Heartbreaker Breaks (A Bittersweet Lottery Love Story) (Tangled Hearts & Broken Vows: Tales of Infidelity Book 1) (10 page)

  He wasn’t outside. She felt silly for having worried and her confidence increased with every step towards the store. The day was sunny and bright. She felt like a fool for having deprived herself of the nourishing sunshine.

  A laugh escaped her lips as she thought about what her world had become. Hiding from a boyish man she had allowed herself to have feelings for, covertly moving funds. It was as if her life had turned into a spy film.

  She looked forward to her move to Laguna and putting the previous few months behind her. Her thoughts drifted to Adam, and how he would react when she told him all that she had done. She wasn’t the type to think that two wrongs made a right, and she had no plans to throw Adam’s indiscretions of the heart or with their finances up to him to justify her actions. The truth, when she told it to him, would not be pretty. He would feel rightfully betrayed.

  “No point in worrying about what hasn’t come to pass,” She mumbled to herself.

  She walked into the convenience store feeling lighter than she had in days and smiled to the man behind the counter who had always been shy with her before. She hadn’t seen him since winning the lottery ticket. There wasn’t been a reason to come into the shop, she hadn’t needed to buy cigarettes and she did her general marketing at the grocery store.

  “Thank you,” he gushed as she approached the counter to buy the cigarettes, “You saved my family. They’re all here now.”

  “I think you’re confusing me with…”

  “No, you won the golden ticket," he laughed, “The lottery, they give the retailers a bonus on the big wins. 100,000 dollars, I sent for my family, from Honduras.”

  “I didn’t know that… I’m so happy for you but no thanks are needed… It was the lottery, not me.”

  “No, no… It was you. You’re an angel… Now I feed the kids like you do,” He pointed towards the front door of the store where a group of travelers were setting up for a day of busking, “They used to annoy me. I would yell for them to move away but not anymore.” He smiled to her as if she were the living embodiment of the Madonna.

  Faye shifted her position, his effusive praise was making her uncomfortable, “I was wondering where they were…” She felt embarrassed that she hadn’t noticed their absence from the storefront upon entering. “That’s wonderful that your family is here… But have you had any problems with the money, has it…”

  “Ruined our lives?” He laughed as he finished the question Faye was about to ask, “No, my wife was worried about that too. It was the perfect amount. We brought our brothers and sisters to our new country… Well, can you keep a secret?” he whispered.

  “Of course,” She replied, happy to know she had a fellow conspirator in the treacherous world of impromptu fortune.

  “I bought this,” He devilishly smiled and reached under the counter, “900.00 dollars for all of it. It’s the most I’ve ever spent at one time.” He placed a tackle bag stuffed with fishing rods and accessories on the counter. “I’ve been fishing off the Pier every morning before work.”

  “That sounds like a very nice way to start the day…” Happy as she was for him, there was a trace of disappointment in her words. He would not be her confidant in money miseries. The thought of her always thinking of the winnings as her misery, suddenly made her laugh.

  “Yeah,” he eyed her questioningly as her giggles continued, “So how about you? I haven’t seen you in so long. I thought you had moved away to a mansion in Malibu.”

  “No, still here for the time being. We will be moving to Laguna in the next few months— 

  She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Nick standing behind her. He sheepishly stood slumped, running his hand through his hair. She felt as if she were going to fall to the ground from the shock of seeing him.

  “Hey, how are you doing?” He looked away, and his voice was uncharacteristically flat, “I passed out the other night in the bathroom, hit my head on the floor. I’m not feeling good.”

  “Really?” She raised her eyebrow, not believing him, “You don’t need to make a story to get my attention.” She shook away from him and turned to the counterman, “A pack of American Spirits, please.”

  “You all right?” The counterman eyes bounced between Faye and Nick quizzically.

“I’m fine,” She reached into her bag to retrieve her wallet.

  “Your money is no good here,” He held up his hands as if in surrender, “Although I wish you didn’t smoke.”

  “I’m not making anything up and why the fuck are you smoking?” Nick asked too loudly for Faye’s liking.

  “Please don’t curse around me.” She sternly whispered to him, and looked to the counterman, the falsest smile on her face, “I’ll allow it this one time, but from now on, I’m paying. I have to be going now, but I’m very happy for you.” She nervously glanced at Nick and walked at a pace closer to a run out of the store, racing by the traveler kids who called out her name. She ignored them.

  “Faye, stop.” She felt his hand on her arm, restraining her. “I hit my head. I’m serious.”

  “What is it you want me to do about it? Take you to the hospital? You seem fine.” She stopped and turned towards him, forcing direct eye contact.

  “I don’t want you to do anything. I just wanted you to know.”

  “Maybe you fell down, maybe you didn’t, but you followed me here—

  “Faye, I didn’t follow you. My apartment is around the corner. This shop is closer to my home than yours.”

  “Are we dividing the beach?” She laughed as the anger rose inside of her. “You weren’t fair to me. We were friends, friends don’t—

  “Friends?” He laughed, “You got what you wanted. Girls, women… All you wanted was a fuck, and I gave you that. It’s what all of you want, but you dress it up, pretend it’s something else. What did you call it? A soul connection?”

  “Is that really what you think?” She wished with every fiber of her being that she had never met him.

  “Yeah, Faye, that’s what I think, that’s what I know. You’re no different than any of the others.”

  A bustle of tourists pushed past them as Faye stood still as if time had stopped. She stared at him, taking in his demeanor. He looked like a child in his anger, pouty and neglected. His feral spirit would never heal, the damage was too deep.

  Every part of her being trembled, and she struggled to catch her breath. “Fight or flight,” She mumbled and took off down the crowded path away from him.

  She could hear his heavy footsteps behind her and quickened her pace. “Stop,” he called out to her. She didn’t even glance backwards.

