Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One (24 page)

“I’m so sorry, babe. My leg was hurting and drinking was the only way I could cope with the pain. I swear this is the only time I’ve done that since we’ve been together.” The last time I drank too much—the night Joni took the photo of the girl kissing me—had nothing to do with my leg.

Her gaze searches my face, looking for the truth, separating it from the lies. “Did you drive here…were you…how did you get here after you’d been drinking?”

“I walked. The bar is across the street from the hospital. I would
never
ever drink and drive.”

Her phone rings. She removes it from her purse and answers it. I’m about to leave when Sofia slips her fingers between mine. That’s the only sign I need to know I’m forgiven for now, but if I screw up again, she’ll walk away.

I don’t want her to walk away.

She lets go of my hand and crouches while still talking to her mom. She digs around in her purse, removes a pen and crumpled receipt, then scribbles down her mom’s flight information.

They talk for a few more minutes before she hangs up. “My mom’s catching an early morning flight and will be here tomorrow night.” She should feel at least a little bit relieved at the news, but it’s like every problem in the world weighs her down, and she’s about to collapse under the pressure. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. My mom can’t stay in Finland long, and someone needs to be here with my grandmother while she recovers.”

And Sofia’s the kind of person who would do that. She would throw away everything she’s worked hard for to be there for the one person who loves her and who has never let her down.

I hold onto her, wishing I could hold onto her forever.

But wishes only exist in fairy tales.

A week later in the staff locker room, I toss my dirty uniform into the laundry basket and swing my camera bag over my shoulder.

“How’s your grandmother doing?” Maija asks.

“She’s better. Thanks. She came back home yesterday.” Mom’s with her and is staying for the next few days to make arrangements for Muumu’s care.

“That’s great. Do you want to go shopping with me? To celebrate?”

“Sorry, I can’t. I’m meeting up with Kyle.” Well, more like surprising him. He’s still working, but I’m hoping to get to watch him in action, which has to be a helluva lot more exciting than watching me at work.

She laughs shortly. “I think my boyfriend is in love with yours. All he can talk about is Kyle. He’s a big fan of his.”

“What’s it with guys and hockey?” And why be a fan of Kyle just because he also loves it?

“I swear my dating life revolves around hockey games. If I didn’t love Toivo so much, I’d be dating a guy who was into…um…lawn bowling.”

“Lawn bowling?” I laugh. “Now there’s a sport with lots of hot guy potential. If you’re into eighty-year-olds.”

Maija giggles. “Yeah, maybe dating a hockey fanatic is not so bad after all.”

I lock my locker and, after saying bye to her, head to where Kyle works. The arena is cold inside and I instantly regret not bringing a hoodie. Seriously, what was I expecting? It’s called
ice
hockey for a reason.

Rubbing my cold hands against my equally chilled arms, and cursing myself for wearing a tank top, I climb the empty bleachers to watch. My nipples prickle to stiff peaks, visible under my thin clothing and bra.
Brilliant going, Soph. That’s now zero for two
.

Fortunately, everyone’s too far away and too busy to notice my predicament. Trying to distract myself from the uncomfortable sensation, I remove my camera from my bag and switch lenses. I don’t often use my telephoto lens since it’s more suitable for distant shots. My father didn’t know that when he bought it for me. It was a guilt present, another reason I don’t use it much. But right now, it’s the ideal lens for what I have planned.

Kyle is on the ice with a group of kids. They’re all wearing their helmets and holding hockey sticks with the exception of Kyle. He has a whistle around his neck and a clipboard in his hand. It looks natural on him.

Two lines of pylons, evenly spaced apart on the ice, form a racecourse. Behind the goal line, the boys are divided into two groups. I watch as the first boy in each group races down the ice with their pucks, then skates around each pylon as if it’s another player in the way. Once free of the pylons, they square up with the goal. The smaller boy is the first to take the shot. It easily flies into the hockey net despite the goalie’s valiant attempt to block it. Boy #2 is a fraction of a second behind him. The goalie doesn’t stand a chance against the rapid shooting, yet he somehow manages to knock the puck away.

