Heart of Light (16 page)

“Have a good evening, Dr. Bowen!” the receptionist said as Cam frantically pressed the call button, wishing he could close his eyes and be whisked to the beach house. He sped all the way back to the island, swearing when vacationers in front of him drove too slowly on the one-lane road leading to the shore. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he pulled his Lexus in front of the beach house, running up the stairs to the deck, pausing before knocking.

“What am I doing?” he asked himself. He couldn’t possibly say anything to her about the conversation he just had with his patient. That would be a gross misuse of his relationship, but he wanted to know if the Jolene that Lori spoke about was her. It answered some questions, or maybe he just
wanted
it to answer some questions.

His brief moment of temporary insanity passing, he began to retreat from the front door when he heard the faint sound of someone crying inside the house.

Peeking through the glass pane and into the living room, he saw Jolene’s slender form shaking on the couch, her head buried in her hands as the familiar sound of Radiohead echoed through the house and out onto the deck.

He cautiously began to step away from the window, torn about whether to go in and comfort her or to simply leave and forget that he had heard her sobs. The song faded and Cam expected to hear it change, but it didn’t. The opening lines of the same depressing song sounded once more and he wondered what was going through Jolene’s mind to want to torture herself. Out of nowhere, a loud cry startled him and his eyes grew wide, hoping that he hadn’t been discovered.

“
You fucking asshole
!” he heard her scream over the sound of a piece of furniture crashing to the ground. “
You ruined my life
!”

He stood perfectly still, the pain in her voice overwhelming him with guilt for spying on her.

“I had a good life,” he heard her say quietly. “I had a mother who loved me, and you said you were going to take care of me! And what did you do? The exact opposite! You ruined me! I’m completely and forever fucked up because of what you put me through. I can’t even have a normal conversation with a man I like because of you! I can’t even take a leap of faith and trust him because of you! I’ll never be able to feel his hands on my skin because of you! And I’ll never be able to choose him because…of…you!”

His heart racing, he discreetly peered in through the window one last time to see Jolene collapsed on the floor, the lamp that used to sit on the side table shattered all around her, a piece of glass held tight in her hand.

She brought it in front of her face, surveying the sharp edges. “I won’t do it,” she said quietly. “I’m so fucking worn out and sick of this life that you introduced me to. But if I do it, you’ll win. And you can’t win.” A tear fell down her cheek and into her ear. Instead of brushing them away and hiding them, she let them fall. “I won’t let you win anymore. I need to move on…for me, and for everyone else you did this to. You can’t control me anymore. You
won’t
control me anymore. I’m going to finally be who
I
want to be. Who I am. The girl you made me into is dead.” She shot up, still holding the piece of sharp glass in her hands.

Cam remained nervous about what she would do, fearful that she would have another outburst the moment he left. His unsettled thoughts vanished when he noticed a beautiful smile cross her face. Her appearance was the perfect juxtaposition between sad and happy, between angry and joyful, between hateful and hopeful. In one simple smile, he saw the multiple layers that made up Jolene.

“And, goddammit, I’m going to fall in love if it kills me. Because I have a feeling there’s someone in my life that I could love, and who could love me in return. And that…” she said, looking at the ceiling fan, watching it sway back and forth under the velocity of the spinning blades. “That is the reason I will not give you the satisfaction of doing what you think I will. I’m stronger than you think I am. I’m done choosing fear. I choose love.”

Cam knew he shouldn’t feel that way, but Jolene’s soft voice talking about falling in love sent his heart soaring. He was certain that she was talking about him. That meant she had been thinking about him, and he made it his mission to help her learn to trust again, even if it took months of excruciating patience.

“G
OOD
THING
YOU
’
RE
HERE
, Tomorrow. We got busy early,” Elsie commented on Saturday night when she saw Jolene walk into the staff room of Slider’s.

“I see that. That’ll be good for tips then.” She dropped off her bag and left to get behind the bar. Every minute was more money in her pocket, and she wanted a nice little stash built up in case she had to run again; although every time she thought about having to disappear, all she could see was a pair of sad silver eyes. She didn’t want to leave those eyes or the body attached to them, even though she knew that she should keep her distance from him.

