Harvesting Acorns (9 page)

The
first year was difficult. They missed each other tremendously. The letters were
frequent and their love poured out into the pages.
As promised,
Joel made it home for spring full moon and they celebrated beneath the tree
with a moonlight picnic.
Grace brought the picnic basket and
blanket and Joel lay with his head on her lap as she played with his hair and
the caught up with all that had been happening in their lives over the last
months. It was as if they had never been apart. They were so confident in their
love for each other and their friendship; nothing could come in between them,
not even the distance. Joel would tease her about how she was blossoming into a
magnificent woman and how he hoped she was practicing her home making skills
for when he came back for her. They were going to sail around the world
together and then come back and set up home – but she would still need to be
able to scrub decks and prepare the fish he caught while at sea. She ruffled
his hair and made sure he could see her mock disgusted look and they burst out
laughing.

The
second year was a little easier, they had got used to being apart. They still
wrote, but once a week. They were both very much into their studies by now and
their workload had increased. They found these distractions made the time go
faster and Spring full moon arrive earlier. Again, they shared a magical
evening beneath the tree and the stars. Grace brought her violin and played her
perfected rendition of Schubert’s Ave Maria. Joel was brought to tears by the
emotion that Grace put into her playing. She really had a talent, and he made
his own silent wish that her wish of all those years ago would come true, that
she would perform in Carnegie Hall. She had also brought a framed drawing for
him. It was of the park with their tree. It was now ten years old and already a
proud looking tree. It would be another twenty years before it would produce
acorns, but it was flourishing in its environment, as was the love between
Grace and Joel.

Their
time together was really special and unencumbered by all the usual expectations
from love and romance. It was natural and free and thrived on their mutual
respect and trust. They were quite unlike all the other young men and women
their age. It was the 60’s and free love was the flair of the times. There were
many temptations surrounding them, but they stood strong in their values. They
knew they would be each other’s first, but had mutually decided to wait until
they were twenty-one. It had not been easy, not with a love like theirs and
with the intensity of how they missed each other. By their next spring full moon,
they would both be twenty-one.

The
third year was a little more trying. They were both stressed out with their
studies. Joel was in the final year of his Bachelor’s degree. He still had
another two years to go, but this was the last chapter of one milestone and was
very demanding on him. He was not able to write as often as he would have liked
to. Grace understood, but found it hard having less contact. She was also
stretched with music eisteddfods and working on her art portfolio.

On
top of this was the anticipation of their next spring full moon and the
significance it had for moving their relationship to another level.  They were
both excited and terrified. Their friendship had progressed steadily over the
years, from childlike friendship to romance. This next step was gigantic and
there would be no going back from there. It was a commitment to each other of a
vastly different kind and could affect their friendship in so many ways. Grace
knew with all her heart that Joel was her man and she trusted him more than
anyone, so she knew he would never do anything to hurt her. It was just that
they both knew that their friendship would lose its childlike quality that had
been so uncomplicated.

However,
they also knew that there was no one else on earth with whom they would rather
share that experience. Joel was anxious about how he would be able to say
goodbye again when he needed to leave. How he could share a moment so precious
with Grace and then walk away from her, leaving her alone. There was so much to
consider, he never ever wanted to hurt her or cause her a moment’s pain or
sadness. He decided to stop worrying or planning, and just see where the moment
led them and that he would gauge Grace’s emotions and follow her lead. Even
though they had planned this for a long time, he Joel didn’t want to rush her
or make her feel pressured or obligated. He loved her too much and would wait
forever if he needed to.

The
evening arrived and they had their traditional moonlight picnic under the tree.
Later, Joel took her to the seaside cabin that his parents had for when family
arrived from out of town for holidays. His parents had been letting him stay
there on his visits home now that he was officially an adult and needing a bit
of privacy and time alone.

He
told Grace to close her eyes and helped her out the car. Then he picked her up
and carried her up the three small stairs and into the cabin. He positioned her
in the middle of the living room and then said that she could open her eyes.
She gasped as she took it all in. He had lit candles all around the room and
had soft music playing. He popped the cork from a bottle and handed her a glass
of pink bubbly champagne. He proposed a toast to their night ahead and to their
future. He told her how much she meant to him and how he absolutely adored her.
Tears streamed down Grace’s cheeks as she moved towards him. He took her glass
and put both his and hers on the table and asked if he could have the next
dance.

They
held each other close and danced slowly, magic glittering in the spaces between
them and intoxicating them in transcendent bliss. Grace took Joel’s hand and led
him towards the room. Slowly they undressed each other and he laid her down
gently onto the big white bed. He cupped her face in one hand, and then traced
it down her neck and arm until his hand met hers and he entwined his fingers
with hers. The connection between them sparkled with years and years of love
and growing passion. Their lovemaking was sweet and shy and they both knew in
that moment that their hearts would be bound forever. They spent the rest of
the weekend together in the cabin, just loving each other and cherishing every
moment they had together. Joel would be leaving on the Monday morning but
neither of them mentioned it, trying just for two days to love obliviously.
They knew this would be the hardest goodbye they had had to endure this far. They
also knew that missing each other was about to magnify in intensity.

