Hawk's Way Grooms (22 page)

Colt grabbed his bag from the truck bed, then followed her up the back steps and into the kitchen. Randy was leaning back against the sink, a can of Pepsi in his hand.

“Hello, Randy. Long time no see,” he said, extending his hand to the lanky teenager. Randy's hair was the same blond as Jenny's, but his eyes were hazel instead of blue and looked like they'd seen a great deal more of life than a boy his age should.

Randy hesitated, then took Colt's hand and shook it. “Hi, Colt. What's up?” He flushed as he realized the can of worms such a question might open up. “I mean…I thought you were moving in tomorrow.”

“Change of plans,” Colt replied. He turned to Jenny, whose face looked drawn. “Where do you want me?”

“Follow me,” she said, hurrying from the kitchen.

“You gonna stay in Sam's room?” Randy asked, tagging along behind them.

“I'll stay wherever Jenny puts me.”

“Sam's room is next to mine,” Randy said. “Down the hall from Jenny's.”

“Sounds like a good place to be,” Colt said, meeting Jenny's glance over her shoulder. It seemed
down the hall
was as close to his sister as Randy wanted Colt.

Colt didn't know if Sam's old room was where she'd initially wanted to put him, but she took her cue from Randy's suggestion, and he found himself in the doorway to a small, feminine room a moment later.

“This is my sewing room now,” she said. “I'll get my things out of here tomorrow.”

The small room held a single, brass-railed bed and a bedside table with a delicate porcelain lamp. Her sewing machine sat on a table heaped with clothes that she was either making or mending. In the corner stood a clothing dummy wearing what looked like the beginning of a wedding gown.

The gingham curtains were trimmed in eyelet lace, and the bed was heaped with a bunch of frilly pillows and a pair of rag dolls. It might have been Sam's room once upon a time, but Jenny had made it hers.

This was a side of Jenny he'd rarely seen: the soft, feminine side. She'd done a man's work on the Double D for as long as he could remember, and he'd rarely seen her wearing anything but jeans. Everything in this room was soft, decorated in pastel pink and pale green. The dolls were a surprise. It smelled flowery, like maybe the drawers were filled with some kind of potpourri.

She flushed as he met her gaze. “I'll just take these with me,” she said, scooping up the lacy pillows and the dolls, as though she were embarrassed for him to see them. “Randy can get you anything you need,” she said as she backed out of the room.

“What bee got into her bonnet?” Randy asked, staring after her.

“I guess she wasn't expecting company tonight,” Colt said.

“Why did you come tonight?” Randy asked.

Colt met Randy's troubled gaze and decided to tell the truth. “My family doesn't approve of this marriage any more than your brothers do. I thought it would make everybody more comfortable if I got this move over with.”

“If you hurt her, I'll take you out myself.”

Colt met the teenager's warning look with a steady gaze. “There isn't a man alive who cares more for your sister than I do, Randy. I only want to help her.”

The boy stared at him a moment longer before his shoulders sagged. “Jeez, Colt. We sure can use the help. Things have been pretty tight around here. Jenny hasn't let on to the others how bad things are, but it's a little hard to hide the truth from me, when all we ever have for supper is macaroni and cheese.”

Trust a youth to judge the state of things by what he put in his stomach, Colt thought wryly. “Things are going to get better, Randy. I'm here to make sure of it.”

“Thanks, Colt. Guess I'll get some sleep. The school bus comes early in the morning.”

“Good night, Randy. I'll see you at breakfast.”

Colt stripped to his shorts, which was what he'd worn to sleep in for the past ten years, when he might find himself jumping into a flight suit in the middle of the night, and slipped between the covers.

The sheets were printed with roses. The pillow smelled like…Jenny. The springs squeaked and squealed as he turned over, trying to get comfortable. The mattress sagged in the middle, a reminder that everything in the house was old and worn-out and needed to be replaced. He turned out the delicate porcelain lamp and stared into the darkness. He could hear the crickets outside his window and the rustle of the wind through the grass.