I adjust the aperture and shutter speed for the optimal shot, and wait for the next two boys to race. I zoom in closer so I can capture their individual facial expressions as they speed around the pylons. I shoot several dozen more photos.

At the sound of loud cheering, I have an idea. I keep my lens on the teammates at the other end while the next boys skate down the ice. I shoot several photos of them cheering their teammates on. The best ones are when the pucks go into the net or when the goalie manages to catch it. I laugh at their pained expressions of defeat.

For my final round of pictures, I focus on the one person I’ve tried not to look at too much. Kyle. My heart is ready to strap on skates and race around the rink at the sight of him. Even if it would probably slip and land hard on its left ventricle if it tried.

I’m not sure if he’s seen me yet; his attention is on the boys navigating through the pylons at top speeds, somehow managing not to lose control and careen across the ice on their butts. He’s grinning like I’ve never seen him smile before, pride clear on his face. And it’s not just for these two boys. I watch him for the next two and the two after that. He cheers them on loudly. Nik does too, but the enthusiasm isn’t as great as it is with Kyle. With Nik, I get the impression this is only a job for him, like cleaning the bathrooms at the sports center is for me. It doesn’t mean the same as it does for Kyle.

My cell phone rings in my pocket. Thinking it’s Joni, I answer without checking. “Hello?”

“I can’t believe I actually got a hold of you,” Claire says. “How’s your grandmother doing?”

“She’s fine.” I update her on Muumu’s condition and that my mom will be returning to Minneapolis in two days.

“But…?” she says after I finish, knowing me too well.

“But I’m not sure my grandmother should be left alone.” I swallow back the ache and wish for the billionth time that my best friend could be here with me. I miss her so much. “I’m thinking of staying here. At least for the next year or so.”

“But what about college? What about Kyle?”

“I’ve talked to the university. They can grant me a leave of absence for the year.” But it means turning down the practicum with the Bears, and if I do that, I might never have a chance at it again. “As for Kyle…” The ache in my chest tightens. “He might not be returning to Minneapolis. He’s got some job leads out of state.” We haven’t talked about it since Joni brought it up, but I can’t expect him to throw away a chance at the career he wants just to be with me. It’s not like we’ve discussed where things are going between us once we leave Finland. And now that he might end up out of state, there’s no point having that discussion.

The boys finish racing and Nik calls them over. They take their positions on either the ice or the bench.

“Enough about me,” I say. “Don’t you have anything exciting to tell me?” Something to distract me from my own problems.

She hesitates, then tells me about her crazy weekend and her equally crazy date. Kyle picks that moment to look in my direction. His eyes are enough to cause every female’s heart in a twenty-mile radius to stop beating.

Claire has to go, so we end the call, and I return to what I came to do. Even though I don’t have many frames left on my digital card, I continue taking photos. The game lasts fifteen minutes, much to the boys’ disappointment. The coaches have them cool down and stretch, then send them to the locker room. Nik skates off but Kyle doesn’t join him. He calls out a name and a boy who’s been struggling to keep up with everyone turns around.

Kyle gestures for him to return to the bench. The boy does, but like in the race and the game, his heart is not into it. Even I can skate faster than him, and that’s not saying much. It doesn’t make sense. Kyle told me these are some of the best players for the age group in Helsinki. The way that boy played, you’d think the opposite.

While Kyle talks to the boy, who must speak enough English to understand him, my phone rings again. This time it really is Joni.

“Hi,” I say after answering.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Joni says.

“No, you’re good.”

“Remember that wedding I told you about?”

“Yes, your cousin’s wedding.” He told me about it when we saw the movie. It’s near Jyväskylä, a place I’ve always wanted to visit.

“Lovisa was supposed to go with me but she can’t make it. Would you be interested in going with me?”

“I’d love to, but I can’t be gone that long. I need to look after Muumu.”

“It was her idea that I take you. Actually, she insisted I take you. She said you’re driving her nuts and she needs a break from you.” He chuckles. “I just think it’s her way of making sure you have a good time, Sofia, and that you get to see more of Finland while you’re here. And you wouldn’t want to disappoint her, right?”