  “Listen— He jumped in front of her as she turned into the alleyway she would sometimes take as a shortcut to her home.

  “I can’t listen. What you’re saying is ugly and untrue—

  “Live my life and tell me it’s untrue. All of them—

  “None of them Nick. And saying that to me is so hurtful.” She struggled to hold back the tears.

  “You’re not any different—

  “You are so vulnerable,” She held up her hand to stop his words, and spoke through gritted teeth, “You think you’re so tough living this life you chose, but you’re so scared…” The held back tears trickled down her face.

  Faye shut her eyes tightly and shook her head, willing away her emotional response that had no place in what she was trying to say to him. A fearsome grunt rose through her body and spilled from her mouth. She wished she could travel back through time, rescue and nurture the boy he had been.

  Ragged breaths filled the space between them, surprising her. She opened her eyes, confused, thinking that her body had broken down, disconnected from her soul, making uncontrollable sounds. But it was him, not her, who heaved taking deep breaths. Tears streamed down his face as he tried to hide behind his bear-like hands.

  She wanted to take him into her arms, hug him until the end time and tell him everything was going to be okay. She restrained herself knowing that would be a lie, people like him never truly recovered. The best his life would offer would be a brief periods of peace.

  “Nick… you need to go home, find your father—

  “Brian wasn’t my father—

  “I know that Nick,” Her hand hovered over his arm, She so much wanted to comforted him, “Brian was the man who took care of you. You’ll never do well without roots. You need your family, even if it’s only him.”

  “Fuuuucccckkk Faye, you’re bossy,” He laughed through his veil of tears, “You’re going to think I’m a baby, crying like this. I don’t do tears.”

  “I know that, Nick.” She ran her hand across his arm in a robotic way, not wanting to send mixed messages to him. Guilt filled her, she knew with a sick certainty that she should never have allowed their relationship to progress to physical intimacy. “Your life doesn’t have to be so hard…”

  He shook his head in much the same way Faye had done moments before, “I’m sorry Faye. This isn't going to happen again. I’m going to head home. I really did hit my head,” he shrugged and smiled, his confident charm regaining its place, “I did kind of exaggerate it for you though.” He laughed.

  “You once said you would never lie to me.” She returned his laughter, hoping to keep the mood light.

  “In my world exaggeration isn’t a lie.”

  “You have interesting rules, what was the other one?”

  “Selective, I’m selective in what I tell you.”

  The speed with which they had moved back to casual conversation baffled and comforted Faye. She never wanted him to have a moment of sadness. Her maternal feelings for him drowned out the feeling of being a wronged lover. This relieved her greatly.

  “I’ll see you later, Faye.” He said as he turned to leave.

  She watched him shamble down the alley, a swagger in his steps. She knew it was as fake as the smiles she offered to strangers and called out, “Nick, let’s get something to eat. It’s almost dinnertime. We could go to Gjelina. It shouldn’t be too crowded right now.”

  Nick turned to her, silent, looking her up and down. The crush feeling ran against her motherly feelings. He was a beautiful boyish man, more a Greek God than a human. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she were chilled.

  “Okay,” he stared directly at her, the two of them lost in an unshakeable gaze and he walked slowly back to her.

  “Should we go get my car or walk?”

  “Let’s walk, it’s not too far…” He took a deep breath, “Why did you call me back? Ask me to go to dinner?” He spoke as if it were hard for him to ask.

  “You seemed sad… I only ever want you to be happy. I want to take care of you,” The words poured uncontrollably out of her mouth, “If anyone ever bothered you, I would hurt them.”

  He nodded his head as if he understood. Faye wondered if that were possible, because she herself did not, nor would she ever understand.

…

  Their relationship fell back into what it had been before, minus the gentle touches. No more did he lead her through crowds with his hand on her lower back, and she didn’t allow her head to fall upon his shoulder when he made her laugh. Both of them were very aware of the new physical boundaries of their friendship.

  They spent the next day at her new house in Laguna overseeing the delivery and placement of the furniture. He asked her several times how Adam would take the news of her having set up a new home. She was evasive with him. A bizarre sense of propriety filled her as if the concerns of an older couple’s marital woes were inappropriate to discuss with someone his age.

  She felt she was doing well establishing boundaries with him. It wasn’t easy for her. What she had liked best about their relationship was the unabashed honesty they shared.

  They went downtown the following day. They spent the morning at MOCA, and then on to a Japanese spa, where they soaked in mineral pools and had long massages. Hungry and relaxed, they had dinner at Bottega Louie, a trendy Italian restaurant filled with the wealthy hipster set that lived in luxurious lofts in the area.

  A couple across from them in the restaurant were impatient with their order. The food was taking too long. They had tickets to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and were worried they would miss the first act. Nick mentioned that he had never read the play or seen the film.

  Faye was shocked and insisted they go the performance. After dinner, they rushed out of the restaurant, tagging along behind the disgruntled couple. She worried for a moment as they approached the ticket booth that the show would be sold out. Luck was on her side for the price of 350.00 per seat.

  They sat in the third row, not more than fifteen feet away from Kathleen Turner, an actress Nick had never heard of before. She felt a motherly pride that she was broadening his cultural worldview. He was mesmerized by the heightened antics of George and Martha, sitting on the edge of his seat, his body tense.

  Faye couldn’t concentrate on the play. She found herself staring at his profile, wanting to stroke his defined cheekbone, run her fingers through his hair. The source of the impulse eluded her. Were her feelings maternal, or romantic? She did not know the answer.

  Sleepy and serene, she dropped him off at his apartment a little before midnight. She floated home and went straight to bed. Her movements jarred Adam awake, and he asked where she had been. She didn’t answer, pretending she was already asleep.