Harder (24 page)

The door opens and Ryan appears around the edge. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Can you make sure he leaves okay? Doesn’t bother Amy?”

“Sure.” He disappears for a moment. It’s odd how easy it is to get him to help me. I should have allowed him to do so sooner. It doesn’t make me less badass, I think. In fact, I think it makes me kind of badass that I’m strong enough to let someone like Ryan do stuff for me, rather than drowning on my own. Literally. Ha ha.

“He’s gone. You okay?”

“You can come in,” I say. He comes through the door and shuts it behind him.

“Amy’s on the phone. She told us to take our time, whatever that means.” His brow crinkles adorably, and I can barely believe this is the same man who basically saved my life this morning and fixed my life this afternoon.

“Thanks for what you did. I know about the hospital bill too.”

His eyes widen slightly. “You did say I could handle what I wanted to handle.”

I grin and stretch, putting my hands behind my head. “Yeah, I guess I forgot you’re mister moneybags and it’s no big deal. You gonna buy me whatever I want now?” It’s a joke, but he steps forward, eyes locked with mine.

“Yeah.”

“What?” My chest feels weird, like my stomach disappeared. “What do you mean?”

“I’ll buy you whatever you want,” he says, walking forward to the edge of my bed, above my feet.

“Uh…I wasn’t being serious.”

“I was.”

I pat the bed, signaling that he can come sit beside me. He does. He’s so tall. I can’t forget how good his hand felt to my cheek. How he coaxed me out of the box that I’ve been stuck in for so long, a box where I’m on my own, and untouchable, but also lonely and troubled. I’m out of that box, and I don’t know how to be with him.

“Was it hard to see him go?”

I nod. “Thanks for letting me say goodbye alone.”

“Not my choice,” he said. “I didn’t like it, but I was outside.”

“Controlling,” I say.

He shudders and shakes his head. “Definitely not. Caring. There’s a difference.”

“Oh, how are you different?”

He leans over me, his face casting a shadow over mine. “I only stepped in because you let me. In the end, you’re still in control.”

“I don’t always want to be,” I say, blushing. “In fact, I don’t think it’s so bad at all when you are.”

His eyes slide to mine, softening for the first time since he entered the room. I’m sure he was jealous of Zach, and that it was driving him crazy out there. He probably didn’t even know if I’d really be able to send Zach away. I’m kind of shocked that I did.

Ryan’s eyes ask me a question, his eyebrow slightly lifted. I nod. He puts a hand on each side of my head and leans down slowly for a kiss.

His lips meet mine and I’m used to the feel of them. Like our lips were made to fit together. And I can feel that magical warmth starting inside me. His kisses are truly unreal, and for the first time I’m realizing it’s maybe not just what he’s doing, but how I feel about him.

“Ryan?” I say, interrupting him as he moves his lips to my temple.

He sits back. “Yes?”

“You said you wanted more,” I say. “In the hospital. I’m ready to hear it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I need to hear it.”

“I want to make you happy,” he says, cupping my face like he did in the hospital. I study his handsome features and follow the sharp line of his nose down to the lips I know so well, down to his straight jaw. Does this beautiful man really want me? Can I really accept it?

“I want to bring you out into the light.” He kisses my cheek. “I want to spoil you rotten,” he says, kissing my ear.

I gasp and he grins.

“I want to keep getting closer. I want to buy you whatever you want.” He kisses my forehead. “I don’t ever want to let you go.”

“Yeah, but I ain’t ready to talk marriage yet.”

“I’m a patient man.”

“I might not ever be ready.”

“Okay.” He kisses me on the lips, holds it for minutes, just breathing against me. Pressure inside me is rising. He pulls back.

I grin and pull his head down so that his lips are just above mine. The heat between our lips is driving me crazy. My body’s on fire and all he’s done is kiss me.

“Then again, if you keep making it feel this good, maybe one day it won’t sound so bad.”

“Then I’ll make it feel
so
good,” he says, gathering me close in his arms. He leans his head over my shoulder, and his breath sends shocks down my spine. “So good you can’t believe it.”

