Heart's Desire (9 page)

Maddie took a deep breath, remembering George’s warning that all negotiations were a matter of compromise, and not to get her heart set on any one detail. The moment she did, the deal would be dead. She knew she’d have to make a lot of compromises in order to turn profits because that was what investors cared about.

As always, the unit heated up quickly. The first cup of coffee she made each morning was for her personal consumption. There was always enough steam left over for the milk. Because all espresso machines held the danger of building up too much steam and exploding, she never let Chloe use the machine. If someone wanted espresso, cappuccino or latte, Maddie was the barista.

Although, if James did invest in her franchise, Maddie would be expected to help with the opening of the first cafés. Circumstances would force her to loosen the reins. Chloe would be the barista in Indian Lake.

So many changes.

She took out one of her oversize, white stoneware cappuccino cups and saucers, still warm from the industrial dishwasher, and started her cappuccino.

She steamed the milk and spooned it on top of her coffee, then drew a leaf design through the foam. It was an unnecessary touch that she, as the owner, probably shouldn’t spend the time doing, but Maddie wouldn’t have a minute to herself for the rest of the day. This was her treat.

As she finished the leaf design, the little bell over the café door jingled.

“Be right with you,” Maddie said without looking up from her pretty cappuccino.

“Maddie?”

His voice struck her heart with a strong hand, like that of a Greek god who came to earth to enchant humans and make them dance to his will.

She continued to stare at the dissipating foam in her coffee. He couldn’t possibly be here. Not here, on her sacred ground.

“Can I talk to you?” Nate asked.

She raised her head slowly and gazed at him.

His blue eyes were like long-remembered azure summer skies so crystal clear, it stung to look at them.

“No,” she heard herself reply.

She walked up to him and without another word, she kissed him.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

F
ROM
THE
INSTANT
her lips touched his, they were like kids again, so intensely in love there was no room in their world for anything else. Time seemed just a tick off, a second slower than real time. Their love was familiar, it was safe and they’d found it again.

Nate’s arms went around Maddie’s waist and to the small of her back. She held the nape of his neck, let her fingers remember his strength. Tracing the slope of neck where it met with his shoulders and back, just under the collar of his jacket and shirt, her fingers settled into their familiar grooves, comforted by the sameness of it all. She tilted her head and slanted her mouth over his again, taking in his smell of vanilla and spice. He held her so tightly, she thought she would never breathe again.

She hadn’t asked any of the right questions of him. But she’d been through so much confusion in the past few weeks, the truth to her was that the angels were blessing her in this moment. She had wanted to see him, she understood now. To be with him. She wanted to pretend the past eleven years had never happened. She wanted to know if his kisses would ever be, could ever be, how she remembered them.

And they were.

And more.

She honestly didn’t know how she was standing on her own legs without the support of his arms. Reining herself in was absolutely out of the question. This moment might never come to her again. She let the last of her recalcitrant emotions out of her heart. The kiss was thrilling and reckless and frightening.

Just then, the bell over the front door dinged. “Hey, Maddie!” Chloe Knowland said as she shut the door behind her.

Maddie jerked out of Nate’s arms in a flash. She smoothed her hair. Nate swiped his palm over his face.

“Hey, Chloe. Good morning,” Maddie said. “Cappuccino’s up. You want one?”

Chloe looked at Nate, nodded as she would to any stranger, and walked past him to stash her purse and jacket in Maddie’s office. “I’ll pass. Maybe a latte later. I’ll get busy on the cooked icings.”

“You do that. I was just getting a cappuccino for...” Maddie caught Nate’s eye and smiled. “Our customer.”

“Cool. Did you get the cash drawer out yet?”

“No.” Maddie continued to stare at Nate.

His eyes delved into hers.

“I’ll do it,” Chloe shouted from the office.

Nate took a step closer to Maddie. He smoothed the back of her hair. “I still want to talk to you,” he said.

“Yeah?” She felt her mouth go dry. Suddenly, she was so nervous. She felt like a robber who’d just been caught during a jewel heist.

“Should I come over to your house tonight?” he asked.

“My mother’s house by the tracks? I don’t live there anymore.”

He stuck his hands in his pockets. “Stupid. Of course you don’t. That was a long time ago.”

“Yeah. Long time.” She looked down at the floor. She felt so shy she almost didn’t recognize her own reactions. Two minutes ago she was kissing him, and now she was tongue-tied and couldn’t think of a thing to say.