It must have been hard to be the one female in a house full of men. With most of them gone, she'd created this feminine haven for herself. When he thought about it a little more, Colt realized it wasn't a woman's room, it was a girl's room. A place, perhaps, to recapture a lost childhood?

Colt remembered a time when he'd come to visit and had helped Jenny feed Randy. The kid loved squashed-up peas. Huck had decided he would rather go play than stay and help, so he'd had Jenny to himself for the whole afternoon—along with her four younger brothers. Her mother had been confined to her bed, watched over by Jenny's aunt.

Colt had enjoyed himself tremendously that day because it was all new to him—feeding Randy, changing Sam's diaper, then making sure Tyler and James took a bath. He'd been able to go home at the end of the day. Jenny had not.

The door opened almost before he heard the knock and was shut again after Jenny slipped inside.

“Colt?” she said.

He sat up and turned on the light. She was wearing an old chenille bathrobe and a pair of fluffy slippers. Her hair was down on her shoulders, and her face looked scrubbed. He felt his body tighten. “What are you doing in here, Jenny?”

“I can't do it, Colt.”

He slid his legs over the side of the bed, but kept the sheet over his hips. “Do what?”

“I can't marry you.”

He forgot about the sheet as he stood and crossed to take her by the arms. “What's going on, Jenny? I thought this was all settled.”

Tears welled in her eyes and one plopped onto her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb.

“Huck will always be there between us. Don't you see? Someday you're going to want a wife who can love you back, and I—”

“Let me worry about what I need,” Colt said, pulling her into his arms. Her body was stiff and unyielding. He leaned back and separated her hands and put them around his waist, then pulled her close.

He was sorry as soon as he did. He could feel the soft warmth of her breasts against his naked chest. Feel her thighs through the wafer-thin robe. He angled his hips away, so she wouldn't become aware of his arousal.
I'm sorry, Huck. I can't help wanting her.

He took Jenny's head between his hands and tilted her face up to his. “Listen to me, Jenny. I don't expect you to stop loving Huck. His memory will always be with us. I loved him, too, you know.” He kissed a tear from her cheek and tasted the salt…and the sweetness of her. “Let me do this for him, for you, for both of you.”

“I feel so guilty,” she whispered.

“Why?”

“Because I'm glad you're here. Because I'm glad I don't have to face life alone anymore. And you're not even the man who was supposed to come home to me. What's wrong with me, Colt?”

He hugged her tight against him. “Nothing's wrong with you, Jenny. You're just human.”

“I'm so tired of trying to hold everything together by myself. You can't imagine what it's been like, Colt. I've been counting the days until Huck got here to take some of the burden off my shoulders. I know it's not fair to lay so much on you. I just can't do it by myself anymore. I can't.”

She was weeping in earnest, and Colt lifted her into his arms and sat down on the sagging bed and let her cry. She kept her mouth against his neck to mute the sound, as aware as he was that her brother was in the next room. When the sobs became hiccups, he felt her fingertips move tentatively across his chest. Gooseflesh rose where she touched.

“You're cold,” she said.

“It's the breeze from the window,” he lied. “I'll close it later.”

“I should go to bed. It's late.” But she made no move to leave his lap. Her hand stole around his neck, and he quivered as she played with the short hair at his nape. “I'm sorry I fell apart like that.”

“You're entitled. I don't know how you've managed to do so much with so little help. Why haven't you said something to Sam and Tyler and James?”

“They've got their own lives. The ranch is my problem.”

“And mine now.”

“Until your leave is up.”

“Yeah,” he said, realizing for the first time how little help he was going to be if he left her behind and returned to Egypt.

At last she lifted her head. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her lower lip was swollen where she'd chewed on it. “I'm so used to carrying all the responsibility on my shoulders, I'm not sure how I'll adjust to having someone around to help.”

“I'm sure you'll manage. You always have.”

She looked at him strangely. “Yes. I have.”

