Heart of the Matter (13 page)

Buckling herself into her seat, she tried to catch her breath, tried to prevent the tears that welled up inside her.
It’s no big deal. 
It’s no big deal. She’s just been really busy for the last three weeks
.

She stared out the windshield, willing herself not to care. But it was no use. She put her hands on the steering wheel, placed her forehead on her hands, and let the tears drip silently onto her hands and the steering wheel.

The life and spirit ebbed out of her, leaving a defeated, empty feeling. Sometimes it was so exhausting to maintain a happy exterior.

The morning of the nineteenth dawned gray and dreary, and rain drizzled sporadically like confetti remnants the day after a party. Ellen stowed the luggage in the trunk of her car and placed a small cooler on the floor behind the driver’s seat. She had filled it with water, fruit, and healthy snacks. Not her normal travel fare, but she didn’t want Kate to think she lived off Snickers bars, potato chips, and Cokes, even if she did and had the figure to prove it.

Normally Ellen looked forward to her research, and she should have felt especially exhilarated having Kate, the object of her fantasies, along for the ride. But the incident with Sandra had left her in an emotional tailspin, a nosedive she couldn’t climb out of.

If Sandra wasn’t interested in her, what on earth made her think someone like Kate would ever be? Ellen understood that a reality check was precisely what she needed so she wouldn’t make a fool of herself, but it dampened her spirits.

With the luggage all accounted for, she now had to get Kate into the car, a feat she didn’t look forward to. Last night, when they discussed the details of the trip, Kate had tried to come up with every excuse she could. However, Ellen could sense that her heart wasn’t in the protests, and the argument had faded away with the night. She slammed the trunk closed and went upstairs.

“You’re sure about this,” Kate said the moment she opened her door. She wore a Cubs baseball cap, the brim pulled low over her face.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Ellen grasped Kate’s arm and coaxed her out the door. “Let’s go to my place so I can say one last good-bye to Beau, then we’re off.”

After kissing her cat several times and making sure the note she’d left for Kelly was in the usual place, she locked her door and they took the elevator to the garage. Ellen pressed the remote door-unlock on her key chain and Kate scurried to the passenger-side door of Ellen’s car. Once inside, she slouched in her seat and slid on a pair of dark sunglasses.

Ellen hoped Kate would eventually relax and enjoy herself.

“It’ll be okay,” she said as she started the engine. “Breathe in and out and you’ll be fine.”

“I’m not a child,” Kate snapped, but she inhaled deeply.

Ellen rolled her eyes. It was going to be a long day. While she was glad for the company, she had to remind herself this wasn’t vacation. This was work, even if Kate was wearing cologne that made her pulse quicken.

They took Interstate 66 out of Washington and headed southwest toward the Manassas battlefield. Ellen wanted to begin with a visual inspection of the battlefields between Washington and Richmond. The first major battle of the war—First Manassas or First Bull Run, depending on which side you fought—was the logical starting point. Getting a feel for the landscape was always important in understanding a battle, and besides, she loved the process.

Kate sat quietly as Ellen drove, puzzled by her lack of exuberance and chattiness. Ellen seemed unusually withdrawn, especially for the start of what should be an exciting day. Maybe she was just getting into the zone, like Kate used to prior to going on air.

It’s really none of your business
.

By the time they passed Centreville, the mist began to dissipate and the sun finally peeked out from behind rapidly disappearing clouds. They turned into the drive off Sudley Road, pulled into the near-empty parking lot in front of the visitors’ center, and went inside.

In the back of the building, beyond the damp grassy fields, stood the widow Henry’s home with its obelisk monument to the battle. Ellen scanned the bank of trees off to her right where Stonewall Jackson had earned his famous nom de guerre, imagining the row of cannon he brought to bear on Union troops.

She led Kate past the Henry house, and as they crested the hill, she could see in the distance Matthews Hill and the Stone House down below. An eerie fog, caused by a combination of warmth and receding mist, spread across the ground, giving the landscape an ethereal glow. Ellen had chills and tingled like she always did when she walked a battlefield. She could feel the anguish suffered there long ago.