I hold him close as he proves it, over and over, loving me in that gentle and passionate way.

And sure, it’s still a little bit scary. It’s new, uncharted territory. But I’ll be going there with him, and that makes everything worth it.

For once, I’m going to be in the sun.

Epilogue

“You better have a good reason for pulling me off shift early,” I say, shutting the door a bit too hard behind me as we leave the park through the back door.

“I’ve got a surprise,” he says.

I pull my hat backwards and stomp after him, wallet chain swinging. He hasn’t tried to change me. I haven’t had to be less butch for him. And he does make it feel good.

So good I can’t believe it.

A blush creeps up on my face and I pull my hat forward again to hide it so Ryan doesn’t see it. Don’t want him to have the satisfaction.

I guess I’m not the easiest girlfriend, but he knew that from the start. That’s what makes it great. I was a different person when I met Ryan than I was when I met Zach, which means the fit I have with Ryan is because of the person I am now, not the person I was. I can trust that.

“Close your eyes,” Ryan says, facing me and walking backwards into the parking lot.

“Then how am I supposed to walk, Sherlock?”

“Hm.” He moves behind me and covers my eyes. “I’ll lead you.”

“Jeez,” I say. “Drama queen.” I stumble forward, and it’s awkward because of his hands over my eyes. I recognize the direction we’re going. “Crap, did you get me a car?” I reach up to pull his hands away, but he doesn’t budge. “You better not have bought me a car.”

But why else would he be taking me out into the parking lot?

“Shh…” He says. “It’s a surprise.”

“I’m serious Ryan, I’m going to kill you if you replaced Big Blue. She’s part of me.”

“I know.”

I’m not reassured. There’s a sinking feeling when I think about what could be waiting for me. What if he’s trying to change me? What if the last few months have been too good to be true? Even though I’ve grown to trust him, with my history it’s hard not to get paranoid sometimes.

He’s not Zach, I remind myself. It calms me enough to walk forward with him. He stops and I stop as well. He lowers his hands. “Okay, you can look.”

I do. Big Blue sits in front of me, shining and metallic in the sun. I breathe a huge sigh of relief that he didn’t mess with her. “Phew, I thought you’d done something.”

“Well,” he says. “I did, sort of.” He walks around to the passenger side and opens the door. Then he shuts it, hard. I run forward, in shock, to stop him. He’ll break the door.

I open my mouth to chew him out when it occurs to me that the door didn’t bounce back, or make that weird clattering it makes when not shut right. I bring my eyes slowly up to meet his, and he smiles down mildly.

“You like?”

I look from him, to the door, back to him. “How? What are you? Some kind of wizard?”

“No. I just used my last paycheck to hire a mechanic. Like any sane person.”

He’s teasing, but I still get emotional. I feel tears start to prick my eyes and turn away from him, pulling my ball cap lower. The last evidence of Zach is gone, and I wasn’t brave enough to do it for myself. Maybe there was a little of him left in that door, and maybe I was just too angry to want to make up for what he did.

But Ryan, like he always does, just swooped in and fixed things. Like it’s so easy.

“Ally, are you okay? Should I not have? I didn’t want it to break if we left it.”

I shake my head, and swipe the tears away. He pats my shoulder, and I push him away. Then I run and jump up into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He stands there shocked for a moment, then puts his hands under my legs to keep me up. I kiss him all over his neck and face. I’m so happy.

“So you like it?” he says, his voice strained.

“I love it. I’ll call you Mr. Fix-it from now on.”

He laughs and catches my lips with his, stopping my kiss attack and slowing things down between us. He’s good at that. He pulls back, leaving me breathless.

“You wanna do lunch in your new car?”

I grin. “Sure. I’ll drive.”

“Okay,” he says. He tosses me the keys. “You’ll want these back.”

“Sneaky man. Didn’t even know you’d taken them.”

He shrugs. “I have my ways.”

“That’s for damn sure,” I say, starting the car. He gets in the passenger side and puts one arm lazily over my head rest. I look over at him for a moment and smile. He looks over at me and smiles back.