It took Colt a moment to identify what he was feeling, what she'd heard in his voice. He was angry. Furious, really. At his friend. How could Huck have left her alone all these years and gone off to fly jets? Why hadn't Huck stayed home and married Jenny and run the ranch with her? Why hadn't Huck given her babies of her own, instead of leaving her alone to raise her brothers?

He was no better. He'd known for a long time how little time Huck spent with her, how little help Huck had provided, but he hadn't encouraged his friend to marry her.
Because as long as Huck never married Jenny there was always the chance she might be yours someday.

Colt felt sick inside. It was hard to face such truths. He had a chance now to redress the wrongs of the past. He could be there for Jenny. Love her. Take care of her.

For Huck's sake? Or for your own?
a voice asked.

For Jenny's sake,
he answered. She deserved a better life, and he was going to make sure she got it.

“You'll feel better after a night's sleep,” Colt said as he stood and set Jenny's feet on the floor. He had to unwrap her arms from around his neck. He held her hands for a moment, his thumbs moving across her work-worn knuckles. “I promise I'll always take care of you, Jenny. It's the least I can do for Huck.”
And for the woman I love.

J
ENNY ROSE THE NEXT MORNING FEELING
—for the first time in a very long time—like anything was possible. She dressed in the same worn jeans, another faded Western shirt, and the same boots with the holes in the soles that were layered with newspaper. But she didn't feel the least forlorn.
Why do I feel so different?
she wondered. Hope. It was as simple as that.

“Good morning.”

Jenny was surprised to find Colt in the kitchen ahead of her. His short black hair was still shiny wet from the shower. She must have been more exhausted than she'd thought, to sleep through the groaning water pipes.

He rubbed at the beard darkening his cheeks and chin and said, “Hope you don't mind. Figured I'd wait to shave again till these stitches come out.”

Growing up in a houseful of men, she'd seen many an unshaven face at the breakfast table, but never one she found so appealing. “I'll make us some coffee,” she said, suddenly aware that she'd been standing there admiring the way his chest filled out his white T-shirt and the way his jeans molded…everything.

He pointed to the percolator. “Coffee's made.” He had a pan on the stove and was laying strips of bacon in it.

“I should be making your breakfast,” she said.

He grinned. “Tell you what. You clean up the mess, and we'll call it even.”

“Deal,” she said, crossing to stand beside him and pour herself a cup of coffee.

The heat of his body reminded her that she was no longer alone. And revived the unwanted attraction that lay between them. She hadn't stopped loving Huck; she'd merely acknowledged this physical
thing
that existed between her and Huck's best friend. She refused to feel guilty for taking the only road open to her.

Jenny took a sip of hot, black coffee, savoring the bitter taste of it, before she swallowed. According to Colt, there had been some delay in returning Huck's body to the States, but the senator had promised to contact Colt regarding the funeral arrangements. “Do you know yet when and where Huck's funeral is being held?” she asked. “I'll need to make arrangements to be there.”

“Huck's being buried on the family farm in Virginia, where the senator makes his home when he's in Washington. Family and close friends only. I'm sorry, Jenny. I told the senator you should be there.”

“Oh.” Huck's father had never accepted her, but it hurt to be excluded from the funeral more than she'd thought it would. Her hands began to tremble, and she carefully set down the coffee cup. Huck wouldn't know she wasn't there. But it was hard to let him go when she'd never gotten the chance to say good-bye. She blinked furiously to fight back the tears. She was done with crying for what couldn't be changed.

Colt's arms closed tightly around her. “Huck will know you wanted to be there. And why you weren't.”

“It hurts. Oh, God, I hurt inside.”

“Me, too,” he admitted hoarsely.

They stood wrapped in a comforting embrace until the smell of burning bacon forced them apart. Colt let go of her, grabbed a fork and turned the blackened bacon. “I hope you like your bacon crisp,” he said.

“I like bacon any way I can get it.” Jenny flushed as she realized Colt must have made an early morning trip to the convenience store. She and Randy hadn't eaten bacon at breakfast for quite a while, because it didn't fit into their meager budget.