“So.” Kate glanced about. “Where was Lee situated and where was Grant?”

Ellen smothered a grin but kept her eyes fixed on the distant hill. “Lee was in Richmond and Grant out west,” she murmured.

“Confederate Generals Beauregard and Johnston fought Union General McDowell in the First Battle of Manassas. It was the first major battle of the Civil War.”

“I thought Fort Sumter was the first.”

“Technically it was, but with limited troop engagement and no fatalities, so it doesn’t really qualify as a major battle. Actually, after the bombardment, the North saluted the lowering of the flag at the fort by firing cannon. A spark caught nearby ordnance on fire and exploded, killing two Union soldiers.”

“So it got the ball rolling?”

“Militarily, yes,” Ellen said. “There were other minor skirmishes, but First Manassas was an all-out battle between two armies.”

“And the North won, right?” Kate asked.

Ellen laughed. Switching her attention from the surroundings back to Kate, she was caught off guard. Kate stood in profile, her scar on the opposite side, her hair blowing gently in the breeze. It was the first time Ellen had seen her in natural sunlight, and she was every bit as breathtaking as she appeared on television. Even outdoors she required no touchup to her flawless skin. Ellen wished she would remove the cap and sunglasses so she could see her fully.

“Actually, First Manassas was a disaster for the North,” she said. “Thanks to badly uncoordinated troop movements and poor generalship, portents of what was to come. In fairness, the South wasn’t much better. The tide turned in their favor only after more Confederate troops arrived late in the day. A brigade from the Shenandoah Valley even came by rail, the first time trains were used in such a way.”

Kate observed a few visitors listening to Ellen’s comments and was proud to be with someone so knowledgeable. It was like having a private tour guide. “How many were killed?” she asked. She found herself like one of the visitors, caught up in Ellen’s vast knowledge and the enthusiasm evident in her descriptions. Standing on the battlefield while Ellen pointed to critical sights and heart-wrenching moments made the history that much more alive. Kate could almost hear and smell the battle, and she marveled that such things could happen in America. History in school had never been so real.

“About five thousand casualties, more than the death toll of the Revolution after eight years of fighting. The country had never seen anything like it, but in retrospect, it was minor compared to later battles.”

Ellen pointed out troop placements and movements, oblivious to the gathering visitors. Every once in a while, someone would glance at Kate, then stare in recognition. She would turn and pretend to look at something of interest elsewhere, hiding her scar and squelching the urge to flee. After walking the fields together, with Ellen taking notes and saying hello to some of the rangers she knew, they returned to the car and headed out of the park.

“Where to now?” Kate asked.

“Fredericksburg. Have you ever been there?” Kate shook her head. “I may have driven past it once.”

“It’s another important battlefield.”

“But this time the North won?”

Delighted that Kate was making a game of this rivalry, Ellen said, “Nope. Different generals, too, although Lee was there. George McClellan was in command of the Union army and managed to stop Lee’s advance, but President Lincoln said he had ‘the slows,’ so Ambrose Burnside replaced him. He tried to attack Richmond a couple of months later, and the Rebels defeated him at Fredericksburg.”

“What happened to Ulysses Grant?”

“He was busy fighting out west in Tennessee at the time.” Kate was confused. “Exactly how many generals were in command of the Union army?”

“Well, depends upon how you look at it.” Ellen merged into traffic. “The Union army had a few different commanders in different places before the president appointed Ulysses Grant general-in-chief. And that didn’t happen until about a year before the end of the war. There were mistakes made. Most military historians think McClellan was inept in the field, for example, but concede his administrative strengths. I find all the personalities, from politicians to generals, an interesting subject for study. Some were brilliant, some simply in the right place at the right time. Oh, to be able to time travel and ask them all questions.” Watching Ellen speak, Kate couldn’t help but be drawn in by her enthusiasm. When Ellen was discussing history, her face lit up with interest. She was passionate about her job, which Kate always respected in someone, no matter what their field. That was how she had been in television.

Recalling her unemployment and the reasons behind it, she folded her arms across her chest and slumped in her seat. She thought about the tourists who had gawked at her, fixated on her scar, and she gazed out the window at the passing countryside, not really seeing it.