The hours flew by as she served customer after customer, barely having time to take a breath. She had never seen a bar so busy. The room was packed with people dancing to the music pumped throughout the entire restaurant by a DJ.

“Man, who do you have to flirt with to get a cold beer around here?!” she heard a voice call out a little after midnight as she was grabbing a drink of water between helping thirsty customers.

Jolene spun around, smiling when she saw Cam standing there in a white linen button-down shirt, a sexy smirk drawn on his face. His arms were crossed and she could see his muscles stretching the fabric of his shirt a bit. She was completely speechless as she took in his body. Each time she saw him, she was becoming more and more attracted to him.

She immediately grew self-conscious about her own appearance. After slinging drinks for the past four hours, she was confident her face was flushed and that she smelled like a combination of stale beer and fruity mixers. “What can I get you, surfer boy?” she asked sarcastically, attempting to get her hair under control.

“I thought I got promoted to surfer
man
?”

She smiled flirtatiously. “Of course. How could I forget? What can I get you, surfer
man
?”

“That’s better. We’ll have four Yuenglings please.”

Jolene nodded, turning to the beer cooler and grabbing the bottles. After popping the top off each one, she handed them to Cam.

“Who’s this?” she asked, gesturing toward a few guys hovering behind Cam and Benny. She hadn’t seen them before. They were tan with light hair just like Cam and Benny, although Cam towered over all of them. They were dressed just like everyone else…linen shirt, khaki shorts, flip flops. That appeared to be the unspoken uniform on the island.

“This is Chris and Jason,” Cam said, introducing his two friends to Jolene.

She nodded a greeting to the two men. “Nice to meet you.”

“So, do you have a name?” Chris asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Just call her Tomorrow,” Benny interjected quickly.

“Tomorrow? Really?” Jason asked in shock. “That’s not your real name, is it? Your parents weren’t hippies, were they?”

She laughed politely and noticed Cam tense up when his friend asked about her parents. Giving him a quick smile, she returned her attention to his friend. “No. They weren’t hippies. It’s Benny’s nickname for me and it just kind of stuck. I’m seriously considering doing a legal name change now.”

She turned away from the men to help a group of girls who didn’t look nearly old enough to be drinking. As she listened to their order, solidifying her suspicions of their young age, her eyes met an intimidating figure standing in the shadows just off to the side of the bar.

Normally, she wouldn’t pay any mind to another man wavering back and forth after midnight in a dark bar, unable to maintain his balance, but this one struck her as a bit off. Instead of wearing the typical Florida uniform of shorts and a linen or Hawaiian shirt, he wore dress pants and a polo shirt. As she continued to survey him, he gave her a sly smile. She shook, chills running through her body from his unsettling stare.

She could almost feel him examining her inch-by-inch as she returned to give the obviously underage girls their drink order. Their eyes met once more and he licked his lips in a sinister way. Something about him seemed eerily familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger on what. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She needed to stop thinking that every person who eyed her knew her secret. He was simply drunk and thought he would try to hit on the new bartender.

She tried to brush off the unnerving thoughts floating through her head about the strange man standing in the shadow of the bar, but nothing worked…until she met the gaze of the man that had been the calm in the storm of her life the past few days. An infectious grin crossed her face and she went about making more drinks for people, laughing and joking with the other girls behind the bar as she worked.

“So, Tomorrow!” she heard that beautiful, tranquil voice shout loudly as she was making a gin and tonic for a customer. “Want to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?!”

The entire bar went quiet and her eyes grew wide as she ignored the copious amounts of Sapphire gin that she was pouring into the rocks glass in front of her. She finally snapped back to the present when she felt the warm liquid cascade over her hand. She quickly prepared a new drink and handed it to the customer before making her way over to the other side of the bar, shooting daggers at Cam. “What did you just say?”

He grinned. “You heard me. I want to take you to dinner.”

Her eyes scanned the room, everyone watching her, waiting to hear her answer. Her vision settled on the dark figure, an angry expression on his face, his jaw tense and his fists clenched. Shrugging it off, she slowly turned her head in Cam’s direction.

