Hard to Resist (28 page)

Now that I think about it, not once has Nolan fucked up. Not once has he made me feel like I couldn’t be myself. He wants to be loved, just as I do. I was just so afraid, so terrified, and so worried that he would be worse than Bryson. But with love, there comes a price. Either it’s worth it, or it’s not. I just hope that Nolan is worth way more than all that I’ve been through.

Nolan finally pulls his lips away but his hands cup around my jawline tightly as he strokes the pad of my cheek with his thumb. “Natalie, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

I shake my head, hating myself for showing him my tears. I’ve been at it all day. I’m just an emotional wreck. Hearing Bryson say those things have really put me at a loss for words. “Nolan, I’m sorry for holding off,” I sob. “I’m sorry for being stingy with my heart. I want to give it to you now.” His grey eyes are still confused but he doesn’t release my face. He leans in to place his lips against mine and I tingle sweetly. Our chests mold as we breathe and pant with urgency. With passion. With love.

It isn’t too long before Nolan has me in his arms and is carrying me towards his bedroom but our lips never part. I wrap my legs around him as he pulls one hand away to open his bedroom door. He places me down on the comforter gently, letting our lips part only once before reconnecting them again.

My tears continue to flow, but I want this. I need this. I grab his face and kiss him with what seems like all of the life that is within me. As my legs hook around his waist, his groin presses against me. Our clothes disappear piece by piece and as I lie on his bed with nothing but my bra and panties on, he stares down at me, his grey eyes softer than ever before. He reaches a hand down to wipe the tears that have collected in the corners of my eyes.

“I’ve been trying to find the right words to let you know that I feel more for you, Natalie.” He strokes my cheek then places a kiss on my lips. “
I love you
, Bunny.”

I pull my lips in, bite down on them, but they are soon released as he begins to trail kisses from my neck, to my collar bone, then down to the heart of my chest. His fingers entwine with mine as he plants kisses on every inch of my bare skin. A few seconds later, my bra has disappeared. Moments afterwards, his boxers and my panties have been discarded.

Nolan’s lips collide with mine as I wrap my legs around him again. He cups my face then allows his lips to trail along my cheek to the crook my neck. A groan brushes past my lips as his erection presses against the sweet spot between my legs. “Tell me that you feel something more for me, Natalie. This has to be more than what it seems.”

Placing Nolan’s face between my hands, I stare into his grey eyes. “I love you, Nolan. I know it’s more—so much more than it seems.”

He smiles and I melt pleasurably. He finally pushes himself inside of me and I groan as my nails dig into his back. His strokes are simple, sweet, tender. He grunts against my ear and my fingernails claw into his skin the deeper that he goes. Right now, I feel it. I feel all that he feels. We’re not just having sex.
We’re making love
. And it’s amazing because this is exactly what I wanted.

He plants gentle kisses on my lips, on my cheek, and on my chin as he reaches his hands beneath to cup my ass. The switch in position only causes him to go deeper. His teeth graze against my lower lip as my head falls back and my body arcs into his. I’m allowing myself to give everything. I want to let go—I need to. I have to forget. I have to release.

“Oh, Nolan,” I breathe.

“I’m not going anywhere, Bunny,” he breathes back. His breath tickles me and my nails claw against his blue sheets. “I told you, you were mine. I told you I wanted this.”

“I know.” He strokes into me deeper, slower, passionately. His body tenses as his panting becomes rigid.

“I want this to last,” he groans against my ear. I hook my arms around his neck as he begins to pump faster, stronger. His actions are sweet but swift. His hand continues to cup the cheek of my ass as his other hand lifts my leg. I can feel him in my stomach now. I’m spiraling in the best way possible. I can feel my climax coming, building its way up.

I screech his name again and as I do, I shudder around him. He shudders as well and we both groan with deep pants as we tense against one another. Nolan collapses against my chest while pressing his lips against my collarbone. “Hopefully that was proof enough that I’m here to stay,” he says.

I giggle as he pulls out of me to meet my lips. He hovers only inches above me with all of his teeth revealed. His smile is so adorable. I stare at his lips as I reach a hand up to wipe his hair away from his forehead. “Meeting you was all the proof that I needed.”

Leaning down, he kisses me again before sliding his tongue into my mouth. I refused to let him slip and I’m still holding on. One drop and it’s over. One screw-up and this entire thing can be depleted.

I hate to think negatively, but anything can happen. Nolan is beautiful, both mentally and physically, but he’s still a
guy
. He still has dreams and if he’s going to start pushing to reach them, there will be sacrifices. He’s still young and he has plenty of options. Bryson sacrificed our love just to keep his rep, but in the end lost it all without me. My only question is what will Nolan sacrifice when he’s reaching for what he wants? What will he love more? Me or his dreams?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The strings of Nolan’s guitar strum slowly. His finger movement is graceful. I try my hardest not to stare at him but it’s impossible. As he plays, it’s honestly beautiful. The way his eyelashes touch his masculine cheekbones and the way his eyebrows pull together slightly as he concentrates proves that he’s been doing this for years. I can tell that this is something that he truly admires. It’s something that he loves.

