Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One (23 page)

I pull my feet up on the seat. “I’ve mentioned how much your sexy physics talk turns me on, right?”

Kyle laughs. “But not my singing?”

“Oh, your singing definitely turned me on. But since we’re spending the next forty-eight plus hours being on our best behavior”—and that includes at night, when Kyle and I will be sleeping in separate tents—“the last thing you should be doing is turning me on.”

He chuckles. The sound of it warms me like his singing. “And maybe trying to turn you on, when we can’t do anything, will make mushroom picking more interesting.”

I pout. “Tease.”

That only makes him laugh harder.

Four hours later, we arrive at our destination, a forested area near Joensuu. Kyle parks behind Joni on the side of the road, where a few other cars are parked, and we hike a short distance into the trees. Each of us carries a large basket. Muumu and Aino lead the way, trucking along with their wooden walking sticks. For once, they’re uncharacteristically quiet, scanning the ground for their desired treasures.

A welcomed peace embraces us as we weave through the forest of birch and pine and along the worn dirt path. Leaves rustle in the warm breeze. Birds chat and sing their enticing song. I breathe in a lung-full of pine-scented air—and I feel like I’m home.

I glance over my shoulder to see how Kyle’s doing. The narrow dirt path prevents us from walking together. Joni is in front of me, ever ready to assist his grandmother if she needs help.

We’re not walking fast, but even at this speed Kyle is limping slightly. Not enough for the others to notice, but enough for me to know that his leg is bothering him.

I stop and turn around. “Are you okay? You’re limping.” I say it quietly so the others can’t hear me.

“I’m a little stiff from the drive. It’ll be okay once I’ve walked it out a bit.” He indicates for me to keep walking, end of discussion.

We walk another fifteen or so minutes before Muumu calls out and points to the ground. Littering the area are mushrooms that look like yellow golfing tees but with slightly larger caps.

“Chanterelles,” Joni explains.

Muumu hands me and Kyle each a paring knife, then she and Aino continue a few yards ahead of us. Joni finds his own patch of mushrooms to harvest not far from where Kyle and I are working.

“Only pick the chanterelles,” Joni says, busying himself with the ones by his knees. “Finland has two thousand varieties of mushrooms. Many are poisonous. You wouldn’t want to eat the wrong ones. You might end up with only a stomachache…or you might end up with something worse.”

His glance flicks to Kyle and back to me.

“Why do I get the feeling he wouldn’t mind if the latter happens to me?” Kyle mutters.

I let out a heavy sigh. “He just doesn’t know you. It’s not like you guys have tried to be friends.”

“It’s hard to want to be friends with someone who’s interested in the same girl you are. We’re dealing with a pretty strong conflict of interest here.”

Kyle’s words startle me. What kind of conflict of interest is his talking about when he and I are just friends with an added bonus? Not that Joni knows this. It didn’t exactly come up when he and I went to see the movie earlier this week. If anything, he avoided the topic of Kyle.

“I don’t think that’s the issue. He thinks you and I are dating for real now.”

Kyle snorts. “Trust me. It doesn’t make a difference. If he likes you, he can’t just turn off his feelings like that.”

What Kyle doesn’t say, but I can hear it in his voice, is that you can’t just turn off your feelings for someone you love, even when she’s gone. He might never be over his wife. He might never have room for me in his heart.

A dull ache fills my chest. I brush it away. What the heck am I thinking? This summer wasn’t about finding love and a long-term boyfriend. It was about escaping the pain and betrayal back home. It was about becoming a new and improved me. It was about me having fun again, and that’s what I’m having with Kyle. For now.

“So, Kyle,” Joni says loud enough for us to hear, “Sofia said you’re in Finland coaching hockey. What is it you do in Minneapolis?”

Kyle’s knife slices through a mushroom. He places the chanterelle in his basket. “I’m currently looking for a job there. My old agent mentioned a few opportunities he’d heard about, and I’ve been looking into them.” He avoids eye contact with me when he says it.

“Are they all in Minneapolis?” Joni glances at me for a second before returning to his task.

“No,” Kyle says, “They’re all out of state.”

The ache in my chest becomes heavier, like a broken-down bus has parked inside the space.