She met Colt's eyes, which urged her not to make a big deal of it. It rankled to accept even this much charity. “Colt, I don't think you should be buying food—”

Randy arrived in the kitchen with his hair askew, teenage whiskers mottling his face, wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and scratching his bare stomach. “I smell bacon.”

“Go get dressed,” Jenny told him, wanting Randy out of the kitchen so she could finish making her point to Colt. “Breakfast will be ready by the time you are.”

“Will you make me a lunch?” Randy asked.

“Sure,” Jenny said. “Get moving.” Randy was supposed to make his own lunch, but she knew why he hadn't. He hated the monotonous menu of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but that was all they could afford. She opened the refrigerator to get out the jelly and gasped. “What did you do? Buy out the store?”

She shot a look at Colt, whose face had taken on a mulish cast. “If I'm going to be eating your food, I figured I ought to provide my share of it,” he said.

“Oh, Colt, you shouldn't have done this.”

“Don't push me,” he said, throwing down the fork he was using to turn the bacon and putting his fisted hands on his hips. “I'm mad as hell about what I've found here. It wouldn't take much to send me over the edge.”

“Mad? About what?”

“That you never told me—or Huck, who would've told me—just how bad things are around here. Damn it all, Jenny! Macaroni and cheese? Peanut butter and jelly? Huck was rich, and I've got a trust fund of my own. Why didn't you ask us for help?”

“I didn't want your help.”

“Why the hell not?”

Jenny felt her stomach twist into a knot.
Because if I'd asked for help, you'd have found out the secret I've been keeping from both of you.
“Pride,” she said, her own fisted hands landing on her hips. “I didn't want to admit how badly I'd failed. There. Are you satisfied?”

Colt huffed out a gust of air, then hooked his thumbs in his back pockets. “I'm sorry. I guess it's easy to criticize when you're not around to see how difficult it is to shoulder the load. But please let me help, now that I'm here.”

“All right, Colt.” She reached up to get plates from the cupboard and noticed her hands were shaking. Another bullet dodged. She didn't dare tell Colt the truth. No one knew the truth. Not even Randy, who lived with her.

“Where's breakfast?” Randy asked, setting his book bag on the floor beside the empty table. “The bus'll be here in a couple of minutes!”

Jenny set plates and silverware on the table, then made Randy's lunch while Colt fried a couple of eggs for her brother “over easy,” as he'd requested. They were just sitting down with their own eggs, toast and bacon, when Randy stuffed down his third slice of toast and bolted for the door. “See you after school!” he said as the screen door slammed behind him.

“Whew!” Colt said with a grin. “I'd forgotten how hectic school mornings can be.”

Jenny managed a smile. “It's hard to believe there's less than a month left before he's done.”

Jenny thought of all the years she'd made sure her brothers got off to school. She'd been looking forward to the day when Randy graduated, because it meant she could begin her life with Huck. That wasn't going to happen now. She looked across the table and met Colt's concerned gaze.

“I'm here, Jenny. It's going to be all right.”

The comforting words did nothing to ease the tension in her shoulders. “I'm afraid you'll regret this later, Colt.”
When you find out the truth about me.

“Let's take it one day at a time, shall we?”

Jenny released a shuddering breath. “All right. Where do you want to start today?”

“Suppose you tell me.”

“If I don't get some fence repaired, what few cattle I have are going to be long gone.”

“Fence it is,” Colt said as he rose to take his plate to the sink.

The fence was barbed wire stretched between mesquite posts. Some of the posts had rotted, and some of them had been pushed down by cattle rubbing against them. It was hard work digging new postholes and restretching the barbed wire. Jenny told herself the lack of supplies had discouraged her from tackling the job. The truth was, it was grueling work that required more brute strength than she had.

As she watched the corded sinews flex in Colt's arms, Jenny conceded there were simply some things a man could do better than a woman. “Thanks, Colt,” she said as she stapled the barbed wire into place. “I couldn't have done this without you.”