“How about lunch?”

“That’s my busy time. It’s just Chloe and me, and we get a good crowd for our bagel and croissant sandwiches.”

“Okay. You name it. Tonight, dinner—I don’t care. But Maddie...” He took her hand. “Can we make it soon? I’m only in town for two days.”

Her head snapped up and she stared at him. “You’re going away again?”

“It’s a long story. But I’ll be back soon. And I need to talk to you first. Tonight. I can meet you.”

“Well, okay. Seven o’clock. Come back here. But only if you answer one question first.”

“What’s that?”

“Did you, er, I mean, you’ve been gone a long time. Are you married?”

Nate peered blankly at her for a long moment, as if he hadn’t heard the question right. “Me?”

“Yes. You.”

“But you’re the one getting married,” he countered with a distinct grimace of loss.

“Where did you get that idea?”

“I saw you. Through the window at the Bridal Corner. You were wearing a wedding gown. When is the wedding?”

A vengeful smile played across Maddie’s lips, but she quickly licked it away. In her new life, she wasn’t going to allow even minuscule flutters of sabotaging emotions to take root in her psyche. The new Maddie would be built on truth and understanding, respect for others, honesty and fairness. She wasn’t going to play games in any of her relationships. “I’m not engaged and I’m not getting married. I was trying on the dress for Sarah. We’re planning her wedding. It’s at the end of June. It’s going to be—”

“You were beautiful,” he said, interrupting her. “I thought you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I swear, my heart fell right out of my chest when I saw you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. There’s no one for me, either,” he said.

She pursed her lips. “I know there isn’t,” she said confidently.

“Oh, ho. How’s that?”

“A man who kisses a woman like you just kissed me cannot possibly be with anybody else.”

“I was thinking the same thing myself,” he said and kissed her very soundly on the mouth before leaving through the front café door.

CHAPTER TWELVE

A
T
THREE
MINUTES
to seven, Nate rapped on the café door and Maddie, who had been waiting anxiously, unlocked it for him.

“Hi, Nate,” Maddie said, gazing into his handsome face. His blue eyes blazed right through her like early dawn striking the horizon. She stood back for him to enter.

She was still wearing her work clothes, though she’d freshened her makeup. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. Just the feel of his lips on her skin made her tingle all over. She didn’t know if she’d just shivered, but she should have.

She just knew her cheeks were flaming.

I could have laid off the blusher,
she chided herself.

“How are you tonight?” she asked.

“Tired. Can we sit?”

“Sure.”

Nate took a step back and Maddie led him to the little round table in the corner by the window. He gently placed his hand on the small of her back, just as he used to when they walked anywhere together. She had forgotten this simple gesture, forgotten how protected, even cherished, she had felt when he did it. She wondered now if he treated all women that way, or if it was a special gesture, meant only for her. She had to guess there had been dozens of women for him over the past decade. Maybe more.

While Nate sat, Maddie pulled the café curtains closed.

“Afraid of being seen with me?” he said with a wry smile.

“No one needs to know we’re here,” she replied, moving nervously toward the counter. “I’ll get us a cappuccino.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I came to see you.”

“I know, but you look like you’re asleep on your feet.” She ground the beans and steamed the milk, then drew tall pine trees in the foam. She grabbed two yellow cloth napkins and two spoons, then placed the coffee in front of him. “Here’s some natural sugar if you like.”

“Thanks,” he said, adding a spoonful to the coffee. “This is gorgeous.” He cast her an appreciative eye as he took his first sip. Without a word, he sipped three more times. Putting down the mug, he exclaimed, “Even in Italy I haven’t had cappuccino this delicious. How—”

“I buy my beans from a great Italian supplier in Chicago. Giovanni is the best. He’s shown me a lot of ropes,” she said, tasting her own drink.

“Maddie, I’m sorry.”

She froze. “What?”

He grabbed her hand before she could hide it in her lap. “I should have told you everything.”

The old Maddie would have thrown her napkin in Nate’s face and stormed off without allowing him to talk. But the old Maddie hadn’t gotten her too far with Nate. In fact, she had now backtracked all the way to the beginning. They did have a lot to talk about, and because she had absolutely no clue how any of this would turn out, she did the one thing she had never truly done before. She listened.

“I should have told you where I was going,” he said.

“The navy?”

