Heart on a Chain (13 page)

“
Go away,” he grumbles, mouth still pressed to mine. He pulls the door closed, shutting us into the darkened waiting room. I smile against his mouth, and he meets it with a smile of his own, pulling back slightly. I look down, reluctant to meet his gaze in the raw emotions of the aftermath of the kiss. It was more than I could have dreamed of, even more amazing than when he holds my hand. I didn’t think anything could be better than that, the simple human contact that I haven’t experienced since I was young.

He brings both his hands up, bracing my neck on both sides, thumbs skimming lightly over my cheeks, forcing me to look up. The smile drops from his face as he brings his mouth back to mine. This time I close my eyes, letting the sensations flow through me.

Chapter Ten

“
So, Wednesday is Halloween,”
Henry says as we walk to school Monday morning. We’re enjoying a late Indian summer this year, chilled air in the mornings and late evenings but seventy-five degrees during the day. So we’ve decided to walk to school every day until we no longer can. He holds my hand as we walk, carrying my loose books in his other arm.

“
Yeah, I know.”

He looks down at the books in his arm. “Don’t you have a locker?” His change of subject makes me laugh. Sometimes conversation with Henry is as schizophrenic as conversation with his sister, Claire.

“
No, I haven’t had a locker for years.” I’m not about to tell him that I discovered early that lockers are nothing more than a torture device. It was bad enough finding all manner of disgusting garbage left in there that I had to clean out, or finding a destroyed text book that I couldn’t begin to afford to replace and the accompanying visit to the principal’s office where only my genuine tears got me off the hook for that. The last straw was when I had been shoved and locked into it; I decided that was my cue to never step near one again. Therefore I carry everything to and from school.

“
You can share mine,” he says.

I imagine him opening the locker to see a moldy sandwich smeared on his stuff, and shake my head.

“
That’s okay. I don’t mind carrying them.”

“
Especially since you don’t carry them,” he says, shrugging them higher in suggestion. I feel my cheeks flush.

“
You don’t have to carry them for me, you know,” I mutter.

He laughs and leans down to give me a quick kiss, surprising and warming me at the same time.

“
You really have to learn not to take everything so seriously.”

“
Says someone who comes from the family that laughs all the time.”

“
They were just putting on a front for you.”

I look at him, eyebrows raised sardonically.

“
Okay, so they
are
annoyingly cheerful,” he says. “They liked you. Especially Claire. She really wants you to come back so she can play with your hair.”

I laugh. “I really liked them, too. And I just might come by some time and let her do that.”

“
You don’t know what you’re saying,” he warns mockingly. “I’ve seen the damage she can do. She’s done it to me!”

“
What? She’s done your hair? Your hair seems pretty short for that.”

“
Why do you think I cut it this way? It used to be longer.”

“
She have pictures of this?” I ask, laughing when the pained look he shoots me says, yes, she does.

“
So about Halloween. You doing anything?”

Yeah
, I think,
the usual; making a sign for the door that says “no candy,” so that I don’t get blamed for kids knocking on the door, wanting candy we don’t have. Then I’ll get up extra early the next morning to clean up the eggs and pumpkins that have been thrown at the house because of that sign before
she
sees them.

“
Because there’s a group of kids going to the corn maze, and I thought it might be fun,” he continues.

“
Oh, well, yeah.” I feel a stinging jealousy that he’ll be having fun without me. I know he has a life, that he doesn’t hibernate in his room when he isn’t with me, but I haven’t really thought consciously of it. “Sounds like fun. Who are you going with?”

He looks at me, shaking his head. “No, Kate, I’m
asking
because I want
us
to go.”

“
Oh,” I feel both stupid and elated at my misunderstanding. Of course, I can’t go, there’s no way. “Sure, I think I could do that,” I say.

“
Great.” He squeezes my hand and leans down to kiss me again.
I could
so
get used to that,
I think.

“
Do you have a costume?”

My face falls. “No.” And no way to get one, either.

“
That’s okay. You’re about the same size as my sister. Think how thrilled she would be if you let her lend you one. It would probably make her
year
if you let her dress you up.”

I laugh at that, wanting to deny it, but knowing it’s probably the truth.

As we come within sight of the school, I pull my hand out of Henry’s. He glances at me questioningly.

“
It’s bad enough for you that we’re friends. It could be really bad if people thought….” I can’t say the words, not sure what they really are. His eyes cloud, stormy, as he clenches his jaw. I reach up and smooth my hand along the tensed muscle, reveling in the fact that I can do that and not have him cringe from me with disgust.

“
Please?” I ask, thinking that Jessica isn’t the only one who might want to hurt me if they see him holding my hand or, worse, kissing me. He places his hand over mine, holding it tight against his face, eyes softening.