It’s never going to be easy with Ryan.

But with him, harder is perfect.

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Books by Blue Ashcroft

Deeper (Rain and Knight)

Harder (Ally and Ryan)

Stronger (Amy and Geoff)

Preview of
Stronger
, available now!

Hot or not, Geoff Richards is a huge Douche.

Just sitting there, huge, tatted arms crossed behind his smug head, leaning back on his chair, gray eyes pinned on mine, shaggy black hair shadowing his forehead and ears. I want to punch him. Right in the face. But I’m a lady.

“So now that your fave lady-dude’s taken, you gonna give a real dude a try?” he drawls, looking deceptively relaxed as I watch Ally follow Ryan out for lunch.

I simply glare at him.

He jerks his head in Ally’s direction. “I told you she was into dudes. I got hired with her. We’re tight. She don’t swing that way. Too bad for you I guess.”

I repress a sigh. Ally’s a gorgeous girl, and tall and butch and confident, and if I did really like girls, I’d like her. But I don’t really know what I like.

“Don’t look so down. Probably get another chick that’s into chicks here soon. Unless you’re actually interested in men, in which case, I could oblige you.” He winks and crosses his legs on the table.

A temptation to kick his chair legs and knock him over runs through me, but I breathe through it till it’s gone. “If I am interested in men, I’m not interested in you,” I mutter, standing to go to my locker. Somehow, even though I’ve been working here since I was fifteen, I have one of the crappiest lockers. Right in a corner, destined to knock elbows with everyone on both walls.

Bam. I look up to see Geoff above me, one huge arm on my locker, the other in his pocket. Ominous.

“What do you want?” I slam the locker and try to leave but he crowds me in by putting his other hand on the locker, trapping me against it.

“Why not me?”

“Because you’re a pig.”

“Pig?” His eyes narrow, darkening the light gray of his irises.

Everything about him screams man, from the clean, piney scent that must be his shower gel, to the dark shadow on his chiseled jaw, to his height at six foot something, to the wide spread of his shoulders, and the tattoos running down his arms in sleeves. All man. That’s probably why I hate him.

He’s not classically handsome, like Knight, or model beautiful, like Ryan. No, I have to be attracted to the guy with rough features, like they were cut out of clay with too sharp of motions, with that square jaw and scruff and wide, muscled body.

He has such beautiful shoulders though. Bigger than anyone else here, and strong arms that taper to nice hands. His legs are nice too. Long, solid, and muscled.

“You don’t look at me like I’m a pig,” he murmurs.

I plant my hands square in his chest and push him away. “Yeah right.”

“Oh come on babe, why fight it?” I hear him push off the locker to follow me.

I gasp when something touches my ass and spin around to slap him squarely in the face. “You want to be fired?”

“Damnit, that was an accident, was trying to grab a sticker off your back.”

“Yeah, I guess all ass grabs are accidents.”

“No, not all. I can do a good ass grab if I want to. But this wasn’t. Look in the mirror if you don’t believe me.”

“What girl wants her ass grabbed?” I look in the mirror. There’s a damn sticker on my lower back. Damn.

“You’d be surprised.” He grins and rubs his cheek with his hand. “Damn girl, you hit like a dude. Who’da guessed we got a fighter under all that fluffy hair?”

I bristle. I can’t help the thickness of my hair. My moms haven’t told me my background, but I suspect one of my birth parents had really thick, wiry hair, and the other had really fine soft hair, and now mine is thick and soft, flying everywhere in the damn California humidity and constantly giving Geoff something to poke fun at.

I try to fluff my hair at the roots but smooth the rest down. It fails so I grab a ponytail off my wrist with my mouth and pull it back, overly aware of the way the texture makes me get compared to a cocker spaniel.

My mom Tina likes to say they would have named me Lady if they’d known how my hair was going to grow in. Like Lady and the Tramp. I guess Geoff could be the tramp, except even the Tramp is more elegant than Geoff, who happens to be still grinning over the memory of ass grabs past.

I wonder what that would feel like, but I can feel a blush burning up my cheeks at the thought and push it away.