“Go ahead,” he says as he finally gets the melody right. It took us almost an hour to get the right tune with the poem. I step from my bed and take a deep breath. “Remember, you don’t have to look at me,” he murmurs while continuing his melody. I force a smile but beneath my heart is pounding erratically. This is so nerve-racking but only because this is Nolan. He hasn’t read my words but hearing them may have a stronger impact than anything else.

“Okay,” I breathe. Turning my back to him, I decide to look into the mirror attached to my dresser instead. I can still see him but it is only his firm shoulders and his right arm. I can deal with that. As long as I don’t see his face, I can do it. “Should I start now?” I ask.

“Whenever it feels right.”

Nodding, I replay the words in my head. I’ve read over this poem so many times—too many times to count, actually. It runs through me, pumps through my veins and my blood. Remembering it is just like breathing because it is the one that I’ve related to the most thus far.

Allowing my eyes to shut, I finally breathe in. My body sways out of instinct and I roll my neck, allowing the tension to be released. As soon as Nolan hits the right chord, I begin to let the words flow.

During the fall, leaves drop,

They land against the pavement

Blow with the wind

Until the seasons come along to change it

With the wind comes the breeze

With the breeze comes the start

With the start comes the beginning

And with the beginning comes an end

If the wind was tangible

It would be easier to hold on

But the wind goes with the flow

It pauses for no one

If there was no such thing as an end

Perhaps, then, things won’t feel so bad

But there was a part when it was going to come anyway

During life, during death, during tragedy

The breeze was satisfying

But that breeze began to burn like flames of a fire

That breeze stung me

Whipped into a hurricane and killed all of my desires

It killed thousands of emotions

It twisted my heart

It shattered the windows of my soul

The love is what tore me apart

I tried to hang on

I didn’t want to let go

I tried to move on

But my heart kept saying “no”

I wasn’t ready to release

I wasn’t ready to mend

I couldn’t find my peace

Because I could no longer carry myself with the wind

My eyelids fly open but as I stare into the mirror, I am blinded completely by tears. I swipe at them quickly but Nolan places his guitar down to get to my side.

“Natalie.” Cupping my face, his lips smash mine. “Don’t be ashamed,” he says against my lips. “That poem just told me everything.” His lips stretch to smile before they crush mine again. I hook my arms around him and we collide. Our bodies plunge and I swear this is the best feeling ever. I’m so glad that he doesn’t think I’m insane. I’m glad that he’s accepting the way that I am. Reading that out loud proves a lot. It proves that I’ve come a long way from what happened two months ago. Two months ago I wouldn’t have even been able to look at the poem. I would have thrown up from reading the first few lines.

“What did you really think?” I ask as soon as our lips fall apart.

He pauses as he strokes the pads of my cheeks with his thumbs to get rid of my tears. “I think that you still need time to grow, but I can help you get there. Hopefully I can heal the pain with
time
.” I smile as he presses his lips against my forehead. “My turn?” he asks.

“No.” Shaking my head, I pull my arms away. “I want you to sing tomorrow, at Open Mic. I already called Brittany and Jordan and they’ve jotted our names down. Tonight, I need to get out. Harp wants to go to a club and quite honestly I could use a few drinks.” I wink as Nolan looks me over.

“She doesn’t plan on going to club
LIV
, does she?” His face falls immediately. I can tell that he’s thinking of his best friend at the moment.

“Max won’t be there. She’s made it her goal not to run into him again.”

Nolan’s shoulders fall as his eyes soften. “Well, cool. Wanna go back to my house and help me change clothes?” He presses in, thinning the gap between us before completely closing it by pulling me in by my belt loop.

“Sure,” I giggle. “But maybe we could do more than change clothes.”

“Mmm,” he hums as he leans his head down while pushing my hair behind my ear. He kisses the crook of my neck and a surge of tightness seizes me. “You know I’m always down for more.”

“Have been since day one,” I mumble.

He pulls back to stare into my eyes. “What does that mean?”

My eyebrows pull together as he glares at me. “Nothing. It was just a statement.”

“Was I not supposed to be interested in you since day one?”

“What are you talking about?” I snap. “I never said that.”

Nolan pulls away completely while taking a step back. “Then what are you saying exactly? I know there’s always a hidden message behind your “
statements
”.” He uses his fingers to make quotation marks.

“I seriously didn’t mean it offensively Nolan. You’re being kind of dramatic.” I force myself to look into his eyes but deep down I’m kind of worried. There has been something off about Nolan today but I can’t put my finger on it. He’s been moody. At moments, I would feel all of the love he has for me but then at some moments, it seems like he doesn’t want to be around me. I seriously hope he isn’t growing bored of me. I do not need that right now.