That
Sunday evening Joel drove Grace home. He took a detour and took her for a long
coastal drive. They both sat in silence, a dark gloom filling the car. When
they got to Grace’s home she could barely look at him. He got out to open her
door and as he helped her out she had flung herself into his arms and sobbed
into his chest. It was the first time he had ever seen her so heartbroken and not
composed. He had seen her cry before, but always with a maturity and
understanding of the situation that she was sad about. This time he saw the
utter despair in her eyes and felt it in the wrack of her sobs. He just held
her for what seemed like forever. He did not want to let her go. Then all of a sudden,
she pulled herself away and told him that he should not come the next day to
say goodbye. She did not want to go through this a second time, and then she
turned and ran inside.

He
stood there, staring at her as she ran and then at her closed door for a few
more minutes. He wanted to rush in there after her and tell her he would not
leave. He knew though that he had got so far with his studies. That everything
he was doing now was to be able to provide a home for Grace one day and to have
a life with her. It was a sacrifice they needed to make now, for better things
later on. He knew she understood. He trusted in her love. They just needed to
hang in there a while longer. He got slowly into his car and drove back to the
cabin. He could not escape the memories of the last two days and sobbed his
heart out into the pillow he had shared with Grace a few hours ago. The next
morning he packed as early as he could, stopped briefly to say goodbye to his
parents and then left.

He
did not get a letter from Grace for about a month after he left and she did not
reply to any of his. He kept telling her how much he loved and missed her, and
that he would be with her if he could. Eventually she wrote to him. She told
him that she would wait for him, but the coming and going was getting too hard
for her. She thought they should just focus on getting through their studies
and as soon as they were done they could reconnect.

For
the next two years there would not be any full moon picnics. They had promised
to visit the tree at that time each year but she suggested they do it
separately for the next two. That year Joel could visit and she would the
following year. She wasn’t strong enough to see it that year, and definitely
not with him. Joel was heartbroken. He understood her pain completely; but not
that she didn’t want to see him for two years. He thought he would give her
time to calm down and reconsider and so he replied telling her so and that he
would not write again until she was ready. He did not hear from her again for a
long time but his every thought was about her. His marks dropped that semester
and it took a warning from his lecturer that he had come too far to throw it
all away to make him focus again.

During
this time, Joel had thrown himself into his studies. He avoided all of his
friends and did not attend any social functions. He just wanted to get through
his studies so he could be with Grace. One afternoon, while studying outside in
one of the university’s parks, a young woman his age approached him. He
instantly recognised her; Dana had been at school with him and Grace. She had
pursued him for a while but had given up when she realised he would not look at
anyone but Grace. They chatted for a while and she asked about Grace. He told
her they had agreed not to see each other until their studies were complete and
how he was missing her.

In
his vulnerability, he had not seen the ulterior motives behind Dana’s concern,
and her support in the weeks ahead. She had popped over unannounced on a number
of occasions, bringing lunch or biscuits she had baked. They started spending
quite a bit of time together. For Joel, it was purely companionship, and
someone, he thought, who would listen to him pour out his heart about his love
for Grace.

He
went home that spring, and as promised, visited the tree alone. He sat
silently, wishing with all his heart that Grace would change her mind and meet
him there. She never did. He could not understand it; surely she wanted to see
him? Surely their ritual meant something to her? He left the next day, but
wrote to her the moment he arrived back at the campus. She never replied. He
kept writing every week for the next two months, but no replies came and so he
stopped. However, he felt in his heart that something was not right.

A
month later, on a whim, he booked himself off from his lectures for a week. His
lecturers were not happy, but he was an A student, he had picked up his pace
and was ahead of the rest of the class with his assignments and so they felt a
week’s break would be all right. He packed a bag and left immediately.

When
he arrived he went straight to Grace’s house. Her mother answered the door and
was surprised to see him. She was even more surprised when he asked to see
Grace. Her mother could not believe that he didn’t know. She did not realise
they had not been in contact. Grace had left a month ago. Over the previous
five or six months she had become increasingly withdrawn, and spent hours and
hours just playing her violin or drawing.

About
a year before she had received an invitation to go and continue her music
studies in New York, but she had turned it down because she was waiting for
Joel to finish and come home to her. Suddenly though, three months ago she had
announced that she was going. It was one step closer to Carnegie Hall and
making her dream come true. Joel felt an amazing sense of pride for her; she
was getting there. It was within her reach. Nevertheless, he was devastated
that she had not told him. Even more so that she had not said goodbye. He asked
if he could sit in her room. He just wanted to be surrounded by her things, to
feel close to her. Her mother agreed and Joel went through and sat on her bed.
Her mom closed the door and left him alone.

He
looked around the room, the memories of their childhood and friendship flooding
his heart and bursting it, tears streamed down his cheeks. He picked up her
heart shaped cushion – he had given it to her one Valentine’s Day – and
something caught his eye. A photograph. He picked it up and froze in horror. It
was a picture of him and Dana. She was behind him with her arms around his
waist. He remembered that moment but not that a picture had been taken. He had
been walking across the park towards his dorm block and she had sneaked up
behind him and surprised him. Who had taken the picture? More importantly, why
did Grace have it?

Something
gripped at his chest and turned his stomach to knots. He turned the picture
over and almost collapsed when he read the words: You may have been his
childhood sweetheart, but now he realises he wants a real woman. Don’t be
fooled by his guilt-ridden letters to you. He feels he owes you. Just let him
go. He is mine now. He could not breathe. He was sure he was dreaming – a
nightmare. Dana would not do this to him. They were friends. She was his
confidante. He had trusted her, thought she genuinely cared. Now he had lost
Grace.