced by something she recognized the second before he lunged
for her. None too gently he clasped her by the back of the neck and jerked her against him. His lips crashed against her, possessing her, owning her, branding her. Tilting his head, he deepened the kiss. She felt it in her toes. Still holding her tight, he withdrew the assault.

“I miss you so…d
amned…much,” he said against her lips.

Sliding his hands down her back, he dug his fingers into her ass and hauled her up his body. She wrapped her legs around his wai
st, crossing her ankles. It’d take the Jaws of Life to pry her from him. She’d never let go again. He carried her toward the stairs, his kisses devouring her. His tongue tasted from collarbone to ear and she purred.

“Where’s Pe
ne?” he whispered.

“Daycare.”

“Thank you, God.”

I
an thanked God again for the blessing Kayla was. He’d known the conversation needed to be had, but was waiting until all the pieces had fallen into place. It seemed, yet again, she’d trumped his choice, called his bluff.

And he couldn’t be happier.

She turned onto her side, facing him. The sheet fell to the mattress and his gaze landed on her breasts. He didn’t doubt they had a tractor beam for his eyeballs. He reflected on their taste and how receptive they were to his attention.

“Ian?”

He flicked his eyes to meet hers.
Busted.
Heat burned his cheeks. “Sorry. I was…distracted.”

One light brown brow rose. “I noticed.” She drew the sheet up around her, covering herself. “I love you.”

He traced a finger over her bare arm. “I love you, too.”

“But that doesn’t negate the need for us to hash things out.”

Ian’s heart stuttered.
Please don’t leave me.

She bit on her lip and moved to get herself upright. She leaned against the headboard, careful to keep the sheet covering the best parts of herself.

Ian sat next to her, facing her. He crossed his legs in the criss-cross-applesauce way. He smiled, thinking of Sadie explaining that was what it was called.

“Ian, I love you.” She raised her hand when he opened his mouth to reaffirm his love for her. “Please don’t interrupt. I need to say this. All of it. And I’m not sure I’ll be able to if I lose my nerve.” She sighed. “Here goes. I love you, Ian. More than anything. Every day since Leon died, I’ve thought of him. Something he said or did or something that drove me batty. I cherish the love we shared, and when he died I never thought I’d love again, let alone so soon and so completely.”

She paused when her voice broke. Her eyes glistened under her scrutiny. His own eyes stung, his own throat tightened with emotion.

“If I let you
walk out of my life, Ian, I’d be so miserable without you. I want you in my life for as long as that is. A day, a year, a lifetime. I will love you, Ian McCallister. If you need to fight fires to fulfill your dream, then I will support you. I will love you.” The first tear fell. “I love you no matter what. I lo— Oh, hell, I’m rambling. This sounded so much better in my head.”

“Can I talk now?”

She nodded, laughed a bit blubbery and wiped at her face. He reached out and took her hands.

“Kayla, do you have any idea how long I’ve wished for you to accept me? I wasn’t blowing smoke, love, when I said I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. Watching your belly grow with Penelope nearly killed me. I wanted her to be mine.”
Damn, that made him sound like a bastard. “I know it was wrong, but—”

“I can’t give you children, Ian.”

His expression must have said the
say what, huh?
he didn’t voice because she went on.

“My tubes are tied.
”

“I know.”

“Even if they weren’t, I’m not interested in being pregnant at my age. It wasn’t a picnic for me, ever.”

“Kayla, you are the densest person I think I've ever met.” He kissed away her protest. “Babe, I love your kids. And if you’ll let me, I’d love to have them as
our
kids.”

Her eyes popped wide. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

He figured the only way to answer was to show her how serious he was. Standing, he walked in all his naked glory—feeling cocky when her eyes locked on his ass—to the dresser. He tugged the top drawer open, dug to the bottom under his boxers and retrieved the little velvet box.

He hadn’t planned on proposing bare-ass naked, but when the opportunity presented itself…

Going to the side of the bed, he knelt down, looking up into her tear-filled eyes. “I am absolutely saying what you think I’m saying. I choose you. I choose you for the rest of my life. I. Choose. You. Marry me, Kay.”

She launched herself from the bed and into his arms.
They tumbled to the floor, she peppering his face with kisses, him laughing.

“What about the kids?”

Ian’s heart soared at knowing he’d already taken care of it. “I might’ve mentioned it to Chase. I’m pretty sure he spilled the beans to Sadie, but I don’t think Penelope knows.”

“You asked Chase?”

“Yeah, when we had our talk. He’s tough. I think I’ll let him interrogate the girls’ boyfriends.”

“While you remain silent, cleaning your shotgun?”

“Something like that.” Ian laughed. “Why don’t we get dressed and go get the kids? We’ll take them to dinner and tell them the news.”

She kissed him, hard, bruising. She punished him for the time he’d left her, the miserable time they’d been apart. When she sat back, he took her hand, placing the eternity band on her left ring finger. He’d looked at solitaires, contemplated big and blingy, but a band with
eternity
in the name seemed the perfect fit.

Her eyes lit up brighter than the sparkling diamonds. “I love it, Ian. It’s perfect.” She moved her hand, examining it.

“Could you really love me as a firefighter?” he asked.

A shadow crossed her eyes and he knew he’d made the right decision.

“Yes. I will love you no matter what,” she reconfirmed.

“Good to know.” He help
ed her to her feet. “But could you love me as a sports photographer?”

She stopped moving, paused mid straightening. “What?”

He shrugged. “That’s why I was late today. I met with Jane Pierce, the Sports Director, and interviewed for the position she had open. She offered me the job. I took it. I hope that works for you.”

He managed nonchalance. She, however, did not. She squealed, threw her arms around his neck, pressing a whole lot of naked flesh against his. “I will love you no matter what you do, Ian. No. Matter. What.
Forever.”