I glance away, not wanting either guy to see the pain in my eyes. And that’s when I realize the truth I’ve been ignoring for the past few weeks. What I feel for Kyle has nothing to do with our friends-with-benefits arrangement. Bit by bit, ever since the day at the amusement park, I’ve been falling for him. I’ve known from the beginning that what we have between us might not go beyond our time here. But hearing that Kyle might be leaving Minnesota only confirms it.

Blinking back the tears, I grab another mushroom. A sharp pain slices across my index finger. “Ouch!”

“Fuck!” Kyle says as blood appears along the thin wound and drips to the ground. “I’m sorry, Sofia. I didn’t see your finger there.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Let me see it.” Joni kneels next to me and removes his backpack. He drops it on the ground and examines my finger. “It doesn’t look too bad.” But despite that diagnosis, he glares briefly at Kyle, then rifles in his bag and pulls out a small first aid kit.

He opens it, then proceeds to clean the wound with an antiseptic pad, and covers the cut with a bandage.

A small laugh bubbles inside of me and bursts free. “I guess I’m not going to die after all.”

“Hopefully there was nothing on the knife that could cause an infection.” Joni checks the contents of Kyle’s basket. “You only cut these mushrooms, right? You didn’t cut anything else?”

Kyle nods. “Yeah, just these.”

Joni visibly relaxes at Kyle’s answer. “Just to be safe,” he says to me, “you should work on those mushrooms over there with me.”
So your boyfriend can’t hurt you worse than he’s already done.
He glares at Kyle one more time.

A shriek fills the air, startling us and a crow in a nearby tree. It takes flight, cawing. I don’t see where it goes. All I see is Aino hunched over Muumu’s body on the ground.

At the sound of Aino shrieking, we all look over to see what happened. No one dares to move for the briefest of moments as we piece it all together. Sofia’s grandmother is lying on the ground, clutching her chest.

Sofia is the first to come alive. She scrambles up and races to her grandmother’s side. Joni and I are right behind her.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, voice shaky.

Aino speaks. “She’s having a heart attack,” Joni translates.

A sob breaks free from Sofia. “We have to do something. Please, Joni, do something.”

He crouches next to Tuuli and speaks to the woman in a soothing tone. I join Sofia on the ground. My leg isn’t impressed with all this up and down stress placed on it. I push past the pain and rest my hand on Sofia’s lower back, letting her know I’m here for her.

Joni pulls his phone out and inspects it. “
Vittu
!”

“What?” Sofia asks, voice splintering. “What’s wrong?”

Joni rips his hand through his hair. “There’s no reception here.”

“
Mikä hätänä
?” Aino strokes the side of Tuuli’s face, attempting to comfort her. Joni talks to her, and the tears she was holding back break free.

“We’ll have to drive her to the hospital,” I say. “Do you know where it is?” I ask him.

“No, but my grandmother does. She can direct me.”

I shift closer to Tuuli and scoop her up in my arms. She whimpers and a cold sweat covers my body. While Joni looks like he works out, I suspect I can bench press a lot more than him. And Sofia’s grandmother isn’t a frail old woman.

I stagger up, and pray with everything I have in me and more that my leg holds out at least long enough for me to get her into Joni’s car.

Ignoring the sharp ache, I move as fast as I can along the trail. No one speaks, other than the occasional swear word from Joni ahead of me, as he keeps checking the cell phone reception, and the occasional word or two from the woman in my arms. I don’t know what she’s saying and I don’t care. Just as long as she can still talk. Just as long as she’s still conscious.

We arrive at the cars, my entire body shaking from the strain of carrying Sofia’s grandmother and from the fear of being too late because I couldn’t move fast enough. Sofia, looking pale and shaken, climbs into the backseat of Joni’s vehicle, and Joni helps me transfer Tuuli into the back with her. Sofia’s attention is fully on her grandmother, the woman’s head on Sofia’s lap.

I close the car door and turn to Joni. “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

He nods and climbs into the driver’s seat, and I watch them drive away. Once I can no longer see them, I drop to the grassy embankment, finally giving into the pain.

In the past, when I was in a lot of pain, I would self-medicate with booze. I haven’t done that lately. I haven’t needed to, until now.

I close my eyes and will the pain away. I have no idea how long I’ve been lying here—maybe a few minutes, maybe a lot longer—before I finally push myself up and limp to my car.

