Heart of the Music (Saints & Sinners #1) (7 page)

Chapter
Four

4 years ago

Patricia

Patricia couldn’t believe this was really happening. After months of non-stop work, the guys were finally getting signed by a major label. Sitting in the corner booth of the restaurant where the label executives had taken them to celebrate the news, she looked around at each of the guys, from her corner table, and a smile filled her face. These five men were her family now. They meant the world to her, and to see them this happy made her a little emotional.

“What are you doing sitting alone over here? This is as much your victory as ours. Have a drink, Trish.” She looked up at Sam as he spoke to her, and she couldn’t help but smile at him when she saw how truly overjoyed he appeared.

“I’m just taking it all in. It’s almost like I don’t believe it’s actually real, you know? You guys have worked so hard for this, and I’m just so damn happy, Sam.”

Sam sat down next to her in the booth, and as soon as he slid over, she knew he had figured out why she was sitting alone in the corner. She had a clear view of Jarrod. Tonight, he had a blonde supermodel on his arm, who was drinking fruity little drinks and was wearing a dress that was too short for any woman to wear. She stuck to him like glue. Jarrod had always been popular with women—well, he and Austin—but tonight he seemed distracted and not into his date, which was uncharacteristic of him. He kept glancing over Trish’s way, and she hated how she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

When the blonde leaned in to kiss him, Trish looked at Sam. “I need a drink or ten.”

“Whiskey?” he asked her with a smile.

“Oh, yeah, and keep them coming.” She took out her phone to check her emails while Sam ordered the drinks. Seconds after Sam had gotten up, Patricia felt him.

That was the thing about Jarrod, she didn’t even need to see him to know he was there. Without looking up, she asked him, “Bored with the blonde already?”

“If she talks about shoes one more time, I think I’m going to need the whole bottle of Jack to get through it. Anything interesting on that phone of yours, or are you just avoiding looking at me?”

“I’m not avoiding looking at you. I’m checking my emails. You know? A little thing called work? The thing you pay me to do.” Before she knew it, Jarrod had taken her phone from her hand and put it in his back pocket.

“We are celebrating tonight, so you are officially taking a night off.” Before she could argue that she needed her phone, Sam appeared with three glasses and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“Okay, who’s ready to celebrate?” he asked with a smirk on his face.

“I’m in, but Jarrod’s date is about to leave,” Patricia said, pointing toward the coat check counter where the blonde stood, looking mad that Jarrod was no longer paying attention to her.

“She was boring anyway. Let’s drink!” Jarrod said, taking the bottle away from Sam and pouring three shots of whiskey.

Before the night was over, she had celebrated all right… celebrated with half a bottle of whiskey, something she rarely did. She leaned against the door to the restaurant while Jarrod was getting her jacket, and she couldn’t help but stare at his ass, and boy did he ever have a nice ass.

“You know you have an incredible ass,” she told him, giggling.

When he had both of their jackets, he turned around and walked toward her. “I’d say yours beats mine any day of the week, sweetheart.”

Jarrod turned her around to help her into her jacket. She could blame what happened next on the alcohol. She leaned back into his chest, pushing her ass into his crotch. “Trish, if you keep doing that, this ass of yours is going to end up in the air with you bent over a goddamn table.”

Being this close to Jarrod felt so good that she was ready to throw caution to the wind, or maybe it was the alcohol in her system. Not that she could get herself to care tonight. Grinding into his crotch, she felt his hard length against her ass and let out a moan. She was so turned on by the feel of him, her panties were wet and all of her senses were on high alert.

“Is that a promise?” she asked him without moving. Everyone had already left, so they were alone in the restaurant, and tonight she felt like playing with fire.

“You’re killing me here, sweetheart. A man only has so much willpower.” Before Patricia knew it, Jarrod had backed her into a wall, his eyes full of passion. When she felt his fingers on her cheeks, she let out a soft moan. She loved the way they felt on her skin. The tips, which were calloused from years of playing the guitar, always made her shiver. The next thing she knew, Jarrod’s mouth was on hers. There was nothing soft or gentle about this kiss. It was filled with passion and longing that had been building up since the night they met. Her hands on his chest gripped his T-shirt, and she pulled him closer. When he groaned in pleasure, her desire for him climbed a few notches.

Jarrod grabbed her hair and she almost came on the spot. She knew Jarrod would be a demanding lover from hearing the guys talk, but this was so much better than her dreams. She slipped her hands to his shoulders, and sank her nails into his skin as his tongue met hers. His free hand cupped her ass and she rocked her pelvis into him. When she felt the hard length of him against her, she dug her nails deeper into his shoulders.

“Wow!” was all she had the strength to say as he pulled away from her. “Why did you stop?”

“Trish, this is not happening when you’re drunk. I’ve waited too damn long to take you and not have you remember any of it in the morning. Now, let’s get you home.” The logical part of her brain knew that he was doing the right thing, but she couldn’t help but feel the rejection down to her bones. She was well aware that without the whiskey, she would never have let that kiss happen, but it felt so right that she had lost herself in the moment. It was one she knew she would never forget
,
even if she probably should.

Present Day

Patricia

The bar was quiet, almost empty, which was fine with her because the last thing she wanted to do was have a forced conversation with some drunken idiot. Patricia sat down at the bar and ordered. She was on her second drink when Sam sat down next to her. “Drinking whiskey, must be something big keeping you here.” He motioned to the bartender to bring them another round.

“Something like that.” She knew she couldn’t hide her dilemma from Sam, but she didn’t feel like talking about why she was in the hotel bar and not in Jarrod’s bed. Honestly, she didn’t think she would be able to talk to him it, because she was having a hard time figuring out the answer herself.