“Yes. The navy.” He took a very deep breath and took a drink of his cappuccino. “That year was a hard year for me, Maddie. Torture, in some ways. A lot of ways. There was more going on than I ever told you about. I don’t know why I didn’t talk to you about it...”

“Nate. Be honest. We didn’t do much talking.” She laughed.

“I guess you’re right. Still, in so many ways, you were my best friend.”

“I was?” Maddie sat back in the chair. She hadn’t expected praise.

He nodded. “All my life, my parents—my father, especially—talked about how we brothers would inherit different parts of the business. They expected every one of us to go on working for them, and only them. They never asked Gabe or Rafe or Mica what they wanted to do. They sure never asked me. They had our high school years all planned out. They wanted each of us to go to Purdue and major in agriculture or business and then be indentured to them for the rest of our lives. They expected us to keep the business going for the next generation and the next.”

Nate raked his fingers through his hair and his words tumbled out at a quicker pace.

“Mica tried to stand up to them once, but he got blasted back so fast I don’t know if he’s ever had the guts to face them down again. I’m not sure what it was all about, because he won’t talk about it even now. But there’s some kind of fire in his belly and it has nothing to do with the Barzonni millions, I can tell you.”

“And you? You told me you dreamed of becoming a doctor.”

“That’s just it, Maddie. I never told anyone else. Nobody. Not the school’s guidance counselor. Not my brothers. Definitely not my parents. No one. You were the only one who knew. And then, my senior year, life as I knew it was coming to an end. Once I graduated, I was going to have to go to Purdue and learn even more about tomatoes. I knew I was capable of more than that. I wanted so much more. I did want to see the world. I wanted to go places and learn things. I wanted to be a doctor. And I wanted to do it all on my own without owing my parents for my education.”

Maddie folded her hands around her untouched cappuccino. She looked at the coffee with her foam artwork still floating on top. Unattended. Unappreciated. “And I was part of the problem. I was keeping you from your dream. Or was proposing to me part of your escape plan?”

“Honestly, it was both. But you were never the problem.”

Maddie hated the fact that a tear fell from her eye and onto the table before she lifted her face to his. She’d always thought tears were weak, used to manipulate men into bending to the female will. All her life, she’d been able to bat them away, deny them, swallow them.

“When I look back on our relationship, I can see how I would have been a problem. A big problem. Especially if I’d have gotten pregnant.”

“You were right then, and I thank you for it now. You were smarter than me.”

Maddie snorted. “I doubt that.”

“Think about it. Us. Back then. I was ready to grab you and drive all night to Kentucky. I would have given up all my dreams just to have you, Maddie. Everything. That’s how badly I wanted you. But when you refused my proposal, that was the dousing of ice water I needed. You told me we had to think about our careers. You knew what I really wanted. You knew how many years it would take to go to college, then med school, internship and residency. You had the guts to do what I couldn’t do.”

“But Nate, I didn’t realize what I was saying. I just didn’t want us to sleep together. That’s all. I thought I would see you the next day and the day after that. I didn’t know I was pushing you away forever. That’s not so brave, if you ask me.”

“Your soul was brave. Your heart was brave, and you listened to your heart.”

She shook her head vehemently. “You don’t understand. Please don’t be so nice to me. For eleven years I’ve hated you for ditching me that night. I told all my friends what a low-life creep you were. I’ve based this entire portion of my life on my hatred for you. I strove to succeed in my business so I could show you up. The thing is, I can almost understand why you might have wanted to break up after that night, but to just leave with no explanation? There was no way to get ahold of you. None of us knew where you went.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. All I wanted was to escape and hide for as long as possible.”

“Well, you sure did that.” Maddie felt the old anger gnaw at her belly. She grimaced. “Did you tell your parents where you were going?”

“No way. They would have talked me out of it.”

“When did you let them know?”

“I left them a letter telling them that I was fine—not kidnapped or anything—but that I had to go away for a while. I told them I would contact them after the summer was over. I knew that would give me time to get through boot camp.”

“And?”

“I called them the night before graduation at Great Lakes. I figured that they and my brothers would never forgive me if they weren’t there for the Review.”

“Did they come?”

“Yes.”

“So, your family has known your whereabouts for over a decade.”

“Yes. Part of the reason they never said anything to anyone was that they were embarrassed. Well, my father was. He thought I’d brought shame on the family, not following the family tradition and all that. My brothers were happy for me, but they never said that to Mom or Dad.”