“
How can I say no to you?” he asks. “Okay, I will keep my distance.
For now
,” he qualifies.

“
Thank you,” I say, hesitating, then standing up on my tiptoes to kiss him. He growls against my mouth, and I jump a little, wondering if it’s rejection of my boldness, but he’s grinning at me.

“
What was that for?” I ask, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice.

“
I must be
insane
for agreeing to this.”

Wednesday is a crazy day at school. Kids are allowed to wear costumes as long as they’re “tasteful” and don’t involve a mask. It’s drizzling a little as we pull into the parking lot; a group of girls walk by dressed as a nurse, a witch and a corpse bride—but not really looking like what they are supposed to be.

Henry watches them walk by, then looks at me, eyebrows raised.

“
When exactly did Halloween become an excuse to dress like a hooker?” he asks.

“
You’re telling me you don’t like it?”

He gives a short snarl then says, “If Claire tries to put anything like that on you, I’ll shoot her.”

I try to picture myself dressed like that, walking with confidence, and nearly choke at the image. I turn to pull open the door handle, knowing he’ll protest, but instead he grabs my hand.

“
Hey, I need to tell you something.”

I turn back. “Okay.”

“
Tonight, when we go to the corn maze, I’m going to hold your hand, and probably kiss you too.” His jaw is stubbornly jutted, daring me to argue.

“
Oh…um, okay,” I say with a smile, enjoying the stunned look on his face. “See you at lunch.”

As he drops me off after school, though, I feel the familiar cramps beginning in my stomach. I’d been pressing my luck the two times before when I had gotten away. However, it’s a week night, which means my father won’t be home to fight with, and there won’t be any miraculous dinner parties.

Henry lets me out, pulling me close to kiss me thoroughly, and for a few minutes, my dilemma disappears from conscious thought. This kiss is definitely more intense than the others he’s given me.

“
So I’ll pick you up at six?” Henry asks, smiling at the unfocused look in my eyes.

“
What? Oh, yeah, sure.”

He kisses me again, then begins to walk around to his side of the car. The loss of his warmth brings me back to the world.

“
Wait, Henry…” I intend to tell him I can’t come, but he’s walking back toward me, an oddly intent look on his face, eyes dark. His look stills me, his hand sliding along the side of my neck to tip my face up for his kiss. He pulls back, looking into my eyes.

“
That’s the first time you’ve said my name.”

“
It…it is?” It’s hard to think clearly with him looking at me like this.

One corner of his mouth turns up in a smile, and his gaze drops to my mouth, following the path of his thumb that brushes lightly across my bottom lip.

“
I like the way it sounds on your lips.”

“
Oh,” I breathe, as he leans to replace his thumb with his mouth. When he finally steps back, I’m weak in the knees. I didn’t know that was actually possible—I thought it was only something that happens in novels or movies.

“
If I don’t go now…” he doesn’t finish. He takes a deep breath. “Okay, I’m going now. I’ll see you soon.”

I watch him walk away, climbing into his car and turning around to head back home. I watch until he’s out of sight, and it isn’t until he’s gone that I realize I hadn’t finished what I started to tell him. And, of course, I have no way to call him. With dread in my heart, I know how angry he’s going to be when I don’t show up.

I walk in the door, seeing my mother asleep on the couch. I stand and watch her for a minute, comparing her to Mrs. Jamison. I wonder, if things hadn’t gone bad, if my baby brother had lived, if she would have been more like her.

I put my books away, doing my chores without much enthusiasm, and without trying to be silent as I usually am when she’s sleeping. There isn’t anything that will change my fate today, so why try?

“
John?” I hear her call, and wonder briefly why she’d be calling for my father with concern in her voice.

“
No, mom, it’s me.”

Silence, then she calls for me to come to her. She’s slurring her words, so I know she’s been taking too many of her pills again. I walk in and stand next to her, waiting.

“
How was school?” she asks. I stare, mouth hanging open. I haven’t heard those words from her for years…if ever.

She clucks her tongue at me with disgust. “Close your mouth, you look like an imbecile.”

I almost smile; that’s more like her.

“
It was fine,” I answer, then suddenly an idea comes to me. “But I need to go to the library to study tonight.” I hate lying, even to her, but I’m willing to lie to get to see Henry.

“
Why can’t you study here?” Her words are garbled as she reaches with hooded eyes for her glass of water and a bottle of pills. “I need you.”

“
I need to use the internet. I won’t be gone long. I’ll make you dinner first.” I try to keep the desperation out of my voice.

She waves me away as she tips her glass up to swallow her pill. I make my escape to the kitchen, pulling out the items I need to make her dinner. For once, I’m not even jealous of her food, don’t try to sneak any of it.

When I finish, she’s lying back on the couch, eyes hooded. I bring her a plate of food and set it on the table next to her.