“Was your date with Jarrod so bad that you need whiskey? Man, I thought the man had skills,” he asked her, laughing because they both knew Jarrod had more than skills.

“Very funny, Sam. The date was great. It was perfect, actually.” Perfect was the understatement of the century when it came to the night she had just spent with Jarrod. Everything had been amazing. The conversation had flowed nicely, not that she should be surprised. She knew she was the one holding them back, but she also felt like he didn’t understand everything that was at stake, everything that could be jeopardized by them going public.

“So, why are you sitting at the bar, alone, drinking whiskey?” And the million-dollar question she’d been dreading clouded her alcohol-induced buzz.

“Because I’m confused as hell and I think I might have made a wrong choice. We kissed, and God, it was so good, Sam, and when we got to my room, and I just couldn’t do it. All of the what-ifs played like a bad movie in my head, and I got scared.” And now she was sitting at a bar, thinking she’d just made the biggest mistake of her life instead of probably having the best sex of her life with the man she loved.

“Did you want him to go in?” he asked her without passing judgment. That was one of the things she loved most about Sam; he had the ability to listen to anyone’s problems and never pass judgment.

“More than anything, you know that. But it’s not that simple.” The words rolled off her tongue before she could stop them—not that she wanted to. For years, all she’d done was lie to herself and to others about her feelings for Jarrod, and she was tired of doing it. For once, she just wanted to be honest about what she felt.

“Why didn’t you?” he asked in a sympathetic tone.

“Because I kept thinking about the band, management, the label, the fans, and how selfish it would be of me to go in and have him fuck the shit out of me when it would put everyone in one hell of a delicate situation.” As she voiced everything, she realized for the first time that she was using all that as an excuse to stay away from Jarrod because of her own insecurities.

“I never thought you were a coward, Trish, but I gotta say, it’s the only word that comes to mind right now.” Hearing those words coming out of Sam’s mouth made her see just how right he was. She had been a coward, taking the easy way out.

She looked at him, holding back tears. “What?” Oh, God, she really was. She was a coward. God, she couldn’t even stand herself right then.

“You heard me. You are full of shit. You’re so scared of what might happen if you finally stop fighting what has been brewing between you guys for the last five years that you’re making up excuses. You want to fuck Jarrod? Do it. Don’t think about us or management. Fuck, Trish, they don’t dictate how we live our lives. Stop using your job as a goddamn wall and decide once and for all if going after what you want is worth it.”

“You’re right.” What else was there to say?

The next week flew by with the guys appearing on
Letterman
and
Good Morning America
. By the time their day off arrived, Patricia was ready to crawl into bed and stay there forever. Their busy schedule had given her time to think about her relationship with Jarrod and what she needed to do next. She knew he wouldn’t be making the next move. If she wanted something to happen, she was going to have to be the one to initiate it. Sitting alone in her hotel room, she couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing now, if he was alone, or if he was with someone. Just the thought of him being with someone else was making her nauseous. Her ringing phone interrupted her thoughts. Picking it up, she saw Sam’s name.

“Hey, Sam.” She hoped he wasn’t calling for her to fix something, because she didn’t think she had it in her.

“Hey, you…. We’re all going to get some lunch, want to come with?” he asked her, laughing at something one of the guys said.

Patricia could hear the other guys laughing and making jokes in the background. “I’ll pass, but thanks.”

“Okay, just take it easy today,” he all but ordered, making her smile.

Before he hung up, she added, “Sam, is Jarrod with you?”

Sam laughed at the end of the line. “Funny thing, he didn’t want to come with us either. He’s still at the hotel.”

She smiled and started formulating a plan. “Okay, thanks.”

“Have fun,” he said before hanging up.

As soon as she was done talking with Sam, she jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. As the shower was running, Patricia decided she would give in to whatever would come between her and Jarrod. She was tired of running away from her feelings, thinking about the what-ifs, and not being with him. When she got out of the shower, she was thankful that she had the time to stop by Victoria's Secret when they’d been in New York City. She pulled out her new black lace bra and panties, and when she looked at herself in the mirror, for the first time in a long time, she felt sexy. She went back to her suitcase and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt she had also bought at Victoria’s Secret. With one more check in the mirror, she applied lip gloss, grabbed her room key, and headed toward Jarrod’s room.

Jarrod

Jarrod was enjoying his day off, sleeping in and not checking his phone, but he missed seeing Trish. When the other guys had decided to go out for lunch, he had chosen to stay in, since he didn’t feel like being out and about. And if he were being honest with himself, he also didn’t want to take the chance she would come to him and he wasn’t there.

He had just finished his shower when there was a knock on the door. He grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapped it around his waist, and rushed to open the door.

What he saw standing before him left him speechless. She didn’t say anything. She just took a few steps closer to him, put her hands on his bare chest, and sighed. “You’re right,” she told him, avoiding eye contact as her fingers trace his angel tattoo.

“I’m right about what?” His voice was strained and his breathing heavier than normal, but he couldn’t believe Trish was really standing in front of him.

She lifted her head and pressed her lips to his. Unlike the kiss she had given him the night they’d gone to the cafe, this one was filled with need and passion. The moment her lips touched his, he wrapped his arms around her waist, and with one pull, he pulled her soft body against his. He bit her lower lip, running his tongue over it, and then slipped it into her mouth. She moaned in pleasure as he grabbed her ass with one hand, pressing her even harder against his erection, grinding his groin into hers.

The minute her nails dug into his back, he knew she would give him everything he needed. She felt so fucking good pressed up against him, but he needed to feel her skin on his. He pushed her back against the wall as he closed the door with his foot. Her nails scratched his skin as he deepened his kiss. Jarrod moved his mouth to her neck, kissing a trail down the V-neck of her shirt, and when he took her breast into his hand, she moaned so loud he almost came right there and then.