Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One (32 page)

It’s not until I’m looking through the various gifts made out of reindeer antlers that I find the perfect gift for Kyle, if he ever forgives me for not facing up to the truth and telling him who I am.

I pick up the small knife and slip it from the leather case made out of reindeer skin. The handle is made from reindeer antler. The knife is a symbol of how much I trust him, with my heart and with my body. I take it to the cashier and she asks if I want them to engrave anything on the blade.

“To Kyle, love Sofia.” The words come so easily, like they’ve been waiting patiently for me to say them. I’ve spent the past several years exploring the world through my camera lens. Looking for the world no one else sees because they are too busy looking at the wrong things. When it came to me and Kyle, and the truth about the night of the accident, I was no different to everyone else. I ignored what was in front of me. I ignored the other truths.

After I write down the message I want engraved on the knife, I pass time waiting for it by studying the various glass birds on display. The birds, including the swans, are the same as the ones I saw with Kyle a few weeks ago. They even have the fat little bird he bought for his mom.

It doesn’t take long before the knife is ready, and I walk to the next store. My phone buzzes, and my heart rate accelerates, clearly thinking that maybe it’s Kyle texting me. But it’s Maija.

I read her text.
Are you still at Santa’s Village?
Then reply,
Yes. But I haven’t told Santa yet what I want for Christmas. Or that you’ve been good.

I pick up a hand carved reindeer made from wood. I’m definitely aiming for a reindeer theme here.

My phone buzzes again.

Turn around
.

Sofia turns around and her expression transforms through a range of emotions. It settles on her staring at me, her mouth open, eyes wide. She doesn’t move and she doesn’t speak. She’s been turned into a gold statue.

I walk up to her, mouth dry, mind racing. In hockey, before I hit the ice for a game, I could focus on what I needed to do. Win. But winning a hockey game, even if it is during the Stanley Cup playoffs, is nothing like winning the love of the girl who means everything to you.

“Hi,” I say.

Her mouth closes and she blinks. “You’re not really here.” Her voice is soft, as if she’s afraid I’m a figment of her imagination, and people will think she’s crazy for talking to the empty air in front of her.

I chuckle. “No, you’re not imagining me.” I cup her cheek in my hand and run my thumb along her lips. The lips I’ve fantasized about kissing during the seven hours I was stuck in the Helsinki Airport and during the flight here. And then the hours I had to wait until today, this morning, while Maija located her for me. The image of my lips against hers was the only thing that got me through the ridiculously long wait.

“But how?” she whispers. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Maija. She told me everything. Including who your ex-boyfriend was.”

She nods slowly, bit by bit processing what I’ve told her.

“I wish you had told me when you first realized the truth,” I say.

“I wasn’t positive until I talked to my best friend back home.” Her eyes gloss up and she sniffs. “When you mentioned the car accident, I never realized it was the one Ian caused. I never realized he was the one who had caused you so much pain and suffering.”

A tear breaks free. I catch it with my thumb and wipe it away. “The only one who caused me so much pain and suffering was me. I let my anger over what happened consume me. It was my hatred toward him that made me screw up again and again and again. He didn’t make me drink and he didn’t make me use sex as a distraction. That was all me.”

My thumb wipes away another tear. “But it was you, Sofia, who helped me find the strength to get past it. Since coming to Finland and spending time with you, I’ve become the guy I used to be.” A lopsided smile slips onto my lips. “And I don’t know about you, but I think I’m kind of adorable this way.”

She laughs. The sound of it warms me up for the first time since she left Nik’s apartment. “Yes, you’re definitely adorable this way.” She cocks her to the side. “So you were the one texting me, not Maija?”

I chuckle. “No, that was her.”

My mouth lowers to hers and I brush a feather-light kiss against it. “I love you too. And I’m willing to wait for you if you decide to stay in Finland for a while. You’re worth the wait.”

While I might’ve been going for a feather-light kiss, Sofia has other plans. Her mouth crashes into mine. I’d be a damn idiot not to kiss back with everything I have inside of me and so much more.

When we finally pull apart, we’re both breathless. I’m vaguely aware of tourists sneaking glances at us, but I don’t care. All I care about is one thing right now, and she’s standing in front of me.

“I love you,” she says, and a warm glow fills my heart at her words, adding to what was there from when she said ‘I love you’ on voicemail. “But I’m not staying here. I’ve decided to return home. My parents have made arrangements so that my grandmother will have someone to help her. I want to go back to my life in Minneapolis and start moving past what happened. To create new memories. To rebuild my life.”

I might’ve been fine with a long-distance relationship if she had stayed in Finland, but I’m more than thrilled that we don’t have to deal with that after all. Now I’ll be able to hold her, kiss her, be part of her life every day, if she’ll let me.

“And at least Seattle isn’t as far away from Minnesota as Finland,” Sofia says. “I’ll be able to see you more often.”

“I’m not moving to Seattle. I turned down the job.” I thread my fingers with hers.

“But why? I thought you were excited about it.”