“Oh, I heard it, as did everyone else.”

“Well, that settles it then. You
have
to come to dinner with me. You wouldn’t want to wound my fragile male ego in front of all these people, would you?” He leaned across the counter, his lips a mere breath away from her ear. He became hopeful when she didn’t pull away. “Would you?” he whispered. “Jolene.”

“Say it again,” she pleaded breathlessly, trying to subdue the butterflies that were swimming in her stomach. A warm feeling overtook her entire being as she struggled to maintain her composure. Cam’s soothing voice caressing her name in that sensual and delicate manner made her want to lower her guard.

“Please,” he whispered, his voice so low that she was barely able to make it out over the sounds of the bar. “Choose me. Come to dinner with me, Jolene.”

“Yes,” she exhaled.

Cam stepped back abruptly. “I knew I could get you to say yes.”

Jolene remained completely unhinged as she leaned against the bar, trying to control the strange feelings she was starting to have for the gorgeous man with the most brilliant smile and kind eyes she had ever seen, wondering if it was simply fate that he had entered her world so unexpectedly.

~~~~~~~~~~

“C
OME
ON
, T
OMORROW
!” J
OLENE
heard as she sat on her front deck the following morning, reading a book and enjoying the view of the surfers catching some waves. “We’re going shopping for your big date tonight!”

She stared in shock as Elsie climbed the stairs, wondering how she found out about her agreeing to go to dinner with Cam. It was a complete moment of weakness, but the way his breath felt against her skin sent tremors through her. It was such a strange and new experience for her and she loved it. She wanted to keep feeling that way. She never wanted to shut down and go to her dark place again.

“So you heard?”

Elsie rolled her eyes. “Of course I heard. Cam couldn’t shut up last night about how excited he was. Benny was ready to throttle him.”

“Wait a minute,” she said, cutting her off. “Cam’s excited?”

She slowly nodded her head. “Yup. I’ve known that boy for a long time and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. I’ve seen him with quite a few girls over the years and he’s never looked like this. You should have seen the grin on his face when he stopped by this morning. Apparently, he couldn’t sleep last night because he was so anxious.”

Jolene’s heart began to race. She had never dated before and had no idea how to act. What if he had higher expectations of how dinner would go? What if he found her boring? What if he was hoping for more than she could give him? She didn’t know if she could handle the rejection.

“Stop freaking out, Jolene,” Elsie said, interrupting her thoughts. “I see that look on your face. Relax. Cam’s just excited about being able to spend some time with you. He’s one of the few good guys left out there. He’ll take whatever you can give him so don’t worry. Now go grab your stuff. We’re going shopping to get you some new digs for your hot date tonight!” She jumped up and down with excitement.

Jolene groaned and raised herself off of the lounge chair. “I was just starting to relax and then you had to go and call it a date.” She nervously bit her lower lip. “Elsie,” she said, her voice pleading. “A date would mean kissing and holding hands and all that. And we all know…” She looked down, avoiding Elsie’s eyes.

“Like I said, Tomorrow, don’t worry about any of that stuff with Cam. If there’s any guy who would understand and respect your boundaries, it’s him. Now, let’s get a move on so we can get back and get you ready for your date.”

“You’re funny, ya know that?” Jolene said, turning to her friend. “Just a few days ago, you were warning me to not hurt Cam and to just stay friends. And now here you are, making sure I have something appropriate to wear on a date that, need I remind you, is
not
a date.”

Elsie shrugged. “I’m a woman. We change our opinions with the setting of the sun. Now hurry up before you miss your date.”

J
OLENE
’
S
HEART
RACED
WHEN
she opened the door that evening to see Cam standing on her front deck, his breathtaking smile stirring a foreign sensation within her core. She always found him attractive, even when she first met him and he was a complete prick, but once he began to shed that cold outer shell and his true self came out, she not only thought he was outwardly attractive, she knew he had a kind heart, too. And that’s what made her want to lower her guard and let him in. She just prayed he would be patient with her while she worked to dismantle the towering wall she had been hiding behind the past ten years, even if it happened brick by brick.