Hardline (16 page)

  
His voice was quieter as he took a step closer. He paused a few feet in front of me, his hands still casually nested in his pockets. Usually I enjoyed the posture, that
could give a shit
attitude that rolled off him sometimes, usually when it came to work. I remembered then how he’d looked when he dropped into the seat in front of me at the Angelcom boardroom, seemingly unaffected. I was as annoyed as I was painfully attracted to him. Today I knew better. I knew he cared, but I was no less conflicted about how I felt about our situation right now.
 

  
“Blake...you hurt me.”

  
His jaw tightened and several empty seconds passed.
 

  
“I warned you that if you opened the door to that part of me—”
 

  
“I’m not talking about physical pain,” I said. “I know we’ll be angry sometimes, and we’ll hurt each other. That’s inevitable. I know that we’ll take it out on each other in different ways. I’ll admit the other night was difficult for me, not because that’s anything we haven’t done before, but because in the end, all I could feel was your anger. That wounded me far worse than anything physical could have, because I felt like you hated me, and that you wanted to hurt me. Maybe it made you feel better—”

  
“It didn’t, trust me.” A grimace pinched his features.
 

  
“Then why? You left me there like it meant nothing to you. It’s like you’re shutting me out to punish me even more. When is it going to end? How many different ways do I have to say that I’m sorry, that I made a stupid mistake I wish I could take back?”

  
He turned away slightly, raking his fingers through his hair. The dark brown strands stuck every which way.
 

  
“It should have never happened.”

  
I sagged against the door. “I know that. I wish it hadn’t.”

  
He faced me again. “No, I don’t think you fully understand. The things that happened when we were apart... all of that happened because you didn’t trust me to handle Daniel threatening you.”

  
“That’s not true.”

  
“It is true, Erica. If you had, we would have never been apart. James would have never had a chance to get that close to you when you were vulnerable.”

  
“I thought Daniel was going to kill you. Do you understand that? I was falling apart missing you, wishing I could find a way to save our relationship, but when I saw you with Sophia that night, and then Risa, something in me just gave up. I knew we were over, that I’d lost you. It had nothing to do with wanting James. It had everything to do with feeling so goddamn empty inside without you that I let him get too close.”

  
“Do you really think I would have let Daniel hurt me or you? Do you think for a second I wouldn’t have moved hell and earth to make sure you were safe from that maniac? Instead you fucking ripped my heart out.”

  
The hurt inflected with the words was real. I knew, because I’d lived that torture too. In fear of Daniel’s threats, I’d put us both through weeks of hell.
 

  
“This isn’t just about James, though I’m not happy it happened, believe me. But this was another ugly reminder of that entire situation. You’d been through a lot with Daniel, and I didn’t want to put you through any more. But the reality of it is that you put us both in more danger because you wouldn’t come to me for help. How am I supposed to be your husband when you won’t let me protect you? Goddamnit, Erica, I’ve gone against every instinct giving you the space you need, and where has it gotten us?”

  
My lips trembled as I absorbed the fierceness of his words. “I made a mistake. I was scared, and all that mattered at the time was knowing you were safe.”

  
“How many more times are you going to put us through this, because you’re too goddamn stubborn to trust me?”

  
“You're punishing me for choices I already made, things I can't undo. Things are different now.”

  
He shook his head. “Are they? Can you tell me that you wouldn't make the exact same choices? Because I can tell you right now, if you'd known, intrinsically and without a doubt to come to me when Daniel threatened you, all of that would have played out differently. And all this time I warned you about James. I knew it. I fucking
knew
he was getting too close to you, and you kept him around. What’s more, you're still doing it, even though you know it's making me crazy. I want to tear the motherfucker apart for having his hands on you. Do you understand what it does to me, Erica?”

  
I blinked away tears at this onslaught. Days with nothing, and now this. “Blake...”
 

  
“I want control, Erica. But I'm not going to take it from you. You have to give it to me. You opened the door. Now you have to walk through it. You've tried to draw this hard line between us, with work and our relationship, where you keep the amount of control you think you need. It ends now.”

  
My stomach tightened with that familiar urge to run, to push him away. I didn’t know if I could ever give him the kind of control he wanted. What if I couldn’t, ever?
 

  
“What are you saying?”

  
“I'm saying that you've said you want me, all of me. And this is who I am. The shit that went down with Daniel…and now James. Nothing like that can happen ever again.”
 

  
“I don't want it to,” I insisted.
 

  
“And I'll guarantee that it doesn't.”
 

  
My jaw fell open a fraction, the words lost in what he was saying. He had to know how impossible it was, what he was asking of me. Why couldn’t dominating me in the bedroom be enough?
 

  
“Is this about me being your submissive? You want me to play some Dom/sub game with you? That's fine, Blake. I’ll beg, I’ll kneel, but I'm not letting it trickle into my professional life. I have boundaries, and you need to understand that.”

  
“This isn't a game for me. And that way of thinking is exactly the problem.”
 

  
He took a step closer, leveling me with his eyes. Defensively, I leaned back, now pressed firmly against the door. He rested his hands on either side of me, our bodies nearly touching, not giving me an inch. I couldn’t think straight this way, this close. He held me in his steady gaze, no shred of doubt to be found there. His voice was low when he spoke again.

  
“How does it feel, Erica, when you give me control?”