“And how are they now?”

“My mother’s resentment is totally gone. My father is another issue altogether. I think he’s angry because I defied him. I proved that he didn’t have control.”

“So, you don’t owe them any money. They still have three sons to run the farm and business. Yeah, I guess they would probably think they’d be pretty foolish not to let you back in the house. Better to have some relationship with their son than none at all.”

“I guess that’s what they figure,” Nate said.

Nate finished the last of his coffee. “Maddie, I think you should know that I came back to Indian Lake to take a position with the Indian Lake Hospital.”

Maddie blinked. She thought she’d heard him wrong. “You’re moving back here?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Right away. I just signed the contract today. This is a major opportunity for me. If I can excel here, I’ve got a real shot at my dream.”

Maddie swallowed hard, feeling as if she was at the top of a roller coaster, about to plunge to the very bottom. “Your dream?”

“I want to go back to the Indian reservation where I worked for a year. They desperately need doctors.”

“Where is that?”

“Arizona,” he replied.

“That’s...a long way from Indian Lake,” she mused
. So, he
will
be leaving again
.

“Yeah. It is.” He paused for a long moment. “It’s a special place for me, Maddie. When I was there, I felt like for the first time in my life, I fit in. I can help so many—”

“That’s a very big dream,” she whispered. “Mine pales in comparison.”

He looked around. “Your café?” Then he stared into her eyes. Slowly, he shook his head. “This isn’t the end of the dream train for you, is it?”

“Not by a long shot. Let’s just say I have some irons in the fire,” she said proudly.

“That’s cool,” he replied, disappointment shadowing his eyes. He had hoped she would confide in him the way he had with her.

“I can’t talk about it yet.”

“I understand. Well, good luck, Maddie. You deserve it all, whatever it is.”

“Thanks, Nate.” She replied and paused for a moment looking at him quite seriously. “I’m sorry about hitting you.”

Nate tried to hide his grin. “Uh, huh. In front of my family. And half the town.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she said sheepishly. “I’m really sorry.”

“But at the time you felt I had it coming, right? I bet you felt better afterward,” he offered.

She looked up at him. “But that’s just it. After I calmed down, I felt terrible. Really bad.”

He touched her cheek. “It’s okay, Maddie, girl. I’ve had worse. And to be honest, it hurt me to realize how much pain I’d caused you all these years. I’d been selfishly going about my career and my life and I never tried to contact you.” He peered deeply into her eyes. “You deserved better from me. I’m sorry, too.”

Maddie felt her breath catch in her lungs as something inside her wanted this moment to stretch on for eternity. It was just like it had been when they were kids. Their hearts had barely been used, they were shiny and new and untouched by betrayal. Back then, Maddie thought she could see forever in Nate’s eyes and at this moment, she felt exactly that. She couldn’t imagine her world without Nate in it. But Nate had just said he wasn’t back here to stay.

“Can I ask you a question?” She scanned his face, searching for the truth.

“Sure.”

“Just when did you decide to sign the contract at the hospital?”

“I knew the job was mine, and like I said, it’s a stepping stone...”

“Nate...when? Exactly?”

“Today. Shortly after I saw you this morning.”

Pleasure lifted the corners of Maddie’s mouth. “You mean, after I kissed you.”

He snickered. “I thought I was kissing
you
.”

She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth to keep her glee from filling the room. If she’d ever wanted revenge, this, whatever this was, was better.

“It’s a one-year contract with a renewal every year if I want it.”

“What will you be doing?”

“Cardiac surgery.”

Maddie’s eyes widened. “A heart surgeon? Open-heart surgery and all that? You can do that?”

“Yeah.” He grinned.

“I just didn’t think...”

“What kind of doctor did you think I’d be?”

She flipped her hands in the air, trying to knock away all her preconceived visions of Nate. This was not the boy who’d left her on the Fourth of July. This was a new Nate, a person she didn’t know whose depths appeared to be vast. He’d spent his time away from her growing, improving himself, making things happen in his career. He’d defied his parents, served his country and now he was helping to save people. How many ways could she spell “hero”?

She tilted her head and shot him an assessing gaze. “I don’t know, exactly. When you used to talk about being a doctor, I was thinking the normal stuff—coughs and colds and writing prescriptions for gout.”

He shook his head. “You should know I would never do anything that was ordinary, Maddie.”

“How would I know that?”

“I fell in love with
you
once, didn’t I?”