I guess this doesn’t surprise me. She also knows I wanted to check out Jyväskylä. They have an amazing sports research center at the university. I might have mentioned it a few times to her.

The boy Kyle was talking to skates off to the locker room. Kyle skates toward me. If I go to Jyväskylä, it means less time with him before the summer is over. Given the situation surrounding our relationship, it shouldn’t matter—but tell that to my heart.

The sound of skate blades scraping against the ice fills me with the usual thrill as I cheer the two boys racing down the ice. The usual thrill combined with an overwhelming sadness that this is no longer part of my life. I don’t mean as a coach. I mean as a player. It’s the same feeling I get every time I set foot on the ice with the boys. Eventually that feeling will go away. I just wish that day would hurry up.

A weird sensation that someone is watching us pokes at me, and I look up to find Sofia sitting on a bench on the other side of the rink. She watches the boys for a minute then lifts her camera. I tear my attention from her and go back to coaching my group. Pride charges through me at how hard they’re working.

The pride shifts to concern as I watch Kai go through the drill, but unlike with the other boys, his heart isn’t in it. The opposite to when he first began the camp. He was the most driven player back then.

After the last player has gone through the drill, Nik and I organize them into a quick game. I do my best not to look at Sofia even though seeing her makes me feel lighter. Lighter than I’ve felt in a while. When we were stranded at the cottage three weeks ago, it was as if the anger I struggle with over what happened last year had temporarily burned away. And it wasn’t due to the marathon sex session that came from not having much else to do. It came from the hours of talking to Sofia, playing our True and False game, sharing abstract physics facts that popped into my head. It came from the hours of laughing with Sofia. It came from holding her. She’s a small burst of sunlight between thick gray clouds.

Nik’s yelling snaps me back to the game in time to witness my team score. Ignoring the growing ache in my leg, I jump up and down, cheering the guys on the ice and high-fiving the ones on the bench.

The game ends and Sofia is still sitting on the other side of the rink, watching us intently. I want to join her but can’t yet. There’s something important I have to deal with first.

Nik dismisses his boys. They whoop and holler and skate toward the change room. I call mine over.

I high-five them as they approach the bench. “Great game guys. Your slap shots are really coming along. Remember to transfer your weight from your back leg to your front leg, and then to your stick as you hit the ice. Does anyone know why you want to hit the ice and not the puck?”

They exchange curious glances, waiting to see if anyone else knows the answer, already knowing that they’re about to get another physics lesson.

“By hitting the ice, you bend the stick like a bow. This stores up extra energy. When the stick snaps off the ice, there is a transfer of stored up energy from the ice to the puck. This causes the puck to shoot forward. The more stored energy, the greater the momentum of the puck.”

“Why can’t you be my physics teacher?” Mikko says. “You at least make physics interesting.”

I smile at the unexpected compliment. “Physics is interesting when you’re able to apply it to real life examples that mean something to you.” I dismiss them, and with excited chatter, they skate to the other side of the rink.

Kai follows them, not interacting with anyone like he did the first few weeks of camp. He’s shutting down. I recognize the feeling.

Before he disappears into the locker room, I call his name. He looks back and I gesture for him to join me.

He glances at the last of the boys as they step off the ice, then skates over, avoiding the ruts in the surface. “You want to talk to me?”

I indicate for him to sit on the bench and I sit next to him. “You wanna tell me what happened out there?” I keep my tone casual, nonjudgmental.

He doesn’t look at me or say anything. He just fiddles with his stick.

“You know, talking about it might help.” When he still doesn’t say anything, I go for a different approach. “It’s obvious something’s bothering you and it’s not healthy to keep it bottled up. You need to tell someone you can trust.” And if it isn’t me, then hopefully he has someone else he can turn to.

He continues fiddling with his stick. I don’t say or do anything. I wait for him to decide what he wants to do next.

He eventually stands but continues to avoid eye contact. “I have to go.” He steps onto the ice and skates toward the locker room. I don’t join him. I leave Nik to deal with the guys and slowly skate across the ice to Sofia. She’s staring at her phone, contemplating something.