I drive to the hospital and park in the parking lot. Then stare at the building for five minutes. I should go in and be with Sofia. Be with her like Joni is. If something happened to her grandmother while I was dealing with my pain in the bar, I’d never be able to forgive myself. Sofia would never be able to forgive me.

Shaking away the thought that something bad has happened, I limp to a restaurant near the hospital. There, I call Sofia to tell her I’m on my way but only get her voicemail. A couple of shots of something strong is all I need to take the edge off the pain.

“Hey, babe, I’m gonna be there soon. I had to stop off somewhere first.” I end the call and enter the lounge, where I order four shots of whatever they have that is strong.

I shoot back the first glass. The dark liquid goes down smooth. I give it a few minutes before shooting back the contents of the next two glasses. My phone rings and I scramble to see who’s calling. It’s not Sofia. It’s Cody. I place the phone on the table, unable to talk to him. Unwilling to hear the disappointment in his voice at what I’m doing. I shoot back the final drink and give it a few minutes for the buzz to numb the pain.

Once the pain is tolerable, I walk to the hospital and enter through the ER doors. I scan the waiting room and spot Joni and his grandmother sitting in the chairs against the far wall. Sofia isn’t with them.

Joni stands as I approach, grooves stretching across his forehead. “Where the hell have you been?”

“How’s she doing?”

The grooves deepen. “Have you been drinking?”

“None of your business.”

Joni shoves my shoulder. “I’m making it my damn business. Sofia’s grandmother had a heart attack, and you’re getting drunk instead of being with your girlfriend.” He spits the last word, the taste repugnant in his mouth.

“I’m not drunk.”

He steps closer. I stand my ground. “I can smell the booze on you.”

“That doesn’t make me drunk,” I bite back.

Aino stands and places her hand on her grandson’s chest. Whatever she says to him is enough for him to take a step back.

I exhale slowly and look between them. “I want to see Sofia. Please.”

Joni nods and indicates for me to follow him. He leads me to the front desk and speaks with the nurse on duty. She tells me in English where I need to go to find Sofia. Joni returns to his grandmother as I walk in the direction the nurse indicated. Hope pounds through me with each step that Sofia will forgive me for being late. Hope pounds through me that she doesn’t notice I was drinking before coming here.

Sofia is standing next to her grandmother’s bed, her face damp with tears. At the sight of her, something inside me fractures and threatens to destroy the last part of me that I’ve held onto for so long. The last part of me that had survived the accident and survived Gabby’s death. I should have been here for Sofia no matter what, no matter how much pain I was in.

I wrap her in my arms and rest my cheek against the top of her head. She wraps her arms around my waist and holds on to me, tight.

Her grandmother’s eyes are closed. I can’t tell if she’s asleep or unconscious. Behind her, a heart rate monitor beeps a steady beat. She’s hooked up to an oxygen mask and IV, and I’ve never seen her look so frail.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” I whisper. “How is she?”

“She’s sleeping. The doctors said she was lucky. It wasn’t a massive heart attack. They’re waiting for an ICU bed to open up, then they’ll move her there.” She pulls away. “I need to call my mom.”

“I can get Aino. She’ll stay with your grandmother if you want.”

“Thanks.”

Sofia goes outside and I briefly talk to Joni before joining her. She’s slipping her phone in her purse when I step out of the ER entrance.

“Did you get a hold of your mom?”

“Yes. She’s making arrangements to fly out as soon as she can.” Worrying her lip, Sofia glances at the sliding doors. “I’ll probably be here a few days until she arrives. You can go with Joni to his great aunt’s place for tonight, and head back to Helsinki tomorrow. I’ll call you when I get back.”

“I’m not leaving you.” And especially not to go anywhere with Joni. “I’ll talk to Nik’s uncle. I’m sure it will be okay if I stay with you a few days.”

She averts her gaze and toes a crack in the sidewalk by her foot. “If I ask you a question, will you be honest with me?”

“Of course.”

“Were you drinking before you came here? Is that why it took you so long?”

I ache at the sadness in her voice. All I can do is nod. My words, the ones she’s waiting for, clog my throat with their dirty truth.

She looks back up at me, and the sadness in her eyes is almost my undoing.