  
That was a loaded question, but I could tell we were no longer talking about Daniel or James. His countenance had softened, the hard intensity there morphing into something else. Something sexual. No less intense, the energy was palpable. It resonated between us, lighting sparks over my skin everywhere he touched. A fingertip over the bow of my mouth, his thumb on the racing pulse at my neck. God, I wanted his hands everywhere now.
 

  
“You let everything go, and it feels good, doesn’t it? To know I’m taking care of you, of us. That no matter what, I’ll get us there.”

  
He grazed his hand lower, his palm skimming over my breast and down my torso, as if he were marking all the places that were his domain. On my body, the places were many.
 

  
“Have I ever left you unsatisfied? Has there ever been a time between us, no matter how far I've pushed you, when you haven't begged for more? When you haven’t come hard screaming my name? Tell me if you haven't.”

  
My breath left me and I struggled to replace it. I shook my head, knowing the answer as well as he did. Heat prickled under my skin and pulsed between my legs at the reminder of what he could do to my body, the power he wielded so easily. That kind of domination I could embrace. In fact I didn’t want that part of him to change, ever.

  
He leaned in. The smallest brush of his mouth teased my lips. I arched up to meet him fully but he pulled back, leaving me wanting, dizzy with it. I drew in a shaky breath, trying to get sober from this spell he’d put me under. With promises of the control I was already a slave to, he was luring me into something that meant far more.
 

  
“What are you doing to me?”

  
“Showing you what you want, what we need.”

  
“You know that's not what this is about. I know I can give you anything and you’ll be there for me. But you can’t... you can’t hold me down, stake your claim over me, and expect me to let you
own
me.”

  
His eyebrows shot up. “Is that so? That’s not what you said the other night. I heard the words, loud and clear.”

  
“As if you gave me any choice. Dangle me on the edge of an orgasm like that and I’ll tell you you’re the emperor of Rome.”

  
“You don’t want to be owned, is that it? You don’t want to belong to me as much as I want to belong to you, is that right?”
 

  
A dull ache began in my chest at the words. I couldn’t resolve what he was saying with the fears I couldn’t seem to shake about someone else controlling my life.
 

  
“I've never had to rely on anyone, answer to anyone. You know this, and you keep trying to change me, as if somehow I can turn that off.”
 

  
“If you marry me, that
is
going to change. Permanently.”
 

  
“What does that mean?”
 

  
“It means you come to me before you even
begin
to consider making a rash decision. It means you involve me so I can make sure you do, which includes removing James from your business. It means you ask me for help when you need it, and you don't keep secrets from me,
ever
.
And when a situation arises that makes more sense for me to manage, you let me. No matter what.”

  
He leaned in close again, his serious gaze flickering over my features, tracing a soft line down my jawline. When he spoke again, his voice was a whisper.

  
“It means that every waking breath you take, every step you take, you don't just take to move your own life forward, but ours. You take it knowing I'm right there with you, irrevocably tied to every decision you make.”

  
My chest ached with the effort to fill my lungs with a full breath. One after the next as I grappled with what he was saying. He wasn’t giving me room to run, to fight, nothing.
 

  
“I—I feel like you're giving me an ultimatum.”
 

  
My eyes were wide as I questioned him, hoping I was reading this all wrong. The serious look in his eye answered me before he could.
 

  
“I want it all, Erica. I won't accept any less. Wrap your head around it, or—”

  
I tried to still the tremble that worked its way through me. How could he ask me this? Threaten me with our relationship? I felt like a caged animal who’d been backed into a corner.
 

  
“Or what?” The words came out sharp, laced with challenge.

  
His hold on my waist tightened, mimicking the restless working of his jaw. Before I could gauge how pissed he was at my challenge, his lips crashed down onto mine. Now hard and demanding, he sought entrance. I opened for him, barely prepared for the devouring passion of his tongue. Curses rumbled through his chest, muffled in the wild merging of our mouths. The onslaught of his fervency shot through me, revving all my instincts to return his passion.

  
I kissed him back, fisting my hands in his shirt to urge us together. Tongues tangling, teeth biting, we melded hotly into each other. Pinned by his hips, I felt the unmistakable stirring of his erection pressed against me. He palmed my thigh, raising the hem of my skirt high, making no mistake about what he wanted from me. I sucked in a sharp breath, stifling the loud moan that wanted to burst from my lips when I exhaled.
 

  
He slipped his hand between my legs, rubbing me through my panties, making me crazy for him. A small moan escaped, pleasure overwhelming the rational part of my brain that knew we were in the wrong place for this. My body didn’t care when I was in his clutches.
 

  
“Why, Erica? Why do you fucking fight me?”

  
My hips churned, bucking against his hand. My panties were soaked and I was ready to have him here. When it came to having his hands on me, he’d win every time. Fighting him was a lost cause, and now that I’d been deprived of his touch for so long, I was ready to crawl up his body if it meant ending this distance.
 

  
My hands traveled under his shirt, over his naked torso.

  
“I want you...right now.”

  
His breath rushed out, and massaging his fingers against my throbbing sex through the flimsy fabric of my underwear. Curling my fingers, I trailed my nails down his sides, blind with all the ways I wanted him.
 

  
Then another loud pop sounded from the living room. The sound was followed by the familiar voices of his family and Alli’s calling my name, a sobering reminder that we weren’t nearly alone enough to follow through on what we’d started here.
 

  
We broke apart, breathless.
 

  
“Christ.” Blake stepped back unsteadily and readjusted himself.