He grabbed the kerchief from his back pocket, lifted his hat and wiped the sweat from his face and neck. He retrieved his T-shirt from the post where he'd left it, hung his Stetson there while he slipped his shirt back on, then resettled the Stetson low enough to shade his eyes. “Digging postholes is a lot harder work than flying jets,” he said with a crooked smile.

She pointed at the white contrail left by a jet flying overhead. “So you'd rather be up there than down here?”

He tipped up his Stetson and squinted at the plane overhead. “Flying is all I ever wanted to do.” He looked back at her. “But right now, there's no place I'd rather be than here with you.”

“Digging postholes?” she said with a teasing grin.

“Better me than you,” he said, his voice turning serious.

She turned and headed for the truck, tools in hand. “I don't mind a little hard work.”

He caught her by the elbow and swung her around. He held on to her arm while he took the posthole digger and the staple gun out of her hands one at a time and threw them into the rusted-out bed of the pickup. Then he grasped both arms and turned her to face him.

“A little hard work is one thing, Jenny. Running yourself into the ground trying to do too much by yourself is another thing entirely. I've been watching you this past week, and it's plain to me that you're worn-out.”

“I can't sleep,” she retorted.

“This is more than lost sleep,” he said. “You're wrung out. And so skinny a hard wind could blow you over.”

She pulled herself free and took a step back. Colt was so much more perceptive than Huck. Huck hadn't noticed how thin she was—and how tired she was—four months ago, when he'd come for the Christmas holidays. Colt was so close to discovering the truth. She wanted to blurt it out to him. But that would send him running for sure.

“I'll admit I'm overworked,” she said, feeling her way carefully. “It's been tough doing everything myself. I guarantee you I'll sleep better—and eat better, especially with the way you're shopping—now that you're here.”

“I wish you'd said something sooner.”

“Would you have stopped flying jets and come home to help me?” she asked in a quiet voice.

He looked stunned at the suggestion. “I…You know I would have…” He shrugged. “I don't honestly know. I like to think I'd have come if you'd said you needed me.”

She shook her head. “You're only fooling yourself, Colt. You're just like Huck. All you have to do is sniff jet fuel, and you're off into the wild blue yonder.”

He laughed. “I'm not that bad.”

“You've asked me to marry you knowing full well you intend to return to Egypt to finish your tour there. What if I said I needed you here? That I wanted you to stay here with me? Would you resign from the Air Force?”

A shuddery breath escaped before Colt said, “Are you asking me to resign?”

Jenny made a face. “I don't know. It hardly seems fair to ask you to stay here when we aren't going to have a real marriage.”

“Whoa, there, woman. Who said it wasn't going to be a real marriage?”

She flushed. “I suppose I meant a normal marriage. You know, where the two parties love each other and plan to spend their lives together.”

Colt's brow furrowed, and his hands caressed her arms where he'd been tightly gripping her. “I wish I could give you that. I really do, but—”

“We don't love each other, and you plan to spend your life flying jets,” she finished for him. She reached up to gently smooth the furrows from his brow with her thumb. “Don't worry, Colt. I'll be fine. I don't blame you for what happened to Huck. Truly I don't.”

“I just wish—”

She put her fingertips over his lips. “No regrets. I'm grateful for whatever help you're able to give me during the next few weeks. I'm not going to ask for more.”

He pulled her hand down, grasping it in his own. “That's the problem,” he said. “You never ask for anything. What is it you want out of life, Jenny? I mean, besides scraping a meager living out of this place?”

“I want—wanted—to wake with my husband beside me and lie in bed listening to the morning sounds. I wanted us to work side by side, making the Double D as wonderful a place to live as it once was. And I wanted children of my own.” She sighed wistfully. “It's too late for a family now.”

“Why?” Colt asked.

She realized what she'd almost revealed and smiled to distract him. “I'm too old, for one thing. And the man I'm about to marry would rather fly jets.” She stepped back and pulled her hand free, breaking all contact between them.

Colt cleared his throat and stuck his thumbs in his back pockets to keep from reaching for her again. “So you're going to spend your life on this godforsaken ranch all alone?”