Ellen noted Kate’s silence and body language and considered asking her what was on her mind, but she had enough on her plate. She turned on the radio. Traffic jams on I-95 were a regular occurrence and she wasn’t in the mood to get held up in a line of cars for hours. Despite her attempts to keep her mind on her research project, she was still plagued by Sandra’s behavior. Though it was true that they’d never agreed to be monogamous, they hadn’t said anything about
not
being monogamous, either. It hurt that Sandra had chosen someone else over her—especially since they’d already agreed to attend her parents’ party. Something, or rather someone, had obviously been more appealing. She hadn’t heard from Sandra in three weeks. Sandra had dumped her.

Kate swiveled in her seat and reached into the back. “So, do you have any beer in this cooler?”

“Hardly,” Ellen said wryly. “Bottled water, fruit, and some trail mix in the zippered pouch.” At Kate’s frown, she added, “I thought we’d have lunch in Fredericksburg. The town is quite historic. It was the home of George Washington’s mother. Depending on how things go, we could spend the night there.” Kate shrugged. “Fine with me.”

“There are some excellent resources I’d like to study at the University of Mary Washington.” Ellen paused. “Perhaps you could help me organize my work.”

“Why not? It’ll give me a chance to feel useful for a change.” Ellen kept her eyes on the road but Kate’s bitter tone hurt her.

Of course the future was still in the back of her mind; how could it not be? Ellen vowed to involve Kate more in her work so she could forget about her job, her accident, and her future, at least for a while.

She was determined to find the extremely intelligent woman inside that sexy body. Of course, it would be nice to find the sexy body too, but that was asking a little too much.

When they reached Fredericksburg, Kate finally got the beer she wanted at the Olde Towne Wine and Cheese deli. Each time Ellen had been in the brightly painted yellow building it had been packed, and today was no exception. After a pleasant lunch, they ambled down Sophia and Caroline Streets before heading to the main battle sites. Ellen led Kate to a stone wall that at one time had a commanding view of the Rappahannock River and Stafford Heights beyond.

Pointing to the other side of the river, Ellen said, “Over there were two Union divisions, led by Edwin Sumner and Joe Hooker. They assaulted the ground we’re standing on, called Marye’s Heights, which was held by Confederate General James Longstreet.”

“The Union attacked this?” Kate surveyed the steep slope. “I don’t know much about military strategy, but if someone told me to climb this hill with an army shooting down at me, I’d tell them to go to hell.”

Ellen grinned. “And you’d be right. You can’t tell now, because of all the construction and trees, but back then this was virtually open space for hundreds of yards. It was yet another Union disaster, a horrible waste of men and a pointless assault. Union soldiers spent the night huddled behind the masses of dead men lying on the hillside, trying to keep warm and avoid getting shot. That was in December 1862.”

“What a bunch of idiots,” Kate muttered. “How could the Union have such incompetent morons leading these men?”

“Good question. I don’t think people these days realize how incredible it was that the country made it through. This was one of the worst moments in our history. The odds were overwhelmingly against him, but Lincoln preserved the Union. He was a remarkable man, to say the least.”

As they strolled back to the visitor center and museum, the wind picked up and the clouds began to roll in, whipping Ellen’s hair back and forth against her face. She was so focused on taking notes at different points along the way that Kate could observe her without reservation.

The more time she spent with Ellen, the more impressed she was. Ellen treated her as an intellectual equal, sharing her knowledge as though they were partners in the endeavor. Kate could imagine what an incredible instructor she must be; she might have changed majors in college to take classes from someone with Ellen’s classic face and voluptuous body.

She was chagrined to realize they’d lived next door to each other for years without her noticing how striking and charming Ellen was. How had that happened?

The first drops of rain drove them and a number of other tourists indoors, and Kate spent some time in the museum looking at artifacts while Ellen talked with a couple of the rangers. Everywhere they went, Ellen knew all the park employees, who seemed genuinely delighted to see her. From there they headed to Simpson Library at the University of Mary Washington, where Ellen took out her laptop.