I shake my head. “I thought I would be, but I realized coaching isn’t what I want to do with my life.”

“But you’re so good at it. I saw how those boys responded when you were coaching them. You were great with them.”

“I know, but it killed me that I wasn’t the one doing the drills or playing hockey competitively. I want to be a physics teacher. I loved coaching them, but I loved teaching them about the physics behind hockey even more. I loved seeing their faces when something I said made sense because I explained it in a way that interested them. I wouldn’t get that coaching at the collegiate level.”

She grins, her beautiful light-blue eyes sparkling. “You’ll be a great teacher. You are a great teacher.” She pulls her hand away from mine and fishes around in the plastic bag in her other hand. “I had no idea if I would ever see you again, or if you would even want to talk to me after I called you and left the message—but I got you this.”

She hands me a long package wrapped in paper. I open it. Inside is a knife, its handle made of reindeer antler; the blade is encased in a leather case with the picture of a reindeer on one side.

“The blade’s engraved,” she says.

I pull the knife out and grin at the words, and what the knife means, especially after I almost sliced her finger off while we were mushroom picking. She trusts me. She loves me and she trusts me not to hurt her, both emotionally and physically.

My lips find hers to show just how much I love the gift and the meaning behind it. I pull away after a heartbeat. “It’s only fitting I give something to you, since this is Santa’s Village.”

She opens her mouth to protest. I place my finger against her lips. “Uh, uh. No talking. And close your eyes.”

Once her eyes are closed, I remove the gift from my backpack. “Hold out your hands.”

She does it without hesitation. I smile at the simple gesture of how much she trusts me, and place the package in her hands. “Okay, you can open your eyes.”

Sofia looks at the gift, confusion and wonder in her eyes. Then like a little girl on Christmas morning, she unwraps it and reveals the swan from the store where I bought my mom the glass bird. The smile on Sofia’s lips makes me love her even more.

The swan represents everything about us. Her beauty and grace, both inside and out. And my transformation from ugly duckling to something much much better.

“I’ll going back to college to get my teaching degree.” I’ve talked to the university about the courses I need, and registered for them in the upcoming school year. Which means I’ll be going to school with Sofia. “So, it looks like we’ll see a lot more of each other this year. Can you handle that?”

Sofia wraps her arms around my neck, the swan still in her hand. “Let me think about it.” She presses her lips against mine for a heartbeat, then winks at me. “Yes, I definitely think I can handle it. As long as you continue all that sexy physics talk.”

Before I can tell her, “Damn straight I will,” her lips are on mine again.

Authors come up with ideas for their books from the least expected sources. Sometimes it’s inspired by a real-life event that happened to them. Who would have thought that my work-exchange experience cleaning toilets in a recreation center in Helsinki, when I was twenty-one years old, would one day result in this book? And because of this, I want to thank my (now deceased) grandparents for putting up with me, especially since my Finnish sucked and the only English they knew was “very good.”

Before I thank everyone involved in bringing
Heat It Up
to life, I want to express my undying gratitude to the readers and bloggers who have fallen in love with my characters along the way. I love every tweet, email, and Facebook message that you send me, sharing your experiences and your love for my books. And if it weren’t for my publicist, Nina Bocci, none of that would be possible. She’s the one who helps keep me sane in this crazy world of publishing.

Thanks go out to my agent, Marisa Corvisiero, for believing in
Heat It Up
and for her enthusiasm over it. And to my editor, Randall Klein, for helping me make the book much stronger. He challenged me and I enjoyed every moment of it. And then there’s the cover.
Heat It Up
wouldn’t be the same without the great cover designed by The Killion Group. From what I’ve been told, the model has a very sexy Russian accent. I also want to thank everyone else with Diversion Books who worked hard to get the book out there.

Before a book ends up in an agent or editor’s inbox, numerous other individuals have contributed their time, their suggestions, and their encouragement to help make the book better. They are the cheerleaders that a writer can’t survive without. Christina Lee has been by my side for more years that I can remember. I’m thrilled to have her as my critique partner, best friend, and general partner in crime. The other wonderful individuals who provided feedback on the book and who have been with me on every step of this journey include: Tracy Buscemi, Jayden Abello, and Laura Pauling. Thanks also go out to Lia Riley for her feedback on the earlier version of
Heat It Up,
for talking me off the ledge when I got stuck, and for brainstorming potential plot solutions with me.

There are also two other writers I need to thank. Cherylanne Corneille is my ice hockey guru and has a strong appreciation for Finland…especially the fine hockey players the country produces. She’s the one I can always turn to with my hockey questions. Suzanne van Rooyen is my guru for all things related to Finland and the Finnish language. Suzanne helped ensure that I got the Finnish phrases I used in the book correct. Yes, Google Translate is not always your friend.

And finally…to Ralph, Anton, Stefan, and Anja. I know being married to an author and having an author as a mother isn’t always easy. Your love and support always makes my day that much brighter. Thank you!

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Heat It Up
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